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 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Do you discuss your home/living arrangements much when getting to know someone new? How much do you think it weighs on other people's thoughts about whether you rent or own your own place, and what your residential history with renting or owning is? I quote often come across profiles of people I choose to check out here and on other sites that mention their residential situation in the profile and it makes me think it must be something that while not a key factor is considered to be an important 'flag' by many.

I last owned a house with my first ex, but I've rented basically for the past 11 years (due to moving around with jobs) and not been in any position to save to buy a place. It hasn't really become an issue with the people I've spoken to per-se, but I do perceive that if you say you rent and are basically a 'long term renter' it gets views as a 'character flaw' by women in our age range who have kids and or who's kids are old enough to be leaving (or have already left) home.

We're not all blessed with having received or being in line to receive gifted monies in the form of inheritances, and we're not all blessed with stable work/life situations that permit long-term savings goals towards home ownership. I suspect I'll be renting for the rest of my life based on the present circumstances, but should that be seen as a problem in the context of seeking romantic partners and perhaps future long-term relationships once someone's 40+ (or 50 in my case)? I don't see that it should matter, but I get the feeling to lots of people it does.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 2
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/19/2019 9:35:09 PM
I think there are definitely men and women who are looking for a partner with financial stability and who can bring something of material value to the relationship, particularly if they can offer the same.
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 3
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/19/2019 9:48:22 PM
^^^^What Shirley said.

I don't mind if someone is a renter vs. homeowner. It is, however, very important to me that a potential date does not live with his parent(s), and is able to take care of himself.
I'm sure most women feel this way.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 8:08:31 AM
^^^
I agree. Lack of self sufficiency is am immediate 'no go'.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 5
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 9:06:13 AM
TBH I can't relate at all to your views OP. I am even shocked because you live in Toronto , which is Canada's international city and expensive. People in large global cities tend to be renters in my experience. It makes more sense. In Montreal, for example, most people rent and rents are cheap. Even the rich rent. Same in NYC or San Francisco. Being a renter isn't taboo. Being a renter is actually possibly a more wise investor. Believe it or not but home ownership is one of the worst investments out there. It is the only investment where you constantly have to put money into and is completely non liquid.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 6
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 10:14:49 AM
^^^ Actually, the OP lives in Toronto, New South Wales, Australia. The population is under 6000. A far cry from Toronto, Ontario, Canada which has about 500 times the population.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 7
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 11:40:00 AM

Do you discuss your home/living arrangements much when getting to know someone new?


Well, there's not much to discuss.

I live alone in my own house that I own.


but I do perceive that if you say you rent and are basically a 'long term renter' it gets views as a 'character flaw' by women in our age range



it makes me think it must be something that while not a key factor is considered to be an important 'flag' by many.


Well, there's no line forming at my front door based on my situation.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 8
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 11:51:52 AM

^^^ Actually, the OP lives in Toronto, New South Wales, Australia. The population is under 6000. A far cry from Toronto, Ontario, Canada which has about 500 times the population.


My bad! Please tell me you looked up Wiki to know that! :P
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 9
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 1:45:27 PM
Tell you what,I'll dump money into my house and you dump yours into someone
else's apartment.In five years meet me at the bank.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 10
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 2:33:33 PM
The real money in rentals is fixing them for someone else.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 11
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 4:37:13 PM
Iredurbio you are comparing apples and oranges. For example, your home costs more to run/maintain than I pay in rent. In addition although you have home appreciation at the moment, many went under in 2008/2009 and if I recall your state was hit hard. That being said I live in a rent stabilized apt so a bad comparison but by renting I probably made more investing than your house is worth and could today buy your home with cash , without sweating.Your argument is the same that home owners always make and those of us with a finance background roll our eyes at. Again buy a home because you want a home and to enjoy it. But it isn't the ideal investment. As the other poster said, the money is in owning apt buildings and in some markets at the right time,flipping your home.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 12
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/20/2019 6:45:52 PM

My bad! Please tell me you looked up Wiki to know that! :P


Yes. Google and Wikipedia are friends of mine. I never knew there was another Toronto out there. I learned something new.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 13
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/21/2019 7:10:13 AM
another city in west yorkshire same name as mine. lol, only found it because my local weather forecast, was totally out if whack..

