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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What do you think my ex wants from me?      Home login  
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 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 1
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What do you think my ex wants from me?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Just want to clarify - I am not a troll. I am a 20-something year old woman trying to figure my life out!

Anyway...I posted before about a guy I was seeing for three months. It was romantic and lovely until his depression/anxiety kicked in. This stemmed from serious issues he had been receiving treatment for in therapy. I got fed up with his inconsistency and said something had to change...or we should stop dating. His response was to say he didn't want me to feel neglected and asked if I wanted to just 'be friends' for now!!

Well I didn't really, but that was that. Three months later....we are in touch every day and see each other frequently (now initiated by him, which was the problem we had before - I was doing most heavy-lifting, now he is picking up the slack, both in arranging meet ups and phone contact). In the past week he went on a trip for a week and contacted me every day. He then asked to see me a matter of hours after getting off of his flight home. Afterwards I went to meet friends and when I returned home, he had sent me a lovely message. When we hugged, he held me tightly and kissed my cheek REALLY close to my lips. And I thought...yep, he wants to kiss me, but doesn't know how to go about this.


Is it just me or does my ex want more than supposed friendship? I don't want to make a fool of myself but in any case I think I need to speak to him because the friends façade isn't really something I can maintain anymore.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 2
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 5:08:50 PM
Try this

Asking him a straight question rather than ask a bunch of people online that can only guess.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 3
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 5:11:47 PM

When we hugged, he held me tightly and kissed my cheek REALLY close to my lips.


Oh Katy, that is sooooo romantic.
I think he will propose soon~
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 4
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 5:14:04 PM
Nice logic, but all you posters would be out of a role if everyone just asked the person question ;)

I guess I just don't get it. Why is he contacting me every day, wants to see me right after he gets off his flight and tries to set up the next meeting already? What is going on, when he said he was afraid of 'commitment'? He already acts like a boyfriend in several ways.
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 5
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 5:28:47 PM
Two weeks ago we also went out for dinner together - which lasted six hours. I feel we are kidding ourselves but at the same time - he was the one that said we should be friends for now (back in December). How do I broach the topic? I don't want to be humiliated but it really doesn't seem like friendship is all he wants at the same time.
What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 5:32:00 PM
Dinner lasted 6 hours??? Holy shit. I've heard of all you can eat buffets, but damn, don't they usually have a time limit, at least?
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 7
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 5:36:18 PM
:) we ordered drinks in the place afterwards.

But holy shit is about right! My point is...we have an amazing time together (today, I joked he always takes forever to finish one drink - he replied that only happens when he is totally absorbed in the conversation...always happens with us). The 'break up' conversation was initiated one drink-fuelled night and I think there are now mutual regrets on either side. But I fear rejection and don't know how to broach this without wrecking the whole thing.
What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 6:08:45 PM
3 months isn't a very long time, and you really shouldn't be too overly attached to the point of fearing to confront the issue.

Tell him to either shit or get off the pot. Very simple.

Oh, and wait a damn minute. You've been "seeing" this guy for 3 months and he hasn't actually kissed you yet?!?!

F*cking aye.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 9
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 6:16:59 PM
Hey....welcome back Pig!!

OP: you posted in January
My friend asked today if I thought remaining friends would prevent me from dating others. I said no...if the possibility of a date with another person arose, I would be open to it. And that's true! I'm open to meeting and dating others. I would also like to try being friends with this guy - I suppose time will tell if it's truly possible.


You have repeatedly said you just wanted to be his friend....and a friend is what you are.
This guy has told you he has issues.....you know he has issues....and you choose to remain his friend.
You have become his shoulder to lean on....

If you are only sticking around because you really want more than friendship....
you need to put on your big girl panties and tell him so.
This isn't really about his "agenda".....it is about yours....
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 10
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/29/2019 7:32:56 PM
How do I broach the topic? I don't want to be humiliated but it really doesn't seem like friendship is all he wants at the same time.

When he wants sex ^^^^ reference him to this ^^^^
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 11
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/30/2019 4:52:35 AM
Hi ThePigOfYourDreamsIsHere, I like your frankness!

No to clarify - we were dating for 3 months. We had a physical relationship which he sometimes found difficult because of issues from his past which he is dealing with in therapy. These issues, (including a flare up of depression) meant he would become quite inconsistent with contacting me and making plans. I asked him to change this or we were done. He said he didn't want me to feel neglected and finally offered to be 'friends'.

That was 3 months ago - initially we continued to spend time together occasionally in our mutual friend group. But now we always spend time together one on one, often at our old date haunts, and he contacts me most days/makes plans to meet. So now I'm thinking...this feels bizarre. It feels like we are dating again without the physical contact.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 12
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/30/2019 5:53:58 AM

It feels like we are dating again without the physical contact.


that what the rest of us call....being friends and is exactly what you agreed to.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 13
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/30/2019 12:27:52 PM

I don't want to make a fool of myself


Might be a little late for that.


It was romantic and lovely until his depression/anxiety kicked in.


This stemmed from serious issues he had been receiving treatment for in therapy.


Has your life-long version of "Prince Charming" always been a "fixer-upper"?
What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 3/30/2019 1:12:51 PM

Hey....welcome back Pig!!


