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Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 3
Beauty in the eye of the beholderPage 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
never got why it's called a beholder rather than an observer. What's being held?
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 9
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:35:40 AM
Statistically speaking beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. Let's take Julia Roberts as an example, since she's already been brought up. Some people will say she's attractive and some people won't. But I think those that will far exceed the number of those that don't.
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 11
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:52:40 AM
If he had been comparing you to a tv model or a gorgeous Miss America I can understand the reaction..some men have there own way of expressing their love..he loved you and I bet ya he thought you were beautiful inside and out. Perhaps he just didn't want to get into the "honey do you think Im pretty or honey do ya think I'm fat" discussion..Men meaning no harm sometimes aren't sensitive to the damage they leave behind on a woman when they say off the wall remarks or are bing insensitive, as we women think very serious about our relationships. Honestly: I wouldn't worry so much about the fact he said that-look how many years you shared that is wonderful in itself alone. I was married once-he is not my husband now as deaths door opened for him as well..He used to knock my self-esteem right into the dirt..and insecurity starts well before any marraige or any mans image of you. My mother was the first cause of my low confidence I once had-she used to say her daughters could never be as beautiful as she-now look at the old crony-lol..she is just now realizing she is old-lol..what I am saying is why base your opinion of your self by what others think-who cares how you look physically in their eyes..if they liked you , youwill always be a part of their life.
I constantly havwe to encourage my teenage nieces-I tell them I am pretty but they ar emore as they have their mom and aunts and their own personal assets and attributes and gifts and good looks as well combined..I do not want them to ever let some one hinder them on account of their looks, and feel burdened by what they deem as "ugly" all because someone else said so.....the ugly duckling always turns out to be a swan..believe me I know. (Geez this is like psycho analyzing the story of the ugly duckling or the story of Alice in You need to get a small peice of note paper and put it up on your bathroom mirror with these words:"I am a beautiful person" and tell your self that everyday.I don't like seeing the crows feet and the tiny frown lines either and can you imagine how people in their eightys feel about appearances?.think positive..what you or anyone else feels inside is a reaction to some action by others..we learn these feelings we are not born with them..How we handle the words is the real concern..the power of words-sure is true!
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 23
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/9/2005 11:14:45 PM
i think what he was telling you YOU MISSED i think that what he was trying to explain to you was that you meant more to him than just a pretty face WOW! what a beautiful thing to say to you how could that ever make you feel bad sometimes men kinda suck at sayin EXACTLY what they mean and im positive this is what he tonight when you lay in bed and think of him smile and tell him you wished youd realized what a compliment that reallly was so you coud have thanked him while he was still are a lucky woman to have known a man was that in touch with his feelings to have felt that way (even if he did have a bit of troubke expressing it ).............
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 24
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/9/2005 11:21:43 PM
YOU ARE FREE..................dont be afraid of anything except leaving this planet BEFORE you actual live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the dancing banana................
Joined: 9/21/2004
Msg: 25
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:36:49 AM
This is a tricky question, so it may sound like I am going off-topic into the wild, blue yonder, stick with me - there is a point to my madness ;). Aside from the two easy and obvious, yet opposite responses:

A) Yeah, she's gotta be hott!
B) Beauty is within. I'm not a superficial person.

Because we are only human and we must communicate, we have to use these lil things called words. Regardless of how they sound (ie., what language we're speaking) it depends upon the meaning of the message for proper communication. Meaning can be symbollic, looking at the forest for the tree, the whole for the parts, in other words, just "getting the idea".
Or it can be literal, identifying the standard definitions of each individual word (which can then have symbollic meanings, etc.) We also have context. But more importantly is the WHO BEHIND the WORDS (damn, I hate all-caps, but don't have italics or bold), this is more than "context."

Just as a good speaker is told to "know the audience," so he can make slight adjustments to his speech, pitch, etc., so a good listener should "know the speaker."

Take the below phrase, without inflection, tone or context:
"Isn't that lovely?"
This could actually mean different things to different people, and coming from different people, and being in different situations.

Be Ye Hold Unto Your Heart This Image.

