Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'to      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their lifePage 1 of 1    
Broke up with two women yesterday 8-)

Both I've been talking to and have met at least once in person, both have been absolutely awesome to get to know. But both have gone 'dark' in recent weeks. Both are beautiful people both personality-wise and physically. One I've been intimate with the other I haven't. Both are single with teenage/adult children. Both have great jobs, their own house, etc.

So yesterday I sent them both a simple txt message while I was at work saying something like this:

"Hi I hope you are doing well. Thanks for trying to build something with me but it's clearly not working out so I think we should just go our seperate ways and be happy."

And both responded with basically the same sort of reply like this:

"perhaps its for the best as I've had a lot of personal stuff going on right now and I don't have time or energy to date anyone. I hope you find your happy place soon it you haven't already. You're a wonderful person, etc etc.".

I don't believe that is what I could call 'friendzoning', but it's a perfect example of how dating as a mature person is really really really difficult since we all have loads of stuff going on that already pre-occupies us be it work, family, personal or whatever, and adding in trying to date people is really difficult because there's no time, energy or stamina to put into trying to discover and build new romantic connections.

Is this a really common theme with our age group? It certainly seems to be one of the 'core issues' from my experiences.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 3/29/2019 4:27:04 PM
It boils down to this. If people are really interested they will make time for you.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 3/30/2019 9:44:32 PM
I prefer the truth.Sometimes we have to
realise who is and who isn't in the same league.
And be graceful about it.I know they're just a stranger
but they're human first!
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 4
view profile
History
I am too busy to comment.
Posted: 3/31/2019 12:27:43 PM

Both I've been talking to and have met at least once in person


But both have gone 'dark' in recent weeks.

Seeing someone once over the course of weeks time is not dating.
Not talking with someone in weeks is not dating.

It boils down to this. If people are really interested they will make time for you.

Exactly.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 3/31/2019 1:49:26 PM

dating as a mature person is really really really difficult


Especially for guys who get no messages, no chats, no meets, and therefore no actual live dates.


Both I've been talking to and have met at least once in person, both have been absolutely awesome to get to know.


One I've been intimate with the other I haven't.


And still, lots to complain about.


You're a wonderful person,


Well, yes, I know that, thanks for the astute observation.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 3/31/2019 7:04:36 PM
Thought a recent theme from you has been, no answer to msgs, ect??
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 3/31/2019 8:33:04 PM
OP...You met one once (had sex) and never met the other one. This is considered breaking up? You weren't even "going steady" with either one...

The "too much going on" is a gentle way of letting you down. They had already begun going dark which was a sign of losing interest.

I'm sure you weren't the only guy they were talking to. Did they each know they weren't the only one you were talking to?
 jerseynative7
Joined: 10/26/2018
Msg: 8
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 4/1/2019 10:08:21 AM
You werent dating either of these women so how can you break up?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 4/1/2019 5:28:37 PM

Both I've been talking to and have met at least once in person, both have been absolutely awesome to get to know. But both have gone 'dark' in recent weeks.

Meeting "at least once" -- even if 'meating' is included in one of those meetings -- does not mean anyone "broke up". Breaking up requires something to be already built. Nothing was. Just gals you went on a couple dates with.

"Hi I hope you are doing well. Thanks for trying to build something with me but it's clearly not working out so I think we should just go our seperate ways and be happy."

You didn't need to do this. They went dark. Ya just ignore, as this wasn't necessary.

"perhaps its for the best as I've had a lot of personal stuff going on right now and I don't have time or energy to date anyone. I hope you find your happy place soon it you haven't already. You're a wonderful person, etc etc.".

They didn't go dark on their (final) response. They felt bad for ya, which is why. They always had time to at least text some, but they weren't that into you. It wasn't because they were "busy". We have phones we can carry in our pockets, with text now. It's not 1980.

I don't believe that is what I could call 'friendzoning'

It has Nothing to do with friend-zoning. Friend-zoning is where you find out they're not interested in you To get a date, as they've always lacked attraction, and instead want to just be friends. Those gals weren't wanting to establish any friendship with you.

but it's a perfect example of how dating as a mature person is really really really difficult since we all have loads of stuff going on that already pre-occupies us be it work, family, personal or whatever

Take their response as a grain of salt, dude. Look, do you REALLY think a gal's going to say "Yeah, you're a nice guy, but not my type. Sex wasn't that great / a cuter guy hit me up / etc," after not responding to your texts out of not being interested? No. The whole "I've been busy" is an excuse when they don't respond to any texts anymore. That should be painstakingly obvious, when it just comes to mere texts.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 4/1/2019 8:31:15 PM
One woman detected somehow that you were doing someone else, and so she lost interest.
The one you were doing detected somehow that you were still seeing someone else, and so she lost interest.
 rednwhiterider
Joined: 6/23/2018
Msg: 11
Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life
Posted: 4/2/2019 2:16:50 AM
dude... you were "duffing" both ladies along.. then..
what?

you wanted some...
what?
fukusoui

or you wanted to be the dominant figure in your relationship...

post scipt... most women like to be loved man. .
you can be a fighter.
but choose right now...
be a lover or a fucker.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Connections 'going dark' then ending because the other person has 'too much going on' in their life