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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?      Home login  
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 mcfearless89
Joined: 5/2/2018
Msg: 1
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?Page 1 of 1    
I met a guy through a meetup group and we really seemed to hit it off. We connected on social media, and I tried to interact with him. He didn’t really respond to it so I stopped trying. A few weeks later we go to another meetup. He sees me and comes over and chats again for a good bit.

After I leave I message him and I tell him that I would love to get coffee if he is interested. He says he loves that I took a shot to tell him, but he has a gf, and since then I haven't tried to engage with him whatsoever.

So about a week after I told him I liked him, he starts commenting on most of my Facebook posts, and the frequency of the posting increases. He even private messages me about a video I posted and says it is true and funny and a reason we couldn’t be together? It was a silly video about someone not liking something vs someone who loves it. He loves it and I don’t so he was joking we couldn’t be together because of it, which is really random, especially as it brought up us being together in some way and I had never mentioned it?

So I guess my question is, what is this behavior? Is he just being friendly or what? He never commented or liked a thing on my Facebook until I told him I liked him, and the message he sent was a little weird? I don’t mind being friendly but I obviously have the boundary of him having a gf…and I don’t know if I am being naive, but it isn't like we have been friends for 10 years. I will be seeing him in a week at another meetup and this will be the first time since the message and I am not sure how to act.

I don't like confrontation and I like to be friendly to everybody, but I am not sure if I should be wary of how he is being or if it is harmless.
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 2
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 3/23/2019 2:26:49 PM
He may want to make you his side chick.
I would be friendly, but a little distant towards him.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 3
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 3/24/2019 8:10:37 AM
^That is my take CG, if any men respond, those will be interesting to read.I would be civil rather than friendly .. if off limits because of his SO , don't be a hypocrite. Either you Honor his current Relationship Or you don't .
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 4
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 3/25/2019 1:47:42 PM

After I leave I message him and I tell him that I would love to get coffee if he is interested. He says he loves that I took a shot to tell him, but he has a gf, and since then I haven't tried to engage with him whatsoever.

He's not into you. Even without a GF, he wouldn't be GF-hunting you. You tried interacting with him on FB, and he never responded after your multiple tries. He chats with you at another meetup, and you hit him up again, and he tells you he has a GF. Case Closed.

But this makes him more comfortable that the cat's out of the bag. He probably sees you as a cool gal and all, and probably flattered by you liking him, but the line in the sand has been drawn -- you're not going anywhere with him. This makes one more open to be cool/friendly online. DON'T take this as him liking you. You're Wanting to believe it.

Yeah, he gave you 1 private message -- as you're a gal he knows of thru a meetup group he already Denied -- and it was in reference to a video You posted that he had a nice laugh at, and about maybe it was a reason you two couldn't be together -- ie you're Different. So even without a GF, you're not going anywhere. Was he joking? For the most part, yes. It was a humorous angle on his part, on how you're so into him, but hey, ya know, we can't be together or anything.

The reason this has been consuming your mind (hence your detailed post) -- is because you're hanging on the possibilities that he Likes you, and your yearning that he at least Likes you in-that-way, GF or no GF. Because you're Into him.

But this situation isn't that complicated. Pretend you Aren't into him, at all. Pretend you've just found yourself chatting before at the group a few times -- and you just once threw out there to get coffee, because, say, he has some cute friends and he seems cool -- and you're wanting to expand your social network. Great. Say he takes it as you liking him... understandable, OK, but he says he has a GF. Alright, whatever. You weren't chasing him anyway.

Is it such a big deal he posts comments on his friends' facebook posts? No. Then he writes you on FB, and says that exact same thing. You wouldn't be holding back a response. You'd be scratching your head a bit. It wouldn't be so "confrontational" -- BECAUSE you never Liked him. He's being humorous but you don't know quite what he meant. You'd just ask: "A reason we couldn't be together? Huh? lol The video wasn't about dating, so I'm confused. Enlighten me."
 mcfearless89
Joined: 5/2/2018
Msg: 5
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 3/26/2019 1:11:51 PM
Thanks for answering me. Honestly, I am not saying you're wrong, but if you are right, I think what he is doing is really unfair to me and his gf.

