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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Things that women get wrong..      Home login  
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 lazman102
Joined: 8/26/2014
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Things that women get wrong.. Page 1 of 1    
Clothing:
Women often complain that guys question what the woman was wearing when she got raped or w.e. But the issue is that they refuse to look at the situation objectively. Consider the unspoken dress-code in society..
In my experience guys are often taught to hide their baggy bits cuz that's gross and no one wants to see that. Girls/women are taught that their baggy bits are beautiful and to push them out and wear clothing that puts emphasis on them.
Remember, women may not see their jugs as a sexual part but that doesn't mean that most straight guys in society don't either.
If guys were taught to wear extremely tight clothing around our bits, that pushes them forward for everyone to see, maybe there's women that would sexualize us as well.
Obviously if a guy rapes a woman, it's the guy's fault, don't start on me about that. Basic logic is not lost on me but it shouldn't be lost on you either.
If you don't want a guy to sexualize you, don't wear clothing that pushes your sexual(to guys) parts up and out for him to ogle over.. To be entirely honest, guy's obsession over breasts annoys me more than many women.. How many times I've been in conversations with guys and a paragraph in I get some ignorant BS like "Sorry, I didn't hear a thing you were saying, I was drooling over those tits." Like.. are you F'kin kidding me...
Again though, the underlying issue with with the society's dress code.

Ghosting:
Don't do it. I don't care how you feel about it or what your excuse it, it's just plain rude. We get it, as women you get 999999 messages in your inbox every day but if you choose to reply to a select few of them, continue the conversation or at least give the person a valid reason as to why you do not. Maybe if guy's knew what their issues were, they'd have a chance to fix them and then you wouldn't have as many confused guys out there that have just given up and start conversations with d**k pics... Like "Hmm.. maybe all these women ghost me cuz they just wanted to see my d**k the whole time??"

Misinterpretation:
We message you more than once in a week-long time-frame(before a reply) does not mean we're desperate creepers that sit behind the monitor 24/7 awaiting your messages. It merely means we're interested and actually want to communicate with you.

We want to actually meet you in person(within less than 2 months of talking online) does not mean that we're desperate sex fiends out to get our rocks off(ASAP). It means we want to actually meet you. There is so much in communication that is lost through text (true emotion, body language .etc) and we would like to meet with the real you, and see if there is any true compatibility instead of having years of compound time lost to online conversations that were never going to go anywhere. There are plenty of people that you would get along with like a soul-mate through text, that you would never want a thing to do with in real life, or vice-versa; so take the chance already..

Desperation is a far over-demonized word in dating society. Even if a lot of guys don't show it, we still are, that's just plain logic. Many women get hundreds of messages a day on these sites and many men could sit with an empty mailbox for their entire time on this site. So when we finally get one of you to message us back; our entire future (the difference between a life of family, love, and happiness, vs. a life in a meaningless lonely abyss) could rest in the stability of that one conversation. You seriously don't think that makes us at least a little desperate for things to work out??? This is text, if some guy is calling you 500X in a week on the phone, lose him, he'll probably murder you in your sleep. Text is a different animal, it is easy for us to go on autopilot and send off a dozen or so texts before we realize what we did.
And yes, many of us feel the need to apologize after (which in turn makes us look insecure). But that's another thing, of course we're insecure, when that conversation can be ghosted at any moment because we make the tiniest slip, and then we're looking back down the barrel of that lonely abyss once again. And again, maybe if women would stop with the ghosting; guys wouldn't be so desperate and insecure.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
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Things that women get wrong..
Posted: 4/21/2019 11:54:09 AM

If you don't want a guy to sexualize you, don't wear clothing that pushes your sexual (to guys) parts up and out for him to ogle over..


I would imagine that, though that may have been the original motivation, they're doing it because they have to compete with other women now.



To be entirely honest, guy's obsession over breasts annoys me more than many women.. How many times I've been in conversations with guys and a paragraph in I get some ignorant BS like "Sorry, I didn't hear a thing you were saying, I was drooling over those tits." Like.. are you F'kin kidding me...


You would have to be talking about something pretty darn interesting (and be a good speaker) to compete with (. )( .)

