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Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 1
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a place for us novices...Page 1 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
i will bore some to tears; i apologise in advance.
i wanted a place for us novices...
if there are anymore than just me here...

i soo love the moon, the stars, the sky,
the sun in all her glory!
she tells him breathlessly; excitedly
her eyes shining, her mouth open
full lush lips wet with anticipation
wanting yet failing to adequately display
her sincere appreciation
of the heavens, of infinity

what do you know of the moon?! he demands of her

she looks at him in disbelief
she hesitates, unusual for her;
is he for real, she ponders
can he possibly truly not know?!

ahh, the moon!
the silvery golden light
pale luminescent bright
in the velvet blue cloak of the sky
which unfolds like a royal carpet above endlessly

ohh the moon
rotating spinning around us
as we go about our drudgery, unfeelingly on our planet
in our routines, our banal existance
for what is our importance;
compared to this, the best artist's palette known

ah, but the sky; she makes me giddy
and yes, drunk even, just to gaze upon
it's beauty

here caste and class system matters not
for all may wonder at any and all of life's intricacies
as we stare; mesmerised

inexplicably, for i understand not
what the tug, the pull, the drawing to
of this bautiful orb suspended in our skies
high above; yet not soo far
just far enough out of reach
yet close enough to be felt; magic

thanks for reading;
someone sent me the lovliest prose tonight!
so much so that it inspired me
to tap this out from my heart
into my fingers then onto the keys,
bidding you farewell; for now
so long since we spoke
and again, now, till next time!
good nacht, still nacht,
be well my friends, known and not yet known!
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 2
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/25/2005 1:16:54 AM
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 3
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/25/2005 5:57:31 PM
Oh crap, now I've got to go looking for that Moonflower again.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 4
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 11:36:48 AM
i wonder why we cannot simply agree to disagree?
i aspire to the hope that differences make us all unique and special in our own right.
culturally we i believe we are more alike than different.
having experienced and lived in other countries i have found that they are just that;
neither better or worse; only different!

having endured memories of having my mouth taped shut
with duct tape all round my little baby head; i know all too well
the value of freedom of speech and expression.

sure i can be a cheeky monkey; can't we all?!
i dislike flaming, and seeing others chase round each others in forums
soley to discredit or flame; that i feel isn't good.
live and let live; post and let post.
if someone says something i disagree with i have learned
to pick and choose my battles; and sometimes find it best to ignore
and seek another forum to enlighten myself or play in.

POF gives us all rights and expects us to be fair to others and honor other's values.
it is up to us as individuals to respect and value other's expression and creativity.
if not, don't we all lose?

Godspeed to all except the mean people, whom we all know: suck!
and not in a good way!
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 5
a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:17:58 PM

Godspeed to all except the mean people, whom we all know: suck!

I haven't been on here long enough to identify the "meanies" but I was lately on a site where there were a few who sought to make themselves stand out by demeaning or diminishing others. The way to deal with them, I found, is not to respond. It drives them nuts!
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 6
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:25:28 PM
thank you for all your kind words. i find myself putting together here some of my musings; please, post freely here whatever you feel inspired to.

dear God! is it?
deep intake of breath here.
tell me please it ain't so.

or tell me it is,
as once i believed not in fairy tales.
it is only after i left; and twice at that;
that my soul could sort and see and know
that even yet through my tears
yes, yes, if but we believe,
only because you taught me so.

color fades and dreams twist indeed,
hands are washed sometimes without need.
encrypted encyptions figured out alas too late
years ago flying over oceans sealed that fate.

days and months turn to years
no longer ashamed to cry real tears-
chasing tails in circles
living empty lives it seems.

oh reality yes she is harsh, but it's not her fault
she rings true and she rings strong
who could guess it'd take this long?!

demons slain and forgiven you
can you not feel this deep within?
how can you not know
those "boys" were always worth it, so
remember me, i'd never lie
i tried at the end to let it die

unable to cope, unable to know
i began the task of moving ahead
not knowing it meant falling behind
most strongly felt in my heart and mind

whirling, twirling, racing, flying
my soul from depths weary of crying.
please in your heart take it back to our sunny days
you and i together forever, never to have been torn apart
for i remember you, yes daily still, smiling, beaming, soaring and flying.

timeless, weightless, comfort and deepest of nightmares~
all for naught? oh, but no, she spans all years
and for all veritas.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 7
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:26:03 PM
where nightfall abides for some hope does not.

where nightfall abides sometimes lives are lost, or rather, taken.

where nightfall abides and where for some dreams once flourished
hopes have died along with courage, love and faith.

where nightfall abides yes, salacious dreams can come true
while danger may also lay; but bad can happen even during the day.

where nightfall abides therein i pray
for so much of the bad in the world to go away.

