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 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 1
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....Page 1 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
I'm sure everyone has a little story they can add to this one....

Don't ever run downhill in high heeled shoes when you are very drunk!!! Gravity can be a nasty b*stard!!!!

JJ

Look forward to hearing everyone else's stories...
 darkhorse723
Joined: 6/3/2005
Msg: 2
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/5/2005 10:11:13 PM
That when your head's busted, go to the hospital or you'll pass out.
 shadowgirl58
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 3
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/5/2005 10:56:32 PM
watch out for what yu are dragging with you as you crawl to the door..

to not walk off a second floor balcony like yo are on level ground...

to not go to a mans motel room too late/or at night, by mistake.......

to not start at noon and race shots with your best friend till closing time...


that all men aren't that funny and that great of dancers just because they hold you up...

to not get drunk with four of your sisters.......


whooooohooooo i could go on..makes me wish i still drank-lol
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 4
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/6/2005 11:30:52 AM
@sasquatch2...that note at the bottom is good for both sexes I'd say!!

And what is a dutch oven???

JJ

 snorkeler
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 5
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/6/2005 1:42:34 PM
{And what is a dutch oven???}

Yeah me too I must ask? what in blazes are you not giving your cat? My mind races!
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 6
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/6/2005 3:01:50 PM
I just read in another guys profile..."strong enough to give me a dutch oven....but would never do it".....???????

JJ

 Sundoll
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 7
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/7/2005 11:49:56 AM
~If you take a shot called "Call Me a Cab" its really time to call a cab.

~Those orange cones are not there for target practice.

~By the end of the night, if you know who can tell when a woman fakes it, you go home with the one who can't tell. (that was a fun one!)
 DanQuixote
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 8
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/7/2005 2:42:54 PM
a shin is nature's built-in furniture finder
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 9
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/8/2005 5:10:47 AM
I knew this was going to be a fun one!! Thanks for the chuckles everyone...

JJ

 DanQuixote
Joined: 7/17/2005
Msg: 10
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/8/2005 7:47:34 AM
Ladies, Let's call it a night, if:

1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.
2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in
the ladies room.
3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone's ass. (Or choke
them)
4. You realize you now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the
goddess you were just four hours ago. (Too many times to count)
5. You drop your 3:00 AM burrito on the floor, pick it up and carry
on
eating.
6. You start crying. (Never!!)
7. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work.
8. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.
9. The man you're flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher.
10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and
sing becomes strangely overwhelming.
11. You've forgotten where you live.
12. You've started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the cigarettes
you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned like 10x's by now)
you
only smoke when you drink.
13. You yell at the bartender, who (you think) cheated you by giving
you just tonic, but that's just because you can no longer taste
the gin or vodka. (Or you yell at the bartender many times, saying that
Vodka makes you naked!)
14. You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like
pizza.
15. You repeatedly begin sentences with "Don't take this the wrong way, but… "
16. You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on
it.
17. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
18. You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!).
19. You show your friends that girls can pee standing up if they really want to.
 MS-TT
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 11
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/8/2005 8:37:52 PM
DON'T ASSUME "HE IS WORTHY" JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE HAD A FEW TO MANY!
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 12
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/9/2005 5:17:15 AM
^^^^You have definitely not drank enough then^^^^

You know someone is plastered when the first thing they say to you is "I'm not drunk".

JJ

 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 13
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/9/2005 8:31:04 PM
^^^^very funny guy here^^^^

After the bar closes one night, this guy jumps in his car, backs up into another car and then guns it out of the parking lot. He runs up over the curb, cuts off a car on the street and runs a stop sign. Next thing he sees is flashing lights in his rear view mirror. He pulls over and gets out of the car. The cop asks if he has been drinking and he replies "No Sir". The cop makes him walk the line, touch his nose and the whole nine yards. He passes all tests. The cop says to him "I can't believe you passed all these tests...you were driving like the biggest drunk I ever saw." The guy replies "That's because I am the designated decoy, officer"!!!!

