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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Get it out of your head fool      Home login  
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 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 1
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Get it out of your head foolPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Okay, here's the deal: I have "sworn off" online dating/dating overall for a long time. I met a few girls on match.com. that were quick to give me the "nice guy speech", and never really tried to meet anyone beyond that. Anytime anyone brings up the subject of me dating/getting married/having kids I often shut them down immediately. So, basically I have come to terms with living life alone.

At the moment, I am getting over a broken right wrist, and have started occupational therapy, so I can get back to bicep curls, etc. I'm beginning to realize that I have an interest in getting to know my therapist. She's around my age(I assume), has a bit of a French accent, is obviously intelligent, etc. I don't see any rings on any of her fingers, and I know she doesn't have kids. I've searched for her on facebook(no, I am not a stalker), and couldn't find anything. I did find a page with her name on it, but it was blank. So, the question is: what do I do about this? Do I use my head? That's telling me that there is a 99.99% chance she is taken, and even if she isn't I'm not the type of guy women are into. Basically, I know better than to get stupid and throw all my preconceived ideas out the window. Do I throw all reasoning out the window, and look into this somehow? Do I risk pissing on what little self-esteem I have, when I find out what I already think I know(she's attached/wouldn't be interested)? So, how do I get it out of my head that it's not possible for a bunch of reasons,? If I was to even consider pursuing this, how do I do that?

Thanks everyone
 LeFouGamboj
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 2
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/14/2019 7:02:13 PM
^


So, the question is: what do I do about this? Do I use my head?


Yes, you use your head...............by waiting for her to complete your full course of OT......then you can hit on her....and if she says YES...then good for you!.........If she says NO, then the reason does not matter,... because you will not be seeing her again, but at least you had some class...by not putting her in an uncomfortable situation (by being forced to say either yes or no) right in the middle of her professional duty!
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 3
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/14/2019 8:23:19 PM
^^^^^Excellent advice.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 4
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/15/2019 9:58:16 AM
[Yes, you use your head...............by waiting for her to complete your full course of OT......then you can hit on her....and if she says YES...then good for you!.........If she says NO, then the reason does not matter,... because you will not be seeing her again, but at least you had some class...by not putting her in an uncomfortable situation (by being forced to say either yes or no) right in the middle of her professional duty!]

That's great advice, thank you very much. It's easier said than done unfortunately. As my original post says, I have absolutely no faith in myself in the context of relationships. If you ask me, all the girls I might be interested in are either taken, wouldn't be interested in a somewhat normal guy that has lost hearing, or they've chosen the alternate lifestyle. My life hasn't really followed the normal trajectory(if you want to call it that) as most everyone else, so that has a lot to do with it. As my original posts asks: I am just wondering if my mind is playing tricks on me. As I said; I have given up on dating. Even if I am interested, I don't even bother because I know all I will be doing is setting myself up for a disappointment. Why am I thinking somewhat differently this time? Truthfully I know she's probably taken, or that I offer nothing exceptional(according to me), so why am I thinking about pursuing this knowing I am nothing special and that I am most likely setting myself up for a disappointment? Is the risk of pissing all over what little faith I have in myself? Is it legit, or is my mind playing tricks on me?
think with the right head
Posted: 4/15/2019 10:04:45 AM
any way you can quiz the coworkers? for example my dentist has some attractive hygienists, so one day we were able to turn the conversation eventually to how someone who spends all day in peoples' mouths probably hate a first kiss date. one then laughed in response that she was married and thank goodness didn't have to first date anymore, and..well, you get the idea.

and yes, Fou is correct. wait until you are no longer a client-she may actually be interested yet not date clients. for sure, you aren't the first fellow to find an interest in her, so...those are the odds against you.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 6
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think with the right head
Posted: 4/15/2019 12:06:01 PM
[any way you can quiz the coworkers]

I thought about doing this. Last week, I worked with a different therapist. The one I am interested in joined in shortly after I started working. Logic tells me she just came in to help the other therapist. Fantasy tells me she came in just to see me. Fantasy won't work. With Easter being on Sunday, I have thought about asking this or that if I see her/she stops in to help. Even if I did ask around, I'd probably be too obvious.