where nightfall abide i hold not the keys to make it stop
so much many of us think and do is all for naught.

where nightfall abides there is tonight the suffering of many.

sleep evades me because of today's most disturbing news.
more barbarism took place, more lives were taken too soon.
my condolences and my apologies.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 8
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:26:54 PM
gardens of yesterdays seemed like.
hawaiian beaches, sand, intense sun, palm trees.
for 3 years life was but a dream.
lifelong friendships were formed,
memories too when there i first fell in love with you?
we were young, in love with our forest of love
days on the beach, nights spent in heaven
such time as not yet been revisited.
but i am grateful for those first three years.

oh, but then work took you away
to the middle east, to analyze
the world's movements astray.
gone for more than a few years,
but then you came back,
together we planted our garden for each other anew.
it was lush, it was full, it completed us both
is was bigger than us, became the forest of our foundation.

then, for three more year's passage
to another beach home with different climate,
across an ocean, in faraway spain,
with all it's own names.
work for you was like a forest with 18 hour grueling days
day's solitude for me was a place
to find myself painting, writing and walking in time
there our forest turned into a garden again
how could it not, with cliffs and vistas
so beautiful, images brought tears
to my newly opened eyes.
the forests were plentiful spread upon terra firma,
wineries, bodegas and comforts everywhere
the land far and wide we explored
something new and different each time.

in three years touring we took many trips
day's worth of driving, with carved hiking sticks.
which was more fulfilling, the journey or arrival?
oh but both, most assuredly!
for the forrest was real
green, earthy and musky scented
so thick we couldn't see the
light of day or the sky
but we saw in each other
auras in our expansive eyes.

mushrooms and toadstools
through the murky earth's floor.
the flowers and tangled vines artistically
created as only nature can do,
randomly, perfectly, some still covered
with dew; peculiarly shaped, running askew
scented exotically, we inhaled deeply
and were grateful, too.
stopping at taverns for light foods,
libations, to rest~
to talk and to smile, to entangle
our bond like the fronds and vines.

then driving one day ruins were found
after much searching, for we knew they were there
that's why we had come this way.
amazing they were, in the forest so far
larger in size than can be imagined
but they must be remembered
for one to but fathom.

then a day came again,
to board another plane, to fly across sea,
across lands, stopped only in the azores
till the plane again swooped from the earth
taking us together to homesoil.

yet another ocean, much land, and some years
found us in southern california,
home of both our birthrights
to endure till once we were settled,
and work was done for a bit.
a trip to asia, another trip of a lifetime
to step into a forest we again ourselves found.
so dense, not a foot into it and not to be seen
a kimodo dragon, reptilian and large
ended that hike, and then into town
snake skins on rolls so long i shuddered.
this forest was similiar only in it's differences.
three more glorious adventurous years!
bliss, and our forest of love grew stronger
even without speaking, the bond we both knew.

suddenly, back across country
to another ocean's back door
the atlantic this side was cold,
yet we managed to find a forest of a different kind.
this was a bog, less than half mile
from shore, north of outer banks
and pungo and hidden, above top secret water
it literally was, and i was amazed
at what my eyes were privy to.
the trees curled and curved overhead,
the grains so uniquely bizarre
as if we stepped into fairyland
and again, no sun nor sky could get through
the density of this place, ancient and yet new.
a forest it was, but completely in water!

behind our home there a creek bubbled and flowed,
another forest to behold with so many trees!
right there, so beautiful each season
brought her different gifts
but utmost, beauty to explore in and
walk everday, whether hot and humid
or cold and windy, with hiking sticks
used again dearly in these new days.
i remember a night of fireflies and music,
our backyard was a nature retreat.
with animals, rodents, birds abound.
and yes we were grounded,
helping animals and the birds
in our own forest added to nature's own.

fast forward six years,
to warm, sunny, glorious espana~
back to puerto de santa maria
to another home we had on the beach
romantically chosen so close to the other, ten years prior.
with it's shoreline and tides, cliffs, trees and retreats
ahh, familiar forests divine.

but here i'll stop; for nature's beauty nor
our many forests were enough for me, singularly
to sustain what became of us then,
not even bonds of love and knowing
i had to take leave for american soil
no matter how we both still want differently today
to be back in the other's arms,
continents, oceans, lives and people
have grown into new forests.
despite your pleas, despite your professing
of knowing once again in our future
we will be together again, in our own forest
to grow old together, and love again each other
like so many forests, thinking, drought and pollution took over
for our love and life became so entangled.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 9
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:27:20 PM
chiral affection,
no way to measure
sensory pleasure
of multiplicitous magnatude
brought on by one certain dude...
oh so special and yes so complex.
just hearing his voice makes me wanna undress.
such an amazing thing
this thing that we share
knowing he's for me right there.