Living arrangements are important for myself, as at this time, i do not desire to share a household. Those, who want to share a household solely to reduce/alleviate personal financial or family/household maintenance burdens quickly would not be for me. However, happy content, self maintained living arrangements are great.

dump yours into someone else's apartment.In five years meet me at the bank.
pretty sure you misunderstood if i have 15rental properties and my own home i will meet you at the bank in under two yds lol. certainly would not be wise to share rent if one is in position to buy , yet in very high living expense areas sharing a rental with someone you love a plus.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 14
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/21/2019 11:42:01 AM
adventurejoe70 wrote:
but by renting I probably made more investing than your house is worth
The problem is, most people won't invest the extra money they'd save over the years by renting. They just go out and buy more consumer junk they don't need. So in a sense, being forced to make a mortgage payment, and being forced to pay maintaining that house, is forced savings for them in the way of equity pot of gold they eventually realize at the end of a ~30 year rainbow. So, in a way, it is financially better for some provided they keep up with mortgage and maintenance and stay long enough to get some equity. And they don't do stupid things like borrow against it to buy consumer junk they don't need.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 15
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/21/2019 3:50:40 PM
+1. Absolutely. On a human level it is good idea because it is a "forced savings" and they do get that pot of gold at the end of 30 yrs. That being said it works best if one is in high cost area which appreciates more and one can locate somewhere cheaper. What is happening today is either they have no where cheaper to retire to or they don't wanna sell and they do reverse mortgages which generally are a bad idea. For me it never made sense because I don't wanna go to hot Florida which means I am stuck in NYC. Appreciation would only mean higher tax payments for myself since it isn't like I can sell and get something cheaper in my own city.
But like I said it was an apple and oranges comparison because there are different geographic involve. I assumed OP was in Toronto , Canada, which in my experience it is hard to do better owning in high cost areas. In addition he is a single male without kids and doesn't need the large space probably.
In Brooklyn the cheapest home in a decent area will cost about 1 million and look like the home they live in on Shameless with the subway tracks going through the backyard and the insides was last updated in 1920. Much cheaper to rent. People buy homes and NEVER rent them out because they are investors looking to hold RE. Rent can't even come close to paying the mortgage. We have luxury condo's that just sit empty because foreign buyers buy it up. In my zip code , there is a small China town and Chinese oligarchs but homes with loans they get in China(99 yrs terms) and rent it out to local immigrants to keep it occupied. So his comment REALLY wasn't correct in my situation.
But lets go back 9 yrs, Las Vegas and SW Florida was a gold mine for buyers. You could pick up stuff for 50k and then rent it out to the same people who sold the homes and were underwater in the 1st place.
Also wanna add that when a women starts looking for a guy with a home or who owns, I get the paranoid spider sense tingle because we have cases here where women move in with men, do some decorations/renovations and when relationship is over , the owner can't evict the gal because she has kids and is even deemed to have a stake!
In my city it is very hard to evict once someone lives in a residence. I actually arrested guys who were OWNERS because they took key away from their live in girlfriend! Need legal eviction which takes min of 6 months and has high failure rate.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 16
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/21/2019 6:18:01 PM
itis hard to evict anyone even a squatter, if they refuse to move when requested, and storing belongings ton of legalities there also .can't just throw the shit in the trash or at the curb.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 17
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/22/2019 9:30:58 AM
there are financial benefits to both renting and owning. obviously, your rent is going towards upkeep, but in an apartment building/complex, the cost to fix the water (for example) is spread out over the tenents.

as for living arrangments, if you just want to get laid, your biggest concern is where are you going to do it, your place or her's. if you are looking to couch surf (my second gf was happier to move out of her parents to live in sin, than to move out into any spinster arrangement), you want your partner to have a nice pad. if you grew up in apartments, you probably have little issue with another one. if you are upper middle class suburbanite, you probably seek what makes you comfortable. if you grew up in a city, that may be a penthouse. and if you are out of someone's league, they may be happy that you are desperate enough in need of living space that you'd actually consider playing house with them :)
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 18
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/22/2019 10:22:42 AM
When I was younger and newly divorced I did prefer a man who owned his own house. To me, that said he was financially stable and responsible. I owned a home and I also worried about living with a man and him taking part of my home should it not work out.
Now, I'm older and don't see renting as anything other than a life choice.
Meanwhile I'm enjoying my home being paid off and watching others struggle paying upwards of a thousand dollars a month for a one bedroom. That along with putting up with all the things that go alone with it, drugs/bugs/horrible neighbours. A home may not be the best investment but there are definitely benefits.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 19
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/22/2019 11:26:06 AM

Meanwhile I'm enjoying my home being paid off and watching others struggle paying upwards of a thousand dollars a month for a one bedroom. [/quote
Depends on the situation and location. The person paying upwards of 1k a month could possibly be doing it on the bank interest of money saved who didn't spend it. My father pays 800 a month for a studio in a luxury building that converted to hotel 30 yrs ago. It includes wifi, and utilities. I think quests pay 400 a night!


That along with putting up with all the things that go alone with it, drugs/bugs/horrible neighbours.

