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 HealthGoddess
Joined: 8/17/2015
Msg: 1
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What does it mean when you are hanging out with a guy and there is a connection, but no relationship and he talks about how "hot" other women are. He is actually too scared to have a relationship with anyone and is not having sex, he is in his early 60's and has not picked the best women. We can talk about everything and if I wasn't so tired the other night, I would have asked him this time why he is telling me about other "hot" women. Do I really care to hear this? Thanks for helping me understand this.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 2
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 8:04:31 AM
Why do you need to know why he does this, in order for you to deal with it? If these comments seem odd to you, or you don't like it, why don't you ask him.... " I'm curious, I notice that you often comment on how 'hot' other women are" why do you do this? Given that we are on a 'date' I'm not sure what to make of this".

Dating is the time to be more open, direct and honest about what is okay or not okay with you. Why buffer yourself with compliant behaviour when you risk not getting your needs met and missing out on the possibility of meeting someone who is more compatible.
 dynamicones
Joined: 2/7/2018
Msg: 3
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 8:13:52 AM
sounds like you're his wing, you're 'hanging out' you're not on a date. I don't know what this connection you speak of is, could be one sided half connection. I've dated women who themselves were hot and if I missed a hot woman passing close they'd point them out to me, my current girlfreind does this. but sounds like he see's you as a friend, a close friend perhaps that he can express himself with, but not beyond that
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 4
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 8:15:46 AM
It means he's known as NEXT.
I don't know why he told you he's scared to have a relationship, he's not having sex and he's not picked the best women (since he's sitting there with you), but he should know not to comment about other women while he's on a date.

I wouldn't bother asking why.
He's broken. I suppose you could try to fix him.
Not sure why you'd bother though.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 5
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 11:15:37 AM

What does it mean when you are hanging out with a guy and there is a connection, but no relationship and he talks about how "hot" other women are.


It means he's an idiot.


Thanks for helping me understand this.


You're welcome.
Next question.


Do I really care to hear this?


You tell me.
Do you?


He is actually too scared to have a relationship with anyone and is not having sex, he is in his early 60's and has not picked the best women.


there is a connection,


Exactly what kind of connection is there, and why would you even want one with such an individual?

Another SMH moment.
 Tru_Blue
Joined: 11/26/2018
Msg: 6
How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 12:43:13 PM
So, you hang out with him and "you" are hoping for more from him? Does he know this?
He is either trying to brag and/or send a message...he is not interested in more(with you) because he has better options.
Either way...a colossal jerk!!
Cut him loose and find someone that thinks you're "hot".
How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 1:37:53 PM
HealthGoddess, if you're just hanging out with him, maybe he doesn't know its supposed to be a date and he just thinks of you as a platonic friend. You say you have a connection with him but it sounds like its only on your end. You should either tell him you have feelings for him or end it. He is not a mind reader.
How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 1:50:14 PM
If you haven't expressed an interest in him and he hasn't expressed interest in you, he's free to talk about whatever he wants.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 9
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 1:52:59 PM
OP wrote:
hanging out with a guy and there is a connection, but no relationship and he talks about how "hot" other women are


The connection (?) being that you are hanging out buddies, drinking buddies? Are you out at the bars when he comments on other women? Sounds like he might in an oblique way be asking your opinion on these ladies, just in case you think one of them might be right for him.

No more no less. Oblivious to how it might make you feel, cuz you're a 'guy' to him~

IDK

Ask him.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 10
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/23/2019 9:47:42 PM

What does it mean when you are hanging out with a guy and there is a connection, but no relationship

You're not dating, and you're not FWB. A "connection" *you* feel doesn't = a mutual connection between you two. He talks about hot chicks, so it can't be that good.

Do I really care to hear this?

You should not mind hearing it, if it's no different than hanging out with a just-friend guy or gal.

1. If you two have been playing the Silly friends-first game, you're Just Friends (at first or forever). It's time to sh!t or get off the pot, then. You let him know you'd like to be more than just friends, and to be casually seeing each other (casual dating). It doesn't mean exclusivity, but it does mean not talking about how hot girls are or getting #s from gals when hanging out. Mutually make a decision to clear the air and establish as just-friends Or that.

2. If he's a guy you hang out with, he's a friend, but you flirt, and you feel there's some connection -- it's also time to sh!t or get off the pot. See #1.