chiral affection
tremendously strong
asymetrical, perhaps
but i crave just to be near him all day long.
this man, yes he soothes me;
oh how this guy does grooves me,
intuitively already he knows
the exact ways i am closed.

this man is most special
a friend that makes me smile, and laugh from my belly.
he quickens my breath and turns me to jelly.
he knows just when to be soft and when to be firm
dare i use the word "hope?"
no need for she is here, she dwells within.
this one took his time, that much i respect
i like the fact that we are open, direct.
energy as this can only be
chiral affection.

chiral affection, for him i can't speak or say
but i can see with my own the depth of his eyes
as he looks at me in thos many certain ways.
so far no red flags,
and i no longer hold my breath,
life is to be lived
and to it's fullest breadth.

ever wanting to keep things just as they are
yet knowing life happens,
karmic forces at hand,
just time before changes present themselves.
how we choose to deal with them remains to be seen.
i see them as cleansing and washing over us
i respect changes as the pearls and the sand.

chiral affection
so new yet familiar
happy to fall,
twirling into this splendor.
symetrical or not,
charged without fraught.
life's good, is it not?
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 10
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:27:48 PM
the kiss that lasts forever

now how will i sleep, eat, defecate
if always in my mouth would be tongue
and not of beef that we just ate...

well now a kiss means tongue yes that is true
if in my mouth always i'd be more than just blue
how could i breathe and how could i moan,
life would be awful if
this is the way life's path would roam.

now sure i like it, love it in fact;
but not for eternity, oh surely not that.

a kiss lasting forever is simply a poem
an idea of sweetness, but
in reality not.
life would be difficult at best
and at worst with hardship fraught.

once souls of the night,
lovers of their own will
come together so simply, easily, naturally.
of course this takes time...
as good things often do.

no worries, no cares, just falling
swirling, languishing into each other's embrace.
wanting warmly turning to need
trusting and first begininning and delicately too,
twisting and turning, folding and shifting
souls of the night.

need crecsendos into fire that glows
warming down to more than just toes.
touching, tracing, caressing, turns to
moans, softly at first then more loudly they grow.
souls of the night.

finally peaking and releasing so much,
all begins with a look, then a simple touch.
so lovely to feel one of two,
souls of the night
just me and just you.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 11
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:28:17 PM
some people's profiles are testament to their inner workings,
all advertising ourselves, ideals, hopes and dreams
but sometimes forget manners it seems.
so far above me, almost saintly so...
but forum behaviour is oh so much more telling of the soul inside.
for admittedly having been one i once admired and freely so,
i now feel much differently and am glad one more truth to now know.

words intended to sting, to smart and to flame
only made me smile and realise people,
not just only myself are quite strange.

the river's current as we all know does ebb and flow,
much like words upon pages that twirl and toss
compared to humanity and restlessly so.
some may think it drivel, and most others will agree,
the more acclaimed one is,
the better they be.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 12
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:28:43 PM
Your spirit miraculously freed
for with understanding came my forgiveness
because, afterall you are but a boy trapped
in a man's body, with a man's responsibilities
abundant and impossible for you to maintain and uphold
even integrity to yourself.

i pity you, with your many manly
hungers, needs and deeds.
as well i pity the next intelligent woman
that avails her vulnerability to you openly~
to believe your charming but deceptive
multitudes of outright lies.

so yes, you have been miraculously freed
to soar, to fly, to crash, cry and bleed.
for one day you will be all alone, again;
and surely scared again as you cannot escape~
your nightmares that make you cry out and shake,
with no one beside you because unlike a dog
you are fake, not a friend, but a faux.
they will surface to day thoughts
all those unbelievable pains endured long ago...

yes, charming at first, convincing you were
as you tried to be brave, you tried to pretend
as you still tried so hard to fight tormentous memories,
to bury them deeply, as deeply as dogs bury their bones.
yes, perhaps a double entendre, but salaciously clear

yes, you poor innocent lad, you hurt and you fear
you cannot look back to the past
but instead became same: predatory to others
as now you carefully choose your own victims
until one instinctively will bite you back,
not worth my time, lucky for you~
your spirit miraculously freed.

bury them deeply, as dogs bury their bones.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 13
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:29:12 PM
up so late it's early, but could not yet sleep, so here are my some of thoughts on reality
reality, she may seem firstly harsh, but she is not.
some people see all life as they think ought.
sad are they with confines of mind
to think that all to their ideals must bind.

to think themselves above another
displays them not as they think "christian sister nor brother"
but shows true ego, sad but true.
words placed here now show that clearly,
isn't that blue?

