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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Cindylovepa
Joined: 12/19/2004
Msg: 11
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I think your wrong. I was reading these messages and came across yours. Telling people to run run run. Thats not fair. I have bipolar disorder...and I have the biggest heart. I would never Intentionally try to hurt someones feelings or make them feel as bad about this disorder as you do. I am sure there may be some people out there with bipolar that are worse off than me. But its a disorder. Have a heart. There are many out there that have it and dont know it. Or wont admit something is wrong. I get embarrassed to say I have it. But it all comes from my past of being abused by people that are supposed to love you. Some people do deserve a chance. And many are good people. Take care!
 DragonRider29
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 15
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 3:49:20 PM
Kind of the rule of thumb, become involved with the mentally ill, you become mentally ill also.
DragonRider
 DragonRider29
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 17
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 4:57:58 PM
Sadly, I've been around these things most of my life. Actually have a little bit of experience in it. But it is not always a negative.
Any relationship is a codependency, it is either positive or negative. If you're covering, excusing behavior, it is a negative codependency. If you're correcting behaviors, doing what needs to be done, then it is a positive codependency.
My best friend's mother is a psychiatrist, she has told me this.
I worked in the mental health industry, they also told me this.
I have a psychologist, (saved my life after my girlfriend died) she also told me this.

My sons girlfriend's is bipolar, when she is on her medication she is fine, but when she decides she is okay and goes off her medication, she creates a lot of problems. She is created a lot of problems for my child and for me.
I have been very patient with the relationship, I really don't want to have to step in and end it, but it comes to the point where I have to decide what is best for my child.
But he has come to the realization that he cannot fix her problems. So at least he is learning.
But I have told him, the next time she decides she is okay and no longer needs medication, the relationship will end.

There are the cliches, and they are cliches because they are fairly accurate.
You are what you eat.
You are a product of your environment.
You cannot be around someone and not have their personality affect you.
It is just what you do with it, it is either a positive or negative.
DragonRider
 DragonRider29
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 21
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 5:54:21 PM
First Blue, I owe nobody an apology. I am not making a judgment, I am making an observation.
Now as I said, my child, his girlfriend is bipolar. It is not even a question whether or not.
But for some reason, after a while, she think she is cured and will refuse to take her medication.
This happened about four months ago. She spent three months in jail for what she did.
Now she is on her medication, and as was said in the previous post, if she is taking her medication, you would never know. But for some reason, she has done this a number of times.
Because of this behavior, I have to conclude she is dangerous to be around. It's not a judgment, it is a fact. She has done this on more than one occasion, she has been in jail on more than one occasion. She gets incredibly violet.
Part of her probation is the she must be on the medication, she quits taking it, she goes back for a year.

Now my child for a while became an enabler, covering her bad behavior, excusing the behavior, covering up for it. And it caused a lot of problems.
I put him into counseling, now he understands he cannot fix her problems, only she can do this. But he can make sure that she is doing this.

Misunderstanding what I say does not give you the right to yell at me.
You can not become involved with someone without the behaviors affecting you.
But it is either a negative or positive.
I don't know why my son's girlfriend seems to think every so often she is cured, there is no cure, only treatment of symptoms and when she comes off the medication she sees nothing wrong with the behavior.
So is what I am saying telling people not to a get involved with bipolar people?
Absolutely not.
But if you do, know what you're doing, study about it
and it is your responsibility to make sure they completely understand.
DragonRider
 RonniG
Joined: 8/12/2004
Msg: 23
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 6:17:25 PM
From my experience dating, for a brief while, a guy with bipolar disorder was that when things were good they were very very good. He was very sweet and lovng. But what I didn't know is that he was writing bad checks for steak dinner.

When the money was all gone and he could no longer afford his medicine, he blamed me for enjoying the dinner. Heck I'm not responsible for his budget! I didn't even know he had this problem! When he was calling, threatening to commit suicide, slashing my tires, this is when I needed help and contacted the police and mental health. That was a very long three weeks!

