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 frankiej2018
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 1
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A friend with high expectations?Page 1 of 1    
Hi POF world! So, i'm writing this on behalf of a friend in his 30's i've known for years. He is one of the best friends i've ever encountered in the world. There is only one issue he has; his dating life. I have tried to help him but I swear he is what you call a hopeless romantic. He has shared with me his profile and from what I have read it perfectly fits the description of who he is. The only thing is his search results are slim because he doesn't want to meet anyone too far with no kids or who smokes. I recently talked with him to find out he's deleted his profile and given up. So I turn to the pof forum community. What do you think would be good clean advice to bestow to him?
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 2
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/17/2019 1:55:07 PM
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 3
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/17/2019 4:29:28 PM
High expectations no. These are his expectations, lives close, non-smoker, and no kids. To me those are his preferred preferences or choices for a woman he might date. From those choices I surmise he is looking for a long term relationship. To me what you're saying is that you decided he should Settle.
 LeFouGamboj
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 4
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/17/2019 6:48:47 PM

The only thing is his search results are slim because he doesn't want to meet anyone too far with no kids or who smokes. I recently talked with him to find out he's deleted his profile and given up. So I turn to the pof forum community. What do you think would be good clean advice to bestow to him?


The advice I would bestow onto him is............not to listen to anyone who wants him to change his personal preferences to anything less than what he wants
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 5
A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/17/2019 7:18:13 PM
which is worse, being alone or giving up what is important to you? kids are a huge impact on lifestyle, long distance can work but has plenty of drawbacks. smoking never bothered me but see many non smokers that rate it up there with raping the neighbors dog. local non smoker without kids is not high expectations, he is being realistic about what will work for him.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 6
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/17/2019 10:18:24 PM

These are his expectations, lives close, non-smoker, and no kids.


Those are realistic expectations. Mine are pretty much the same.
 am70sguy
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 7
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/18/2019 1:06:50 AM
Move to another city or try a different dating site.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 8
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/18/2019 9:57:30 AM
Most of the women in the 25 to 45 age range are single mothers. Women without kids don't seem to go on POF. He needs to find out where all the single ladies are going. Try co-ed sports, rec clubs, volunteer work, etc. I think more guys should watch rom coms and see where people in these movies are meeting each, a lot of women watch these movies and hope to meet guys in such ways.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 9
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/18/2019 10:05:00 AM
sounds like OLD didn't suit his wants or needs, and pursuing RL or taking a break: is the choice made. did he ask about his approach? did he request any advice ? as his friend are you concerned for some reason? dating finding a SO is a rough road-as with anything it happens in ourtime-or better put "its time".. btw i see nothing to indicate "high expectations" or are you referring to his dissatisfaction with OLD in general : as pof is not the cream of the crop in OLD apps. so in your advice for your friend go from there.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 10
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/18/2019 11:57:42 AM
We can't help if we can't see his profile.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 11
A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/18/2019 1:03:01 PM
Tell him to try a paid dating site. People willing to shell out their hard-earned cash may be more serious about finding a partner.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/18/2019 3:27:54 PM

There is only one issue he has; his dating life. I have tried to help him but I swear he is what you call a hopeless romantic. He has shared with me his profile and from what I have read it perfectly fits the description of who he is.

I don't think it's his hopeless romanticism that's holding him back. It may be contributing to it, but thinking that that's it, is only going to lead him down the wrong path. There are guys who are hopeless romantics who don't have any huge problems with the dating field in their 30s. I believe there's something underneath it all that his hopeless romanticism spawns from, which is the reason.

The only thing is his search results are slim because he doesn't want to meet anyone too far with no kids or who smokes.

He doesn't want to meet a gal with No kids? Or did you mean who Has kids? I'm assuming he wants one without kids, as it sounds like he has none (due to no dating life + being sweet). He should open up about that and have him realize that merely talking to gals and going out on a date Isn't the Hallmark Channel; it doesn't imply you're going to be an item, let alone whisk away in the sunset together. He needs to get opp-sex Interaction under his belt and be open to change against his comfort-zone. His comfort-zone is Why he is where he is. He needs to fully understand that.

Now, a gal who smokes -- I can understand that. But he's the guy (with no luck). Generally speaking, he's the guy who has to Initiate things online (and IRL). So he can just choose not to initially write a gal who smokes -- don't mention it in his profile nor about the kids or distance. Again, he'd be a fool to expect Girls to write him online. He doesn't have to write any negatives on his profile -- he can just choose who he writes (and yes, he should not 100% toss out the idea of a gal with a kid).

And speaking of distance, he should be willing to find a gal within an hour or so. He needs dating experience under his belt.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

True. But when enough (not attractive) guys approach a gal, I don't think she values that saying much. Which is why many guys, especially Mr Nice Guys as the OP points out -- doesn't abide by that concept. Like a handful of things in the social stratosphere, you get mixed messages.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 13
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A friend with high expectations?
Posted: 2/18/2019 10:27:33 PM

We can't help if we can't see his profile.


Not going to happen because...

(From the opening post):

I recently talked with him to find out he's deleted his profile and given up.
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