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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...      Home login  
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 sum1reel
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 4
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
IMO, the reason why this happens is usually because the (man's) impression of you did not match up to what he initially thought you would be like.....whether its your looks or personality, i could not say!!......you may wanna better define your relationship goals and philosophy and you may wanna consider putting up a fullview picture of yourself so you don't end up wasting time with pple who may not consider you to be their type!
 CountIbli
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 8
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 10/29/2005 11:52:03 PM
Cristine, I'm wondering where all these quality women are. I can't seem to find any.
 opticalnoise
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 10
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History
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 10/30/2005 1:18:18 AM
I completely disagree with "There is more quality women than men" Want to know why?

THERE ARE MORE MEN ONLINE LOOKING FOR DATES THAN WOMEN

Often by a ratio of 4:1

Therefore lets say you have a dating site with 100,000 people

25,000 will be women
75,000 will be men

If HALF of these people in each gender are "good" you will find

12,500 women
37,500 men

Hell, even if only 25% of men were good and 50% of women were, it still would be off

12,500 women
18,750 men

Trust me, there is just as many self-absorbed narcissist smoking drinking drug addicted bed hopping cheating lying psycho women out there as there are men. They just aren't all on the internet.


Anyway - In regards to your situation, a big factor for me calling a girl back is how much interest she has shown in me. If I date a girl and she is just like 'Eh, whatever' I won't call her back. Because dating is expensive and time consuming. However if she makes it *very* clear that she is interested, and so am I, I will call her back. The main point, show interest when you have it. And make sure it is very clear. Just imagine that the guy you are dating is completely immune to any "signals" you may have. Trust me, 9 out of 10 times he won't get it. Just tell him. "I think you're a great guy and I'd love to hang out again sometime" That's all it takes.
 jefcoat
Joined: 8/12/2004
Msg: 14
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History
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 10/31/2005 1:09:13 AM
It has taken me over a year using internet dating sites and guess what I get my second coffee night so be patient it will happen. For me I just had to wait and wait and wait but I have found it just takes the right one and who know I maybe able to go for a third coffee heres to you all
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 15
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 10/31/2005 1:16:00 AM
Your profile lacks any insight to who you are. You need to word it in a way
that captures your essence. Hanging out with friends and going out??...you
just listed 97% of everyone on POF.
 kellie0317
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 17
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 10/31/2005 6:15:08 PM
It just takes time with a positive attitude. We all have our ups and downs. Me and my brother are on the same site haveing fun laughing at some of the people. You really shouldn't get your expectations up too hi. Just have fun and you never know.
 spudmama
Joined: 3/4/2005
Msg: 19
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 12/1/2005 9:57:10 PM
it takes alot of frogs before you find the enchanted prince.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 23
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 12/19/2009 9:30:56 PM
I definitely know what the OP is talking about. As far as confidence goes, if someone's not very confident/low self esteem, how should they work on that? It's been a couple of years on/off of first dates, probably only two made it past date one, and developed into a short relationship (less than two months). This is so discouraging, it makes me just want to swear off dating. Then , if they say no "instant chemistry", I can't help but wonder if it has something to do with my appearance, as in, need to lose weight. (10-15 lbs).
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 24
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 12/20/2009 8:22:04 AM
And I'd say it would be some first dates in my case, not lots of first dates. .
 latin9999
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 26
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:20:00 PM
back on the market,

started dating 10 days ago, I went on 5 dates, I did not like any of them,
2 are asking me to go out again, I may go out with one, I liked his cat

I have 2 more dates with new guys this weekend,
I think I wont like them either

Oh well, I will keep trying until I found the one who
I pick to be my future ex, lol
 MandaMarie25
Joined: 2/2/2010
Msg: 30
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:16:29 PM
I don't think it is anything you are doing wrong. I go through the same thing. One thing I try to remind myself is that dating is a number game. Its not your fault. You don't know what is going with these men. If they don't ask you out again so what. Keep your head high and keep it moving. Thats all you can do. Good luck.
 Cartier84
Joined: 12/5/2009
Msg: 33
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:23:43 PM
not attracted to you. Period.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 34
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/5/2010 10:16:29 PM
I went on 8 dates with one woman I met from here. Nothing ever came of it and then there was no 9th date.
Such is life, you move on!
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 35
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History
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/5/2010 11:55:43 PM
I wouldn't worry about it. It's pretty normal to have a lot of first dates that don't go anywhere. You either click or you don't. For me, it's a big leap from meeting one time to wanting to go on a second date - there has to be a real connection and lots of potential for a second date, so if it gets to a second date with me, chances are, we'll be dating for months. Most will just be one date.
 bernta
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 36
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/6/2010 8:03:49 AM
I recently told a friend that I'm becoming the "one date wonder".