I can't speak for anyone else but I do know that I don't wish to hang with anyone else with the disorder. I'm glad that you have your life in perspective. He certainly didn't.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 24
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/20/2005 7:06:59 PM
I have to respond to this one. If all has been well and suddenly one mentions bipolar disorder and things are still well, that is no reason to break it off. Perhaps this person is feeling really close to you right now and only wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into. It is quite possibly a roller coaster ride, but if you are understanding and perceptive, I would have to say that you have a chance of making a go of it. Everyone deserves love and affection, no matter what their problems are. I was married for 4 years to a bipolar man and it was a rocky road at best, but not all are like that. Understand this: Part of the illness is sometimes not realizing or admitting you are sick in bipolar disorder. If this becomes habit and they do not stay on a regular medicine regimen, depending on the personality of the person, things can get hairy. Some, however, with the proper emotional support, can lead seemingly normal lives, with only the occasional off the wall incidents. Anything out of the ordinary is a sign that proper communication need be in order and supportive intervention can avert relapses. I say give it a go, and if things get too much to handle, politely take your leave and leave it in God's capable hands. Good luck.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 28
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/21/2005 7:39:31 PM
Kudos to you, Chuck and all the well managed bi-polars out there who are finally speaking up for themselves! I have been burned also, and am still feeling the effects going on 20 years later, but know that like any personality, not all bi-polars are alike, just like not all those with diabetes, or cancer or any other illness are alike either. Some face up to the challenge of their disorder, and some do not. To any of you who would not consider dating a bi-polar simply because of the illness, you are free to have your opinion, but one must look at the responsibility factor of the individual and decide from there. As has already been said, you may be missing out on knowing a wonderful individual, as most bi-polars are very creative, sensitive, highly intelligent individuals, and very devoted to friends and family. Wish I could say that about the rest of the population!
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 36
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 8:10:14 AM
Thanks christine for the positive input. Rainbow,we are talking about apples and oranges here. Yes there are many bi-polars who will not accept the fact that they have an illness, have extreme mood swings and self medicate with drugs or alcohol or not at all and others have to face the negative effects of this. These are the extreme and irresponsible ones, though. It seems the initiator of this thread is talking about those who are responsible about their own treatment, and sensitive to those around them, and that makes a huge difference. As I said before, it is like a cancer patient who is positive and does not make excuses for their feelings, their disease, but faces it head on, and you would not think twice about dating someone like that, would you? Even if they had days when they just couldn't face the possibility of an early demise or the pain, in general they would face the music and be the best person they can be, for the sake of themselves and those around them. These are the bi-polars we are discussing here. They are just like any other human around, and I know how it is sometimes, being a woman with all the mood swings inherent in femaleness, and especially getting close to that midlife thing, and I am sure you get them too, on occasion, so we cannot expect a perfectly calm relationship with anyone, because all people have their differences. Just something to think about. Being a bit more open-minded and accepting of others opens up a world of opportunity for rich friendships and relationships alike.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 38
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/22/2005 9:15:45 AM
You are very welcome, Chuck. You mentioned genetic purists and I shudder to think that there are some of those still out there. I am reminded of WWII and how being born into the wrong family most certainly meant a death sentence. There is a saying that those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. I pray that this society is smart enough to learn from it, become more open-minded and accepting of others, and have the courage to stand by each other, however imperfect we may be, to save our race as a whole, instead of being an active participant in its demise. So here's to the human race, in all its diversity, creativity and imperfections- cheers! Something to ponder, to those of you who may be a little quick to judge others, it is the person as a whole that counts.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 44
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/23/2005 5:32:55 AM
[why risk it and let someone too close and personal in your life without taking time to get to know them better]

Exactly, rainbow fish. Just because someone seems "normal" (excuse the word, is there any such thing?) to you, are you going to let them close and personal without getting to know them better anyhow? That might just be a mistake. Maybe they are one of those victim mentality types, or maybe they are just allergic to your cats! Because it is always wise to get to know someone very well before going beyond something like a meet date, it should not matter what type you date, as long as they are compatible and you both enrich each others lives and make each other smile. In my experience, dating IS a roller coaster ride anyhow. The waiting to hear from someone you have expressed interest in, the anxiety of the first meet, the occasional letdown when someone is not quite what you expected, it is all part of the experience. If someone is honest enough and communicates to you that they are bi-polar you should take it a bit further to find out if they are properly managing their illness. If so, there is no reason to call it off if all is well. Then there is no roller coaster ride.