but whom is to decide fate of reflection,
but each individual and their own perception.
we all opine, some strongly yes true
and some even give credit where it is due.
judgement callest upon one so small from only One so High
as He sits on his throne further than clouds
up high in what we all share, our beauty the sky.
for one to attempt to cast out those viewed as lame
is really small yet shows with clarity plain.
as humans we are gifted and cursed with perceptions
but for some wordsmithing is but a call of projection.

dreams and reality both dwell in all of us,
pulsating as blood through our veins.
as ought faith, hope and love
but some have a limit to their restraint.

reality, does it not mean that all here
are welcome?
my apologies for those that think not.
for they must play at master,
but in my heart i know the real answer.

one amused line put down with no reason
has turned into such silly disagreeing!
to be told to leave is suspicious
and at best, self servingly selfish.

my heart will not waver, nor my will be dampened
by one or by many who continue to think
they can order others about, thinking less adept will sink.
reality defines us, shapes us,
hopefully helps us ALL grow and not be hampered.
grateful for friends that came to my defense
they sense i'm meaning no harm;
now yet feeling rather graciously pampered
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 14
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:31:10 PM
you and i
oooh the possibilities!
a friendship a meeting,
a lush picnic bathed in sunlight
ahh am i but again only dreaming?

you and i
under royal velvet blanket of silvery stars
walking, talking, sharing, daring,
laughing, smiling, joking
yeah, so what, i'm tryin' to quit smoking!

you and i
take a trip~
to the zoo, fly away to the moon?
are we like minded, do we debate?
or do we click actually communicate?

you and i
let's grab a bite
go to the deli, italian or thai?
morrocan or turkish;
what have you chosen?

you and i
take a day's drive into the springs
or to the lake or the river
feeling lighter than feather's wings

you and i
let's go to the gardens
have coffee, and under shade sit
laugh till we pee or run in the canyon
till we feel that familiar side stitch

you and i
wanna go shoot some pool
or throw some darts?
c'mon now,
time's wasting
and waits for no fool

you and i
fancy a hike, or
race on some bikes?
go muse at art
strap into go karts,
or shop at the mart?

you and i
wanna just watch a movie
and critique it to bits
i'll make homemade fresh salsa
if you bring the chips.

you and i
go to the jazz club
sipping wine
or dark beer,
now knowing a new friend
is now near!

you and i
just to be absolutely certain
life is so good and we are strong
friendship grows strongly, too
oh can't i just be silly
and just be all me,
and you just be you?
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 15
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:31:50 PM
his silent tears make no sound
in those last weak moments of his life
i'm told my father gestured for me
unable to speak, writing on a pad
tubes in and out his weary body wound
a time when any good daughter
would feel grief primal, unlike any other

yet i only recoilled recalling upheaval, strife
i didn't want to go there or be by his side
at the end of his long strange sad life
we must all our own way make
please don't judge me unless you fully know

i abided by his badly chosen words
those which he lastly spoke long ago to me
an angry spat wherein he said
he'd rather die than ever me again see

shocking, numbing, unbelievable then
and yes, painful, mean and vile
oh but believe it or not
i've come to accept them
and even him in a very sort of strange way

for much cannot possibly be understood
without my being truthful here
as whats revealed usually tells more
but back then weeping with body heaving
i walked straight out that door
stopped to hug and kiss my mom
of course, for i loved her so

the societal roles of family
in cultures can differ drastically
but somehow i still believe
and know for truth as i have felt
the universal known truths are love
understanding, patience and integrity
not intellectualising or pontificating
i am blessed and most grateful you see
to have had in my life
two people who loved me dearly
though they are both gone too now~
my lovely mother and my dear brother
and love transcends even death
as i live and breathe
they continue to inspire me
to myself truly be

many tales inside the myself that is me
in the years that have flown
since my father's passing
i've made and accomplished more
than i ever thought could be
while far from perfect
striving learning growing
is what i focus on for me

feel not pity for i rose above
for it taught me important values
examples of what isn't and is love

to get on here i'll freely admit
i honored his wish, kept myself away
and, no i don't regret having done so
even to this very day

way back when he was never there for me
well anyway honestly not positively
sighing, memories if i let them
more than bitingly used to sting
words come to mind: bitter jaded apathy
not in any way exageratted you see

pain and hurt carved inticately
and dwelled so deep within my heart
for him more than a decade prior
my heart had became simply cold
and lifeless as a jagged stone
when he taunted me in twisted cruel ways
his soul seemed most alive when he made me cry

you know how sometimes people share
their earliest memories
well, not much of pretty rainbow
colored pictures here
as one might initially expect or assume be

for back then so long ago
when he was drunk and again enraged
no one spoke, we barely breathed
we attempted our best to sink
into the comforting steady walls or floors
whatever surrounded us rather than bleed
so we could be safe and hidden
in plain sight but shrunk inside somehow
we just endured till we saw any chance
then we sometimes held our breath
and fled as birds dare fly from a cage