3. If you guys did have a make-out moment once -- no, that doesn't mean you're seeing each other casually, even when hanging out (and that was just a one-time thing thanks to drinks). How he refers to hot girls when mall-watching, only makes this clear.

4. If you Did establish things on the level of casually dating, as you do in fact make out at least a little bit, virtually Every time you are out: Okay, set the record straight with him. He's being a thoughtless guy, or trying to keep the distance. Like #1, set the record straight. Because if you are casually dating, even if non-exclusive, that's a no-no.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 11
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/24/2019 1:22:41 PM

What does it mean when you are hanging out with a guy and there is a connection, but no relationship and he talks about how "hot" other women are

Are you guys just friends? If so then this would be normal. If you're friends and you're trying to step it up he needs to be aware of your feelings for him.

If this is a dating situation he doesn't respect you at all nor think of you like that. A guy would never tell him "dream girl" or all these "hot women" he's fantasizing about about other women. I once went out with a guy who couldn't stop staring at other women and making comments when we were out together. It was clear he didn't respect me, thought he could do better than me (the ole grass is greener on the other side of the pasture) and poor impulse control, all a recipe for a broken heart post by me should we continue. I cut him loose to go graze the other side of the pasture! No regrets because I respect myself and I don't allow people who also don't feel the same in my life.
 Carrolllll5858
Joined: 3/14/2016
Msg: 12
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/24/2019 2:28:01 PM
I would ask him what’s up, as in if he likes you like that. Maybe he just thinks of you as a friend, and he talks like this with his other guy friends also and thinks of you as one like that.

To be honest I would do what others here suggest which is to ask him if he likes you more than just friends or not.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 13
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/24/2019 3:38:53 PM
Hate to say it but he sees you as a friend. Maybe a friend with benefits possibility. Men don't talk about other women being hot if they want to court you. Of course in a LTR a guy might do it if you both have habit of commenting on women. Me and my gf do say stuff like that but it is like admiring animals at the zoo. But during courtship a big no no.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 14
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/25/2019 1:41:47 AM
you are in the friend zone perhaps. Does he pay for any of the outings? He probably cant perform anyway and just compensates and fantasises about the hot women he cant have. If you want more then you are wasting your time with this one. He is past it.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 15
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/28/2019 7:12:07 AM
It means you're not one of the "hot ones" he's eyeing. That doesn't mean you're not hot; he's just a filthy old codger, whom you should completely ignore.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 16
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/30/2019 9:57:13 AM
My husband and I used to love to people watch. We would go to an outdoor cafe in Harvard Sq. sip coffee and watch people. I never felt threatened when he would remark about other women being "hot" or beautiful in fact I used to point out the ladies to him that I thought were very beautiful or attractive or dressing lovely.
If you are in doubt about your stance with this man then that is a better question to ask like others have said.. ask him to clarify. I think he might just be very comfortable with you and if it is bothering you he is just unawares. I can't imagine a "friend" that would continue to do this with you if he knew it made you insecure. If he is acting deliberately perhaps you would be better off with a new friend.
How Hot other women are
Posted: 4/30/2019 12:46:44 PM
Hilarious. The woman didn't even clarify if they were actually DATING or not, yet the man is made out to be the bad guy.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 18
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 5/1/2019 10:41:18 AM
I like to look at hot people.
Everyone does.
My only issue is out with someone and getting to know them and they're looking.
You don't have to be in a relationship or even "dating". If someone takes you out
even for a first meet, is it okei to check out other hot people and make comments?
I would think both people would appreciate the attention for the person they're with.
Save the sharing about who's hotter when you know each other better.

But what do I know.
You're hot, I'm hot...we're all hot!
Well mostly all.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 19
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 5/2/2019 7:56:46 PM
It means that he's hot for teacher!
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 20
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 5/4/2019 6:43:45 AM
OP,

If you are actually dating this guy, and he keeps talking about "hot" women while on a date with you, he is a jerk.

Maybe it's why I'm still alone, but at my age, I do not have the time, inclination or patience to teach a man how to behave.
When a date says or does something really inappropriate or rude/disrespectful to me, I am done. NEXT.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 21
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How Hot other women are
Posted: 5/5/2019 9:44:12 AM
Not enough info here. If I was in a serious relationship, a FWB relationship, or I was just friends with a woman, then on occasion I would make a comment about another woman being attractive. The women I was with also made comments about another man being attractive. But I don't do that on a first or second date with a woman.
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