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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomforta      Home login  
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 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1
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Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting herPage 1 of 1    
It's a bit strange, but this has happened to me a couple of times now where after a while a woman and I swap numbers, but then after a couple of chats (before meeting in person) I feel very uncomfortable and have a mini anxiety attack for want of a better description and can't go through with arranging to meet in person for a coffee/drink/meal or a proper date.

Maybe it's because of fear due to getting burnt in long-term relationships and even short term ones. Is this something that only happens with guys, or do women get the same anxious nerves and even after swapping numbers don't go through with meeting up?
 am70sguy
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 2
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Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting her
Posted: 2/18/2019 12:59:59 AM
I used to get anxious (and with my current lifestyle, don't really have to even worry bout it anymore) I changed my approach though to just figuring out what I want to do, invite them to come along and then do it whether they come or not. You really want to meet and see if you'll even be friends before before thinking beyond that point. If you get all paranoid about it being a date date, you'll muff everything anyways.

From an experienced inexperienced dater... Still, the approach makes everything more manageable for me.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 3
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Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting her
Posted: 2/18/2019 5:21:04 PM
this is not specific to males. i can't peak for anyone other than myself-but yes even making the first contact via the number can be nerve wracking-had a first bad experience talking with a man for a bit and got his number-he gave me a wrong number lol can give you a bad taste. that first one-changes our initial confidence. for men often being the initiators more i bet bad results are more frequently experienced. so just keep truckin lol
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 4
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Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting her
Posted: 2/19/2019 6:46:28 AM

Maybe it's because of fear due to getting burnt in long-term relationships and even short term ones.

I believe it's of fear of rejection, like screwing up leading to rejection. She's not going to like me if I meet her is why you bail on arranging to even meet the gal in the first place. If it was about fear of getting dumped in an LTR, or even in a STR, it'd be more like not following through after a date or two (which gals can complain about guys doing).

You're feeling basic social (opp-sex) anxiety that everyone feels to -some- extent, even if miniscule where anxiety wouldn't be a fitting word. Yours is too high. It's your self-esteem, which may have good reason not to be high in relation to dating/girls in the present time... or it may not be that low at the time, but the gal could objectively be out of your league + it being a rare opportunity (thoughts: don't screw it up! don't say the wrong thing! be perfect to have a chance at a close game!).
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 5
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Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting her
Posted: 3/2/2019 3:34:21 AM
I have always preferred that the guy contact me. It's just a preference.
A couple of years ago, I had been messaging back and forth with a guy on the site, he gave me his number, and said he'd really like me to call him. I worked myself up to do it, and when he answered and I identified myself, he said "But the Superbowl is on! I can't talk now!"

Well, then why did you answer the phone, dip$hit? I was so anxious about calling a guy first, I've never done it again after that.

So, from my experience, if a woman gives you her number, she wants you to call her. Really.
 Spectrallight
Joined: 9/14/2018
Msg: 6
Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting her
Posted: 3/2/2019 5:09:18 AM
We are programmed in this way for survival purposes. Analyse to paralyse is very real.

The brain does everything in its power to keep us safe subconsciously. It doesn't want us to do anything as we're safe in our little bubble, and it will convince you to do nothing and remain as is. It is a dangerous world out there after all. 90-95% of decision making is subconscious. Do you really think you're in control?

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. I can be like this. I overthink things at times and that can be bad. Friends tell me this.

I suggest stop with the what if this, what if that happens and just deal with it if a situation arises. However if you let fear rule you. You aren't going to have a fulfilled life.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 7
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Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting her
Posted: 3/13/2019 3:53:27 PM
... I don't know a solution but want you to know that ... yes! women get the same anxiety, nervousness, etc. some even get panic attacks ... personally, I can attest to that ... I suspect it's from over-thinking the situation ... when I go on a first meet-and-greet, I try to focus on "this is just to check it out, it's not a commitment!" which seems to help a bit ... I think it's worse if I've talked on the phone a lot/long time with the man and am more invested ... like I started out ... I don't know a solution!!!
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