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Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 1
Disabilities and dating....Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
First off, let me say that I've read quite a few posts here, however, I don't believe I've ever seen one on the subject of dating and disabilities. I've read some really good posts, and even better answers, so I thought I'd test the water, so to speak, and ask a question of my own.

What would you do, if someone with a disability asked you for a date? Would it depend on how "disabled" the person was, or what? Would you ever date someone in a wheelchair?

I find myself faced with these questions, and being me, I said "yes". I don't believe a disability should determine whether or not one is "datable" (hope I spelled that right,lol), since I have several friends who for whatever reasons, are in wheelchairs. They are far and away the most intelligent, compassionate, and funny people I've ever known! Maybe it's because they have learned these traits since being disabled, but I would love to have even half of their "people skills".

So what would YOU do?? Would you go out and have a great time, or suddenly find a way to say "NO", very politely? Or would it depend on the disability? (Btw, I've known this person for quite some time, and unless he reminds me, I forget he even HAS a disability!)

Thanks all for letting me post, and take care.
Joined: 10/6/2004
Msg: 2
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/21/2004 4:08:03 PM
I'm crazy about a guy in a wheelchair ..he's holding me back though...everybody has disabilitys some just don't show on the outside..good luck!
Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 3
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/21/2004 4:15:19 PM
That would be another good answer I just read...thank you for what you said...and you're 100% right!
Joined: 10/6/2004
Msg: 4
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/21/2004 4:28:27 PM
thanks baby ..I've read some of your posts today your great !
Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 5
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/21/2004 6:41:30 PM
i have a great friend that is in a wheelchair, and we even dated for a short while. he had some issues and me too for that matter, but none of them had to do with the fact that he is in a wheelchair. honestly, i never even thought about it. just treated him pretty much the same as other men.
Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 6
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Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/21/2004 7:10:31 PM
I am deaf, or nearly. Maybe I should have included that in my profile, it never occured to me.
Joined: 7/29/2004
Msg: 7
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Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/21/2004 10:46:50 PM
I have a very good friend that is engaged to a man with some disabilities and they are one of the happiest couples that I've ever seen. Once the three of us were out with her sister and some of her friends. One of the friends is my cousin, and her sister has had problems with her mobility among other things, since she was born and the girl (my cousin) was mocking my friends man because he can't walk as well as others. I took her aside and scared the crap outta her (because let's face it, if you've got a girl that 6'1 and big mad at you, you get a little scared, expecially if you know your wrong) and she said she was sorry to him and everything, but it still upsets me that there are people out there that can't see past the physical and into the personality, in my mind the only thing that matters. Granted physical attraction is something, but the personality is what keeps you. I would date a person with a disibility if I thought that we could have a good time, if we wouldn't mesh in that way, I would still hang out with him, so that we could be friends. Thanks for reading my rambelings lol
Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 8
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/22/2004 8:50:56 AM
Thank you sunbird for the compliment. And as far as George goes, he will always be my guy,lol...and THEY will always be my group....
Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 9
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/22/2004 4:06:01 PM
Awww, miss teeq....I'm so sorry for your friend's "head" problem....looks to me, like HE is the loser...I believe friendship is worth more than gold. Gee...did I just say that?? LOL...I MUST be getting old(or something,lol). But it is true...

In all actuality tho, I'm guessing he will mature at a MUCH slower rate, before he realizes what a good friend you were to him.

And ty for the reply. It's nice to know there are actually some kids who really care, out there!
It gives us old ppl(and I'm only speaking for myself,lol) heart.
Joined: 2/26/2004
Msg: 10
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/24/2004 4:10:58 AM
I went to visit a friend and found a very roomate, she was sitting and watching tv but then we had quite an animated conversation. When we left, i told the friend i had gone with that i had liked the girl, it turns out that she was disabled.
Call me shallow and whatever but How do you make love without feeling as though you are hurting the other person of course putting in consideration that the disabilities differ?
Won't he/she feel as though you want to date him/her out of kindness? This one i say coz i tried so much to be friends with a disabled nice girl back in high school but she just always built walls around her, i just wanted to be friends and she made that impossible. There is this time she fell and some guy tried to help her up and all he got was a 'WHO TOLD YOU THAT I NEEDED YOUR HELP?"
I am thinking that it may be twice as hard convincing her as to why you want to date him/her.
At the end of it all, i would prefer being very good friends than getting actually involved and that is what me and the girl above are.
Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 11
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/24/2004 8:56:32 AM
You asked some excellent questions-thank you! As to the issue of making love....Here's my theory.....By the time you reach that point, I believe both you and your partner will have shared enough to let you know(keeping in mind there are many ways to make love) what is right, so I don't think you're "shallow" at all.