[ those are the odds against you]

No doubt, and this is probably why I won't even try. I've always believed that no woman that other guys would want/had her choice of guys would ever pick me over somebody else. I mean I'm smart, in good shape (even without the wrist), and am told I'm a good person and that people would like me. Yet, I am only 5'9"(she's as tall, or slightly shorter), am deaf in one ear, and have lost a bit in the other due to being part of the less than 1% of people with hearing loss that end up with an autoimmune disease(nobody can get) Aren't I lucky. Plus, I wear something to help me out. So, there's a social stigma with that. The girls I met on match.com didn't respond to that as I hoped they would, so I don't really have reason to believe it would be different. Don't say therapy either, because I am a therapist. Maybe this is all just wishful thinking. Either way, I appreciate your advice
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 7
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/15/2019 12:19:40 PM

Yes, you use your head...............


The big one, not the little one...
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 8
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/15/2019 12:37:30 PM
[The big one, not the little on]

I knew someone would catch it. Nice job!
 LeFouGamboj
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 9
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/15/2019 8:09:11 PM

It's easier said than done unfortunately. As my original post says, I have absolutely no faith in myself in the context of relationships


All the more reason why you should ask her (at the right time) to go out!........ just what the heck have you got to lose by not asking?.....I mean, if your faith & esteem is that low....then the only place for you to go is up!.....Even if she says NO, at least you gave yourself a chance at it.


so why am I thinking about pursuing this knowing I am nothing special and that I am most likely setting myself up for a disappointment?


The only thing that should truly be disappointing....is by not even affording yourself the opportunity to ask her.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 10
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/16/2019 1:54:59 PM
[just what the heck have you got to lose by not asking?.....I mean, if your faith & esteem is that low....then the only place for you to go is up!.....Even if she says NO, at least you gave yourself a chance at it.]

I found her on linked-in last night. I'm not sure you can call that "social media". There's no way of finding out if she is attached on that site, and she doesn't have a Facebook. I agree with you somewhat, but as you say: how much farther down can I fall? I guess my answer to that is A LOT. Yes, hearing her say yes would help. Actually dating her would send things through the roof. Looking at her linked-in page last night, I came to the conclusion that there is no way in hell this chick isn't attached. I thought a lot about all this when I was at the gym last night. That's where I do most of my heavy thinking/make most of my decisions. Since I am 99.99% sure this girl in taken, since all the good ones seem to be, I guess the best thing for me to do is nothing. I'm pretty sure my mind is playing tricks on me. Am I disappointed? Sure I am, but rather than embarrass myself and make her feel uncomfortable, I should probably just let it pass. Any other advice for me?
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 11
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/16/2019 2:45:52 PM
msg#10:
Looking at her linked-in page last night, I came to the conclusion that there is no way in hell this chick isn't attached. I thought a lot about all this when I was at the gym last night. That's where I do most of my heavy thinking/make most of my decisions. Since I am 99.99% sure this girl in taken, since all the good ones seem to be, I guess the best thing for me to do is nothing.


This woman is a professional person doing her job, trying to help you.
You are overstepping getting all gaga about her on the down low~

Best advice from me for what it's worth is what you stated, "Get it out of your head fool"~
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 12
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/16/2019 6:14:56 PM

At the moment, I am getting over a broken right wrist, and have started occupational therapy, so I can get back to bicep curls, etc. I'm beginning to realize that I have an interest in getting to know my therapist.


Hang on, so what can she do that your right wrist c...

actually don't answer that!

Sounds like you've got a crush pal, happens to everyone occasionally.
 LeFouGamboj
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 13
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/16/2019 10:16:05 PM
@#10


how much farther down can I fall? I guess my answer to that is A LOT


A Lot ????...........but you said in your earlier posts about losing "what LITTLE" faith or esteem you have left!
which is it?...........Your self-esteem is far down to a level where you can't even ask a woman (that you like) out for a simple cup of coffee.....for fear that she will say "NO", (because you convinced yourself that she must be "attached" to somebody more worthy than you)......because if you are truthful about your esteem (or faith) being that low.....then just what is it that makes you think you have "A LOT" to lose...if she answers NO?


Yes, hearing her say yes would help. Actually dating her would send things through the roof.


Actually...........the "dating" is when the challenge begins, that is the hard part because that is when you both try to get to know one another...and there is no assurance that any chemistry will develop between you both..........asking her out is the easy part!


Since I am 99.99% sure this girl in taken, since all the good ones seem to be,


This is ^ what could be called a Logical fallacy.........because there is no way could you be so sure that she is taken (you admitted that yourself).....so you are fabricating a plausible excuse to shield your ego.


