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 Fascinator123
Joined: 12/22/2017
Msg: 1
Message style and consequences of being impetuous!Page 1 of 1    
I think people should wait for someone to view-them-back before sending a message out. I think it's good manners and is the best way of going about things. If people make a habit of sending messages to those who've shown them no interest then they are making their own problems and the recipient can't be blamed for not replying if they did nothing to encourage that person in the first place.
I think it should work the same way as in the everyday life scenario ...if someone is looking our way and seems interested we go on over there...if not we know they just 'aren't into us' so no point trooping on over there! If we still insist on doing it there's a high chance we're going to end up looking like a human omelette!
Some say it's rude not to reply to everyone ....I say it's polite to wait for someone to view you in return before jumping in with both feet!
More than one way to look at this thing!
People lead very busy lives these days and they come on to chat with those they find appealing or interesting. No one wants to be saying the polite 'No thank you' all night to people they didn't even view and have no interest in. Giving a 'No' is really hard and not a pleasant thing to have to do and I just think it would solve a lot of problems and wounded egos if people took time to think it through instead of steamrollering in!
If people choose the 'Shotgun Style' approach instead of waiting to see if someone would actually welcome a message then they should take the consequences of that and not moan about people not replying. It might seem harsh but I really think it's the way it should work on Pof. Makes sense to me, anyway!!
P.s Sorry I duplicated this post. New to doing this and now look like a proper ditz!
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 2
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 1:23:33 AM
One of the settings a POF user has at their disposal -

Allow a user to see that I viewed their profile:

When a user chooses No you have no idea if they have viewed you.
 am70sguy
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 3
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 2:16:44 AM
Most people turn off the option that allows another user to know you've viewed there profile. As a guy, don't want to appear too stalkish. For women, don't want to imply interest that may not be there. The majority of people that have it enabled don't realize it is an option that can be turned off.
 Fascinator123
Joined: 12/22/2017
Msg: 4
Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 11:48:16 AM
On the contrary the majority of people are not stupid and know what their settings are at any given time. If their 'view thing' is hidden then they change it when they see someone they like the look of. If they are in any doubt they check the 'Users I've Viewed' to be sure their view has registered if they really like someone.
It's a pain but women as a rule will go to great lengths to avoid those unwanted messages... but still they come all the time. It's a real problem but guys just can't help acting on impulse it would seem :-O
So that's why I said if they get no reply it's not the woman's fault if she never showed any interest back!
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 5
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 12:20:36 PM
maybe just delete your profile and avoid any messages all together? the whole point of having a profile is to have others message you. I get that many clearly don't fit your requirements but the waiting to view game solves nothing. if someone views mine, I usually view theirs. I don't message just because we both viewed each other. should we then implement that we cant view until you view us first? do you want to hold ALL the cards? you put up an ad for attention and complain about getting it, take down the ad!
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 6
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 12:29:46 PM
OP wrote:
I think people should wait for someone to view-them-back before sending a message out. I think it's good manners and is the best way of going about things. If people make a habit of sending messages to those who've shown them no interest then they are making their own problems and the recipient can't be blamed for not replying if they did nothing to encourage that person in the first place



Totally disagree. Message whoever strikes your fancy. If they don't respond, O Well. Plenty more POF to choose from~
 Fascinator123
Joined: 12/22/2017
Msg: 7
Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 1:42:59 PM
I would never promote the idea that women should view first! That's sexist and I don't condone sexism. What I meant...what I was actually saying... is that a 'Mutual View' would be the ideal and it would minimise the 'Non- replies' that are the cause of so much angst on here. Of course people can message whoever they like but if they can't be bothered to wait for a view-back then what happens after that is on their head if they don't wait to see if interest is being returned before whizzing a message out!
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 8
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 3:09:25 PM
“What I meant...what I was actually saying... is that a 'Mutual View' would be the ideal and it would minimise the 'Non- replies' that are the cause of so much angst on here.”