Keep in mind, though, that dis-abled ppl are ppl first....and want (for the most part, anyway) you to see them as you would anyone else. There are some though, that never have come to terms with the fact that something happened to them, to make them disabled in the first place.....those are the ones that need extra care, I believe... and sad to say, some of them will NEVER come to terms with themselves first, so it's a bit hard for anyone else who tries...

I can imagine how hard it would be, I think, to be just a "normal" person one minute, and then a "dis-abled" person the next....I would think it would require some getting used to, definitely. And also, what about the Normal friends they had?? What will their reactions be??

I visit a guy in a nursing home, who has Multiple Sclerosis, and can only move 2 fingers of his right hand....that's it!! For anything else, he requires help...when he was diagnosed, his wife and kids left him....He has told me many stories about how he's been treated, and certainly opened my eyes, big time! But he's funny, kind, caring, extremely intelligent, and on and

As to your high school heart goes out to the girl...can you imagine how it must feel to be with all the "Normals"(whatever they are,lol) now?? Hopefully she's adjusted, and has moved on...and I hope it doesn't affect your view, either.

So basically...if you see someone you like,take a chance...who knows what might develope? Handicapped or not....
Thanks for a very thoughtful reply!
Joined: 10/6/2004
Msg: 12
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/24/2004 9:18:48 AM
gentlespirit you are so very your posts
Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 13
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/24/2004 4:25:21 PM

What a nice thing to say! Thank you so much...
Joined: 2/26/2004
Msg: 14
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 11/24/2004 9:29:29 PM
Gentle spirit, yours is truly a gentle one, i hear all you say and agree but a situation like nice guy went thru, you try to pick up someone and the people around think that you are a pervert and just want to take advantage of someone disabled.
As for the girl in high school, i don't know whether she changed , it's been ages since i last saw her. When i remember, the only she actually opened up to was the one that used to treat her in a weird way. This guy would come and slap her leg off the bench and alway stease her about her crippled leg, God , how she would laugh!! now talk about thinking of them as people first (which by the way i do, coz they are people whatever way they are, and usually beautiful inside).
For the guy with multiple sclerosis, it was really bad what his family did to him, I mean you don't have to stay married to him if it's that bad but atleast go and visit frewuently and let him see his kids, Crippled or not, his kids still love him. It will be hard for them to come to him again because the more they stay away, the more ashamed they become. I hope the mum didn't tell the kids that their father died.
Joined: 12/7/2004
Msg: 15
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Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/7/2004 9:25:40 AM
I like to thankyou for what you said.I am in a wheel chair for almost 2 years now.Took a
fall off a roof I ws doing.I wish more people would open thier eyes like you have.
They are not the only ones who has a hard time with people in wheel chairs.I have
it to.Not other people in wheel chairs.But, myself being in it.I feel like I won't be able to give a lady everything she wants.I have a few friends trying to tell me different.But I remember the way I was.At times I feel less of a person.But with great people like yourself out there.It really helps me.THANKS,Ken
Joined: 9/29/2004
Msg: 16
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/7/2004 6:28:21 PM
Are we just refering to physical disablities? Just curious because I am dating a guy with epilepsy, Although he is a hottie and the sweetest most amazing man I have met...its very complicated because he cant be left alone, he does work but cant drive.... and I have 3 younger kids to raise and work and I want to go back to school....but I am not ready to end the relationship. We dont live together but he wants to and I am holding off on that step because #1 I dont want to rush that fast and #2 it will make everything so much more complicated. (I hope I'm not sounding shallow here)
Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 17
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/9/2004 5:04:35 AM

Thank YOU for bringing up another excellent thought about disabilities-the wheelchair. I've talked to several ppl in chairs, and the one thing that I always hear is this: "People seem to ALWAYS talk ABOVE the person in the chair"! It's as if they don't exist anymore. I hope you have never experienced this.

I also hope you realize that you are the same special person you were, before you took that fall that put you in a chair. While I can't begin to imagine what being in a chair is like, I CAN imagine that it takes much time to adjust to it.

As to your friends...I agree with them 100%! I hope you never deprive a lady of your get out there, and be the wonderful person you already are, ok?

(And btw, I admire anyone who isn't afraid of heights! I can't even look at a ladder, without getting sweaty palms! And movies that have to do with heights, produce the same reaction, except I hide my eyes in the scary parts!)

Good luck, and hope you let us know how you do...

Joined: 11/19/2004
Msg: 18
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/9/2004 5:20:09 AM

Thank you for the kind words....they are truly appreciated.

As to my friend with MS-he does get occasional visits from his kids, however it's obvious their mom has had some influence on their way of thinking now...hopefully with time, they will come to see their dad is a VERY special man.

