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 amberbrechey
Joined: 5/25/2005
Msg: 2
First date ... who pays?Page 1 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
im ols fashioned i feel the first date the guy should
 KingJPW
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 3
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 4:46:56 PM
Want to meet me for drinks this Friday?
 amberbrechey
Joined: 5/25/2005
Msg: 6
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 4:55:26 PM
lol omg so I am a prostitute because i feel a guy should pay for the first dinner hell most guys do always if you even try to pay they are like what the hell are you doing , lol oh man hun come on now .
 amberbrechey
Joined: 5/25/2005
Msg: 9
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:04:57 PM
lol yeah I got ya well I dont mind paying I have found some guys who are gentleman get kinda offended . I think it is very sweet now I am not talkin about going out to 200 .00 DINNER hell I am fine with a burger from micky d's and a run on the pay set in it .
 DavePinFlorida
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 12
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 6:46:04 PM
I NEVER under any circumstances let a woman I'm on a date with pay for anything, even if she says she's not remotely interested in me. I was raised by a significantly older step-father and he instilled some SERIOUSLY hardcore old-fashioned values.
 DavePinFlorida
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 19
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 9:45:34 PM
Well, personally I think it's wrong to let a woman pay for anything. As the "hunter gatherer provider" type, we males should be providing for the women we're trying to woo. Just personal opinion.. don't flame me here.. but I think if a woman even offers to pay, that they're sending me a signal they're not interested.
 michaeljustin
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 29
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/15/2005 2:42:35 AM
i pay..good way to show your interested in that person and care anuff to pay..unless they jumped on the check and told me no..then i would let them pay.
 cuter_than_anyone
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 40
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/15/2005 12:30:27 PM
bless your poor little heart. that's terrible!!

if he asked you out for drinks, he pays. i don't understand why it is so difficult for people to understand what it means to invite someone somewhere. do these same people invite people into their homes and charge them for parking in their driveway? do they charge them for dinner and entertainment afterwards? these people could make a killing at a party

i would have gone dutch for dinner since you both discussed it at the pub. seems fair.

again, i'm so very sorry this happened to you. but at least now you know he's a loser. too bad it was such an expensive lesson

also, don't feel embarassed. you did the right thing. he should be shamed and embarassed
 Raven1
Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 43
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/15/2005 12:59:33 PM
Personally, I for one have always payed the first time. Even if it was just me meeting up with someone as FRIENDS. That's usually what I like to do anyay (not the paying part necessisarily...lol). No, what I mean is when meeting people through means such as the net I like to do it as friends that way there's no expectations and FAR LESS stress or tension or anything throughout the whole ordeal. If you click after you meet and decide to start dating then so be it. You're obviously attracted and comfortable enough to and with each other to do so.
If we hook up for drinks or coffee or what not, I usually foot the bill for it. No big deal. If we just keep our relationship as friends then of course I don't foot the bill every time. Sometimes if I'm in a tight spot and they want to go out then they may foot the bill that time (just as friends usually do amongst each other).

 ksulli1
Joined: 6/22/2005
Msg: 47
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/16/2005 6:45:05 AM
As a general rule the guy pays for the first date, otherwise why go out. It has to do with respect and showing a good impression. Treat her right and she'll do the same and show
you respect.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 58
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 3/19/2009 12:26:31 PM
jeepers...there was already a big thread on this...this one is from 2005? thats almost 4 years ago.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 63
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:21:23 AM
I'm old fashioned, too: I think a woman's place is in the kitchen making sure dinner is on the table when I get home to a spottlessly clean place, her being a virgin at marriage, etc, etc.

That's about how some of you gals sound on this topic - like female versions of Archie Bunker. Just so you know.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 64
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 3/23/2009 9:04:21 AM
I was brought up 'old fashioned,' too.
THE FIRST DATE, the "MAN" pays. (and NO, I'm not the type to pick - or even agree- to go to 5 star places)

Modern technology has sh*t to do with it.
From MY choosing, I dont go out with that many guys (due to weading through them) but when I do happen to go, HE SHOULD BE PREPARED TO BE A GENTLEMAN.


