Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 1
Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I've heard time and time again from my friends who have children that
it is the most JOYOUS events in their lives - to have children. I've heard
it here on POF too. Yet, I hear the stress of it all from various parents; I see
the parents blowing up and losing it.

Am I wrong to have decided not to have children? Am I missing something magical? Or
are parents wanting to drag me into a shared misery?

This is my first thread I posted so be kind.
 PhyneLiquor
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 2
Am I missing out in my decision NOT to have children
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:10:04 AM
ahhh, people love to play mind games, lay the guilt trips on, make you feel you are doing something "wrong" don't they?

If they see you being "too happy" it will probably piss them off to no end..


lol

Living well is the best revenge..
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Am I missing out in my decision NOT to have children
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:17:26 AM
Not necessarily. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and not everyone is bound to find joy in raising a child. Personally, my son is the best thing that ever happened to me, but I always wanted to be a dad.
 PhyneLiquor
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 4
Am I missing out in my decision NOT to have children
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:22:17 AM
True enough..actually in my post I was NOT referring to the people here on POF, giving advice, more like relatives (especially parents), and people you know closely in real life..not all of them, but it does happen sometimes..

So if you don't have children you won't know what you're missing?

Of course, that's obvious, anything we DON'T do we don't know.

And if you DO have children you won't know what you missed by making THAT decision, either..(what your life would have/could have been like otherwise)

At some point you just go with a decision & don't worry about what 'might have been'..

had you followed a different fork in the path..
 PhyneLiquor
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 5
Am I missing out in my decision NOT to have children
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:23:19 AM
some people find it such a "joy" that they "walk out" a few years later leaving the other parent alone to raise the child(ren)..
 PhyneLiquor
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 6
Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:40:10 AM
The consensus seems to be that people that decided to have kids are sure that they made the right decision..and so are the people who chose not to..

The key I guess is to decide for yourself, not to let someone decide for you (or pressure you).

I have actually heard people with kids say they "can't understand how anyone could be so selfish as to not have kids.."

niice..smug, condesecending attitude..but, that seems to be human nature, always find some reason or aspect to hold yourself above others & look down on another group..

maybe some of the reasons they HAD kids were 'selfish' ones..If we should even use words/labels like "selfish"..

which are used 90% of the time to guilt someone into doing something they didn't want to do, but that (the user of the term 'selfish' ) would like them to do..

are there any dissenters at all?

People who had kids but wish they hadn't (like they're going to admit THAT "unacceptable feeling"..LOL)

People who didn't have kids & now feel they are 'too old' & regret it? Yes I know there are biological reasons for a woman, but for a man too?

I mean, you might be "able to" father a child at 70 +, but really now..doesn't seem like a great idea to me..
when the odds are that you will proably die before the kid turns 15? I dunno..
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?
Posted: 10/31/2005 6:00:25 AM
Am I the only one who's never given it a second thought?
 PhyneLiquor
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 8
Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?
Posted: 10/31/2005 8:06:31 AM
They probably 'see it' , but don't care

Don't let practicalities get in the way of a legal argument, even if eventually there will be perverse repercussions that will hurt those the law originally meant to help..

called irony isn't it?
 agenteightysix
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?
Posted: 10/31/2005 9:43:58 AM
I am family oriented and selfish at the same time. I am a single parent of a little 4yr boy. My wife left when he was 1 to take care of a house 2 car payments and a little boy. I will never quite be the same.

So its been a really hard few years. Would I do it over again. NO maybe, I don't know, but I love my son. He is a pain in the butt, and the thing that drives me to get me up in the morning. The downfall, he takes up so much time. The benifit, I get to teach him everything he knows about the world and I get so much love from him. He helps me see things in a new and positive way.

Botton line its alot of work. If you have a hard time taking care of yourself or long term relationships are not really your thing....well.... People don't have kids for lots of reasons, thats thier choice. I have one I want another, just with the right woman, I am not sure if she will ever show herself. I also look what life is about....My dad told me its about friends and family. When you look back at your life the things that you smile most about are the relationships and friends and people that have been the closest to you. Its those people that mean something, that have made your life have value.
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 10
Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:50:24 PM
@2uneek


Maybe sharing with us your thoughts on the issue might help us help you.


My mom is pushing me into having them. I don't like being pushed into something that
appears to be a very frightening responsibility. I don't know what kind of dad
I'd be if I jumped into it feet first. You can't back out once you're in. So, my delema
is if I decided to make a go of it, am I likely to fall in love with it and want it bad enough - how does one really know if it's a right decision? How do you know that you are
going to be a decent parent? This is where I am.

I'm still reading all the responses.
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 11
Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?
Posted: 10/31/2005 6:20:06 PM
I have 2 siblings but they don't want any either. My mom also noted that the
family name will die out. Thanks for the advice but I know her - she wants
a grandchild and I know her love for kids is beyond description.
 Lazyboyz
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 12
Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?
Posted: 11/1/2005 2:14:50 PM
@nunthewiser

Thank you for the story. I keep reading these posts from parents and hoping to
realize an epiphany but I think stories like yours helps. The last thing
I want in my retirement years is a sense of profound regret. But, like you said,
if I move forward in life I can do so with someone I care for and that in itself
is special.

BTW: you guy's all rock!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Am I missing out on my decision NOT to have children?