in my crib sleeping jarred awake
the door flung open to yelling
him standing there crazily backlit
by the hall light behind his form
striding into my room came his wrath
even my mother stayed out of his path
throwing lit matches at that sleepy
crying scared baby that was me

no escape back then a lifetime ago
i say with conviction never bending
for it was scary even to think of sleep
with reality of nightmares neverending

what kind of monster father what kind of man
does this to a child simply because he can

i was his youngest innocent wide eyed and so scared
my life only healed once i began to trust and share
sad to say it'ts ironically true
and for some have a double meaning,
i can tell the truth safely now for nine years back
my father's death gave me life anew
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 16
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:32:26 PM
No more grief....
no more anger...
life without wretched despair

for yes, time sometimes heals
other times waits for no one
yes, hurt is bitingly real
but can be overcome
only if we search deeply within,
honestly and openly too
sure, be angry, be hurt even
but somehow you'll find
sometimes it just takes but time
to reach new perpectives
and make tangible our perceptions

resting peacefully, finally
at at that place where
real forgiveness can be born

no more pointing of fingers
no more placing of blame
and yes, though perhaps
no more playing with toes
life for all people at some point deals
the most painful of blows

happy memories become haunting
dreams dashed become nightmares awake
it takes but our own part
to the depths of our healing heart
to realise
the act of becoming singularly apart
where once enmeshed and tangled
in that which became such a mess
instead of continuing to internalize
letting go of all anger
so as to no longer fester and bleed
learning to follow new a creed

living with integrity
returning to sanity
learning firsthandly purity
simplicity and yes bravery too
accepting and greiving
taking adequate time
to mourn and lick our wounds

but then reaching out
stretching way up to the sky
shaking and shedding off dust
from our cloaks, casting aside
finally knowing when it's just time
to give it final burial and rest

lay down your sword
yes, it's sometimes a test
try to remember only the good
best to forgive and forget all the rest
let not your heart burn black and fade
or turn to stone; as jade

instead please yourself
do aspire for thoughts
and actions anew
to live beyond reason
for thine own self be true
commit no self treason

for it is only
out of the ashes
what was once fire and brilliance
now faded in time
hope lives anew
let rise the phoenix
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 17
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:33:45 PM
some of my favorite favorite quotes:

an unexamined life is not worth living.

the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.

there is only one good, knowledge,
and one evil, ignorance.

if a man is proud of his wealth,
he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.

he who is not contented with what he has,
would not be contented with what he would like to have.
~all above from socrates

let your life lightly dance on the edges of time
like dew on the tip of a leaf.

the sould should alwasy stand ajar,
ready to welcome the estatic experience.

a rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment
a single man contemplates it,
bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
Antoine de Saint Exupery

if you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
if you want to be happy, practice compassion.
The Dalai Lama

the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Marie Curie

throw your dreams into space like a kite,
and you do not know what it will bring back,
a new life,
a new friend,
a new love,
a new country.
Anais Nin

We shall find peace.
we shall hear angels.
we wshall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.
Anton Chekhov

we are each of us angels with only one wing,
and we can only fly by embracing
one another.
Luciano de Crescenzo

normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.
let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
Mary Jean Iron

if you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint,"
then, by all means paint, and
that voice will be silenced.
Vincent Van Gogh

be not forgetful to entertain strangers,
for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
Hebrews 13:2

keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller

one doesn't discover new lands
without consenting to lose sight of the shore
for a very long time.
Andre Gide

i have discovered i always have choices
and sometimes
it's only a choice of attitude.
Joyce Knowlton

if you have built castles in the air,
your work need not be lost;
that is where they should be.
now put the foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau

adventure is worthwhile in itself.
Amelia Earhart

live purely.
be quiet.
do your work with mastery.
like the moon, come out from behind the clouds!

if we are not happy and joyous at this season,
for what other season shall we wait
and for what other time shall we look?

there are only two ways of spreading light;
to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Edith Wharton

every blade of grass has it's angel that bends over it
and whispers, "grow, grow."
The Talmud

when you reach for the stars,
you may not quite get one,
but you won't come up
with a handful of mud, either.
Leo Burnett

one small step up the mountain often
widens your horizon in all directions.
E. H. Griggs

and forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet
and the winds long to play with your hair.
Kahlil Gibran

thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
happiness never decreases by being shared.