I've had the opposite where guy's have been talking to me and have completely forgotten what they were saying because of boobage. It's quite funny how they can render some people momentarily unable to function.
 LeFouGamboj
Joined: 11/17/2018
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Things that women get wrong..
Posted: 4/22/2019 5:56:13 PM
@OP


If you don't want a guy to sexualize you, don't wear clothing that pushes your sexual(to guys) parts up and out for him to ogle over.


tight clothes that reveal T&A.....is the "nectar" that draws in the males........which is what most young and eligible women have to do in this society, if they want to be noticed................in the old days, it was flowery dresses, lip stick and hair doo's.........and even when they were less revealing..........some of them still got raped!

as far as the other stuff goes.............I think you have an unrealistic expection....(of a surrealistic way of finding a mate)...none of that (ie, ghosting) is ever going to stop....because of the nature of OLD.....which is why nothing can ever replace dating IRL

Like my old coach used to say..........."some people wait for things to happen.....and then there are those who go out and make things happen"
 Jay6598
Joined: 3/30/2019
Msg: 4
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Things that women get wrong..
Posted: 4/26/2019 9:31:14 PM
Alright. If you're going to tell me the rules I'm supposed to be following ala you, I'm going to tell you the rules I think you ought to be following, ala me.

1. I can wear whatever clothing I feel like wearing. You have not been invited, unless I say you are. I wear what I want for these reasons: to be comfortable, to be pretty, to be trendy, or what's the last thing left before laundry day. And those are the only reasons why I wear what I do. YOU do not come into my equation when I'm picking out my outfit for the day. This is the truth about girls. If I'm your wife, maybe another story on this.

2. Ghosting, no we don't want a pic of your d*ck. Don't do it. You know why I disappear? BORING. This whole thing is boring. Messaging total strangers, trying to find common ground with someone you've never laid eyes on? I got bored. They didn't ask for a phone number or a meet, I got bored. And alot of men are not online chatters, I get it but I got bored and they did too. So what.

3. Misinterpretation - why, why would you message someone again after they don't reply. It is desperation and desperation isn't attractive.

4. Don't tell us what to do or think. We HATE that. Same as if I was telling you what to do, don't you HATE it?

What I actually think about you in a snap opinion, is you see all this going on and it's confusing as hell. Frustrating too. You're probably not a player, maybe a little shy and wish you had a nice girl to get a life going with. Meet them outside in the real world. Tried and true.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
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Posted: 4/26/2019 10:00:48 PM

If you don't want a guy to sexualize you,


Er yeah, don't think it's the womans fault ever if a guy sexualises her.

Men make the mistake of sexualising women and then feel disappointed when she doesn't reciprocate the interest. If you're such a guy who does the above then maybe you should start wearing clothes that lift up and boost your testes and knob?
 lazman102
Joined: 8/26/2014
Msg: 6
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Posted: 4/27/2019 4:52:46 PM

tight clothes that reveal T&A.....is the "nectar" that draws in the males........which is what most young and eligible women have to do in this society, if they want to be noticed................in the old days, it was flowery dresses, lip stick and hair doo's.........and even when they were less revealing..........some of them still got raped!


I'm not saying that dressing down a bit will eliminate every sicko off the face of the planet but when you push your tits out front and center, you're turning yourself into a shining beacon for the few real sickos that are out there. Do you really want to date a dude that only finds you interesting because of your fat sacks?? Yea.. It's how women get, "noticed" by perverts.. It seems to me the real issue is that women's blanket perception of men is so terrible that they feel the need to sexualize themselves just to get attention. Then we wonder why there's so many stupid men, with that mentality in our society..


I can wear whatever clothing I feel like wearing. You have not been invited, unless I say you are. I wear what I want for these reasons: to be comfortable, to be pretty, to be trendy, or what's the last thing left before laundry day. And those are the only reasons why I wear what I do. YOU do not come into my equation when I'm picking out my outfit for the day. This is the truth about girls. If I'm your wife, maybe another story on this.


I would never dare to tell another person what they can or cannot wear, but if you're going to run into a fire, wearing a paper mache dress, then don't whine to the rest of the world that you get burnt..


Ghosting, no we don't want a pic of your d*ck. Don't do it. You know why I disappear? BORING. This whole thing is boring. Messaging total strangers, trying to find common ground with someone you've never laid eyes on? I got bored. They didn't ask for a phone number or a meet, I got bored. And alot of men are not online chatters, I get it but I got bored and they did too. So what.


Obviously you don't want a D pic but I'm just saying; when you literally give guys no clue as to what they're doing wrong; some of the weaker minded ones could be seeing that as an option(or they're just insane perverts, but either way, ghosting doesn't help). As for "They didn't ask for a phone number or a meet" a lot of guys are nervous to do this because a lot of girls are the opposite of you in that respect and will ghost guys that do that. Why don't you ask them for a number? Does it have to be the guy's thing? That seems a bit on the sexist side to me.


why, why would you message someone again after they don't reply. It is desperation and desperation isn't attractive


I'm not saying that desperation should be attractive but why is it unattractive? You want guys to like you but you don't want them to show you that they're interested in you? They send you one message, you don't message back and they forget you exist. So the guy sees you as less than garbage, you were barely a consideration to him and just as quickly forgotten. That's the kinda man you want in your life? Man the logic(or lack thereof) in a lot of women's heads boggles my mind..