My friend dates and ends up marrying a girl whom I do not find physically attractive.
I do not see any "inner qualities of beauty" either. To me, she is rude, obnoxious, over-bearing, loud, pretentious, etc.

Here again, be ye hold.

So what is my point?

Perhaps when you ask your husband "Am I beautiful to you?"
He believes you are talking of only magazine-model beauty - as that is what the word means to him. So he responds openly and honestly.

Did he marry you, and did the two of you live a shared life together of joys and sorrows?

If so, then maybe there is a different kind of beauty that we don't even need to communicate with words.

And just to come back down and be a bit more normal-sounding - just looking at your smile in the photo next to your questioning post, gives warmth to my heart.
Joined: 11/9/2004
Msg: 26
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:27:52 AM
Wow!! well said hertz
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 27
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:55:55 AM
I am happy that someone took the time to think this thread through and many have made comments that are meaningful in multiple directions.

For many of us, the initial attraction will be the looks of the outer body while we do our living and meet many over our lives. As we get to know them better, those looks will either enhance or decline by the inner body(soul).

How many of us have seen what we thought to be a beautiful person and within a few minutes to hours, find them unattractive and not for us? How many of us have met someone that we were not really attracted to, and by the end of the time together, found a wonderful attraction. That is the inner soul....the person and their personality, which either enhances those looks or takes away from them.

The journey through life is an interesting one, and how we view it and others will determine many times what we find to be beautiful or not. I do believe though, that there needs to be some initial attraction on some sparks, in order to want to explore more about that person, if your goal was to meet someone as a potential partner.

Just my opinion....
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 28
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:16:54 AM
One of the greated things I discovered here on POF-

Read the threads about what people find attractive. Almost every answer is different, especially in the over 30 crowd.

Beauty is an illusion- it changes quality and value in an individual equasion through the eyes of every observer.
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 29
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 10:00:10 AM
Yes because not everyone likes the same type of people. He married you, because you mattered to him. Noone is perfect. If someone didn't say the right thing to you about your looks, but was still in your bed of a night. I say actions sometimes speak louder than words. Don't worry about it. Must of hurt you to be thinking on it 15 years later. If your happy with your self, and he stayed there, good for you, now stop dewling on it. Hope you feel better soon.
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 32
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:24:15 PM
but its undenyably what draws us into one another to learn of the true beauty inside........
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 33
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 8:26:27 PM
Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But your husband didn't care for your physical appearance but loved you anyway. He was honest enough to say that. Why let others knock him? He was your husband. You knew him best, not these strangers.
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 34
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 9:02:51 PM
Was not referring to you, but to a couple of previous posters, that's all.
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 37
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/11/2005 6:02:39 AM
Being explosive is not the same as not loving you. That was not the point of your thread, anyway. You asked a simple question, he gave a simple, honest answer - that may not have been to your liking. There is no crime in that. Forget about it, and let the guy rest in peace.
Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 40
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/15/2005 1:20:21 AM
Ok, its not that I'm trying to talk bad about a deceased person but I think it was not very nice of your late hubby to say he din marry you for beauty... Its quite mean in fact. Every woman wishes that she's the most gorgeous thing her man had ever set his eyes on.

When I'm in love, I don't care if everybody under the sky thinks that my lover is ugly. To me, he's the most charming men I've ever met and I will MAKE SURE he knows that.

So if we're talking about physical beauty here, then my answer would be a definite "Yes". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 42
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/19/2005 7:44:46 AM
I always thought the beholder was the person who HAD (or held) the beauty - or believed they had it.

So if person A goes to the hair stylists and hates their hair cut, their haircut isnt beautiful beacuse it isnt to them. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks because we all have different tastes.

If they go the hair stylists and LOVE their hair cut (even if its kooky in other people's views), its beautiful, because in their mind it is.

If you change the way you think of yourself, you will change the way others think of you. That goes for however that might be expressed, beautiful, big, ugly, whatever it might be. We go by our own definition of beauty, and that is how we make choices.