Thank ye, thank ye.


Hi ThePigOfYourDreamsIsHere, I like your frankness!


There's a lot to like about me.


No to clarify - we were dating for 3 months. We had a physical relationship which he sometimes found difficult because of issues from his past which he is dealing with in therapy. These issues, (including a flare up of depression) meant he would become quite inconsistent with contacting me and making plans. I asked him to change this or we were done. He said he didn't want me to feel neglected and finally offered to be 'friends'.


Wow, that's a lot to take on. Are you sure this is really all about him or just a need to conquer the situation? I can't imagine anyone with options finding all of this appealing.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 15
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/1/2019 4:24:59 PM

I got fed up with his inconsistency and said something had to change...or we should stop dating. His response was to say he didn't want me to feel neglected and asked if I wanted to just 'be friends' for now!!

He dumped you. :) No, seriously. The "for now" is being nice, although it leaves open the possibility for booty calls, or the possibility of dating some in the far future, who-knows. Basically, breaking up. That was his desire leading up to it.

Is it just me or does my ex want more than supposed friendship?

I think in a way he wants more than just-friends, yes. But he also doesn't want a Relationship with you again. FWB is his ideal. But maybe only if he felt you were cool with it. He assumes that's probably not on your vagenda, tho.

I don't want to make a fool of myself but in any case I think I need to speak to him because the friends façade isn't really something I can maintain anymore.

You should talk to him, yes. Bring it up. You'll feel better about it. Don't let fear of hearing stuff you don't want to hear get in your way. Make it Pleasant. Remember, the world's not centered around you -- it's centered around him just as much. Bring it up in a pleasant/cool way, wanting to clear the air. Tell him that you and he dated for 3 months, and you don't mind talking to him once in a while -- but you don't want to be close friends, as just-friends. And you don't want to get into a dating-relationship if he not that-into you either. You can say you're not looking to get into anything serious, but if that's honestly Not a possibility in his mind, we should just be more like Facebook friends who will say Hi-hows-it-going once in a great while, but that's about it -- since you do have feelings for him in-that-way.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 16
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 8:59:54 AM
What do you want? A relationship with him? I get not wanting to broach the subject because you don't want to lose what you do have currently with him but ultimately you need to be brave. Figure out what you do want with him, tell him what you want and if he can't/won't give you what you want then be strong enough to walk away. Its hard to walk away but as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Regarding being friends....It is okay to be friends with a guy but if you want to have sex with him and you are hoping it can one day be more than just sex, you CANNOT be friends with him.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 17
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 1:21:13 PM

Regarding being friends....It is okay to be friends with a guy but if you want to have sex with him and you are hoping it can one day be more than just sex, you CANNOT be friends with him.

Bingo. That's what both girls And guys need to understand, when they're emotionally chasing someone. You can't be even relatively close friends with someone you're emotionally desiring, who's demonstrated that they're not into you.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 18
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 4:56:19 PM
He plays you very well. The depression if he is dealing with it would not interfere with his forming a healthy relationship, he uses his as an excuse. He plays wishy washy and you keep eating the bait. You gave the unforgivable inconsistent sad boy an ultimatum. That is exactly what he wanted. You were puddy in his hands and willing to be just "friends".

He wants his cake and eat it too and you are being staged perfectly to become his "friend with benefits" which is all his past will allow him to contemplate. Poor little boy can't ever grow up and have a "committed" relationship. At least not with you. You can be his "friend" while he remains unattached and looking very available to other women.

What a dreamy romantic deeply passionate love affair your having there. You could do better but why bother when he is so convenient and texting you every night. I imagine you are going to end up just another day telling this jewel that your all fed up because he is inconsistent... and round and around and around you go again. Sounds like a perfect love story. You should write a book.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 19
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 5:41:33 PM
^I have been worried about you Ms. Penny.

Hope eveything is going well with you. :)
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 20
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 5:51:04 PM
^^^^
Same here.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 21
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 6:33:54 PM
Thank you both for thinking of me and your concerns. I had the second treatment in my 4th round of chemo today... two to go. I'm tired but I'm still fighting.
 Million_Reasons
Joined: 10/23/2018
Msg: 22
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 6:38:46 PM
Penny....

If you need a stranger to talk to who understands what you are going through....message me. Sometimes it is better than those you need to be "strong" for.

Heart & Prayers

Kj
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 23
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 7:54:17 PM
.
.
... will be thinking of you often ~ love you Penny ! ...

... heart / Penny / sun ...
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 24
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/2/2019 9:13:09 PM
Take care Penny. Hugs from an internet stranger 😁
 Katy_124
Joined: 11/14/2014
Msg: 25
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What do you think my ex wants from me?
Posted: 4/12/2019 12:57:50 PM
Thank you everyone!!

I especially found Penny and Norwegianguy's advice insightful and very helpful. Penny's post had the advantage of making me feel angry about the current situation which spurred me to on to talk to him.

I wrung my hands for days with dread and then decided to tell him how I felt. He replied that he shares my feelings exactly and he wants to develop the relationship and see where it leads us :) I'm glad I spoke up because I felt immediately unburdened by the pain I was carrying around 24/7.
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