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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different      Home login  
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 evanism
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 3
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them differentPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
It wouldn't change the way I'd look at them in even the slightest way. Any man who would look at you different for that is not anyone you need to be with. I think most men would be blinded by your beauty and would never be able to see anything else anyway. Having a scar doesn't make you any less pretty than a scarless woman. You may have a difficult time dealing with the mental insecurities of having a scar but I couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to be with someone like you because you had a bad situation in your life that caused a physical scar.

I think you need to not even think about it. It's part of you and thats that. Don't let what you think others will think or say. I know it might be hard but you have too much going for you in the looks department a scar couldn't even begin to detract from that.

If anyone ever asks you about how it happened just tell them thats what happens when you break a chain email. That should shut them up.

Like cacadian hottie said, inner scars are far worse than any physical scar could ever be.
 aptlynamed
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 4
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 5:11:08 PM
Scars don't matter at all. You look at them to see what they look like, then you know. The beauty of the female is such that it makes the scars beautiful, too, at least in men's eyes. It would just be something special about you, one more thing to love. It also evokes a very dear sentiment; protective tenderness, concern and admiration. We all have things unique about us for someone else to love.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 5
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 5:36:43 PM
shimmer I also have scars from a brutal near fatal attack with a hunting knife and an ax. They're not really noticeable now, as it's been over 13 years, and most are covered by my clothing. The trauma unit also got a plastic surgeon to sew the slice all the way across my throat. The scar is faint, and it's a bit jagged, but I don't even notice it and I don't try to cover it with makeup. I do have a nasty scar across my left side from the knife, but I still wear a bathing suit. I also have a scar on the back of my upper arm that was stapled, s the scar is raised and if I wear a tank top, you can see it. So what, this is what I look like now. I'm lucky to be alive, and I accept this is my body as it is. My internal scars have also healed and I've become a whole stronger person again. Those scars took longer and a lot of work. Someone who survives any type of attack is a better and stronger person for going on with their life with head held high. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're less of a person or less beautiful because of an ugly thing someone did to you. You're not the only one this has happened to, although at times it feels that way. Many of us have been hurt but we've come back, lived through it and gone on. I hope by sharing this it helped somewhat. If you ever want to please feel free to email me here privately. I have no restrictions. Keep looking up and forward, and I wish you the very best.
 deejayehn
Joined: 1/8/2005
Msg: 6
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 7:26:59 PM
"When I was little, I ran into a combine blade with my left leg." - Canadian_Hottie_30

...you mean the serrated sickle sections? Did the guards poke you also? Ouch...
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 7
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 8:29:53 PM
Shimmer,

Those scares will not make one difference when you meet the right person. I got divorced at 31 years, two weeks after my ex hubby asked me for a divorce, I had to have surgery done, in which I have a scar from my belly button all the way down due to a tumor on my ovary and fallopian tube which was larger than a grapefruit. The first time I got naked, I was worried that my BF would not accept me and it would frighten him. Lucky for me, he had one of his "balls" removed, so he wasn't perfect either.

We don't live in a perfect world. Put on a bathing suit, grin ear to ear and walk out that door with your head held high! A true and good gentleman will love you just the way you are!
 HonorPrestige
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 8
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 9:29:44 PM
I think this is an interesting topic for a couple of reasons, but before I get into that, I wanted to say that is absolutely awful towards Shimmerfree77. I hope you got that ex of yours tossed in jail for that!!
Bucsgirl, that is a horrible story.
Now the reason this is interesting to me, is my sister has a 3rd degree burn mark on her leg. She is horrified by the scar that it left, and I have tried to tell her it doesn't matter. She doesn't listen though. I can't even get her to take a vacation with me to (preferably the beach) but she won't go anywhere.
I also have a friend who is going to have a mole removed soon, and is terrified already, because it is on her neck. I try and let her know that it won't be as bad as she thinks.