Am I disappointed? Sure I am, but rather than embarrass myself and make her feel uncomfortable,


You won't be making her uncomfortable if you ask her after the therapy has completed.....if she says NO, she won't need to ever see you again (and vice versa)....the real issue is if you know how to handle rejection positively...........rejection is something that most men have experienced countless times in the world of dating.....and in most cases, something positive (upping the learning curve) can be gained by it....to make you better prepared for the next opportunity


Any other advice for me?


you might want to consider going for some counseling......what have you got to lose?
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 14
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/17/2019 2:14:21 PM
[A Lot ????...........but you said in your earlier posts about losing "what LITTLE" faith or esteem you have left!
which is it?...........Your self-esteem is far down to a level where you can't even ask a woman (that you like) out for a simple cup of coffee.....for fear that she will say "NO", (because you convinced yourself that she must be "attached" to somebody more worthy than you)......because if you are truthful about your esteem (or faith) being that low.....then just what is it that makes you think you have "A LOT" to lose...if she answers NO?

Good point! You are correct when you say my self-esteem is so low I can't even ask anyone out. Although I like to think I am bullet-proof, I am anything but that. Hearing her say no would not exactly be a shock to me, but it would make me feel like a complete idiot for asking. I think I know she's taken right, so why did I even bother to ask her? I guess what I mean by saying I have a lot to lose is just another way of saying I don't like disappointments, and asking her out when I think I know she's attached, and therefore what the answer I would get would lead to me being disappointed in myself for being "stupid" enough to think I might have a chance at this. It's really hard to explain. There's more to this, which I will get to later

[Actually...........the "dating" is when the challenge begins, that is the hard part because that is when you both try to get to know one another...and there is no assurance that any chemistry will develop between you both..........asking her out is the easy part!]

Very true, if not dead-on. For me, the easy part is also the hard part. I guess that means the "chemistry" cop-out is the unattainable part for me, since I can't even do the easy part.

[This is ^ what could be called a Logical fallacy.........because there is no way could you be so sure that she is taken (you admitted that yourself).....so you are fabricating a plausible excuse to shield your ego.]

This is my problem. As far as dating/relationships are concerned, based on my results with online dating(nothing ever came of it), I have next-to-no relationship value. Maybe I am wrong? The point of me always thinking that someone I am interested is taking, and therefore I do not act on anything, is a defense mechanism. Thinking about it now, I honestly thinking hearing her say yes would disappoint me as much as hearing her say no. Why do I say this? Hearing a woman I am interested in agree to go out with me would blow all of my preconceived ideas to hell. Am I ready for that? Am I ready to hear a girl I am interested in agree to go out with me, and therefore blow every negative though I have of myself(as far as dating is concerned) to hell? I don't know. That's kind of what I meant by saying my mind was playing tricks on me.

[you might want to consider going for some counseling......what have you got to lose?]

I am, plus I am a therapist.

[You won't be making her uncomfortable if you ask her after the therapy has completed.....if she says NO, she won't need to ever see you again (and vice versa)....the real issue is if you know how to handle rejection positively...........rejection is something that most men have experienced countless times in the world of dating.....and in most cases, something positive (upping the learning curve) can be gained by it....to make you better prepared for the next opportunity

Well, first let's talk about rejection. Yes, I agree with you that. You'd be surprised how well I handled it when those girls I met on match.com gave me the "nice guy" speech. I thanked them for going, and wished them well. One of which complemented me for taking it so well, and comparing me to how other guys took it(which apparently included insulting them, etc). I'm basing my "dating value" on my success with online dating, which is nothing. So, if I can't meet an average-looking woman online, why would I do any better in real life? I never asked anyone out, away from the computer screen. So, I don't know how much luck I would have/could have. As far as the learning curve is concerned, I guess you can say I learned that this sort of thing won't happen for me. I've always thought that me getting involved with online dating was the worst decision I ever made(almost). Yes, some guys find wild success. My brother's brother-in-law met his wife on eHarmony.