Pagey, I think what he meant was it didnt matter what you looked like, he loved you anyway.
Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 58
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 10/3/2005 4:53:11 AM
Posted By: ladypagey on 9/19/2005 6:27 AM

a vamp... Your words are exactly what I wish he would have said and since he didn't it caused the trouble. I hope that if ever I find someone to share my hopes and life with. I hope that person will think I am the most gorgeous thing if he is the only one who thinks so

Sorry for not seeing your reply earlier Pagey. I'd been tied up with work and furnishing my new home.

Oh well... Gorgeous or not, just remember that we all have a place in God's heart. And yes, I do hope you'll find a person who'll cherish you for who you are.
Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 60
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 10/3/2005 8:59:22 AM

never got why it's called a beholder rather than an observer. What's being held?

I kind of assumed that they call it beholder, since the beholder is a mythical creature of a huge eye and tentacles. So to have sight is to see through the eye.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 62
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 10/3/2005 9:39:07 AM
Ladies, however sad it may be, it is your packaging that draws us in, but it is indeed your substance that has the ability to enthrall us.
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 84
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 12/2/2005 10:45:02 PM
it has been my experience that only people who don't love themselves can say hurtfull things to others. I feel a bit sorry for your husband as he was obviously someone who missed out on a lot in life, not the least of which was not seeing the obvious beauty who he was so lucky to have shared his life with. If I was you I would take this as an opportunity to start something new and wonderful. live your life exactly as you want to and realize that you are as amazing as you make yourself and beautiful as god made you.
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 86
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 12/2/2005 11:38:45 PM
People can say really mean things about how other people look. When people make fun of someone because of how they look I get really upset, people do not realize that god could have made THEM that same person they are making fun of. I have seen really nice looking people but their whole aura and attitude towards other people just made them totally UGLY to me. I read an article in Cosmo once and it was titled "Are you beddable" and what it was saying is that it's a persons personality that makes them approachable. For instance, a drop dead beauty can walk on a plane, men will look at them but not say anything or even smile at them because of her attitude. Someone like me (not a twiggy) can walk on the plane, I"m not ugly but not a 19 year old, 6 ft, size 6 beauty queen either, but I'm always smiling and will make eye contact with people and therefore men and women will ALWAYS talk to me and make eye contact with me. I"m ok on the outside but I think my personal beauty is more inward and to be honest, I like it that way. A friendly person can make someone who is having a really bad day... much happier and relaxed. I like that about myself.

From your picture you look like a very pretty lady and your smile makes me think you are not only pretty on the outside but a very lovely person on the inside! I'm not sure why your husband said what he did and I think now with all the pof friends who've responded to you and in such possitive ways you know that you are a beautiful person and you should never feel anything but that!
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 87
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 12/2/2005 11:46:54 PM
And also, I'd be surprised if you do not have men knocking down your door!!! There are men all over the world who would consider themselves a king to have a woman like you.

Your husband was blind, I just hope that in your marriage you found happiness and that in his worldly ways he was able to show you many things. I hope you were allowed to travel and have children and have a good life. Life is what we make it and everytime something new happens then it's just another chapter in our book of life. I have lots of good chapters of the adventures in my life. You are a wonderful person, so get out there in the world and have some fun.
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 88
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 12/3/2005 12:06:38 AM
I agree Phoenix... and you can't FAKE being a nice person because sooner or later that ugly person inside of you will pop it's head out. If you have the money you can be physically perfect but without a personality and a heart you will just be a beautiful LONELY person. I happen to still have friends from 35 years ago! Some people say if you can count your true friends on one hand you're lucky... well... I'm surely blessed to have been a good enough friend to keep my friends for this many years. I had my younger years and I was a pretty thing but I never even realized how cute I was until I got older, so I guess I must have put alot of time into making my personality... and I have a one in a million kind.. LOL.. And it's taken me many years and alot of therapy to actually say that about myself. People who don't like themselves find it hard for others to care about them. Not sure where I was going with this..
Joined: 3/15/2005
Msg: 92
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 12/8/2005 4:13:13 PM
Beauty is in the eyes of me ...
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 98
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 12/15/2005 9:40:14 AM
Yes, very much so, we have next to no beauty but that is ok with us as this is what Yahweh (God) gave us, and after all we are made in his image.

I personally think you are very lovely. Kara

Yahweh thinks so also.

Steve & Kara
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