Personally, I lost count at over 200 stitches on my body. I have had over 60 moles removed, starting at age 10, I was in a motorcycle wreck that rock went into my knee and broke my kneecap, scars on both hands, and R elbow. Amazingly, I've been in 3 Motorcycle wrecks, 2 car wrecks, and I only have that one scar on my knee. Every other scar, I would say around 80 are from waist up. A couple on my neck, and 1 on my head. Then as if I didn't have enough scars, at one point, I was taking 26 meds a day, and they made me gain 97lbs over about 6 months. I've adjusted to the meds, and my weight has dropped by 50lbs in 2 months, but it sure looks like I'm going to be having stretch mark scars now. I'm also due to go under the knife again, in sept, and am expecting a fairly large scar on my right chest. I actually have a section on my back, that has so many scars, it has lost a lot of nerve sensory, and can withstand extreme pain, and extreme temps without me feeling it.
How do I feel about all these scars? I feel as though each one, tells a story about me. It is some type of obstacle, or a bad experience, that I have overcome. If I get real depressed, I can look in the mirror, and I can see all these scars, see how much I have been through, and yet I'm still here. They don't make me a weaker person, or less attractive person in my mind, in fact, it's quite the opposite. I feel I am a stronger person because of it. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger right?
As far as other people, and how they view them, which is a little different, since it is a woman viewing a man, and typically a man is expected, or permitted, to have more scars etc I believe. Yeah I have been asked a lot of questions, teased a lot through school, and after I was out of school. I was always playing basketball, so almost always had my shirt off. If someone is just completely rude about them, I can lay pretty good guilt trips, as my back looks as though I was shot with a shotgun. I'm also a pretty hairy guy, which I get teased about as well, but at the same time, the hair helps to covers up the scars. So I can get teased about being hairy, or go the other route and show 60+ scars all over my upper body.
A little over 2 years ago, I became disabled. That really changed my outlook on a lot of things. I fully admit, that before I was disabled, certain physical imperfections did bother me, not to the extent that I wouldn't date someone because of it, but I found myself looking at it too much, which made the other person feel uncomfortable. In reality, I was really just wondering the story behind it. To me, it seems rude to ask (IRL example) Hey, what is the story behind that scar on your neck. Not knowing if they are sensitive about it or not, and I'm too polite to risk offending them, so I would end up staring and wondering. Now, after being disabled, I think a scar? who cares? does a scar really effect the person inside? I know that it can, but it's usually only untill something happens to them in life, that transforms thier mind, and thier perspective, on things. Once they get over the scar, usually they are a better person because of it. They would be a lot less likely to judge another in a similiar circumstance. If they are dating someone who is sensitive about his/her scars, and that person has scars as well, it really can make the sensitive person a lot more comfortable.

Ok, I'd like to ask a little question, you don't have to answer here, but answer in your mind. Twin brothers or twin Sisters, identical in every way. Standing side by side. 1 has perfect skin, no scars, marks, bruises moles etc, the other has several smalls scars, or scrapes/brusies beauty marks etc. Without knowing anything about them, strictly judging by physical looks. You had to choose 1 to spend a week with on a road trip, so you are forced to be close to each other. Who would you choose to take that 7 day trip with?

Me, I'd go with the scars, bumps, bruises etc. Simply because if for no other reason then it is at least a conversation topic, that depending on the 2 people involved, can pass quite a lot of time. Also, from personal experience, those that are scarred up, typically have the better personality IMO. They have already been forced to understand that life is hard, it's not fair. They already know that they aren't 100% perfect, and that they know they won't find someone who is 100% perfect. They are more open to try out a relationship that may seem iffy to the perfect bodied one. In my opinion, once you understand, that you will not find a perfect woman/man, you will have more success in finding someone who won't be perfect, but they may be perfect for you.

So after all this rambling, (it's midnight, and I'm home alone and bored lol) in short. To me, No it does not make me look at them any different. Of course, there is always an exception, but thats more based upon physical disfigurement for me, and not a type, location, or amount of scars.

Don't hide your scars, be proud of them, be proud of what you have overcame.

Ben
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 10
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 10:23:32 PM
When I came home after 4 days in the hospital with tape and bandages everywhere to my parent's house, and they had taken the stitches out, that was one of those moments frozen in time. I looking in the mirror and for me it was my throat. My sister had gone shopping with me and got me a scarf to tie around my neck. Which I did, for that day, but I so remember leaning over the bathroom sink after peeling off the bandage. And yes I will admit to an aspect of vanity. I'd always worked out taken care of my body, for me. I wanted to look good for me. And I'd worked hard at it. At that time the scar has less than a week old and there were ends of stiches sticking out and honestly it was just short of hideous. I was going to church to see my friends who were just happy that I was alive. And yeah, I looked at my neck a lot in the first months or year. I'd lean over the sink and tweezer an end of a suture. Sorry not trying to gross anyone out, but the ends of stiches after they removed them across the width of my throat, there's not much skin there, so the stiches work their way out. I could feel then coming out as the new skin was growing underneath. I bought the good tweezers with the sharp point and I'd just get them and pull them out. My scar healed great, thank God for the plastic surgeon they brought in to stitch my neck and I heard it from somewhere cant remember who or where, but it was over 125 stitches inside and outside. They did a great job. If you met me and we sat down and talked you would never know. I do have other more visible scars, but I just say oh well..first time I wore my french cut bathing suit with the sides out, to where the scar above my kidney is visible. This is what my body looks like. This is the way i look after surviving and living through something beyond a nightmare. I can accept that, I got to come home to a loving family, be able to raise my children to adulthood. Before this happened, I never had a stitch EVER in my body or a broken bone. Big deal so what, something happened and this is what I look like now. It's never held me back or prevented me in any way from doing and achieving most of what I desired. The only reason I haven't done everything I desired is because my list is way too long, it would take 10 lifetimes for that. Suffice to say I've done more since the attack than I ever thought possible, not in spite of it because of it. Not a survivor, but an overcomer. I took that strength and still draw on it, that's my motivator, my quiet stream that I draw strength from to this day.
 BarnBabe
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 11
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 12:29:32 AM
Woohoo scar comparisons! I wanna play!

