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 xxIcemanxx
Joined: 11/27/2005
Msg: 1
Dinner with X-boyfriend??????Page 1 of 1    
O'k so I went out with this girl for a couple of years fell in love blah blah blah we broke up she started dating this guy right away! went out for a year and a half they break up me and her get back together.
NOW SHE SEEMS TO THINK IT'S OK TO GO OUT TO DINNER WITH HIM AND FOR ME NOT TO BE MAD, AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE!?
 notmethistime
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 2
Dinner with X-boyfriend??????
Posted: 11/28/2005 5:39:58 AM
I think the only thing missing is you putting her at the curb with the rest of the trash.
Shes not worth your effort if she is doing that. There are to many good women out there that won't treat you that way.
 springhillwomen
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 3
Dinner with X-boyfriend??????
Posted: 11/29/2005 5:02:19 PM
Yea she is playing both of you. She want's you and him and i bet he doesn't even know about you. I would tell her so long.You seem like a nice guy and cute there are other fish just look.
 wayupforfun
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 4
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Dinner with X-boyfriend??????
Posted: 11/29/2005 7:19:22 PM
The point is moot. Seriously, if I was (or, for that matter, if any of us were) qualified to give advice on matters of the heart, I (we) wouldn't be here to begin with. At this point, it's all really just a gamble.
 vamptressm
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 5
Dinner with X-boyfriend??????
Posted: 12/7/2005 11:36:15 AM
I don't know what the deal is exactly between you two, but I was with someone for 6 years and we were going to get married and everything. We lived together for almost 4 years. When we ended we didn't talk for a lil while. But we were like best friends before we got together. He got married about a year ago. We still hang out all the time. We are still very good friends. So my point to you is this, all relationships wether platonic or not are based on 3 things, trust, honesty and loyalty. If you have any doubts about it, then you need to address them with her. Go with your gut feeling, its usually right!!
 steve93437
Joined: 2/4/2005
Msg: 6
Dinner with X-boyfriend??????
Posted: 1/13/2006 1:38:31 PM
My gut feeling tells me she's playing you both along. Just like a woman.
 KenInBoca
Joined: 11/18/2005
Msg: 7
Dinner with X-boyfriend??????
Posted: 1/13/2006 4:30:28 PM
I would have issues with it personally. I would tell her how I felt and if she didnt care, I would move on.
 sassysmartass
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 8
Dinner with X-boyfriend??????
Posted: 1/13/2006 7:46:17 PM
..hey..maybe...she's just not that into you!...there's a thought......



ssass
 Nephilim
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 9
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Dinner with X-boyfriend??????
Posted: 1/13/2006 10:48:11 PM
I am more liberal than most when it comes to relationships. If you really love someone, you want them to be happy, right? Well, I would always prefer to be the friend that she is honest with and has sex with, if she needs to lie to or cheat on someone, it can be with the other guy. If she wanted someone else, if you really did know her and like her, then what she does wouldn't bother you. If you think of a woman as an object that you must possess fully, then you can get angry at a woman for wanting something else. Of course, some women want a monogomous relationship and to lie so they can be with multiple people, and that doesn't work for me. But why do they do that?

I think the conflict is with what a woman really wants and what she is told she should want. If you throw out convention, some women are polyamorous, or have more organic changing relationships with people. The problem is, they are told they are a bad person for it, so they lie and manipulate to try to make themselves feel like they are meeting other peoples expectations. I do think some people want monogomous relationships and that "traditional" lifestyle, but I think you need to analyze what you really want and not feel bad about it.

Human relationships are very complex things. They aren't as simple and definable as religion or society would like to make them. Why do they need to be? You would learn more watching animals than reading relationship guides or societal rules of relationships.

The real question you should ask is, do you want to have a romantic relationship with this person. If the answer is yes, then you should get to know who she is, what she really does, what she wants, and adapt your relationship accordingly. If she likes to have sex with many partners and that makes her happy, then you should decide if you really like her as a person.

The complication is attachment. It is possible to feel "love" (attachment) to someone that you really don't like as a person. Love is a word that means many different things to different people. Some people use the word "love" to encompass a whole range of things like attachment, attraction, and liking a person among other things. Unless you separate and think about your feelings and thoughts, you will stay confused and just go through life being a victem of your own emotions (chemicals). If you want to have a successful longterm romantic relationship, you have to at least like the other person, and want similar things, attachment is irrelivant. If you don't like them, you have to sever ties and get over the attachment. If you just have attraction and attachment, you could just have a purely sexual relationship, knowing that it will most likely end at some point.

Also, you have to think of your own safety. How many partners does she have, does she use condoms, do the partners change regularly, does she get tested etc.

Personally, I am looking for a monogomous relationship where I am enough to make the other person happy and she is all that I need. But, since I don't have that right now, it doesn't mean I can't have other types of relationships, until that one comes along.

Disclaimer: If this didn't make any sense, I am a little out of it this evening.
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