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Posted By: Refuse2GrowUp on 8/22/2005 10
Subject: Genital Herpes
Question: How would YOU view a prospective sexual partner informing you of their issue, and how would you handle the situation?
Well they would no longer be a prospective make-out partner let alone sexual partner
I don't care about misconceptions and the fact that it won't kill you like other STDs can, I still think it is nasty and wouldn't want to catch a case of it... even coldsores creep me out
I remember seeing the pictures in some of my mom's medical nursing books (I used to try and gross out my friends with the pictures as a kid)and then again when I was in college and was taking some anatomy/physiology and other bio related courses I got to see some more of the outbreaks... sure the books I saw pictures of had rather bad cases, not everyone gets it that bad and outbreaks aren't usually all that often but if there is that chance.. I certainly would not be interested anymore...
I'd say.. friends.. ok.. but nothing more
The closest I would have come to that was when I was a teenager and got chickenpox.. that was enough for me.. I don't want something similar in the more sensitive areas among the other things the virus does... I like the fact I never get sick and would hate to catch something like that that can spring up on you at any time.. catch a little too much sun.. have a stressful week at work.. etc... and pow there it is again..
Posted: 8/23/2005 7:38:13 PM
|don't think the prevalence is as high as 1 in4, although it might be that within a large city...but even so, if a person is nice enuff to disclose it then its up to the other partner as to what the next step should be.|
not having this infection, i would have to decline and probably end the relationship as much as it may hurt!....why, because it is an incurable condition, and eventually it can be passed over!!!........you can choose to take the risk but then what if your relationship fails for whatever other reason, all you will be left with is an unpleasant reminder of what you reaped.
each one will have to decide how valuable one's state of health is!
Posted: 8/23/2005 8:25:18 PM
condoms don't fully protect you against contracting the herps during the shedding phase!!..the parts not covered by the condom can become ports of entry!
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:05:45 PM
|Of course it is responsible for one to let the other know if you have Herpes and to discuss all the pro's and con's of what you have and what you can or can not do. It is a disease like many others and not one that if you touch a doorknob that a person with herpes touched that you will get it....for gods sake!!!! |
If you care about yourself and the one you want to be with....you will both be tested for everything....and talk about all you know and have and be respectful towards each other. The only true way not to get anything is to never have sex on any level at any time.....and does that not seem a little backwards and stupid?
Since one in four women have herpes and one in five men have it, it seems only natural that you would discuss it and your choices as you would with any other disease that your partner could or could not receive by sharing body fluids with you on all levels in all places and at all times.....
Just my opinion.....and I respect each woman who has shared that with me first and let me make that decision on my end.....
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:44:46 PM
|Here is a response from one of the last herpes threads and what Babs said then and I responded to her.....by the way...she is one of the best on here with thinking and saying her mind and I respect her much....|
What gets me is that people are so frikkin worried about genital herpes and post lewd and disgusting posts on a thread where their opinions aren't appreciated.
Thank God that has been erased.
Remember too that oral herpes is just one different strain from gential herpes and if your partner has HSV-1 on their mouth, you CAN VERY WELL get it yourself - even genitally.
I've had cold sores since I was about 7. That was the earliest I remember. I know that this can happen to my partner if I'm not careful and feel that 'tingling' on the corner of my mouth. Do I expect to be dumped for it? Noooo. So why still the stigma about genital herpes?
I know THREE PEOPLE who got genitlal herpes by their selfish prick-of-a-person partner who never gave them the chance to DECIDE how they would safeguard themselves from it.
I know TWO PEOPLE who got it from oral-genital stimulation (and no, I never gave it to anyone, lol).
Did you also know that HSV-1 genitally is the most prevalent way of getting genital herpes these days?
Remember that when you are dating someone with a cold sore. And if you want to cut out your dating prospects of people who carry either strain (BTW, you can also get HSV-2 orally), you're looking at removing over 85% of the total population who either has oral OR genital cold sores from your dating pool.
One more thing, up to 40% of those who have gential herpes (either hSV-1 or 2) do not know they even have it. So it isn't always a case of withholding information from a partner.
It's time we wake up and stop with the puritan attitudes and discuss these things openly.
Way to go girl.....you are the best......
Maybe if we all would just take the time to talk and go slow enough to let our minds rule and not our genitals.....that we could control more of this.