1. If someone told me they liked me and I wasn't into them, I wouldn't comment on their posts on a daily basis (Honestly, I'd probably just not say anything at all so I didn't give them false hope).
2. I wouldn't message them saying we couldn't be together about something so stupid and to rub it in their face almost.
3. If his gf saw how much he was commenting and that he messaged, knowing that I told him I like him, you don't think she'd be a bit put out?

Again, I am not saying he is into me, I just think it is weird he feels that comfortable with me all of a sudden to comment daily, watch my stories, and private message.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 6
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 3/26/2019 4:01:50 PM

1. If someone told me they liked me and I wasn't into them, I wouldn't comment on their posts on a daily basis (Honestly, I'd probably just not say anything at all so I didn't give them false hope).

He wasn't giving a reasonable person false hope, at all. He ignored you, then a 2nd time you hit him up again -- you were probably seething with Like about him (hey, sometimes we can't help it) -- and he told you he had a GF. He probably felt bad about it, and sure, was flattered -- and wanted to be (mainly via FB) friends, as you two share a meetup gathering. So he posts a comment on an avid Facebook Friend's page -- some people post comments all the time, he's probably "that guy" -- and easy to do with someone who posts on FB a lot. Again, it's not a sign he likes you by that alone. Especially when his ONLY private message was...

2. I wouldn't message them saying we couldn't be together about something so stupid and to rub it in their face almost.

... a comment, probably misspoken & misinterpreted (and confusing). He's not chasing you and rubbing it in your face that you can't have him; can't really have it both ways. Two sides to every story, so I have to say it'd be foolish to believe all this was going down, exactly as how you Feel it. That's not to say he hasn't mistepped/misspoken in that Only message directly to you, someone he knows from your meetup group.

3. If his gf saw how much he was commenting and that he messaged, knowing that I told him I like him, you don't think she'd be a bit put out?

That he ended up messaging someone who he ignored & ended up telling he has a GF to? No. Maybe comment (what does that mean, exactly?) raising an eyebrow, sure. But no threat that he likes you.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 7
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 3/27/2019 9:22:56 AM
So...if a guy told me that he was interested in me, I might be curious to know more about him even if I had a boyfriend. (Seems like a silly word for me to use at my age, lol) What word do we use? Anyway, he checked you out on FB. Mild curiousity. Probably flattered by your interest. He emphasized in a joking way with the video why you wouldn't work together. Just confirmation. I'm guessing you are quite young. I'm going to check your profile in a minute to verify just for kicks, you know? Like he checked your FB.

You are making way too much of this. Just be natural. You put it out there. That was admirable and brave but a 'no go'. There is no shame in this rejection because he has a girlfriend. Now if he didn't? That might be a tad humiliating but he has respectfully but firmly put you in the 'friend' zone. Be friendly.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 8
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 3/29/2019 8:50:04 AM
Lover, for less partner, guy i am seeing, friend etc. Since 20 lover has been my term.. if one has sexual interest the friendly doesn't work. but the naivet'e is precious. lol intended fondly, not rudely
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 9
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/18/2019 10:15:10 AM

1. If someone told me they liked me and I wasn't into them, I wouldn't comment on their posts on a daily basis (Honestly, I'd probably just not say anything at all so I didn't give them false hope).

Three words .... Back up plan



2. I wouldn't message them saying we couldn't be together about something so stupid and to rub it in their face almost.

See my answer above. He may genuinely like the attention and the fact that he know's you're into him.


3. If his gf saw how much he was commenting and that he messaged, knowing that I told him I like him, you don't think she'd be a bit put out?

Of course but my question is why do you want him to like you so bad? You're simply a back up plan in case things don't work out with his girlfriend. Who knows maybe their relationship is already on the rocks but remember how you got him is usually how you'll lose him as well.