If I were a woman, I wouldn't even message a guy unless he sent me at least a second message. Why should I waste my time on you when I've got guys filling my inbox on a daily basis and you don't even consider me enough to send a followup message that would take 10 seconds(a minute at most) to type?


Don't tell us what to do or think. We HATE that. Same as if I was telling you what to do, don't you HATE it?


Think whatever the hell you want. I'm only offering a different point of view. If you'd rather sit there with your head in the sand and never have a second thought that some of the ways you're thinking might possibly have the slightest chance of being wrong; who am I to stop you. But I constantly see women complaining about this and that, and yet they never consider even for a second that there's a single minute detail that they could change in their own patterns, routines, behaviors .etc that could have a positive effect on our society as a whole?
I posted this on my Facebook a year or so back.
"By asking yourself why things don't work out for you then having the humility to dissect your own actions (or inactions) as the possible cause and then the conviction to force change in spite of your own pride and ideals; life can be improved 100 fold for both yourself and those around you.
Turns out I've spent my life trying to come up with solutions to fix the world around me when I could have saved so much time and headache by first fixing myself."

And to clarify, I'm not trying to push my opinions on anyone else, I'm not a politician or a religious fanatic. I would just like people to objectively ponder what I have to say so that they may also consider minor changes to fix (or better) the problem instead of only passively contributing to it.


What I actually think about you in a snap opinion, is you see all this going on and it's confusing as hell. Frustrating too. You're probably not a player, maybe a little shy and wish you had a nice girl to get a life going with. Meet them outside in the real world. Tried and true.


Admittedly I was a bit scared after that first sentence, "What I actually think about you" but you're not entirely wrong in what you say. I try to ponder the world with an air of logic, and in being the observer to a chess game that I've never had the skill(or looks) to be a real "player" in, I feel that I've noticed some things that perhaps other people have overlooked.


Er yeah, don't think it's the womans fault ever if a guy sexualises her.

Men make the mistake of sexualising women and then feel disappointed when she doesn't reciprocate the interest. If you're such a guy who does the above then maybe you should start wearing clothes that lift up and boost your testes and knob?


I think that I implied well enough in the OP, that I'm really not that type of guy. But women wear dresses that are about half an inch off of having their boobs fall outta them, then complain that people see her as a sex object? Maybe don't dress like you're trying to sell your sex, (rather than your more valuable qualities, such as personality or intelligence) and guys won't come to you looking for sex? It's the same if you're running a store, you don't put things in your storefront that you aren't selling.
Just a disclaimer, I'm only using "selling" as an example, I in no way am implying that women are trying to trade anything for currency.
Disclaimer #2: This topic thread is directed towards women but that doesn't mean that I'm blind to the errors of men (in general).
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
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Things that women get wrong..
Posted: 4/27/2019 6:44:48 PM
You implied that womens breasts are sexualised by the women themselves and not the person looking at them and thinking of sex. This is incorrect.

While some women do sexualise their bodies on purpose (think strippers, advertisers, etc) not every single woman does. And most women who do sexualise themselves do it for their own benefit and not to become public sexual property, the stripper gets paid to show herself off sexually but ultimately it's her choice who she has sex with or is intimaely sexual with, same for the advertiser, and same for the every day woman who does it maybe trying to attract someone but she won't be trying to attract everyone. Their our bodies and we can do what we want with them and give access to who we want but only with our consent.

So no. Just because you sexualise someone does not mean they are up for sex with you nor even looking for sex.

And just because women make you feel uncomfortable about showing the parts of their body that you have sexualised does not mean they should cover up. Maybe show some self restraint.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
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Posted: 4/27/2019 7:04:21 PM
Dear lazman102

It would be helpful if you could provide some definition of what is the appropriate amount of "fat sack" skin women should expose, ie 30%, 20%?? Also if you have any tips about clothing types that women should avoid, eg thin straps, backless etc, that would be useful to know.

Thanks so much for your useful advice. I'm going to print your post and keep it near my wardrobe so I can check each day that I'm not dressing in a way that encourages men to think of me sexually. I would hate to put that burden on men.

BTW, I'm thinking of starting a campaign to bring in laws that men have to wear shirts all the time, like women do. Those pecs and abs are hot hot hot and everytime I see a shirtless man, I just can't keep my eyes off him.
 LeFouGamboj
Joined: 11/17/2018
Msg: 9
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Things that women get wrong..
Posted: 4/29/2019 9:26:46 PM
Lazman says


I'm not saying that dressing down a bit will eliminate every sicko off the face of the planet but when you push your tits out front and center, you're turning yourself into a shining beacon for the few real sickos that are out there. Do you really want to date a dude that only finds you interesting because of your fat sacks??