(Btw, I bet you get tired of all the females trying to get your attention-you are indeed a very special man.)

 indigo rose
Joined: 11/25/2004
Msg: 19
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/20/2004 10:54:49 AM
swtnsassy..what a fun sweet girl you are !..I know what
you are facing.. you are in my prayers..It will be hard at times
you will want to quit will feel sorry for yourself ...but you will
beat it !....I chased my guy away we had been together 4 years ..
I didn't want anyone to see me at my worst..or maybe I was afraid
he wouldn't stick by any rate I went through this crap alone..
I will survive and so will you ! It's all about attitude .... find people
and things that make you happy..surround yourself with positive people...
I know you like to laugh..that has been the greatest medicine for me..
good luck sweetie... if you want to talk I'm here!

Joined: 12/10/2004
Msg: 20
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/20/2004 12:12:06 PM
swtnsssy: I have went out with blind, deaf, and wheel chair bound men that lead full and happy lives. I had a good male friend that had epilepsy. If life and chance occured and I found myself in either of these situations I would hope that someone would love me as I was.

That being said, I have a brain tumor, it is NOT malignant but it may kill me someday. I am doing alternative medical treatment for it. When I get to know people better I tell them and let them make their decision based on that. I find that it is not wise to spring that on people right away. I do not wait too long before I tell them though.

I understand that people are hesitant to date someone with what they consider a terminal illness should remember that they are missing out on the opportunity of a life time. We are all going to die some how and some way. We all want to experience true love before we make our exit from this life. I would be hurt if the person I was interested in were to turn me away because I was dying.
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 21
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/20/2004 12:19:22 PM
I dated a girl in a wheelchair in one of my college semasters , she was super great , was funny and full of life but she had some issues and pushed me away because she thought things would not work out because of her disability . I dated a girl for a few months who was deaf , her persnality was very giving but she had to leave to go back home to germany.

Last person I dated then I married , was the most beautiful person I ever knew , she died because of a realted problem , it was so worth it .
Joined: 3/23/2004
Msg: 22
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/20/2004 8:21:51 PM
I admit I have slight disability but it doesn't consume my life. Scoliosis (not contagious) I was born with it wore the stupid brace for 16 years. (Brace went from my neck to my butt) try walking around with that all day and have to sleep with it. ugh so uncomfortable. SO always shoved it in the locker in school. I figured out how to get it off. Than Had the operation done so now I have 2 metal rods between the spine. And I still More than i'm supposed or should be. Yes I go off at the And no i'm not the huntchback of Notre Dame either. hehe
Joined: 12/13/2004
Msg: 23
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/20/2004 8:44:16 PM
I've read all the postings, and I tell you- they sure help put things in perspective. You know when the chips are down, some people say, 'well, at least you have your health'? Looking at the challenges some of you have faced and overcome gives further proof to the truth of that statement. My hat's off to all of you. For those who are still fighting, keep it up. These postings hopefully will help keep your motivation up.
Joined: 12/18/2004
Msg: 24
Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/20/2004 8:48:18 PM
My name is Scott and I am Scotty39 on here. I have to tell you all something, I am in a wheelchair and I want to date. I have dated many of time but I find that sometimes it is a mercy kill if you know what I mean. I havent been this way all my life, but ten yaers ago I was given diabetes and I lost my right leg below knee due to it. I am 39 and have a heart like everyone else but its hard to find someone to accept that I am in a wheelchair not alone date someone. I have had several dates this way and they go well, but thensuddenly I find that I am all a sudden alone again and wondering why. I have my faults as well but I know because of being in a wheelchair I am judge from the begining. I have a good heart and was raised a gentleman. I love to romance and Ill open that door for you. Sometime love sucks and many take advanyage of you, no offense to the good women out there. I just want to love and be loved and have fun in the mean time. Thank you for listening.

Scotty39 on plentyoffish
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 25
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Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 12/20/2004 11:14:42 PM
Hmm... about a year and a half ago I started talking to a gal, we hit is off pretty good. I got to the point where I asked her for a dinner date. She demurred, for reason that I did not know at the time, but it was not biggie. We continued to talk, and one day she told me she was in a wheel chair. I asked her at that point if that was why she had decided not to go to dinner with me. She was honest and told me that when we started talking she was in the middle of a break up with a real bone head... violent, controlling etc.... And I said oh... in any case, she asked me at one point if her being in a wheelchair would bother me... I told her only if she rolled over my toe... at which point I think she had the best laugh she had had in a while.

I never did get my dinner date, but would have been more than happy to have taken her out. She was quite pretty, intelligent and nice. It never did happen, but I see no need to shy away from them. THey are people, in many ways much stronger than us "normals", after all they have overcome and lived with their issue for a while(in most cases) and not gone postal.

GO for it... and Remember to ask her to dance....

Be wary of the Dragon... he spits...
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