There are plenty of ways a man can be a gentleman to a woman that have nothing to do with money. I have no problem with a man ( or woman for that matter ) wanting to pay the entire bill. But regardless of gender or who asked whom, no one should expect the other person to pay for them. It seems like some women will use the 'old fashioned' excuse when it's to their advantage. But I'm sure most women would be angry if a man expected a woman to stay home and cook and clean all day.
 musicminusone
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 66
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/26/2012 2:53:31 PM
Nikon almost took the words out of my mouth. Many - certainly not all - women have a double standard, wherein they are "liberated" where it suits them and "traditional" where that suits them. And they (again not all by any means) expect men to just accept that. Some women will say that whoever initiates the date should pay. A lot of the same women will also say that they belive the man should always initiate the date. Nice system! Paying your fair share is part of having equality.

I don't mind at all paying for the first date - especially, as this is usually just a coffee date. But if a woman doesn't lift a finger to offer to split things on the 2nd date, many brownie points are deducted. There may not be a 3rd date, though this alone will rarely be the sole deal-braker. Or before going out on a 3rd date I might have to initiate the awkward question "can we split things?"
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 70
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/26/2012 7:16:36 PM
It should be Dutch. Unless one person insists on paying for the entire date. I don't think a person should be expected to pay because (s)he asked the other person out or "traditional" gender roles.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 71
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/26/2012 11:57:46 PM

I've had ONE date treat me for dinner in the last year, and that's probably only because I was moaning & b*tching about how guys never pay anymore.


you get what you expect :)
 fixitguyinkc
Joined: 7/12/2012
Msg: 73
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/27/2012 12:21:03 AM
Has NO one READ any of the dating E on why Paying is a bad thing !!! Geez ! meet for coffee or tea ! Sheesh
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 78
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/27/2012 7:06:14 AM
My first dates usually consisted of meeting for drinks at a bar that also served food. I made a habit of getting there first and ordering my own drink so that my date and I would have separate checks.

If my date offered to buy me a drink or food, I might accept his offer if things were going well---otherwise, it would end up being dutch.

Since I was the one that invited my current partner out for drinks, I paid the entire tab. He paid the tab for our second date.
 tpb03
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 80
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First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/27/2012 8:32:28 AM
I think each person should pay his or her own way early on in the dating game. Once a relationship is established treating others makes more sense. Treating someone early on can cause too much confusion and ultimately resentment. If both people have their own sources of income why not pay separately? No one should have to pay someone else's way in order to make a good impression until much later on when there is an emotional bond. Call me new fashioned but thats just how I feel.
 stylinsue
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 91
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/28/2012 6:07:03 PM
OMG.... that is horrible .. what an a- hole. I would have sooooo picked up when he called , and let him have it.. you are way too nice.
 stylinsue
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 92
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/28/2012 6:09:12 PM
BTw, why is this even an issue... uh, the guy ALWAYS pays .... and the girl picks up the tip.. no brainer.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 94
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:02:23 PM
BTw, why is this even an issue... uh, the guy ALWAYS pays .... and the girl picks up the tip.. no brainer.


I agree. I think it's because I expect the man to be a man in the traditional sense of the word, you know, open doors, pay for things, take care of things. not because I can't but because sometimes I like to just sit back and take the feminine role.

I think it depends what you are looking for when it comes to relationships. I make a pretty damn good income but do I want to spend it on dates or bills and a mortgage? no. that's the guy's job. I could never date a guy who made less then me and expected me to pay for things. It's just unmanly to me. notice I said to ME. my perception, my experiences, factored in. It doesn't mean that I think expecting a woman to help pay is unmanly, but it's certainly not something I'm looking for.

I've never not dated a guy who didn't pay for everything. they just do because I expect it, and they have no qualms about it either.