Again, I am not saying he is into me, I just think it is weird he feels that comfortable with me all of a sudden to comment daily, watch my stories, and private message.

Is this an ego thing with you? That you feel like it will validate you, your worth in some way if he likes you and maybe leaves his girlfriend for you? Nothing good can come from this! He's not SINGLE and available. You should check yourself before you wreck yourself. Go find a single guy whose available to like you back!
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 10
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/18/2019 1:15:01 PM
There could be several reasons why he's doing this.

A. He's having problems with his girlfriend and he wants to use you to make her jealous.

B. He's keeping you as a back up plan in case they break up.

C. He gets an ego boost from your attention.

D. He might want you as a side dish so he can cheat on his girlfriend.

E. He's looking for a threesome and she's in on it.
 Jay6598
Joined: 3/30/2019
Msg: 11
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/18/2019 9:16:31 PM
Maybe he thinks you're safe because he already told you no thanks.
Doubtful though, men are pretty much about ego.
It's rare that you find one who wants to be just friends. Girls are like that, not most straight men.
I'd say you've got him thinking.
I mean, how'd you feel if you were his GF and here he's meetuping and friending a girl who said she was into him....and he probably knows all this.
He's pushing the envelope. Some go past the edge and some don't.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 12
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/20/2019 11:37:23 AM

There could be several reasons why he's doing this.

A. He's having problems with his girlfriend and he wants to use you to make her jealous.

B. He's keeping you as a back up plan in case they break up.

C. He gets an ego boost from your attention.

D. He might want you as a side dish so he can cheat on his girlfriend.

E. He's looking for a threesome and she's in on it.



Or F. It's just a civil or cordial conversation (at least on his end) with no ulterior motive.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 13
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/20/2019 12:06:33 PM

So...if a guy told me that he was interested in me, I might be curious to know more about him even if I had a boyfriend.

True. Especially after you told him you had a BF, so the situation should be 'chill' so nobody gets the wrong idea.

Probably flattered by your interest. He emphasized in a joking way with the video why you wouldn't work together. Just confirmation.

Agreed -- although I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that he probably didn't say it in the best of ways, as it was probably just a swift no-thinking quick message. He probably felt 'bad' in a very mild low-key way, that he didn't respond to her before and she like shim -- hey, I'll check out her FB she's wanted me to check out, she's a friendly gal, I'll be friendly to her. I already friend-zoned her, so that's cool, right? Well, not if the gal's obsessive and wants to see things as him possibly liking her in-that-way by any means necessary. :)

Or F. It's just a civil or cordial conversation (at least on his end) with no ulterior motive.

Yes, which is most likely the case -- and I think one would have to be a fool to assume by default, that there was one. It seems like a pretty cut-n-dry situation, but her super-like about him is making it too cloudy & weird for herself. With super-like, some people would Rather Have the cloudy/weirdness/confused POV, than "he's not into me in that way at all."
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 14
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/20/2019 1:21:10 PM
ssm508, disagree about there being no ulterior motive on his end. Something isn't kosher about a guy showing that much interest in another woman when he is supposedly involved in a relationship. Especially after the woman has expressed romantic interest in him. No, its more than him just being cordial.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 15
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/20/2019 6:35:35 PM

ssm508, disagree about there being no ulterior motive on his end. Something isn't kosher about a guy showing that much interest in another woman when he is supposedly involved in a relationship. Especially after the woman has expressed romantic interest in him. No, its more than him just being cordial.