JJ

 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 14
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:41:45 AM
Ive learned some things are difficult to say when drunk such as

co-ord-in-ation

as-phyx-iation

mixa-mo-tosis

Ive learned some things are downright impossible to say when drunk:

" Oh no thanks I couldnt possibly have another drink"

" What me on the dancefloor. Oh I couldnt"

" No I cant sing Karoake..I cant sing"

"I dont think its such a good idea for us to exchange phone numbers as I hardly know you"
 JUSTINBOY88
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 15
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/10/2005 8:10:56 PM
never believe your buddies when they say that chic that just walked in is so hot man would i like to hook up with her.
its hard to get dressed when the lady you were just with wakes you up to say you had better move fast her husband just pulled in the drive way
cops dont' like it when you ask them to draw them with that chalk they have,blame that one on jeff foxworthy
sometimes the spirit is very willing but the flesh is snoozing big time
and the really big one never go skinny dipping in a cold river with a lady you are trying to impress
 qtpie_in_luv
Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 16
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/11/2005 12:36:31 AM
fireworks make burns

jumping off high places makes cuts

falling down makes briuses

tripping on barstools/chairs/other people/your own feet breaks toes and sprains ankles

gasoline and fires causes hair loss

walking down the center of the street is forbidden

one does not truly appreciate playgrounds until after learning of alcohol

that guy wasn't all that good looking and/or in love with me after all

And that it'll all hurt in the morning!
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 17
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/11/2005 2:13:57 AM
"""one does not truly appreciate playgrounds until after learning of alcohol"""
-----------------------------------------------------------
LOVE IT..........
so true...

and..

shopping trolley races with friends down a major sidewalk is NOt a good idea when the person pushing you is as drunk as you are
 Reporter02
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 18
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/11/2005 11:51:23 AM
that vodka and tequilla dont mix well with beer...and chocolate lol and white guys still cant dance even if you cant barely see them
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 19
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/14/2005 3:40:50 AM
You can free up a busy bathroom when someone comments about the long wait to pee just yell pi** hell, I'm gonna puke all over this place!
Never pass out half in and half out of your front door on a snowy evening.
Your car can run for hours if placed against your house in first gear in the snow.
Damn it was fun to be young and dumb!
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 20
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:22:45 AM
Okay, I actually learned this while I was pregnant but it is relevant to the subject at hand. The durability of pantyhose is in direct proportion to the alcohol intake of the wearer!! They are not really disposable...had the same pair the whole time I was pregnant!!!
And my bro learned this one....Don't pee under a light pole and assume noone can see you because it's dark out!!!

JJ

 mimthebest
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 21
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/16/2005 2:50:18 PM
LMAO,still crying. When you think you're on the last step, but look at that, two more...IIIEEEE
 Miss49er
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 22
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/18/2005 10:37:26 PM
This was just sent to me....lol, thought it was appropriate

Bartender's Psychology:
Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flakey, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink...

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk...and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait; however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required -- everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

*****************************************************************

THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a &=*= about anything, but getting laid!

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay.
 Miss49er
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 23
Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/19/2005 8:35:37 PM
Sorry I'm not a bartender from New York lol
 Free Bass
Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 24
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/21/2005 12:18:32 AM
Yes, as a matter of fact that 5' 2" /86lb girl CAN drink you under the table

That yellow stripe on the nice Mounties leg is NOT a urinating target

When yr sober buddy tries to relieve you of the 7 beer ya have stashed in yr pockets as the nice Mountie is approaching, let 'im have them

Gettin' yr head slammed in the back door of a cop car really don't hurt that much....'til morning

When the nice Mountie asks you why yr walkin' such a crooked path, do NOT tell 'im yr tryin' to find a) yr stash of beer...b) yr stash of weed...or c) where ya left 'is daughter

Do not give the nice Mountie a fake name if his son went to school w/ you fer 7 years

When the conversation dies, do not try to get the ball rollin' again by askin' the 60 yr old bar manager lady "So M****...how's yr sex life?"

Attempting to belch the Lord's Prayer after shotgunning a 6-pack CAN lead to projectile vomiting....do NOT belch into the party host's face

A 7' fence CAN be cleared in a single bound, but there's a cop car on th'other side waitin' fer rowdies to leave the party

Cop cars are softer than gravel to land on (see above)

Shortcuts do not exist






Ahhhh...the joys of bein' young & stupid.....
I miss bein' ten feet tall & bulletproof.
 :
Joined: 4/15/2005
Msg: 25
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Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/22/2005 10:47:42 PM
Ahh the truth that only Tequila can understand… My personal poison of regret is 12-year-old Jameson’s whisky… Too much honestly packed into that little bottle. Well said...
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