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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?      Home login  
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 lookingforasweetone
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 2
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I completely agree with blastkist she is right on the money:D lol i think you should go for what you want. honestly dont most guys go right for what they want? they dont really think about what girls want? now i am not talking about all guys but some....some of the guys on here are very sweet nice guys you just gotta find them through all the wrong ones.

Looking:)
 rayl
Joined: 7/25/2005
Msg: 3
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:31:49 PM
Way to go girls!!! I could be wrong, but this must be one of the best male bashing threads that I have seen. Keep up the good work.........
 wandercoast
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 10
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:12:02 PM
I like Blastkiss's categories of men. Very insightful. I definitely fall into the looking for a best friend category. (we are not ALL taken) I am definitely looking for a LTR and not casual sex or someone to be my mommy..I put my mom through hell and would never want to subject another woman to that!

Because of what I am looking for I approach relationships differently. I take my time getting to know someone. If she has found someone else in that time period then so be it I move on, she wasn't for me. I think if a guy is looking for an LTR he will be a bit mor patient.

OP your friend is right. Being in the moment is excelent advice. How can I as a guy get to know who you are if you are always thinking "Is he the one" When we have expectations of anothe person we tend to act differently. I approach dating with no expectations, it isn't fair to her or me.. If she makes me laugh and we connect thats great.

Don't know if that helped clear things up or not.
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 14
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 4:02:16 PM
Long term only, and sex or not has nothing to do with it.
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 15
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 4:04:49 PM

I'm starting to wonder what the value of actually having a man there for the longhaul is.


I feel pretty much the same way about most American women.
 wandercoast
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 17
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 4:32:27 PM
Ksue, we're men. We are far too shallow to have secrets.

OT Ksue, where is the mountain pic in your profile from, it is beautiful.

Back on topic. I don't think there are any secrets really. Most of us want the same things in life, love, acceptance etc. We all have to learn how to communicate our needs honestly and directly.
 rayl
Joined: 7/25/2005
Msg: 18
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 4:48:52 PM
OK. Despite their bravado, charades or masks men hide under, we would all (at least above 90%) welcome someone to happily spend our lives with. But the male ego is more fragile than women believe (notice all of the guys whining about being nice and nobody wanting them). So this front is put up to keep you at bay, until we are 100% sure that you really want us and that we really want you.

Now, with that being said, Darwinism comes into play (bear with me here). Since whenever life started, man has always been the hunter who brings home the goods. This is his gratification- his buddies hollar "Great kill there Umgh" "Biggest lion I ever saw Umgh". This makes Umgh proud, happy and feeling good about himself. The male needs to feel important and needed. Umgh is content and happy for a long time. Umgh continues to hunt, but never can equal what he has just accomplished. But he keeps trying because the tribe has forgotten about that big lion and about him and we do not like that feeling. Besides, we enjoy the thrill of the hunt- capturing is anticlimatic.

After being rejected, we are more slowly willing to enter into a relationship than women are. Women are much stronger in that aspect of life...you are more eager to jump in the water again, while we feel safer on shore watching the waves. But given the right circumstances, we are no different than you- you just need to be more patient with us.
 ravenpaige
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 19
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 5:46:19 PM
Rayl, thanks for your insights. I think it's true that women rebound more quickly than men. I have a hunch (not proven) that men actually get more "hooked" by sex than women do. Not that women don't like sex...we do, of course. And we also get somewhat addicted by it, if the guy's at all pleasing in other ways. But I think a guy can continue to want the sex even when he knows the rest is not right or good for him. And I think that tends to lead to the "short term until I find something better" phenomenon.

Of course, I'm generalizing, and some men just want sex. Some women do too. But I think, for by far the largest number of both men and women, we are all looking for true love. I think what we'd all like is to find that person who would make us feel that feeling you have when you are first together...the "first falling in love" feeling. I've never known that to last, and I've been told over and over that it doesn't last, but I've also been told that you can get to something even better. Anyone care to comment on that?