thou art the star for which every evening waits.
George Stirling

again, here a safe place to rest, read and ADD, please!
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 18
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:37:48 PM
wouldn't that be a marvelous sight
to read all posts freely and openly sharing
not about if others even understand or agree
offering tolerance, advice or acceptance
i hope that's not what this place here is
nor about kudos to shout and bandy about

far more simple just as i see
each must decide for themselves
individually, not unilatterally
(or uniliterally, heh)
personal integrity and freedom of choice
as here thankfully we all have a voice
and ideas for what ourselves it shall be

putting fingers to keys
isn't always about expanding
other's minds or views
i find that far too demanding

yet rather open to learning
understanding myself best
sometimes takes yearning
and gowing too
i appreciate most fully when
awareness and understanding
naturally and freely ensue

elementary and boring
quite sure of this i'm guilty
but yet hopeful to rise above
striving ever for heart's soul soaring

people here for many things
and times and reasons too
not for me to assume to know
otherwise surely never to grow

sometimes simply a place to rest my head
other times a place to pause and think
adding a small reflection to the pool
a few stitches to this many colored quilt
of thoughts and adding another to the link

refusing to be butterfly sweet
i'm too intense yet ever hopeful
to swim instead in complexity
rather than go with the flow
wether is just a castrated sheep
climate made up of weather
whether depends if raining or not
spelling and puntuation
matters not most
understanding implicitely
within their post
is that yearning for most

following preferring the latter
for more than others to agree
just be ourselves here simply free
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 19
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 12:48:37 PM
for a kind and lovely woman who lost her son in this awful war for freedom...
my heart my soul bleeds for her pain still, brings no consolation, yet i believe love never dies.

yet deeper meaning
than can be fathomed
for as we all know
seasons change
tides ebb and flow
yet the moon gracefully
and the sun brilliantly
in their own time and pattern
both share, give light,
upon and within all of us
sometimes console us
but can we possibly understand
their true beauty and meaning,
as fully as they bestow?

primal pains may cause pause
in the very order of our times
and lives, our seasons, in depths
of our very cores of selves

signs nor symbols, beliefs nor cultures
caste nor culture; these mean not most
when it comes to any matters of our hearts

wisdom nor power can deter
neither seasons or transformations
whether within or without

can not reflections internal or physical
be compared to those as in
any pool of water, constantly changing?

change and it's very representations
in us, around us, sometimes in spite of
and other times because of us
is the only truth besides
the power of love

i lost my closest, dearest sibling
on what became a most primal summer day
back in what many refer to in the calendar year
of nineteen hundred eighty four
he was then 12 years my senior
my protector and so much more
nothing we shared was menial, for
he many times saved my life so young
our bond is still strong, full and pure

i lost my own dear sweet mother
last year on saint patty's day;
but she has made her presence
known since in many ways since then
and she i yet simply and freely do adore

blessings, love and light tonight i convey to you;
acceptance for what you know as true
death cannot take from any
what they hold fastly in their heart
even if that means sometimes
we must somehow, even if falteringly
make a brand new albeit difficult start

once i was married to a sailor
brave and smart and strong
for many years and still today
though we're no longer wed
we share something that
many don't quite understand
but i hold it dear and deep
within my memories,
my heart and in my head

i send to you this night
acceptance, strength and light
for you are still here in life
to seek and search inside yourself
for that only you can know
what can make anything again
seem right, for i'm sorry
i don't quite know completely you see
what can help you begin to heal
or even want to begin to again be
be gentle please with yourself
take time and simply do
whatever comes most naturally

but i sense that you know already
as certain with each breath i take
i can truthfully say i'm sure you do~
neither distance, space nor time
and, not not even death
can ever possibly
take love away from you
for the beauty of love transcends
anything and yes, everything else

my deepest condolences
to you and yours
thank you for bringing this young man
into the world as to be so brave
to make the choice to defend freedoms
at so precious a cost

may you and yours too,
soon find the light
you feel you lost
for he lives deep within your hearts
and is even more beautiful now
than can be fathomed
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 20
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 8/26/2006 1:28:42 PM
thank you mexistyle, for contributing your expression here, as well i know we have all at one time or another felt so all alone!

unspoken determination

within strongly feeding my very soul
turning my mind to set to flight
dreaming of allegory bridges to build
with strongest possible foundation
of best intentions and goodwill
make for honest and truest of goals

pause causing myself to think
damn trying not to make too complex
this so as not driving any away or
others impatiently over their brink

balance is all well and good
in acknowledging each of our
unspoken determinations
making them into hopeful realities
taking whatever time necessary
as well knowing when and where
being flexible enough to yeild and bend
following our castles in the air
without befalling exactly
the sort of personal sacfifice
would surely mean to fail or fall
traversing life is sometimes like that
but makes it intimately interesting for all

