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 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 1
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Why do men change?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
This is kind of a response to a poster who questioned why female bashing on line was so much more prevalent that men bashing? Well, I did a thread search and that does seem to be true.
I had a lovely phone conversation with a man just the other day. OMGosh. We had so much in common! We laughed, we prayed, we shared our lives. That same night, this man seems to have undergone a personality change because his comments to me on POF were less than respectful when he is clearly hinting about phone sex. Please understand that we have never met. To all the haters who will jump in and accuse me of having led him on, I assure you that I did not and I have nothing against phone sex with my SO or someone I have gotten to know well enough to trust. Truth is, I was really disappointed in the change in him. Was he smoking too much MJ as he admitted he does occasionally...was he drinking....was he simply horny? I am sure that he enjoyed our phone conversation as well. Why would he then sabotage what might have led to something very nice?

I
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 2
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 12:03:16 PM
I suspect he might have 'over-served' himself and had one of those 'seemed like a good idea at the time' moments~

Are you going to talk with him again?
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 3
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 12:09:21 PM
He didn't change, it was his original intention.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 4
Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 12:35:58 PM
I agree that it was probably his intention all along. He talked to you just long enough to gain your trust, then decided to play his hand. He could be married. Did he suggest meeting you in person?
 PieAlaMojo
Joined: 4/30/2018
Msg: 5
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 1:12:00 PM
Not sure what this has to do with female/male bashing, but anyway...
Why did this one particular man do what he did? No one here knows. Only he knows.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 6
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 1:22:46 PM

He didn't change, it was his original intention.

Yup. This gets my vote.
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 7
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 2:13:26 PM
Well...here's the deal, there are ALOT OF nuts out there. Sounds like his true colors showed after a few****ails. Sorry that happened to you Shirley.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 8
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 2:39:01 PM

Truth is, I was really disappointed in the change in him.


See what happens when you DON'T assume people are idiots?


Was he smoking too much MJ as he admitted he does occasionally...


How old is this guy? 23?

Red flag.


what might have led to something very nice?


Not going to happen.

I suggest you raise your standards.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 9
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 3:09:52 PM
Sounds like he lied his way into a conversation with you, and then he showed his true colors. From what I've read here in the forums, and from what I've been told by other women, it's a pretty common event.

For the most part, men who don't put on airs, is straight forward with their intentions, and is honest with women, don't date very much. I won't "gild the lily". So I don't date very much. (If at all) Sometimes I don't like it, but, that's life.

I'll put effort in things that matter to me.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 10
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 8:03:57 PM
Thank you everyone but I never would have imagined that this man would have switched personalities so completely and I am pretty darn perceptive.
Just disappointing. I'm sure I am not the only one who has experienced this.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 11
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 8:12:02 PM
Thank you everyone for your responses to particularly to Grover for your sympathy.
P.S. To answer some questions.
He is my age and no, I will not speak with him again. Life is too short to try to figure people out who I've never even met. No time, no inclination. He had his shot and he blew it....figuratively, literally? Who knows? LOL. Move on.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 12
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 8:53:42 PM

Thank you everyone but I never would have imagined that this man would have switched personalities so completely and I am pretty darn perceptive.

He didn't switch personalities. What he did was show you his real one. After all a person only has one personality and for some it means keeping part of it hidden.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 13
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/14/2019 9:04:08 PM
He put his best foot forward. Then he decided to put his little head forward...
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 14
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/15/2019 10:55:41 AM

I had a lovely phone conversation with a man just the other day. OMGosh. We had so much in common! We laughed, we prayed, we shared our lives. That same night, this man seems to have undergone a personality change because his comments to me on POF were less than respectful when he is clearly hinting about phone sex.

You don't really offer very much evidence that his personality changed. Less than respectful why? Did he threaten you? Did he call you names? From they way I read your post, the one and only thing that indicates change to you is his hinting at phone sex. It is not impossible for a man to know how to tell a joke; know how to tell an interesting story AND enjoy phone sex.

To all the haters who will jump in and accuse me of having led him on, I assure you that I did not

Of course you didn't. You are not that kind of person. No way. No how. What needs to be asked is there any particular reason that he shouldn't suggest phone sex even if you did nothing at all to indicate that you would be open to it? As I said, I really do believe you did nothing to encourage him. I also believe that it was not wrong for him to ask. It implies nothing about his moral rectitude or that he, in any way, was deceiving you.

I am sure that he enjoyed our phone conversation as well. Why would he then sabotage what might have led to something very nice?

Sabotage?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 15
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/15/2019 11:08:49 AM
^^^Being less than respectful to you is threats or name calling?
Is that your standard? I once knew a guy that was verbally abusive,
but since he never hit anyone, he didn't consider it so.

There is EVERY reason not to bring up phone sex with a person that
has made no indication they would be open to it. Perhaps later on in
the relationship would be more appropriate.