Instead of getting upset and mad about being asked to share and getting a blood test......we should all make it just one more thing to do when dating and wanting a relationship that involves sex. I know that having oral sex can transmit many things too, both for males and females, yet many do it without thinking at all. I do not want it to get to the point in my life that I have to wear a condom for oral sex and vaginal sex, and kissing condoms, and and and!!!! What I want is open communications and honesty and then having a relationship that continues that way with just that one person......is that asking too much?
I am one of the lucky ones who is STD free and it has been both education and honesty and yes some caring and luck too...but it can be done and your partner is just that....yours....so treat them with respect and the honesty that you would want and deserve.....
Posted: 8/25/2005 7:51:36 PM
|If someone told me that, I would seriously run in the other direction!!!!! I want nothing to do with venereal diseases!!!|
Posted: 8/26/2005 12:33:58 AM
|I never knew that about the cold sores on the mouth being a form of herpes.I had heard that it could be but didn't realize that basicly all cold sores are herpes and that oral to genital could cause genital herpes on a person even if the giver didn't have genital herpes.I read up on it though and it seems it's true.Also any warm moist contact with an infected are such as making out,laying together naked and sweating.Though with such ease of aquiring an infection it's not suprising that the numbers are so high.I'm pretty much a risk taker though.And if the fear of aids doesn't make me celibate then the fear of herpes sure isn't gonna.|
Posted: 8/26/2005 7:19:47 AM
So nice to see you again and listen to your knowledge....
OT.....When you care about someone enough to want to be intimate, it only makes sense to be open and honest and talk. Why hide things from another that you care about enough to make love to them? I truly respect those women who share all with me about themselves before we decide to get that close and personal, and I share with them.....only way to be in my opinion.
Education and testing is just part of the dating scene now and should not be looked at in any other way, other than responsible actions taken by caring people....for themselves and for the ones they want to be with on that level.
Posted: 8/26/2005 3:14:44 PM
|This is a very misunderstood topic and it is very terrific to see that some ppl have actually done the research and know what they are talking about. HPV can be controlled to a certain level with stress management, diet and excersize. Did you know that excessive amounts of chocolate can trigger outbreaks? It contains an enzime argininne (sp) that in high amounts can trigger an outbreak.|
I'm glad that the woman chose to tell this gentleman about her condition. It is not easy to do and there is absolutely no shame in it. I'm sure most of you have had a cold sore at one time or another (as the statistics show).
Babs... thanks for being so on the ball with the information!
Posted: 9/25/2005 9:53:50 AM
|Interesting discussion...and as some said they didn't think it was as common as others mentioned, here are some statistics from a quick search on Google: |
Prevalence and incidence statistics for Genital herpes: (see also prevalence and incidence page for Genital herpes)
Prevalance of Genital herpes: 67 million people (NIAID)
Prevalance Rate: approx 1 in 4 or 24.63% or 67 million people in USA [about data]
Incidence (annual) of Genital herpes: 500,000 new cases annually; 1 million annual cases (CDC 2001)
One in four adults have herpes.
There are approximately one million new cases of herpes each year.
I think anyone sexually active, or contemplating doing so, should not be ignorant about anything that may affect them and could affect others. Because herpes is often undiagnosed and people don't know they have it, it's spread much quicker than most STD's. Luckily, it isn't going to kill anyone; there are much more deadly things one can get than herpes. According to some of the information I looked at, some people can think it was given to them by the last person they were with, when it could have been given to them by someone from a long time prior; this is because some people never have symptoms, or don't show them until a long time later. It's not hard to see why this has spread so far or so fast.
As I'm not going to be intimate with someone until I know them well, and know that we both want to try and make our relationship work, I wouldn't think our conversations about sexual past/health would come into the picture until we knew we wanted to take the relationship further; but maybe some people discuss this earlier such as the first tiem they meet; I don't know; it's been a while since I've been in the dating world ;)...but once the topic did come up, if this person told me they had herpes but we definitely had chemistry, cared about each other, had a good relationship otherwise and were looking to make something long term out of it, I can't see how their having herpes could dispel the chemistry, caring, or other good aspects of the relationship.
Posted: 9/25/2005 7:05:50 PM
|I'm deleting a lot here....I'm 40ish, divorced, we dated a few times, she is very pretty and had a hysterectomy 6 months ago, so I thought she would be perfect lover, She came over to my house, we laid on the bed and she said, "now is probably the time to tell you I have Herpes". Other guys brushed her off. I wore a condom, couldn't get a hard on....really really liked this girl...READ UP ON HERPES...I spent $200 for complete herpes test and $98 for 8 viagra tabs and condoms, |
I love the woman. I think the Dr. said it was "reasonably" safe to have unprotected sex if she wasnt "shedding". There is some chance, but cheapo online sites have little detailed info.
