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 tellmeajoke
Joined: 12/31/2018
Msg: 1
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Men with no friendsPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
How do women view a man who chooses to have no friends. Humans are social animals and friends are needed for a healthy psychological balance. Is it a trust issue?
Would you date a man who chooses to have no friends?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 2
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/18/2019 4:46:04 PM

men are social animals and need friends


... I think all men are different, but similar in their basic makeup. We range from having many real friends, to having just a few close ones. I hope most would not say they have " no " friends. For instance, I consider many of my customers friends, although we both feel ~ the less they see me the better, col ( $ )

... In my youth, I maybe had anywhere from 3 to 5 close friends, I have only two best friends now - my daughter and my brother. I freely admit I am somewhat of a loner though, and always have been . In my youth I hung out with crowds on occasion, but that seriously ~ was not my thing.

... As far as being social animals, I think some men prefer to be and some men don't . I actually shy away from people now, the less I'm around the better. I prefer animals and nature as my friends now , the friends I feel most comfortable around & would prefer most often, to share company with.

... I think what is most important for me, is being able to communicate with ALL people - regardless of age, profession, status or race. To try my best to be a decent person regardless of choosing to have a minimum, of actual close friends. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and I guess it is " to each his own " . In general, I don't think people can be judged accurately ( man or woman ) by how many close friends they have .

^^^ That's my opinion and I'm sticking f - in to it, col.
heart/sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 3
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/18/2019 5:04:52 PM
^^^ Oh yeah, almost forgot !

... I got two jokes below & one riddle type joke > JUST for you OP ^^^

joke # 1 > Two peanuts were walking through the woods, and one was assaulted !! ( ha ha )

joke # 2 > How do you get a bear out of your back yard ? ANSWER > Move the trash cans around front ( hee hee )

riddle type joke #3 > & btw > The riddle below, seems to somewhat pertain to your thread OP ... ( in an very abstract way, that is )

... " I am nobody & nobody is perfect > does that mean I'm perfect ? " ... ( ho ho )

S
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 4
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/18/2019 6:55:20 PM
Depends on why he has no friends, is he a creep or does he like solitude.
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 5
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/18/2019 7:33:38 PM
I dont think men are nearly as social as women are. Ive never met a man that had lots and lots of friends, usually just a few.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 6
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/18/2019 8:04:05 PM
I don't think it's that unusual for someone to not have friends. Kind of odd in this day and age of multiple online "friends". I dated a few men who didn't have any friends. Nice enough men. I don't have any friends, few years ago cut ties with my two best friends. More than a few co workers have told me they don't have friends.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 7
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/18/2019 11:34:14 PM
Another explanation is that he could be highly intelligent.

There are studies that show that high IQ people tend to have fewer friends. More average people don't have as many common interests with them and as a result don't make friends with them as easily.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 8
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 12:21:04 AM

Depends on why he has no friends, is he a creep or does he like solitude.


Exactly. There are many more variables than being told a person has no friends. If he just likes his solitude or lives far away from friends & family, that's fine. If he doesn't have friends because his personality, attitude & behavior are off-putting. why tf would I want to date him?
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 9
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 5:08:25 AM
I would ask him the question and see what he has to say. There are lots of reasonable possibilities. Some people move far from the homes where they grew up and that can result in having no local friends. If he doesn't do social media, it can result in having no long distance friends too. Maybe his work is so demanding on him socially that he prefers solitude outside of work hours. He just may not have found his people yet. Not everyone occupies the same common well-beaten paths and it may take longer to find people to connect with.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 10
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 7:22:51 AM
Whatsamatter, no love for Squint Eastwood?!

I think women are more the social butterfly type and tend to have more friends.

I seem to have a lot of women friends these days......probably because of dating and working in a woman's field. I cut ties with a couple of my buddies, and several male friends have passed away.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 11
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 8:34:51 AM
It's uncommon for a man to have dozens of friends while growing up from school, their neighborhood, youth sports and organizations etc. But gradually lose touch with many or most of them over the years. People can move, get married and have kids etc and thus you rarely or never see them anymore. I also think many people were more concerned with quantity of friends when they were younger. But now realize having a few quality friends can be more important.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 12
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 9:11:38 AM
I don't have many close friends, haven't since getting married and starting a business many years ago. when married, my free time was spent at home with family. divorced and kids grown but find plenty to keep me busy. hanging out with my buddies just isn't my thing anymore. like in the billy joel song, you cant go back to the green.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 13
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 11:47:48 AM
I know people that only have a few friends. I never met someone that literally had no friends though. Like others have said, it depends on why he has few or no friends. Is it his preference, geography or lack of opportunity, or a personality flaw that prevents him from having friends? The latter would be a turn off. The others would be acceptable. I would rather date a man that has a few great friends over a man that has many friends that are jerks.
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 14
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 9:41:26 PM
A friend of mine picked me up to get an early start at
the local flea market, on a Sunday morning. In previous
years when we'd done this, there was sometimes a third
person in tow.