And Chuck, I would be a bit concerned if someone is following you on this site, perhaps contact the moderators just to let them know. Some people are just sick, and I don't mean bi-polar either, gee, what is the name of that disease? Ahh I think they call it hate. They are the most dangerous ones. Someone who has a disease? No problem. A hater? Run like hell.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 47
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/23/2005 2:12:00 PM
I have to agree with you, April, and Chuck as well. The US health care system leaves something to be desired in the realm of treatment of mental illness, but in it's defense, it is improving and doing it's best. Unfortunately, sometimes the best it can do isn't good enough and there are plenty who fall through the cracks, and many do take others with them. It should be your own choice without recourse who you date and who you do not for whatever reason and I have found that people without the disease to be plenty pushy to hook up when there is no reciprocal interest. May we all find the special someone we are looking for, and good luck fishing everyone!
 skajoseph21
Joined: 10/15/2003
Msg: 52
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 10/28/2005 3:12:19 AM
andnowthefall and bpmg, ditto I couldn't of said it better my selfs. gets the bro's some
kool-aid.. it's a chemcial inbalence of the brain, it genic. just like a diabetic has to take insulin,or a cancer patient has to have keymo. we have to take medication and see a therapist.... . I Think it wrong with some people say run from a bipolar person. why because you had a bad exspereantice(SP?) With a bipolar person and now your ignorant of all of them.. grr when will the stigma and stupidaty of people in?