That is a choice for the woman to make...............just like it is your choice not to get lured in by it.


It seems to me the real issue is that women's blanket perception of men is so terrible that they feel the need to sexualize themselves just to get attention.


you have to understand that there are many women (as well as men), who don't have much else to bring into a relationship.....their physical attributes (the only thing many have going for them!)...which is their only selling point!


Yea.. It's how women get, "noticed" by perverts.


Some will be pervs...and some won't, but either way....it will become their problem on how to to best sort them out.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
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Posted: 4/30/2019 9:11:48 PM
You are really blaming women for the raping that men do. What they wear etc. What a cop out. Old women get raped, children, babies get raped. It is all about power.... I wonder how many bothered to read this long diatribe... By the way your photos do you no favours.
 lazman102
Joined: 8/26/2014
Msg: 11
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Posted: 5/1/2019 3:11:03 PM

You are really blaming women for the raping that men do. What they wear etc. What a cop out. Old women get raped, children, babies get raped. It is all about power.... I wonder how many bothered to read this long diatribe... By the way your photos do you no favors.


It's a good thing that people like you only read enough of what I say to cherry pick parts and twist my words. Also, random insult to my profile pics, bonus points! You are a true intellectual!


you have to understand that there are many women (as well as men), who don't have much else to bring into a relationship.....their physical attributes (the only thing many have going for them!)...which is their only selling point!


That saddens me somewhat.. Admittedly I'd probably have abused my looks in such a way if I had the looks for it, but as Bozo there pointed out about my profile pics, I'm not exactly a looker. The only point I'm trying to make is that dressing more conservatively COULD reduce a woman's chances of getting raped. But women read that and all they see is "A man is blaming women for getting raped because of her choice in wardrobe!" Do people not actually read before commenting or does everything have to be a damn fight?
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
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Posted: 5/2/2019 9:28:39 AM

The only point I'm trying to make is that dressing more conservatively COULD reduce a woman's chances of getting raped.

If that were true, there wouldn't be rape in Arabic countries.


Men that rape really don't care what a woman is or is not wearing.

Men who don't rape, won't.
I knew a man who rescued a woman running by the side of the road - naked - and my friend picked her up, took to the authorities for help. Was he supposed to rape her because she was naked?



 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 13
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Things that women get wrong..
Posted: 5/2/2019 11:53:32 AM
I hope this guy doesn't frequent the beach.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
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Posted: 5/2/2019 2:19:41 PM

You are really blaming women for the raping that men do. What they wear etc. What a cop out. Old women get raped, children, babies get raped. It is all about power.... I wonder how many bothered to read this long diatribe... By the way your photos do you no favours.


I think it's a bit unfair to say that he's blaming women for rape here as from his initial post he made it clear it's never justified and that the fault lies with the man.
To then go on and attack someone's personal appearance I think is a bit heartless and extreme.
I think the guy just made the mistake of treading into sensitive territory here.
Unfortunately it's the culture we live in, sex sells and obviously that is going to influence people in what they choose to wear.
 wood_smell_as_sweet
Joined: 2/20/2019
Msg: 15
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Posted: 5/2/2019 2:26:28 PM
"The only point I'm trying to make is that dressing more conservatively COULD reduce a woman's chances of getting raped."

lazman102, this type of statement is very dangerous. Basically, you're giving rapists exactly what they're searching for: an excuse to be violent toward women.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 4/27/2019
Msg: 16
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Posted: 5/2/2019 8:01:44 PM
Holy misogynist Batman. I think the OP's hat is to tight
 lazman102
Joined: 8/26/2014
Msg: 17
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Posted: 5/5/2019 5:03:58 PM

lazman102, this type of statement is very dangerous. Basically, you're giving rapists exactly what they're searching for: an excuse to be violent toward women.

That's a headshaker. There is no excuse.. It's not like "You're being charged with raping this woman, now what was she wearing, oh really? Ok sir, you're free to go."

I mean really, lets not get silly here..
I've put a lot of thought into this and as to where the miscommunication may lie. I think it is in that I did not take into account, the timeline. It shouldn't really be ok for people to question what she was wearing after the fact. At that point it holds no relevance. Nor should a woman ever be at blame regardless of her choice of wardrobe. The point was never to debate the blame in said situation; it was only to assess the validity of the idea that women could reduce the risk to themselves by dressing more conservatively. Put impressing that man on second priority to your own safety. The best comparable situation is, going out late at night on your own. No one is going to tell you not to and it is a freedom that we should all have but there are always potential risks in doing so.

PS: Thank you FFS38, it's good to see that some people can look at this objectively and hold their maturity in check. .
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