So yeah. He sabotaged what could have been something really nice
because he thought it appropriate to bring up phone sex with someone he
didn't know well and who had made no indication it would be welcome.

It's not up to us to decide what someone else finds disrespectful.
If she said he was disrespectful to her...she felt disrespected.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 16
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/15/2019 11:40:27 AM

why do men change?


^^^ Because both " men " & " women " are complex animals . Seems to me, you really don't know who anyone is, until you've spent around 20 years with them, col ( chuckle out loud )

^^^ Even after 20 years say ( as I can attest ) you still may not know every little thing about each other. So why go through years and years of mental anguish, when there is no need to ?

... And > for all who have been hurt in love, never give up because love is the " cats meow " ... If you haven't been scratched and clawed yet, you haven't been doing " IT " quite right !

... In this case, I would guess the dude was blitzed, on one thing or another - most likely some" horny powder"or he ate the worm, in his 3rd bottle of tequila ...

heart / dirtball / sun
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 17
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/15/2019 11:59:42 AM
"Was he smoking too much MJ as he admitted he does occasionally"

>>>sometimes, when we admit to enjoying a sin occasionally...we really are under-reporting :) still, unless he's doing it for medical reasons, why does he need a mood-altering substance occassionally? hasn't he reached a point in life where he can just tackle life on his own?

i'm not saying its a red flag on its own...but it can be a subject that needs to go into more depth.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 18
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/15/2019 6:00:53 PM

why does he " need " a mood-altering substance occasionally?


... need / smeed ... do Z dance of primal (naked) hanky panky monkey love > you hot wittle platipie you ! "

^ slays um ' everytime ^


heart / monkey love / sun


woof
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 19
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/15/2019 6:12:48 PM
^^ Pof didn't print that out exactly right ..

... With all due respect BMP, the MJ ( puff puff )most likely isn't his problem ...

.. In fact, if he had taken a puff or three, instead of his crude mumbo jumbo talk - he might have said something very romantic, pertinent & intelligent like >

" Hey babyroo, why don't youze and meeze do Z primal dance of greased up hanky panky monkey love ? You hot wittle platipie you > woof ! ".






... believe me ^ if that doesn't put her in the mood, then nothing will ^
... heart / greased up monkey love / sun




col
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 20
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/15/2019 6:38:24 PM
Hell that damn near put me in the mood.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 21
Why do men change?
Posted: 2/15/2019 8:31:19 PM
Why does a man ...............or woman change.................their colors? To hide in plain sight.
Shirley, I doubt this man changed. He was, who he is, from ..............."Hello, ______" (Insert any flattery)
Men like him, are easy to identify when you learn to pick up on the cues. The cues are always there, most often camouflaged, in flattery.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/16/2019 5:06:12 AM
Cyndi Lauper said it best......"True Colors are shining through".....
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 23
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Why do men change?
Posted: 2/16/2019 11:08:49 AM

You don't really offer very much evidence that his personality changed. Less than respectful why? Did he threaten you? Did he call you names? From they way I read your post, the one and only thing that indicates change to you is his hinting at phone sex.


So I spoke on the phone to a man who was everything I would have dreamed in spite of never having met him before. He attends church every week, he is involved in charity projects, he prayed with me about something I confided I was upset about, we briefly discussed previous relationships, neither showing any bitterness to the X's. All in all, I was excited about hearing from him again but received these disjointed POF messages, although he had my cell #. Did he simply confuse me with someother POF lady?
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 24
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Posted: 2/16/2019 12:09:54 PM
NO he didn't confuse you with another woman. Think about it. When you send a message on POF you see the name of the person you're writing to above the little box unless the last message was a short story. By the way it doesn't matter if he confused with another woman. If he had actually meant them for another woman it means he was trying to have phone sex with her.

Everyone has one personality and for almost everyone, it doesn't change on it's own. He thinks that way all the time but only acts that way in private. For example pedophiles thinks about children all the time but keep it to themselves for obvious reasons. He did the same until he thought it was time to share. However he was wrong and once you sent your last message he moved onto another victim. Keep in mind you may not have been the only woman he was talking to at the time.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 25
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Posted: 2/16/2019 3:09:56 PM

So I spoke on the phone to a man who was everything I would have dreamed in spite of never having met him before. He attends church every week, he is involved in charity projects, he prayed with me about something I confided I was upset about, we briefly discussed previous relationships, neither showing any bitterness to the X's. All in all, I was excited about hearing from him again but received these disjointed POF messages, although he had my cell #. Did he simply confuse me with someother POF lady?


Thank you Shirley for fleshing it out a little. Now I understand better. Prayer and phone sex don't normally happen in back to back calls.

I don't think he confused you with someone else. He probably is as good a man as you thought he was. He did pray with you. He refrained from bitterness... sometimes very hard. Who knows what prompted him to send the messages? It's not your bag, so just kinda drop it there. If he ever calls back, then ask him, "What the devil was all that about?" I don't think he will call again.

I guess I should end this post by wishing you better luck next time.
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