We hit the flea market (where we saw people we know --
a tech hobby flea market put on by a large club in the
region) and then met up with one of his friends for a
brunch.

I couldn't really remember him, but the friend did remember
me, from a previous shared brunch, from some time in the
past! We had a pretty good time, that day.

* * *

We didn't stop there; we also did some kind of a play date
for one of his kids, and just watched over them at a distance
(in a park) and continued our conversation that way.

He's (by far) my most current well-socialized male friend,
who actively practices networking. He's a social agent. ;)

They do exist. In my experience, they are fairly rare.

Definitely in my experience, some of the friends in their
network are not (themselves) well-connected, socially (but
a few seem to be).

* * *

Quickly -- when I was about 29 yrs old, I had a friend who
was part of a group of graduates from the same university.
Every January, they had a 3-day weekend party - a reunion.

I was included, even though I never went to university, and
some of them remembered me from the year before, at the
next one.

My friend was male; the ratio of men to women (about the
OP's age in their profile) .. the ratio was about 5:3 male to
female, at the annual party (so most of them were men who'd
attended university together, and were at least good for the
annual shin-dig, if nothing further from them!)

* * *

one last one ..

A family member has an uncle who throws an annual party
(also in January). I assume it's still going on even now. Everyone
brings their own eggs and fixings, and the host cooks them
a really first-rate breakfast (cooks for hours on end, as people
arrive). It's a big party. This man (and his family) did this
party every year, without fail, at least ten years running (maybe
more) and EVERYBODY is invited (neighbors and so forth).

There's always 30 people in that house during this party (which
starts pretty early in the day).

It's a really good party; always with lovely memories of it,
and the people who were there.
 Natey2
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 15
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/20/2019 6:15:19 AM

Would you date a man who chooses to have no friends?

If you succeed in dating him, then he would no longer be a man with no friends. i.e. you'd have changed (ruined?) his lifestyle.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 16
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/20/2019 6:25:52 AM
OP... How do YOU view a man who chooses to have no friends?
Isn’t that the better question?

Could also be how does he define the word ‘friend’.
Maybe, to him a friend is the guy back in high school that they did everything together but now both men are too involved in working to have this kind of close knit relationship.
Maybe, a friend is someone to whom he reveals his deepest wants and needs. You know, a one-of-a-kind person.
Or maybe a friend is simply someone in his social network.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 17
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/20/2019 6:27:20 AM
As a man with a couple friends, I can say I don't really want more of them. The ones I do have, do a fine job of taking advantage of me. I've made a point of not doing it to them. Some just don't take the hint.

I've lended out tools only to have them come back at me broken or damaged in some way. I loaned my pickup out once to a former friend only to have it come back with no tailgate, and the bed bent up. I got nothing more than a thank you, and no offer to fix it. Now it's I come with, or go rent one. I have two friends that I'll lend tools to. If they get broke, they replace them. Me, I'll go buy it. Then, if I break it, it's just me that's out.


Humans are social animals and friends are needed for a healthy psychological balance.


Then call me disturbed, because I don't happen to buy into that. It's how you were raised. I think when people are brought up to depend on their own devices, makes them better people. It makes them stronger. More able to conquer adversity in their lives. They can be depended on to come through during tough times. They are problem solvers.

If women are going to rate a guy over now many friends they have, then I'm sure I don't want her.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 18
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/20/2019 8:09:20 AM
if anything, lack of friends would be better for some women. all too often, I have seen my male friends drop out of the social circle when the get into a relationship.
 aroundthewaygirl
Joined: 12/19/2018
Msg: 19
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/20/2019 11:24:30 AM
I used to be somewhat of a social butterfly but not anymore. I have a few close friends in my home state and I don't really make new ones. I can get along and be friendly, but I don't seem to have a lot in common with my peers.

I don't care if a guy that I am dating has friends and goes out with them, but I tend to like men you are introverted (but not shy) because they understand me better and it's another quality that we have in common.
 prettyprincess3
Joined: 1/14/2011
Msg: 20
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 10:38:43 AM
This thread is the closest I can find to what I was wondering about. Is there a way that pof can be used to reach out to new people, not as dates, but rather as a way to find new same sex straight friends (not gay/lesbian). I moved to a new state and it is not easy to make new friends. The two easiest ways are through a school if you have young children, or through work. I don't have either of those options available to me. I use this site to look for possible dates/relationships but I have glanced at a few women's profiles and thought some sounded like people that I had things in common with., however, I would feel really strange reaching out and writing to them. They could think I am weird. As much as I would love to find that special guy, I also really would like one or two good friends, the kind that not only do things with you but the kind that are there for you (and vice versa) for the hard times. So how do you all weigh in on this and can pof create that kind of option??? Thanks for all replies.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 21
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 11:27:57 AM
^ You'd have better luck joining meetup or something along those lines. Trying to cultivate meaningful relationships with online strangers is often an exercise in futility. It's easier to make friends or date people who are already in your circle & who you see on a semi-regular to regular basis.