Now, I had another therapy appointment today. As I mentioned, I worked with someone last time, and the girl I am interested in(Kelly) stopped in and helped out. Today I asked why I was circulating between the new therapist and the girl I am interested. It appears the girl I am interested in has been moved to another facility. So, it's game over. However, I was thinking of something: I told you I found her on linkedin a day ago. If I was crazy enough, I could always send her a message thanking her for her help when my wrist heals up, and ask her then. I wouldn't be rejected face-to-face. Maybe that's off-limits though. I don't want to come off as a stalker. Either way, I am a little disappointed. I didn't fall asleep last night until about 4:00 am, because I was thinking about what would happen if I saw her today, and I am disappointed I will probably not see her again.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 15
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/17/2019 2:30:48 PM

I am a little disappointed.


and I am disappointed


Disappointment will be your closest friend.


Yes, some guys find wild success.


Yes, guys who are also known as 6 foot tall male models who drive a $1.4 million Ferrari LaFerrari.


rejection is something that most men have experienced countless times in the world of dating.....and in most cases, something positive (upping the learning curve) can be gained by it....


Indeed.
I'm always positive that the rejecter is clueless.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 16
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/18/2019 9:31:21 AM
"Yes, hearing her say yes would help."

>>>the rhetorical question, the one you should ask and answer yourself is...help *what* exactly?

then figure out how you can help yourself achieve that very thing. or as much as you possibly can. then you'll need someone less, and can escape that prison that is your head.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 17
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/26/2019 12:56:15 PM
Update: Since she was re-assigned to another rehab facility withing the hospital, I won't see her again. So, I e-mailed her through this thing that they have that allows you to message your providers. I thanked her for all her help, etc. I also asked her, but didn't really call it a date. Just something small, and fun. She hasn't gotten back to me yet, so I assume the answer is no. I was hoping for at least a blow-off, so maybe she's not as nice as I thought
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 18
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/26/2019 1:06:20 PM

I was hoping for at least a blow-off, so maybe she's not as nice as I thought


Or it it could be she is a nice, caring , understanding Woman and you crossed the boundaries...
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 19
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Fool is correct.
Posted: 4/26/2019 1:22:21 PM

I was hoping for at least a blow-off, so maybe she's not as nice as I thought

What you did was inappropriate and creepy. You crossed the line by a mile.
She is being nice by not letting your provider know.

The level of entitlement that some people show is mind blowing.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 20
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/26/2019 4:22:18 PM
She might just have a line not to date clients/ex clients or she isn't interested. At least you tried. I not sure how you contacted her but if it is a social thingy , I don't see it as creepy. A women says that only when they don't like you lol.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 21
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.
Posted: 4/26/2019 4:51:48 PM
^^^
Did you even read his post?

He contacted her through the provider. Through her work. Inappropriate and creepy. Period. As someone who is supposed to be former LEO you should know this is not okay in any way.

It is like the creeps who call work and ask someone's schedule or try to get coworkers to give up personal information - another thing that was suggested in this thread. It is messed up on every level. Do you guys not have any clue what is and is not appropriate? Do you not understand boundaries?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 22
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/26/2019 6:32:04 PM

I was hoping for at least a blow-off


You blew that one...
Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/27/2019 1:27:16 PM


Update: Since she was re-assigned to another rehab facility withing the hospital, I won't see her again. So, I e-mailed her through this thing that they have that allows you to message your providers. I thanked her for all her help, etc. I also asked her, but didn't really call it a date. Just something small, and fun. She hasn't gotten back to me yet, so I assume the answer is no. I was hoping for at least a blow-off, so maybe she's not as nice as I thought


Oh, shit. Circumstances make all the difference in the world, and this wasn't the best way to approach her, in my opinion. Sure, taking initiative is a good thing, but knowing when and where to apply it is crucial.

I think the only thing you might have accomplished here is encouraging her to be more cautious in the parking garage when she's leaving work.
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 24
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/27/2019 2:48:30 PM
"Update: Since she was re-assigned to another rehab facility withing the hospital, I won't see her again. So, I e-mailed her through this thing that they have that allows you to message your providers. I thanked her for all her help, etc. I also asked her, but didn't really call it a date. Just something small, and fun. She hasn't gotten back to me yet, so I assume the answer is no. I was hoping for at least a blow-off, so maybe she's not as nice as I thought"

aquaandorange14, she wasn't as nice as you thought? You're the one who wasn't very nice. You didn't respect her level of professionalism as a therapist. Even if she was reassigned to another rehab facility, she's still working in the same hospital where you're a patient. You were completely wrongheaded.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 25
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Get it out of your head fool
Posted: 4/27/2019 3:06:52 PM
She could've asked to be reassigned for all we know. We don't know how uncomfortable she was being made to feel.
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