I aint getting any younger..If I do get herpes, there is 25% of the female population who will be interested. What would I do if I was 20 or 30? probably get a hard on easier and wear a condom!
Posted: 9/25/2005 7:55:31 PM
|A lot of people are making light of this IMO. Someone said it was the equivalent of a genital cold sore. I know a girl that has this and it can be extremely painful during an outbreak. She also had to have all three of her children c-section to prevent spreading it to the babies as they came out of the birth canal. It never goes away, people!! True, it isn't as bad as syphilis, which destroys your brain, or HIV/AIDS, which does a whole lot more, but it never goes away! Just please remember that those of you who might think it's harmless.|
Posted: 9/26/2005 6:50:07 AM
|first of all...there are medications on the market that can prevent outbreaks. Valtrex being one of them. If taken daily you can be outbreak free for years. If taken during an outbreak it can reduce the time of the outbreak by half. ALthough these blue pills are rather expensive...It's well worth the investment. Having had oral herpes for all my life I am well aware of what is out there. So her telling you was a great start to a relationship. She's being open & honest, making herself vulnerable to you. I'm sure it was hard for her to tell you so soon in the relationship. most people wouldn't have.|
As for those of you who are talking about Hell no I wouldn't chance getting an std etc....chances are...you've had one & not known about it. There are so many nasty things out there & most can be symptomless. so please...stop being so ignorant. You people are the reason it spreads.
Posted: 9/26/2005 6:51:57 AM
|oh & abstaining during an outbreak is the ONLY thing to do. I won't even kiss my man when I have a coldsore. Won't visit my nephew if I have one either. Because I care about them & don't want them to have to go through the discomfort. Although its extremely hard not to kiss the ones you love....you do it because you love them.|
Posted: 9/26/2005 1:51:55 PM
|I have heard that from 10-20% of all people have this.|
I am one of the ones who doesn't, and I would really like to stay that way.
I guess maybe if I was head over heels, crazy in love and she felt the same...
I might risk it and stay with her.
But she would have to be a heckuva catch.
Posted: 9/26/2005 4:57:19 PM
are you guys for real??
anything that has the word disease in it doesn't leave room for trade offs... who the hell weighs the consequences of what disease is tolerable and what isn't??
i know alot of nice people with tuberculosis... but i'm not gonna go suck their face off just because there is a latency period.
if you are that desperate wouldn't you rather pick something lower maintenance like crabs?
I'm not trying to flame here, but...what would you do if your loved one had cancer? That's a disease. Would you simply walk away from them? Comments made in ignorance, when one doesn't know anything about a disease, is simply...ignorant.
If it's not something that can kill one, and one loves/cares for the person, then it's up to them to decide what works for them. But before they run like a rabbit, they should learn something about it, and they should also credit the person for telling them about it.
Posted: 9/26/2005 5:01:04 PM
|>>what would you do if your loved one had cancer? That's a disease. Would you simply walk away from them? |
A flawed analogy.
Cancer is not contagious, much less sexually transmitted.
>>If it's not something that can kill one, and one loves/cares for the person, then it's up to them to decide what works for them. But before they run like a rabbit, they should learn something about it, and they should also credit the person for telling them about it.
Astonishingly, I agree with you on that.
Posted: 9/26/2005 5:18:06 PM
A flawed analogy.
Cancer is not contagious, much less sexually transmitted.
The poster stated that: "anything that has the word disease in it doesn't leave room for trade offs" - they didn't say anything about contagious or not, and I won't assume they only meant conagious ones; that's why I asked. Though I have to wonder what happens when his mate gets the flu ;) Does he help take care of them, or disappear until they're better?
Also, herpes can be transmitted through other means than sex. While they say it can live only a short time once air hits it, they're not certain about that. But...if one has open blisters - which can appear on any part of the body - and they come into contact with another person who has an area of broken skin, they can become infected. Say one has them on their hands, and they shake someone's hands - the second person has a cut on his hand...if the blisters on the first person's hands are oozing, the second person has a chance of becoming infected. Primary reasons that it's spread so far and so fast is because many people are asymptomatic; they don't know they have it - and even if they're using a condom, that soesn't always ppotect them; also, some people don't tell their partners they have it. The best thing people can do is know who you're with, get tested, practice safe sex, and get educated.