But in the end, really I think women and men are more similar than they are different. We all hurt, all are looking for validation and understanding. And we all get confused and make mistakes along the way. That's living. Ain't it grand?
 Spaceman_Spiff
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 21
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what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 6:47:05 PM
Kmoc,

I suspect that the comments (from the men) in this thread may be a bit biased. Why? Because the kind of men that are going to spend the time to read and respond in a "Relationships" forum are going to be the kind of men that are honestly and seriously looking for a long term relationship. If you were to take a broad, totally random, poll of men I'd guess about half of all men (+-15%? depending on age--younger fewer, older more) are looking for long term relationships. If the same poll were conducted outside of a popular night club, it wouldn't surprise me if it were less than 25%. (hmmm, if anyone knows of any such studies, please post the actual stats--I'm quite curious.)

I guess what I'm saying here is that your odds of finding what you want go up considerably if you're looking in the right locations.

Myself, I am definately looking for a long term relationship with the right woman. Someone I can laugh with, cuddle with while watching a movie, talk with--share my life, and share in her life. Sex is kind of tricky in this case, because it doesn't really matter how good (or how often) it is in absolute terms, it just feels very "right"--one clue that this is the right person.

Anyway, just my humble opinion.
 Zutallors
Joined: 11/15/2004
Msg: 26
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History
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 11:00:40 PM
@blakist, hmmm I see a bitterness here. Not to denigrate your opinion, you are entitled to it, a warm blooded human being is not a disposable sex object, this applies to both genders. Essentially it is important to develop a deep and abiding relationship with your self first. Everything else is transient, even your beloved will die one day. Soulmates, love at first sight etc. are rare phenonmena and often works of fiction. The deepest of love can be found among old couples, who tenderly feed each other porridge and stir it for the other, that is a rarity, it is seen in the light in their eyes. We are beings first, the inconvenience of gender is next, having never been a woman, my limited knowledge is useless if it is gender based, all I can try is to listen.

I wish you joy and healing as you correctly put it, and may the sweetness inherently in you wipe out the bitterness. The universe will then meet you half way with your beloved, who unfortunately will stilll be transient. As Gurdjieff says " if you do not change your present, your future will look like your past".
 2fuzy
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 29
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 9:51:36 AM
I want a friend that I can enjoy hanging out with and wake up with for the rest of my life with that’s it simple
it is not all about the sex because anyone can be taught how to be a great lover if they want to learn

What I have found out of the women in my life is they start out as above and then somewhere it turns to me being the one responsible for their emotional well being on any given day ergo drama overload then it becomes short term
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 30
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 9:58:40 AM
I want sex until someone better or new comes along. However, if the girls is beautiful and good enough to marry, I want a long term relationship. Of course if the girl is not good enough to marry, I'm not going to hurt her feeling by telling her. That would be wrong because not only would it hurt her feelings but she would not allow me to reward her with sex.
 nitro105
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 40
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History
omg
Posted: 11/26/2006 4:55:47 PM
Lots of good answers here, Many people are looking for long term and go into the reationship hoping for that, regardless of what exactly the relationship is based on. but like others have said,, if something happens and your not as compatable as you thought or hoped, it then becomes a short term relationship and its not nessisarly anyones fault and it doesn't meen either of the people had other plans. Really i suppose every relationship should start out with short term plans and hope it evolves into more. rather then hoping for more and ending up short term.
 yankeebelle
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 41
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 5:16:29 PM
If men told us what they wanted when they're after a short-term relationship would u stick around..,,If the man u are dating tells u "baby I'm here for the sex, a place to hang out,and someone to talk to now and then, but soon as I find the woman i want to settle down with i'm out of here", honestly how long would u be with him.
They can't tell us that,,,,and most of them dont know themselves what they want, or what they are looking for,,,,but they will know when they find her.
 mjrc
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 42
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 5:47:53 PM
To answer your question, I'm personally seeking long term. Your friend is right about disappointment, but its much easier said then done.

Do what I do, always look at happy couples, there are allot of them out there. I find it encouraging to see the young holding hands and smiling or the older laughing with their children. It’s a reminder that love does exist.
 JMars
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 43
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:21:46 PM
I can't generalize about what all men want, but I can say that I am a long-term kinda guy.