working at setting into perfect proper place
deciding which stone in our minds
which truth makes strong
and resolve holds long
keeping our regards to proceed
at own individual and personal pace
while looking to future's face and grace
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 21
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 9/4/2006 6:19:56 PM
it was bound to happen
this growing pain inside
my heart knowing, feeling
my mind reeling, lush, ripe
delicate inviting possibilities spread
as the finest on any full table

but then we had to have the talk
imagine, me, not wanting to!
for i could no longer hide or
avoid the inevitible any further
how did he know?! or didn't he?
he didn't skip a beat nor even balk
his eyes flowed with caring
words carefully chosen and whispered

we shared; we dared
a bit of this and that
not even came a spat
luxurious twas untill
daylight again crept upon us

and reality rose with the bright
honor of the sun in full glory
the past night faded
and in stumbled reality
no matter how i perceive it
no matter how much he listens
patiently caring, concerned

i cannot longer escape truth
all along for both eating and
consuming, celebrating
partaking of the fine banquet
we prepare and spread for the other
only to smack into the wall
one we cannot get over
no matter even if we
hold hands joined together
and open hearts we face

either choice of three to make
either way i must decide
when here so much is at stake
each one only makes me cry

death, birth, killing, life
multitudes of ideals either way
inviting tempatation led astray
either and any and all ways only
purely selfishness; mine
absolving him from any responsibility
for fully this IS mine

and yes, evolved but hurting
he stands by me, stated sincerely
no matter what i decide
it just makes thus more lonely

hardship aside either way
nothing more to cleanse shared sins
of past night's and day's ways

dare i chance it
dare to allow dreams
to become reality
either way
surely there'll be
hell to pay

i owe no explanation
this much understood,
respected even
and stood by
words stated and felt strongly
and good as earth's stones

fear resides in all of us
even those we stow away
what really matters
is deciphering day to day

coming unloose
or rather undone
learning then knowing
i'm not the only one
becoming a fidget monster
barely able to sit
wtf is that pain about
damn making me shift

those, them, she, him, they
seemed gleeful, even cheery
i could hardly believe my ears
like a child crying through eyes bleary
all i could do but sit there teary
pondering the future vast

incredulous at the news
wondering how it could be
hopeful at least and ironic at best
now i barely seem able to rest
damn it, just another test

temptation taking flight
thoughts whirling left and right
what to do, what to do
then comes a morning
after just last night
all seems settled for me and you

fate herself walked in, sat down
then flew up and all around
i felt her, and know you did too
her grace knew best
and fairly just what to do
perhaps she realised
this was just for once
much bigger than i
even at my strongest?

i tell him it's ok; i say it'll be fine;
he says it will, you are strong!
to each other we lie
but for once i don't mind
hoping he won't worry anymore
he has enough in and on his mind
and afterall it's just a teeny tiny lie
it won't be fine, it cannot
even begin to ease hearts nor minds
but i will go on strongly, bravely anyway
and i can give him this easily
this biggest possible gift
ever grateful he is him
and i am me
and we were once us

just for today i will forget
this pain as i must endure it
this much is clear
no more to ahead fear
today i pretend it's tomorrow
while dusting off yesterday

Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 22
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 9/5/2006 12:18:56 AM
yawning yet cannot find rythym of sleep
it evades me and my soul yearns and
plays it's all too familiar tricks on me
and how could anyone, thinking of sheep?

they'd appear to me in shades of purple
green and blue, comical and distorted
now thinking of photoshop editing
well, minus the baa baa ing hoopla

that in turn brings to mind damn it
that digi cam and even razorcam phone
booklets too intricate for the novice that is me

for my talents lie elsewhere
hardly intangible but certainly
not either of mind technological
now dammit quantum theory phsysics
playing tricks within my mind's attention

now again places of long ago yesterdays
haunting my wakefulness and coming to mind

hawaii though she beckons me still
the simplicity of this then young woman
in fresh new naive love grew into
the first beginnings of maturity
for it was in this beautyland
i really began to learn, live and truth know
and it was here too my dearest sibling's passing
became unbelievable news i learned over the phone
and screamed for the first time in my life
NO at my dear mother and collapsed
sliding back against the wall till my ass hit the floor
crying silent primal tears
after she hung up on me
because she could not bear to hear
her youngest daughter's crying
for that was the beginning of
her own life with no more only son
and only his memories and love
to sustain us, and on friends we did lean
thankfully i was in nature,
and she was kind, full of life and so green

a few years passed and i found myself then
living in sunny spain right on the beach
sand, playful waves and cood earthy tile
beneath my bare feet
5 floors were ours in that home with a vew
3 balconies too, and 1 set of french doors
which he once walked right through
yes he was unhurt, amazing but true
so now pretty pictures comes to mind
friends and neighbors back then
parties and functions sun fun
vino and ahh the food
ventas and wineries
antique shops like never seen prior
real country drives in europa
nary even once a flat tire
frolicking nuns on the beach
in the sun and breeze whirled
in far away spain as they seemed
synchronised perfectly enmeshed
with my 80s synth cd via earbuds

via madrid to rainy heathrow
london and her bustle of people
museums, river thames
art and architecture brought tears
unashamedly down my face
for you see i'm a romantic
full of passion not haste
ahh the quaint pubs
toy shops and bookstores galore
it was like heaven again
the food wasn't bad either but good
unlike as prior perceptions
dictacted it should
perhaps it was really the
stout; mellow and smooth
thick chocolate earthy froth?