right dragonrider.. we are hear to educate the people,and just like them they may want to learn about it.. see you still don't know everything because you're asking the question " I don't know why my son's girlfriend seems to think every so offen she is cured, there is no cure. um because when a bipolar person is mania they see nothing wrong with them,
we sometimes can feel like superman.-- we are no longer depressed mania makes us seem like how thing should be. you are right you're son can't "fix" her problems but can help her with support and encuregment(SP?)... I don't know but it sound like you may be biest(SP?) of your son's girlfriend because she bipolar.. one day he's going to group and he going to make his own choses. get to know your son's girlfriends, I Have to ask how is she dangerous what did she do? I would like to know.. I wonder what she did that made her go to jail. why didn't they just put her in the hospital?
 skajoseph21
Joined: 10/15/2003
Msg: 57
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/1/2005 5:52:42 AM
malteeze, are you really that stupid are do you just have a finger up your ass?
sounds like you need to do some more research and need to read more books.
I agree with mpbg only 8 reason, please tell us if we are missing some.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 63
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/4/2005 6:56:26 AM
Dragon Rider, you really must consider something in all this: as you have said, you are a product of your environment, and that is true to a large extent, but also there are those of us out there that are able to rise above our circumstances, however lousy they may be to achieve new heights. You are around your son and his girlfriend a bit I am assuming and that fact is having an effect on you also. That may be swaying your ideas a bit as you are in around that situation a lot, but consider this: It is your attitude and yours alone that makes the difference in your own life , and of course those you are close to. It seems that this thing has brought you down a bit. Do not let the attitudes of others stop you from being the person you want to be, that is all I am saying here. If you let this make you a negative person, you will spread this to all you are with, including your wife, son, and his bi-polar girlfriend. I suggest you distance yourself a bit from this situation (though I am glad to hear he is getting counseling on dealing positively with her problem) and get youself more in a positive frame of mind. Will do wonders for you, and those close to you. I do agree with you that anyone considering getting into such a relationship know and understand what they are getting into, but consider Chuck here. Seems he is living a pretty good life, has a wonderful wife, friends, and socially active in society. I am sure he has his problems, as we all do, but has risen above his illness to achieve new heights, and that is possible for anyone to do, with the right mindset. I think that it is the persons attitude that makes all the difference, not whether he/she has a disability or disease or not. Of course you should know what you are getting into, but that goes with any relationship. I do understand your concerns, having been first hand in that type of relationship myself, but do try to be a bit more positive, not being judgemental here, just sensing a bit of frustration here.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 64
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:24:25 AM
Thanks, jaded, for the comment. I have 2 children with a bi-polar father, and am constantly worried that it will happen with them, but now they are grown (although they are still young and not out of the woods yet) but have dedicated my life since having them (to the demise of my social life, but not totally) to making sure they are as well balanced as possible and do try my best to help them make sure it does not happen to them. So far it is working, but one never knows...I am very determined to make sure either way that they deal responsibly with life either by dealing with things like an adult, or by taking the proper med in the proper fashion for any illness they may have. It is a hard road, but if they become successful, productive members of society, let me tell you I will be at the top of the world, knowing I have succeeded in the endeavor that is the most important-that of being a parent. By the way, they worry about it too, but not as much now that they are adults, but we do have a ways to go yet and do discuss it from time to time. I would add that having a support system is imperative, as I have not had one to date, and it has made it ever so much harder and we could have come much further than we have had we had a good support system, but are doing the best we can under the circumstances. I do intend to be their support system though, for as long as it takes.
 mr_filoceefee
Joined: 8/27/2005
Msg: 67
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:53:47 AM
I was wondering....could someone tell me what Bi-Polar is and how it is diagnosed? Sorry for my ignorance.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 70
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/9/2005 9:37:12 AM
No problem, Mr.filoceefee. Bi-polar is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes a person to usually go from back and forth from periods of extreme depression to extreme mania (excitability, super happiness, paranoia,etc), correct me if I am wrong Chuck. It is diagnosed usually when one of those periods become too much for the person or someone close(parent, husband, wife, sibling) and a hospital stay is required to stabilize the person. Or it can be diagnosed in a physicians or psychiatrists office. It is a hard thing to diagnose and many cases are undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as ADHD or other illness. It is also hard to treat and most are treated with mood stabilizing medications. It is often a bit more complicated than that, but that's the basics of it. Hope that helps.
 40Chev
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 72
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:31:30 PM
jeez louise malteeze
You paint with a broad brush
I had the good fortune to have a relationship with a lady with BP. She was the kindest, most generous individual I had been involved with up to that point. I have also met some ladies that displayed some of the characteristics you mentioned.
Things didn't work because I couldn't ride the roller coaster others have talked about.
BPMG - congratulations to you for having the discipline to maintain your meds. Had my friend been able to do so I doubt that I'd be using this forum.
I would still date someone with BP, human nature being what it is I suspect I'd be leary of a long term relationship - then again love is blind.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 74
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:45:13 PM
Thanks, Chuck for the confirmation on the diagnosis of bipolar illness, and I truly believe you already are a beautiful person, inside and out. You can be proud of who you are, I am sure many of your friends and loved ones are!
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 86
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/10/2005 10:08:08 PM
Rob, good to hear that you have sought treatment and it seems to be working for you. I am sure the two of you can work out almost anything with your positive attitude! Good luck and thanks for your input!
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 88
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:22:50 AM
Who's that girl, I think that is exactly what a responsible bipolar guy would want you to do- notice and understand his cycling and help be supportive and ask if he has taken meds today. In that case you would be a great date for a bipolar guy! That is if you were to find one out there and decide to date them.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 90
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:29:37 PM
Hey blue, didn't post to offend anyone. Was there something I said that really got you going? I probably know more bipolar people than you do- besides family I have many of them that are friends as well. And most (except for the ones that are totally irresponsible about taking their meds and hurt family) are as normal as anyone out there and no one would notice. What I was getting at in my last post is that a bi-polar man that is responsible will not mind if you are sensitive to his ups and downs. I was not judging anyone based on a disease- it is all about attitude and the positives win with me. Along with the original thread, there is no good reason not to date someone who is bi-polar, but there is a reason not to date someone with a bad attitude towards it or anything else!
 tgif2005
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 93
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Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/15/2005 4:51:21 AM
DragonRider29, you've got it. There is a famous saying: Never sleep with a woman who has more problems than your own. Don't get me wrong, I have great sympathy for the mentally ill because I know they suffer greatly, but they also can make your life a living hell.
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 102
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/21/2005 3:14:46 PM
Okay, blue, I still don't get exactly what it was that made you angry, but if you have read my posts, then you know that I have lived it and do indeed have to deal with its effects every day. I am sorry if something angered you, but I do not post do have that effect, I only try to be supportive. Let me say this...most bi-polar people are very interesting, very intelligent and super creative. All in all they are great people to know, except for those who refuse to accept it and deny any problem at all, but mostly they are as wonderful as anyone, and more exciting to be around than most. They have their ups and downs as anyone does, just to more of an extreme. It's time to put away angry feelings and get into the holiday spirit! Have a wonderful Christmas!
 nala1
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 103
Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar?
Posted: 12/21/2005 3:32:39 PM
You are very welcome, Benjamin, and I meant every word. I hope all is going well for you and all in the thread. Have a wonderful Christmas everyone!
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