Of course, as has already been stated, you have to find someone you think that you are compatible with first. Sometimes you know right away that you and another are not compatible, and sometimes it takes awhile. But here at the age of 35 I can count on one hand the number of times I've looked to a women just for sex and a few good times with no care or consideration for the long-term.

The reason I want a long-term relationship is simple. I don't like dating. I don't like searching. I want something more outta life other than what rests upon the surface. And I want someone to share life's experiences with, and to develope depth and intimacy with.

Quite simply, I'm not equipped, ie. lack the necessary disposition and consequent skills, for the short-term thing and see it has an obstacle to be surmounted and then left behind. Some people aren't equipped for the long-term thing.
 SimplyPeachy
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 44
omg
Posted: 11/26/2006 10:00:20 PM
reply to msg#61


Really i suppose every relationship should start out with short term plans and hope it evolves into more. rather then hoping for more and ending up short term.


This is the best 'bottom line' approach I have heard anyone comment yet. Some of my greatest friendships have occured over a brief moment whereby I thought I might never see them again. Specifically a dear friend comes to mind who I met last year...and we have been nearly inseperable in communication and travels since. I love him very much....and again, it wasn't a friendship I 'knew' would be this deep nor this intense. But the one single value we do both hold is....commitment to friendship. It's something both our father's ingrained in us early on and we talk about often. Friends are our chosen family...and therefore are blood by design. We never abandoned however rough the friendship might get (and when the Irish and Scotish disagree...THEY REALLY DISAGREE).

So, starting out short term should be the approach, but commitment must be an inherent value relationship spanning all types.

 GREASEBALL
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 50
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 12:48:47 PM
Man wanna see you but not hear you. Now your place girls. LOL
We always enjoy drinking cold beer while getting a hot BJ. Men are simple things - don't lie guys - embrace it!
 GREASEBALL
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 52
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 1:18:05 PM
What ex-navy really means is he doesn't want the cold beer and BJ's to end.
 theon54
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 53
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 5:23:26 PM

I have to agree with some on here, most don`t know what they want!!

They want the love etc of a woman, but in the same breath some can`t handle the long term scenario!


I know what I want: a relationship that works. But it is not to going to work better just by labeling "long term" from the beginning. It is the other way around, if it works then it will eventually become long term.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 54
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 6:25:27 PM
I want a long term relationship just like alot of guys but I have found too many womeneither do not want it for fear of the guy not being the most upgraded option or the desperation to settle down becuse they think their prime has ended .

yup I want a long term loving relationship with alot of huh fu... hum... hu loving
 caldus85
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 56
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 6:39:58 PM
Long term. What's the point of short term?
 Janesdough
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 57
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:26:06 PM
Hey, it's been a long while since this was posted, but I need some advice on this same subject. I've been in a "friends with benefits" situation for about a year with someone who lives in another place, so we can only get together on certain 'occasions' and usually when we're both drinking. We interact via text and email and the occasional call. We don't always have relations, sometimes it's just a lunch date, but the last two times we met, he seemed distant and cold(ish). Last time he wanted to have 'benefits' with me, I suggested that there was no point because even though I do like him, he doesn't really like me; to which he replied 'it's not a question of liking you'. Not sure what that meant, but I do care for him and would welcome a 'relationship' with him, but he had told me very close to the beginning that we should just be 'friends'. I've never been in this kind of situation before and don't know how to take it all. Now I'm so nervous around him I can't even think straight and therefore can't talk openly like I normally would. Help!
 Janesdough
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 59
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:43:43 PM
All makes sense, but are you saying I need to 'make myself more available' as time allows.
 Janesdough
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 60
what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:59:16 PM
Hi, thanks for the input.
Yes, I know he 'likes me', and he knows I 'like him'. I just wonder if he's being that way because he doesn't want to give the impression to others that he may like me. When we're alone together (say having lunch together), we can talk about anything, it's nice. I guess, I'd like to be with him, just not sure about him so much. I hope he's not playing me.
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