I go on a date and then WONDER why I went!!
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 38
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/6/2010 5:12:12 PM
The thing is that today, approaching women in public is not a good thing to do. The vast majority will reject a guy because it is not the common thing anymore. Everyone and anyone is doing online dating. With that in mind, the landscape of dating has totally changed. Women want a guy who is almost a perfect 10 now with no flaws. Reason being? With so many choices to choose from (amount of men contacting and amount of men she can browse through) the standards are alot higher. One flaw and she knows there is someone around the corner without that flaw.
Now remember ladies I am just pointing it out from a guy's perspective, I am sure it is no different from a woman's perspective too.

I would say that I have had more first dates and more actual dates with online dating over the years I have used it off and on compared to approaching women in public or as it is said, in the real world. I have been told "Get lost" "Sorry you too ugly for me" "**** Off" "You are not good enough for me" "You don't make enough money to spend on me" with approaching women in person.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 39
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History
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/7/2010 1:04:11 AM
^where are you trying to pick up all those delightful sounding women?
(you might want to look elsewhere)...

i've had a few pof dates over the past couple of years. i've also had dates with men i've met through everyday life...
(most pof dates i've not wanted to see again.)
i'm not looking for a "10"...i am after all a realist...
but i'm not interested in trying a second date if the first one is a fizzer...

online dating is a gamble, a gamble that who you're going to meet will be at least what you're expecting...
the reality can be numbing...
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 40
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/7/2010 3:19:22 PM
^^^ Well I may sound selfish BUT I feel I have experienced, and accepted, my fair share of rejection over the years and so online dating rejection is alot better than an in person approach rejection. I won't ever strike up a conversation with a woman ever again. Why? Because the social element is gone from our society. texting, messaging, email are all what the majority of people prefer. The human interaction is only acceptable when the guy is much better than say a 7 out of 10.
So online is the only avenue for me to hopefully meet women.

Those delightful women you ask where I have met them, online of course. And being a realist is fine but a woman wants a guy to be close to perfect. I mean when you have so many 9's on a site contacting you, why would a woman want to settle for a 5? Makes no sense to me.
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 41
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/11/2010 6:05:02 PM
some people are too phuking picky...

some people come online to meet Barbie/Ken...

Barbie/Ken can get it in real life...

my 2 cents, pursue your hobbies, meet a guy in real life.
 kow626
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 42
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/12/2010 4:03:15 PM
i think when we stop playing the blame game, become self aware, and accept responsibility for our failures in dating is when we'll have more dating success. if you're going out on date after date after date and not getting anywhere, it's time to kick back and learn what you're doing wrong, fix yourself as a person (if possible), and start picking better potentials. last year i had many dates, some led to 2nd and 3rd dates but not past that. only one turned out to be a good friend. this year, i've only had one date that didn't go to a second and met one other chick and we had a lot of fun hanging out but only talk and hang occasionally due to distance. those were all from online dating.

one chick i met IRL is still an acquaintance and we hang from time to time. so there's only one real date i've had all year long and i'm not complaining about it one bit. way i see it, none of my past dates turned into a successful relationship (cuz clearly i'm still single). i've become self aware now and know exactly what i want in a partner. that equates to less dates but i'm not wasting my time or someone else's and i can appreciate that more now. better to be happy and single, patient, and be damn well aware of when a good thing comes along and devote time to that rather than serial date and come up empty every time. i'm over that. higher quality dates v. higher quantity. if you're not just looking for a lay, which do you prefer?

learn about yourself, develop a good filter, and save yourself some time from dating incompatible people. you'll be a more complete person for it and when the right one does come along, you'll both reap the rewards. being single really ain't such a bad thing like people try and make it out to be. you're in the same boat as millions, if not billions, of other people. some of us seek our last first date. i'm one of them.
 rainbowcolors
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 43
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/23/2013 8:19:17 AM

i think when we stop playing the blame game, become self aware, and accept responsibility for our failures in dating is when we'll have more dating success. if you're going out on date after date after date and not getting anywhere, it's time to kick back and learn what you're doing wrong, fix yourself as a person (if possible), and start picking better potentials.