If anyone wants to learn more (always better to be safe than sorry) I posted some links earlier in this thread and here's another one http://www.herpes.org/
Posted: 9/26/2005 5:34:03 PM
|I met a woman who had herpes,I have smypathy for the way she said she contracted it.However,my CHOICE was NOT to continue dating her. I think she is a nice person,but I LOVE my would NOT want to knowingly put him in danger Ok, I know that is making light of the situation.....yet it is poking fun at the truth. I am responsible for my choices.Safer sex to me means COMMON SENSE(wait,observe,ask alot of questions early,including sexual history ) and Condoms.|
Posted: 9/26/2005 5:53:13 PM
I met a woman who had herpes,I have smypathy for the way she said she contracted it.However,my CHOICE was NOT to continue dating her. I think she is a nice person,but I LOVE my would NOT want to knowingly put him in danger Ok, I know that is making light of the situation.....yet it is poking fun at the truth. I am responsible for my choices.Safer sex to me means COMMON SENSE(wait,observe,ask alot of questions early,including sexual history ) and Condoms.
Yep, it's everyone's choice to make for themselves; I would just hope people would be informed on ANY subject before making a decision. Also, I think sometimes we think we know what we might do in a given situation, but when we are actually put into that situation, we can make a different decision. It's only common sense to not want to catch anything that can be deadly (such as AIDS), uncomfortable (such as Herpes), etc., but only abstinence will make one 100% sure of not catching anything. If one has sex, and doesn't know your partner, don't use protection, haven't tried the tests to begin with, and think 'it can't happen to you' then one is taking their chances. But if I had to choose, I'd rather catch something that wouldnt kill me...and I'm not poking fun or making light of it; just saying, I'd rather be uncomfortable than dead. ;)
Also, with regard to common sense, condoms, etc. unfortunately, some people are infected and don't know it because years ago they came into contact with it when they weren't using common sense and condoms, and they never had an outbreak...so they unknowingly infected someone else. The last lin kI posted talks about this, among many other informative points. The viral culture is the best test - but it gets a lot of false positives and you have to have an outbreak to get a viral culture. That leaves out those who have never had an outbreak. The PCR DNA test a better, but many people don't get tested because they don't think they need to...and the test is not routinely available. Some blood tests may not show anything for 3 months; so someone could unknowingly be going around infecting others, and one, the western blot test, may be pretty accurate but not always. This is all information from that last link.
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:20:02 PM
What I was informed by a doctor was that testing for gentital Herpes was a big "iffy". Tests are generally very unacurate unless they take a smaple of when you break out. And what happens if you never do? It's a real toughy. No wonder why they say so many people have it.
That's one problem...it is iffy...even when they do take a sample during a breakout...the main problem is, the virus that causes herpes also causes many other things, including chicken pox...one site stated there are 6 (or 7) different strains, but most people only worry about the 2 strains that get all the attention...while all of the strains fall into the same category...uncomfortable, contaigious, can't kill you, but something that no one wants if they can help it...and the tests generally don't test far enough to check the strain; you have to ask that it be done...and what happens to someone who gets a false positive result and makes themself nuts about it, only to find out later that the test was wrong? It is no wonder so many have it.
Posted: 9/26/2005 11:18:26 PM
how would you handle the situation?
id go out and buy a can of acetone...
Posted: 9/27/2005 12:18:41 AM
|Scarlett...I'm so glad things turned out well for you...that can be a scary experience...I've had abnormal pap smears before; it's always heart-clutchingly scary when they say you need to come back in 6 months to get it checked again. |
No one ever tells you that abnormal smears can be due to an infection or an inflammation such as those caused by yeast infections, recent sexual activity, contraceptives, or use of vaginal preparations, so you always think the worst. I have a history of ovarian cysts, mainly got them when I was in my 20s-30s; another reason some of my pap tests could have been abnormal; as I haven't had any cysts since my 30s nor an abnormal smear since then, I'd say the dr is probably right. But it sure scared the heck out of me anyway!
Best of luck to you!
Posted: 9/27/2005 12:44:41 PM
|>>i didn't blow anyone!!|
You aren't exactly helping your chances of getting a date by admitting this.
Posted: 9/27/2005 7:18:36 PM
|>>umm admitting that i have a cold sore? |
LOL, no! I meant admitting that you haven't blown anyone is probably hurting your chances
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