Again that depends on location. A house in my area is usually attached and you can't choose a neighbor. Most RE here are COOPS.Coops are actually the best for people who don't want to put up with things. COOP boards actually choose who gets in(Richard Nixon was turned down).


there are financial benefits to both renting and owning. obviously, your rent is going towards upkeep, but in an apartment building/complex, the cost to fix the water (for example) is spread out over the tenants.


Actually if you have a rent stabilized apt the economics are different. My landlord, who probably kill me to get me out, says he spends over 800 on my apt that I pay only 700 for :). One doesn't give them up. I have more rights in my apt than the landlord. He can't tell me what to do and the gov't decides rent increases. We just had 2 yrs of zero increases and my present lease is I think 2% for 2 yrs. If I stay, in 20 yrs I will probably have a rent equal to 1/4 or less of market rate. Buy vs rent pro's and con's are different based on locality. I think it is fare to say I had the opportunity to save a lot paying half of market rate.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/22/2019 1:01:05 PM

Actually if you have a rent stabilized apt the economics are different. My landlord, who probably kill me to get me out, says he spends over 800 on my apt that I pay only 700 for :). One doesn't give them up. I have more rights in my apt than the landlord. He can't tell me what to do and the gov't decides rent increases. We just had 2 yrs of zero increases and my present lease is I think 2% for 2 yrs. If I stay, in 20 yrs I will probably have a rent equal to 1/4 or less of market rate. Buy vs rent pro's and con's are different based on locality. I think it is fare to say I had the opportunity to save a lot paying half of market rate.


I'm up in the air with these situations.
Honestly, I think people should pay what is fair...and having your rent not increase but having the expenses (taxes, upkeep, etc.)
increase is not fair to the landlord. Why wouldn't you pay market value?

Of course, if this situation were applied to wages...I'll bet most people wouldn't like it at all. Your boss freezes your wages for 20 years,
(excluding min wage increases of course) even though your expenses have gone up. That's not fair either.

But then, life really isn't fair...is it?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 21
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/22/2019 1:44:16 PM
It is completely fair. NYC has a housing crisis and market rate is inflated by outside influences. Those landlords buy the buildings knowing exactly what the deal is and make anticipation based on it. Without rent stabilization NYC would be home to only billionaires and multimillionaires.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 22
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/22/2019 8:08:30 PM
I have a hard time believing the landlord when he says he is losing money on a rental unit. If that were the case, it would make more sense to sell unless of course he is waiting for a better market.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 23
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/25/2019 10:16:26 AM
anyone taking money from us, has an incentive to lie. but there's a diff between losing money on individual pursuits, versus making a profit when everything is figured in together. your accountant and business advisor will focus on each individual way you are losing money, and that's one way to get by in business--either make money or cut down on what you lose. but in the grand scheme of things, yes, a unit with rent control has factored in the loss on one side, with a gain on another. even if it ends up being a tax claim, offsetting a profit here with a loss there.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 24
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/25/2019 12:55:26 PM

I have a hard time believing the landlord when he says he is losing money on a rental unit. If that were the case, it would make more sense to sell unless of course he is waiting for a better market.


It could be true. Building has 30 units. Many of the rents go for double what mine does since they have had price increases when people moved out. Overall he is making profit on the building though. I have a friend who pays 450 dollars a month in a trendy area for 2 bed rooms. It is so cheap because it is the same apt he lived in growing up. My building was a good deal because he paid 1 million for it in 2002. But based on its present value it might not be worth it for a new owner based on rent rolls. Rent stabilization just means the building is regulated and gov't decides rent increases which are linked to CPI and nt market rate. The market rate here is way above inflation. If there was no rent control, all the old buildings would be sold and demolished for luxury condo's and these condo's would go for millions. In NYC there is always a buyer. Rich oligarchs buy property and just leave it empty just to hold for appreciation and/or bragging rights. That is why there is a housing crisis partly.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 25
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How much do our living arrangements play into other people's dating decisions?
Posted: 3/25/2019 9:09:33 PM
Here in Canada, a Co-operative is also considered 'affordable housing' but the difference between market rent and the 'rent geared to income' is paid by either the municipality, the mortgage holder, or the federal gov't. A board of directors also determines the rent increase each year based on the coming year's budget and the percentage increase is applied to the market rental units. There are however rent guidelines on those increases set by the agreement with the entity who pays the difference which is called a subsidy. Regular rentals are also governed by rent control guidelines and the approved percentage increase can be applied to all units but yes, if a tenant moved in 20 years ago, he/she is paying considerably less than a new tenant but there are also gov't incentives available to landlords to help with these shortfalls due to the shortage of affordable housing.
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