We can agree to disagree. If there was more to the story, then I might be more likely to think that there is an ulterior motive. But responding to some Facebook posts without knowing any additional info is circumstantial evidence at best in my viewpoint.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 16
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/20/2019 8:55:10 PM
It never matters who has the interest the pursuer Or the Pasu E ,Even if just a friendship develops with that interest lying there It will rise up , We can all pretend that when we have crushes or are attracted to people that we can be friends. believe whatever you want convince yourself :We are just friends. Develop a deep rich intimate friendship and then when your doorKing in his girlfriend's bedroom while she's away you can say w just friends . Hey man it was one slip up,and then its 2 slip ups pretty soon your scuttling in the corner ,Making plans for the great escape .Nurture Your sweet civil cordial friendship Be those people that's love conquered everything You can get married In the eyes of the Lord With that love that you brought from discord . What kindness Will reflect the beauty you are in his eyes He can say beauty is as beauty does . WWhile his girlfriend iBecomes and ugly raging hag because of his in attention and the lack of Emotional intimacy That he has been utilizing you for . you will be the beauty queen That rescues his heart
 dynamicones
Joined: 2/7/2018
Msg: 17
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/23/2019 7:54:03 AM
I've a female friend, she was married and preg when I met her. Fact it was because she was preg that I met her (funny story for another time). We took 3 pics together that night, became fb friends but didn't talk for a year or even respond to fb posts. Then I noticed she's into arts and crafts and repurposing things as am I and we did react to fb posts, messaged each other exchanged phone numbers. Met her hubs he and I became friends exchanged phone numbers, now we talk all the time (this has gone on for years) I've been to their house they to mine, we're "FRIENDS" and it all began because she and I met one night at a roller derby bout. It's quite possible you're projecting onto him what you want him to feel
 dynamicones
Joined: 2/7/2018
Msg: 18
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/23/2019 7:56:04 AM
I'm 59 she's 42 I have a 'girlfriend' she has a 'boyfriend' lol terms still work even at my age ;)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 19
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/23/2019 8:28:41 AM
Do people who have girlfriends/boyfriends actually go out looking for other friends of the opposite sex through social media or meet ups?
I might get it if it was something you did together as a couple to meet up with other couples who liked the same things as you did. But if you're meeting others without your significant other knowing about it, you're hiding it...and hiding it for a reason.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 20
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/23/2019 6:21:20 PM
dick pierlas 89 has not replied to anything so just another troll
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 21
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Told guy I am into him. Says he has gf but keeps trying to interact?
Posted: 4/23/2019 10:31:41 PM

Something isn't kosher about a guy showing that much interest in another woman when he is supposedly involved in a relationship.

I think it's pretty clear he Didn't have interest. He blew her off, then again she talked with him and asked to go out some time, and he turned her down and said he had a GF. So, what interest did he show? Being FB friends as part of a meetup group, he posted comments on what she posted on her wall, willing to be friends? His only private message, a solo one, was pointing out how he & she wouldn't be an ideal couple, stemming from a funny video. I can only see "Friend Zone" in what he projects.

I've a female friend, she was married and preg when I met her. Fact it was because she was preg that I met her (funny story for another time)

Well hey, no condoms required, since she's already prego... ;)

We took 3 pics together that night, became fb friends but didn't talk for a year or even respond to fb posts.

It's pretty common people don't post comments on the others' posts of someone they just met, is taken, and just did FB connection when meeting as friends.

Then I noticed she's into arts and crafts and repurposing things as am I and we did react to fb posts, messaged each other exchanged phone numbers.

That is unusual, just being into arts & crafts, a year after just a random social mingling exchanging of FB -- turns to doing that and exchanging #s.

Met her hubs he and I became friends exchanged phone numbers, now we talk all the time (this has gone on for years) I've been to their house they to mine, we're "FRIENDS" and it all began because she and I met one night at a roller derby bout.

I agree with your assessment about the OP. But, I would not say your situation is "norm". It'd be more apt to happen, IMO, if said arts & crafts thing was something you both were hardcore into and rare to find (not just something to feed off conversation that one mildly knows about) -- and in the end, they could have been any random FB person (friend or friend of friend) where social convo-connections then more that gets drummed up. But still, not to be expected, but happens.

I think OP was taking a guy posting comments on her wall posts -- as some sign of interest. It's not when they already denied you and/or are taken. One will need more than that. And if your only private message from them was implying (from comedy) that you two aren't compatible -- it's about as clear as day there's no interest in-that-way.
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