I find these one date wonders are a vicious cycle and I have calmed down a lot when on first dates/meeets. Initially I would talk too much and act nervous around the men whom I was very attracted to. Now I am taking a step back and treating those particular men like I treat everyone else. My old tactics probably scared most of them away, but I couldn't help myself.

My big fault here is also dating too many men thinking if I meet quantity that I will find someone compatible. The only relationship I found off of here was with a man who was very physically unattractive. After a month of dating him I did have an issue with it and felt embarrassed walking arm and arm. I am not sure if the way he looked was genetic or some type of syndrome I was not made aware of and I didn't want to ask.

All of these one date wonders are tiring me out. But despite all of this I do have a wonderful male friend whom I met on POF. We never got involved romantically but became coffee/hiking buddies. I was always aware that he was prettier than me (really, he is) and he said on our first meet I acted nervous. So, my previous bad behaviour was confirmed. Anyhow, I pretend I am calm when I am not and I think it works. Although, I normally still don't get past the first date but feel better about how I behave.

Oops I forgot about the very attractive 28 year old I was involved with a few weeks ago. But imo that doesn't count because he viewed me as a fwb. This post is about finding someone where there is mutual attraction and caring.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 44
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/23/2013 11:19:42 AM
It's the nature of online dating. I think most first dates ( even some of the ones that went well ) don't lead to a second date because of reasons that have mentioned by other posters. Such as the ones listed below.


1. There is no physical attraction.
2. Some people have unrealistic expectations and / or are impatient. They want instant fireworks like they see in some movies and commercials for online dating sites. Or they quickly lose interest.
3. Some people may have been dating multiple people and liked one of them better.
4. They went back to ex.
5. They are married / in a relationship.
6. They weren't ready for a relationship / not completely over an ex.
7. They became preoccupied with work, school, family, or other commitments.
 Mixture24
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 45
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/23/2013 1:43:34 PM
Maybe you portraying yourself one way before you meet and then when meeting you seem like a different person. Or you myspace angle your pictures too much.
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 46
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/24/2013 6:23:02 AM

1. There is no physical attraction.
2. Some people have unrealistic expectations and / or are impatient. They want instant fireworks like they see in some movies and commercials for online dating sites. Or they quickly lose interest.
3. Some people may have been dating multiple people and liked one of them better.
4. They went back to ex.
5. They are married / in a relationship.
6. They weren't ready for a relationship / not completely over an ex.
7. They became preoccupied with work, school, family, or other commitments.


There is a lot of "THEY" in those reasons. However, when I didn't get a second date, it was mostly because of me. They didn't want to see ME again. Doesn't matter why. I have went out with women who I DIDN'T want to see again, but I at least gave it two dates. However some women just saw me once and said. NOPE! At first I cared why? Then later, I was like who the heck cares why? There weren't into me. I thanked them and wished them well.

My thing is that if you are only getting 1rst dates and not getting 2nd dates, then maybe it is something you are doing that is turning them off to you. Maybe it is something in you they are not finding that connection with to get the second date. You can only change you and who you are looking for. You can never change who you are dating.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 47
Lots of first dates.....not many second ones...
Posted: 6/24/2013 6:54:14 AM

There is a lot of "THEY" in those reasons. However, when I didn't get a second date, it was mostly because of me. They didn't want to see ME again. Doesn't matter why. I have went out with women who I DIDN'T want to see again, but I at least gave it two dates. However some women just saw me once and said. NOPE! At first I cared why? Then later, I was like who the heck cares why? There weren't into me. I thanked them and wished them well.


Sometimes it can be something a man said or did that was a turn off to a woman ( or vice versa). Sometimes a woman can lose interest because of reasons that had nothing to a man ( or vice versa) . Other times 2 great people simply are not compatible with each other. It is some combination of the 3. If most people were getting many second dates and someone wasn't, then I might think the problem is mostly with that person. However since not getting many second dates is very common, I think this is often due to the nature of online dating.
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