If a girl thinks it's her job to pay for half, guess what, she'll be spending a lot of money on dutch dates that are lacking male/female dynamics and thus going nowhere.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 96
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/28/2012 9:21:12 PM
^^^ obviously we wouldn't hit it off :)
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 99
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/29/2012 8:18:11 AM
To answer your question, if I go on a first date, I have been invited by the man, who pays. I only go out with a man I'm attracted to. I'm not one of those gold diggers who goes out for a free meal. In fact it's really hard these past few years to get me to leave the house, so if I'm going out with you, I really like you!
I went into a bar when I was riding with a biker club. This tall, dark handsome man w/ brown hair with beautiful blue eyes & in excellant physical condition walked through several bikers to come & talk to me. He gave me his card & asked me to call him as he would like to take me out to dinner That alone got him a date, he was very brave to approach me with all of these big biker guys around me. No one had ever had the nerve to do that before I was impressed, & he was hot!
The next weekend we went out. I drove 45 minutes to pick him up because he had a problem with his license & said he would have it at the end of the month.
He wanted to go to the bar before dinner. He drank 6 shots of tequila, asked me to move out of state with him, with my daughter. He didn't realize I also have a son. He expected me to just abandon my career & pick up & leave with a guy I knew for half an hour. He said he was going to go to school to be motorcycle racer. I asked who was going to finance all of this, since he lived in his parents basement & didn't have a job. He asked me to commit to a relationship with him, I said I couldn't b/c I just met him. Then he showed me a scar on his chin. He said it was from his from his former g/f who hit him with a hammer during a fight. Then he showed me his phone his screen saver. It was a pic of himself in a black body suit posing, showing off his arm muscles. Strange. I've never seen anyone put a pic of themselves on their screen saver.
After that he wanted to go to another bar. So we did. He proceeded to order more tequila. I had 2 shots the entire night. He then took out an inmate ID, & put it on the bar, as if I was going to be impressed by that. I wasn't, & it was from the county I work for. I asked why he had it in his possession as they are supposed to be turned in before an inmate is released, he said he was so bad & intimidating he was allowed to keep it. I know that is BS & didn't want to know how he got it out of the county jail. Everyone in the bar looked afraid of him. He was giving glaring intimadating looks to a guy who later came up to him greeted him & shook his hand. I had the impression he had gotten drunk & violent around these ppl in the past. He then flirted with the bartender & gave her a sexy flirty look, locking eyes with her as he kissed the back of her hand. The bartender yanked her hand away & walked away. I didn't know exactly where I was but I got my keys & walked out to my car. He followed & begged me to make one more stop for food. I agreed, thinking it would sober him up, I was starving, & needed to get my bearings straight to get home.
He ordered a pizza & he went to the Korake guy & got the song book, he claimed he was a singer. He ripped out a few pages, threw them on the floor, stepped on them leaving boot prints & some pages were torn. I picked them up & returned to the Korake guy & apologized. He never did sing. He said he was a singer & an actor, but all of his acting parts went to Brad Pitt, since Pitt was living in LA it was easier for him to get the parts. Whatever. He had a lot of tall tales. He said at 15 he was a rising star & would read for parts in movies, then go for a meal downtown & spend $100 easily. He said he was on a tv show that was filmed in Chicago in the '80's I can't recall the name of it but I remember the show. Then in the same breath he claimed he was a stand in for that same show.
I ate a few pieces of pizza & said goodbye. I couldn't take another minute of this guy. As I was walking to my car, he ran out of the resturant, grabbed my hand & started walking fast, & led me to the wrong car. I told him to let me go, & by the way dummy, this is not my car. Then the manager came runing out of the resturant yelling that he didn't pay for the pizza. He paid & I dropped him back off at home.
I never saw him again. I was so disappointed, he was so handsome & I was hoping he would be so different than the disrespectful, drunken idiot, liar that he was. He then called me over 20 times & left all kinds of crazy messages. He continued to call me the next few days, until I finally anwered & told him to stop callling me. He sent me an email 2 years later.
He ended up moving to Florida & he still lives with his parents.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 100
First date ... who pays?
Posted: 9/29/2012 8:38:47 AM
After I posted I went back to read the thread & the poster who wrote about the movie tickets reminded me of another loser I went out with.
I met a cop at work who asked me to go to a movie with him. He picked me up, & as we were at the ticket booth, he asked the clerk if he could get a "police discount". I was so embarrassed! She looked at him like he was scum. She said, "We don't do that here." He insisted, so she sent him to talk to the manager, who was all the way across the theatre of this big movie plex. We walked all the way over there, & he flashed his badge & asked the manager for a police discount. She said no, they don't give discounts to police. So he asked again trying to persuade her. Riduculous! I said come on, she said no, let's go! I couldn't endure another minute of humiliation with this guy! So we had to walk all the way back to the ticket counter, where he had to part with the $20.00 he tried so hard to keep. I never get anything at the counter, just bring in my botteled water, but of course this cheap a$$ embarassment didn't ask me if I wanted anything.
And ppl ask me why I'm still single...
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