You’re basically describing the Hot-Or-Not/Tinder/Bumble model in which both parties have to agree to communicate (swipe right) before communication can happen. I’ve long been an advocate, but after many years on all those platforms, I can tell you that although they are arguably much more efficient than POF/Match/eH/etc., especially for men (I have probably written close to 20,000 mostly well-thought-out first contact messages on POF in my 12 years [who knows how many hundreds of hours that took] with less than 5% return rate), I’m not sure if there’s all that much less angst. There’s a whole lot of inexplicable ghosting and false positives, plus I’m not sure how much better it’s been on my psyche’ to swipe right 100 times in a session and get zero matches than to send out 100 messages and get zero responses.

I would think it would have to be a great improvement on women’s side, though, because they wouldn’t have to waste time with messages from men they have no interest in. I don’t really know how it feels from a woman’s point-of-view to swipe right on a man and not get match out of it – from what I understand, women swipe right so rarely that when they do, it’s much more meaningful to them than when men swipe right (I never even remember I swiped right to a woman until I discover I have a match with her). Nevertheless, that’s still got to be less “devastating” than sending a man a thoughtful message and not getting a response, as happens on POF.

Obviously POF does have “Meet Me,” but because it’s not seen as being “free,” it isn’t used very often. Technically it is “free,” because it tells you who you double match with, just not who said “Yes” to you but you apparently didn’t say “Yes” to (or maybe never came up in your Meet Me adventures). But for some reason most people don't see it that way -- I bet 10% of the women's profiles I come across say something along the lines of "I don't have Meet Me access so don't bother using it with me."
 Fascinator123
Joined: 12/22/2017
Msg: 9
Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 3:46:15 PM
I think I have an issue with the whole thing because I feel bad for people who get few responses. I think over time it must dent their confidence more and more and it's a lose lose situation for them and it's awkward for the ones they send the messages to if their pics and profile don't appeal. I do have a feeling of guilt when I don't reply to someone....I guess I'm soft as putty inside and feel awful deep down if I ignore messages ...though I definitely think it's not wise and makes no sense to message those who haven't given the nod of approval.

Mixed feelings but I still don't reply if I don't want to. I used to respond to everyone but learned it's not good as some get abusive or others think that if I reply at all it's a positive even if I'm say no and then they tell me how nice they are which I find painful. Which makes doing the no reply thing a very appealing option, unfortunately.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 10
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 5:37:48 PM

It's a pain but women as a rule will go to great lengths to avoid those unwanted messages... but still they come all the time. It's a real problem but guys just can't help acting on impulse it would seem :-O


Yes, it must be unbearable to log into your profile and find messages from someone other than Markus.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 5:52:47 PM
I wonder why I keep getting messages from Markus when he no longer owns this site...it's really strange.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 12
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 6:42:57 PM
Ah....................block him.

Wonder what would happen if everyone blocked Markus........................he he
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 13
Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 7:40:30 PM

I wonder why I keep getting messages from Markus when he no longer owns this site.



"You can check-out any time you like But you can never leave!"
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/28/2019 10:38:14 PM
Cue Twilight Zone music...
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 15
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/29/2019 3:49:18 AM
^^^
Because Markus is the "face" of POF. His likeness, name is still used for that reason. The same way Colonel Sanders is still used for KFC even though he passed years ago. There are many examples of this in advertising.

You also have to think that even though Match owns POF, from an advertising and financial standpoint they would want to maintain that they are two completely separate businesses. They would not want the consumer to see them as one in the same.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 16
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 1/29/2019 5:31:08 AM
Really blisters me to find out Markus is messages all these other women. Here I thought we had something special going.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 17
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Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 2/1/2019 7:01:48 PM
Ya know what,,, I think folks can control their lives just fine. Including on when to msg some stranger on the net.
ciao
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 18
Message style and consequences of being impetuous!
Posted: 2/1/2019 9:11:22 PM
Markus is no Colonel Sanders
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