I remember about 9 years ago I posted & replied to some ads in the "strictly platonic" sections of CraigsList, trying to meet new girlfriends. I met a few girls but it was very much like online dating where you'd meet the person once or twice and then never see or speak to them again.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 22
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 11:35:32 AM
As you get older having friends is tougher. I have friends, but we now live further apart and we are (most of us) married, some with kids, some without and each working hard. Meeting up on weekends is tough and happens rarely now.

My friend last time I saw him said , its hard to make time for other people because we have jobs, hobbies ( i got to martial arts ) and we need to take care of our family first and hanging out with the wife or doing things with her is the priority.

Its true. Friends have to come after the wife and kids, imediate family and free time.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 23
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 11:46:16 AM

I moved to a new state and it is not easy to make new friends. The two easiest ways are through a school if you have young children, or through work. I don't have either of those options available to me.

Church is another. Volunteer groups. Professional fraternity organizations and LinkedIn. Meetup dot com. Just getting out and hanging out at local watering holes or the local diner makes connections. Just remember the hard part isn't meeting people - it's getting to trust them - and that's mostly difficult because of what is between your own two ears. "Feeling strange" is a natural instinct - but being able to overcome that is what makes us different from the apes. For people who have the extra time and energy, I'd suggest a part time cashier job at a local grocery store or gas station, or maybe the movie theater. Eventually, you get to meet everyone, even if it is only for 20 seconds at a time. It also kind of forces you to be outgoing and conversational, because jobs like that you really cannot wall yourself off from people.

I live alone, and like the solitude. I spent a lot of my time as a kid taking long walks in the woods with the dog and nobody else. When asking out for dates I frequently roll my eyes at others who mistakenly assume I am desperately horny, desperately lonely or just plain psychotic. The loner is the serial killer, right? Why the hell would you go out to a bar by yourself? People get stuck believing that the way THEY think things should be is really the way they are. What happens when that quiet guy grabs the Karaoke mic and fearlessly belts out a really good rendition of a popular song? Are you shocked? Are you confused? Are you still stuck on the idea that quiet people are all hopelessly shy and awkward?

What bugs me the most is how people arrogantly assume so much crap about quiet people, that even little outgoing actions or connections to others simply don't count towards their goal of a relationship. Their own pile of baggage means they need obscenely outgoing gestures just to grab their attention or prove we care. It's not enough to get a birthday card -- they need a flash mob singing their name at the local mall - and crap like that. Damaged people don't try to fix themselves anymore -- they just raise themselves onto such a high pedestal that nobody else can reach them, and pretend that is better. Why is someone demanding attention seen as better than someone who doesn't? Chemical imbalances in the brain happen on both the high AND low ends. Why is an aggressive a-hole still more attractive than the strong, silent type?
 prettyprincess3
Joined: 1/14/2011
Msg: 24
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 2:48:45 PM
[You'd have better luck joining meetup]
Thanks but I already have tried that. Had several lunch meetups that were pleasant, even exchanged numbers a few times, but didn't meet anyone that I really connected with. Attended other types of meetups and usually had a fun time, but again, lots of women are mostly looking for activity buddies and not really deeper friendships. One woman even told me that she didn't want the responsibility of a friendship but just wanted women to go out with. Said she'd pencil me in as she had a busy schedule !!!

Honestly, I just thought that the pof moderator would see this and reply and maybe consider it as an extra feature of pof. I figured that many people relocate, or get divorced, etc, and for whatever reason find themselves wanting to make some new friends and this would be a good way to do that.
I do appreciate your reply:)
 prettyprincess3
Joined: 1/14/2011
Msg: 25
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Men with no friends
Posted: 1/21/2019 3:06:45 PM
This reply is for Sweet_Danimal
Thank you for replying. You don't know me so just to let you know, I am not really quiet, but certainly not loud and attention seeking. I do meet many people as I talk to people wherever I go, especially on long lines as it passes the time. I will say something uplifting when I see some elderly person in a store, i.e., I love your flowery blouse" etc. These are all just momentary interactions and they are not with people that I would probably become good friends with. I have volunteered. I did Big Brothers Big Sisters, GAL (Guardian Ad Litem), and I walk dogs at the humane shelter near my home. I have been to religious gatherings and functions. I love dances and will go to some singles functions. You are correct that trusting someone is hard but I usually give people the benefit of the doubt as I don't want to lose out on meeting someone great because some jerk from the past (male or female) disappointed me. What's more difficult for me is just finding the people that I feel are kindred spirits, that I can relate to and form a good friendship with. Lately I do not have that much free time as I am taking care of my mom.
As far as "feeling strange", I meant that I feel strange clicking on the profiles on POF of local women and sending them messages. They might think I am weird. Hope that clarifies what I meant:)
I am a teacher but not teaching full time now. I don't want to work as a cashier or in a gas station. As I said, when not teaching I am taking care of mom. My real friends live far away and though I maintain those friendships, they are all long distance. Therefore I want at least one new good friend, not just a bunch of acquaintances. One personor two or three :). I'd be happy with one right now. Good friends are hard to find. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me.
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