manila, deplaning in misty rain
the jungle outskirts dangerous
closed to international traffic
but our plane was brought in and
we drove through a checkpoint
an american lost his life at
just the day prior, not for me
to know till ensconsed in
the taxi jeep for true destination
3 hours away for a short stay
more humidity than i ever known
truth be known it was a lovefest
for my then military spouse and i
rejoined after separation caused by
three month old beginning of desert storm
we loved and clung to each other
and he came home three months later
our marriage anew and grateful
for comforts of being lovers still strong
those three years were long
torturuos and i learned to see
beyond my own heart, mind and eyes
the world was smaller somehow
and not so safe anymore

much more yet inside but i need a respite
i'll now blow out this candle wearily within
and settle to sleep till morning's first light
until a day new and fresh prompts
me to begin again anew
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 23
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 9/5/2006 3:49:26 PM
rory, got wood?
musta been the thought of those stiff starched black uniformish type clothes made with the tiniest of perfect stitches that aroused you...
thanks for your kind words!
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 24
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 9/9/2006 11:11:28 AM
what to do, what to do
sometimes we hastily decide
make up our minds
before it's too late
to run out of proper time
try to undo nature or even fate
or something mistaken
as something else entirely
it's best to quietly selfishly
be still and do nothing but
contemplate future openly

today rippled waters beckon
the sun is more than warm
it is completely forgiving
nurturing, life giving
promise of each new day
reminding me the true realization
so you see; i'm just all me
yet haven't forgotten my way

not enough to hope you see
nor even communicate deeply
one must sweat and one must toil
take and responsibilty unfolding
work hard at not being foiled
keep safe the distance
yet remaining open
decide what's best
remain full and unbroken

a time for celebration
and calming quietness of mind
knowing the tiniest seed inside
is indeed one of hope
the world is indeed
outwardly fragmented
but deep in my me
is the wonder and magic
of what may yet come to be

i hold strongly to faith and hope
flowering, and blooming
pointed out, spoken, noticed
fulfillment, completion
promise of each new day
what will be, will be

not for me to change or undo
no whisking away
this beauty unfurls
and holds me captivated
far more strongly than
i could have ever imagined

please feel free to post and share here along with me
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 25
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a place for us novices...
Posted: 9/13/2006 3:34:44 AM
beyond the door
and now thankfully beyond another's door
his pants lay in a heap upon the wooden floor
once upon a time ago he couldn't wait to caress my face
and i couldn't wait to stroke and feel him as well
both once openly professing desires for singular future
full of promises, professions of wanting, needing
for him to leave me wanting much more than sex
he claimed he wanted and needed more from me
and i naively believed that game he played
so convincingly and deeply as he claimed
after time i freely gave, and yes, partook of, too it's true
he said he was more than sure ready and oh so willing
we waited and anticipated, we did what lovers do
just a pretender of the most convincing rank
here today now i'm free to be blunt and frank

but the soul deep inside was lost you see
despite intense gazes and sweetest of kisses
those vast intentions false, and for so long before me
as a vampire feeds upon others souls
desperately partaking, fulfilling only selfish needs
so adept, i was convinced, i was mesmerized
the master of deception held truths otherwise
no longer this day deserving of my intentions
my own responsibility of realization and acceptance
has set me free and open to contemplation
we owe one another whatsoever no explanation
for i was open to self actualization

no longer capable of holding even my contempt
while firstly i admit i was openly enraged
yes of course for self but all the others too
past present and future to fall into that trap
as prey to the predator; just within his nature
once i stood in judgement before noticing
he is not, cannot, will not choose to evolve
holds not growth nor thought to feel or transpire
he only knows only to hungrily feed and breed desire
unsatiable hungers, pretense of life never fulfilled
and while he is only what he chooses to be
ever grateful as brightest power of truth
yes acceptance too shone brightly within and to myself
allowing finally grace and inner balance to return

the choices of mine own resposibility returned
and while my delicate garments aren't next to his anymore
a smile now plays in my mind and on my lips, knowing yet
his pants lay in a heap upon another wooden floor
all is good and just as it should be, for you see
while today nor this night; no longer of nor from me
the parasite continues as he must~ to feed
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