I've never had a guy have any problems with any of my scars. Most people have one or two somewhere on them anyway. I even have one on my face (it's small and I've had plastic surgery to make it smaller) on my chin. I also have several on my legs, my right hand has lots from various dog bites, and my biggie is a pacemaker scar on my chest. I still wear tank tops and am perfectly open about it. Guys don't seem to have problems with these things, though at first I thought I'd be seen as "damaged goods"

For those stories I read... wear them with pride sisters!!! You survived! Badges of courage, all of them and if a guy doesn't like it, then move on. You don't want a shallow idiot who only cares about looks do you?
 azblueskies57
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 12
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 6:57:28 AM
Hey scars are life. It's the other things you do to your body that deface it, not scars. I dislike tats way more than scars!

Just me
 Shake Me
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 13
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 7:21:59 AM
those scars wouldn't bother me one bit

I would buy you the skimpiest itty bitty bikini I could find

say "put this on" and lets hit the beach

I would go butt naked to help you feel more secure

...you better not laugh at my weenie either
 callendargirl
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 14
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 7:26:38 AM
isn't it amazing how we can all turn something around to focus on ourselves? Not that I dont feel for everyone here, and I appreciate you sharing .I could say similar things, talk about my body scars b but somehow, I think that we have forgotten that this is about Shimmer! Shimmer, concentrate on your attributes, your love of life, the great person you know that you are ! Everyone of us on this planet has something that we dont like about ourselves and its amazing that it is always physical! Rarely will you find someone who will say, that they don't like their sense of humour , or their kindness! it is always something that THEY feel others see, Honestly, that is not what people see If you have a good and loving heart, be proud, that is the important part that makes 'Shimmer' the person.b
 shadowgirl58
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 15
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 8:56:01 AM
Imperfections are only just that-minor compared to the real person inside the temple.
I have been blessed with little tiny scars here and there-not so sure if I was accident prone or not-but I have tiny scars that were inflicted. Now-if a person judges you by the cosmetic differencs or accidental or/physical abusive scars they are not much of a person now are they?
The battle wounds are well earned in our hearts..now If I were a man-I don't think like one so this is hard-I would understand that no one is flawless-but if the wounds were self inflicted/destructive that may make a diff. I once was late for work as the man I was married to had thrown hot coffee all over me-now it didn't scar physically and I had to heal emotionally and not dwell on it it had ruined my uniform- and I almost lost my job for being late=-we as people have to like a person for better reasons then appearances..don't you worry about that-if a fellow looks at you like you were an alien or scarred and refuse to acknowledge any feelings on account of this-he can go back to the rock he crawled out from under.
 gtxblueyes
Joined: 1/4/2005
Msg: 16
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 9:14:25 AM
Shimmer,
I once knew a woman who was burned 3rd degree, when she was a child when her house coat caught fire. I though about the pain she must have had as a child, but as to the relationship, did not hurt a bit, the beauty of the person did not make me think of it a bit.
 Mean Jeanne
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 17
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 9:32:51 AM
scars are a fact of life to MANY people. I wear mine proudly as evidence of my life experiences....they are as much a part of me as any other body part! I had open heart surgery at age 13 which left a large scar running right down the middle of my chest just as I hit puberty. Then I had two catherizations which left scars on my right forearm and left leg. Next came the pregnancy which gave me those lovely stretch marks as well as the scar from my C-section. Most recently I had an umbilical hernia and had to have it repaired. You guessed it! A new scar on my belly button! Ha ha ha!
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 18
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 4:45:06 PM
I don't think anyone who cares about you will even see those marks. There is alot more to being perfect than just looks. A beautiful heart goes alot farther than looks will ever carry you. As far as your personal feelings about the scars, that's something you need to change. Nobody can do that for you.
 paddlergal
Joined: 5/8/2005
Msg: 19
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If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 5:21:58 PM
This has to be one of the most mature and well written threads I have read on this site. Kudos to all the posters for their warmth, honesty and sensitivity.

A person's scars ( and as they age, their laughter lines) tell the story of their lifes, embrace them and the person owning them. The messages in this thread could also hold for other situations too, something to read and ponder...
 SkyWaffle
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 20
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 5:50:25 PM
Depends on where the scars are. If they are on the parts I'm usually looking at anyway it wouldn't change a thing.
 shadowgirl58
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 21
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 5:50:37 PM
I agree with HOnor Prestige here..all the way 100%


you know My mom has been contributing to the veterans since 19723-I just found out-wow

It doesn't matter what battle wounds you bear-just with pride you should wear.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 22
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 6:04:12 PM
paddergal Thanks for that wonderful touching post. You're so right this has been a great thread it's nice to see people with warmth and compassion and understanding. I'd also like to add my thanks to the OP and all who posted here. Your kind words have truly warmed my heart. This is one of the things that makes POF such a worthwhile place to be. Sometimes we get to see people at their best, and that's always a good thing. God bless you all.
 pastagirl
Joined: 7/5/2005
Msg: 23
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/20/2005 5:52:04 AM
poor thing......your scars are on the outside not inside. you are beautiful the way you are. i had lung surgery and have a nasty scar on my chest. i say so what.......the man will love you for who you are. please please get over the scar thing. i have my faith and i am a very confident woman. if they don't like what we look like then go on to somebody who appreciates you. God Bless you

ciao

judy
 am70sguy
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 24
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If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/20/2005 8:53:46 AM
Shimmer, battle wounds are sexy, if sad in how they were acquired. Anybody that can't get past that isn't worth a damn, it is a part of the total you.

At least forewarn them though if they are big enough to be an attention getter, that will save awkward sudden surprises.
 NaptizzleChic
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 26
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/20/2005 3:57:05 PM
hey, i'm in the same boat, i got in a bad car accident last october and broke my upper femur (the bone in your thigh) and i've had like 4 surgeries since then.....i have 3 scars down the side of my leg (all about 2 in long) and theyre really disgusting...........but i have very long lean/in shape legs, actually all of my life people (especially men) have complimented me on them.

one night i was complaining about it to my boyfriend and his friend dave was there and he told me to "wear them like i aint never wore anything before, those are your "war wounds" it shows the true colors of you and everything you've been through"..........i gave it some thought, and to be honest if you think with a positive attitude about it, it wont seem that bad, and some ppl may not even notice (hard to believe TRUST ME I KNOW)
 irishangel72
Joined: 7/16/2005
Msg: 27
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/20/2005 4:04:03 PM
I totally undertand how you feel. I have had a few surgeries that have left me with scars, all can only be seen under clothing. Most men have not had any issue with it. I am very honest about it up front, one guy here did tell me he was no longer interested in me after he found out about my scars. He said that marks on a woman's body such as scars and stretch marks creep him out, my first thought was "Why the heck did you email a 32 year old mother of 2 instead of a 20 year old then?" LOL Better off to know that up front. Hey if a man cannot accept all of me 100% then we probably should not be together.

Thanks for sharing your story, I know how hard it is to feel "different" or "less desirable" because we have scars but what I have found is that is our feelings and not 99% of the men out there.
 am70sguy
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 28
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If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/20/2005 4:44:40 PM
Actually, you could help us guys out by wearing something low enough to reveal the scars. When you growl at us that we are looking at your boobs, we can deany it claiming we were just checking out your scars.
 ladydi8
Joined: 1/31/2005
Msg: 29
If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/21/2005 7:30:28 PM
if i was ta run into a feller who didnt have any scars by tha time he was close ta my age.....well, shootfire but i'd prolly toss him back in cuz he hadnt lived enuff!

an fer tha dude that posted about facial scars.....let me tell ya somethin brother...as a child,
i had 18 stitches from a facial dog bite....looked like tha child of frankenstien growin up...an at 16 i was a ringling bros showgirl, (high school graduate at 15) and by 18 i was modelin makeup.......in my 30s i did live an canned tv shows for cypress gardens theme park.....an nope i never had cosmetic surgery fer it..........i just adjusted my attitude... worked wonders, it did!

tha rest of me is covered in scars too..after all i was an exotic animal trainer fer quite a few years, specializin in raptors and reptiles, had 3 kids, two bouts with cancer, 5 surgeries with tha cancer, and survived bein beaten and burnt on over 30% of my body during an attack, and even a 22 hollow point to tha stomach..an out my back...yeah i gotta few scars...they come in handy when ya play connect tha dots

an my latest bathin suit...well my 22 year old daughter borrowed it yesterday....its a bright red & white bikini that is so skimpy i gotta pull it up in tha back so my crack dont show....hahaha....but i figger i am gettin a lil old ta be wearin thongs....
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