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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date hi      Home login  
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 mustangsally1273
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 3
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if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I think especially the first date should be dutch, that way no one feels in any way obligated to stick around or anything if things are working out.
 zuma319
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 4
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if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 11/28/2005 7:08:28 PM
I didn't date that much when I was younger. Nowadays I don't think there really are any rules. I like being the gentleman and paying, especially at first, but I have been told by some women that they don't want me to pay because they thought I would expect something in return.

I guess the bottom line is that you should discuss it in advance or make sure you can afford it before you leave.
 blondegreeneyedgal
Joined: 4/2/2005
Msg: 20
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/1/2005 4:34:03 PM
if Im asked out I pay, I always have (one of my downfalls lol ) but if he asked me to pay I wouldnt go out with him again lol
 choklitkiss
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 28
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 6:52:42 AM
Call it "old fashioned" if ya want, but I only date real gentlemen (yes, I expect my door to be opened, my chair to be pulled out and to be helped with my coat). Definitely a gentleman should pay if he asks you out. If we decide to continue seeing each other and getting to know each other better, I would invite him to dinner at my place, or we can cook it together at his place. I may eventually offer to maybe pay for parking or leave the tip or get the popcorn, etc. I have been known to call up certain very extra special gentlemen and ask if I could take him to lunch or dinner, and it would be on me (they are surprised and flattered by such an invitation!). Even then, they always offer to pay or just go ahead and do so.
 Brain-In-A-Vat
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 29
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 7:24:54 AM
Two thoughts, if you are the type of person who expects a man to pay for the first date, or every date (as some people in this thread have stated) do you adjust your selection of restaurant to the mans income?

Secondly, for the woman who argued that paying for a date is like making a down payment, that it shows high interest. Well given that every coin has two sides, if the woman does not offer to pay, what if any down payment is she making to the man to communicate her interest in him. NOTE: This is not some sexual innuendo or anything of that nature. I am merely flipping the analogy around on the poster of the argument.

My opinion is this, be fair to each other, and honest. I a person is in a financial situation that allows him or her to pay then so be it. If both people are somewhat equal in terms of finances than both can contribute to the dates and times enjoyed together. I know that my fiancé and I both contribute to the relationship financially in terms of our dating.
 Opium
Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 30
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 8:04:34 AM
It depends on each person's ethics. And ethics is subjective, so people shouldn't judge one another so quickly.

I would treat sometimes if the other party was a struggling musician or student, and definitely i'd go dutch if there were no romantic feelings involved. As you're a single parent, any guy who wanted to date you, should have the consideration to foot the bill, but then i'm no judge judy. frankly though, a date is not that expensive,.. so i don't see why males should quibble when their outlay over clothes, accessories, make-up, the total package, doesn't come close to ours. The bill for our 1 pair of nice shoes would probably be enough to cover the total cost for 3 decent couple dates.
 cuter_than_anyone
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 35
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 12/2/2005 12:34:52 PM
it's easy. if he asks, he pays.

any more of life's mysteries you need cleared up?
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 54
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if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:02:16 PM
If he ask me out , he should pay and I will do the tip. If I ask him out then I pay, its just fair that it we take turn when going out . I dont expect the man to pay all the time, specially if we both work and we both enjoy the company then its a give and take.
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 57
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:35:58 PM
With each generation, sadly, the definition of good manners has changed. I am of the opinion that if a man asks me out for a date, he also knows that it is his expense. Most men that I have gone out with know this and have not made it an issue. They are honorable gentlemen who have great manners. I am a lady and expect to be treated as such.
If I ask a man out, then I feel it's my dime. Most of the men insist on paying anyways.
You will meet cheap men who ask you out and then insist that you pay your half.
I had this happen to me once and I knew that this man earned 3 times what I make. The date wasn't working out and when the bill came, he did a tally and told me what I had to put in. I was surprised at first and then told him sweetly that he had asked me out for dinner and drinks. (It was a first date in which he insisted that he was coming to town to meet me and take me out for a fancy dinner.) His reply to my observation was that because he found there was no chemistry (he wanted sex, I said no), he felt that we should just divide the $120.00 + bill (mostly his drinks) and call it square since he drove from out of town and now had to get a motel. I was incensed and wasn't going to get into an argument with him on this, nor was I going to pay over $60.00 on principle. I called over our server and quietly explained that this man wasn't going to pay the bill and what was going to happen to me? He looked at the man and said that he would get the Manager. Mr. Romeo got very red in the face, said that I embarrassed him and called me a b*tch. He said "Fine! I will pay, but you will never hear from me again!" When the Manager came, he produced the credit card and told the Manager that there wouldn't be any problem and he would pay the bill..and tip!
I am glad that I didn't hear from him again. If a man can treat you like this on a first date, he is not worth anything.
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 60
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:06:51 PM
Let's bring this "Equal Rights means equal responsibilities" stuff to the fore. I have seen it done to death on this site.
I am of the generation where I burned my bra, read and revered Gloria Steinem, loudly did protests for women's rights and saw the changes that it wrought.
What my generation of women fought for was "THE FREEDOM OF CHOICE!".
NOT the freedom to be exactly like a man! God! Who wants to be the epitome/clone of a man?!!
I see men on here using the "equal rights" like a baseball bat on women. Hammering at them to be equal as them in sexuality, equal as them in divying up finances, equal as them in rude, ignorant bad behaviour (belches, swearing, violence...the list goes on..)
Their idea of equal rights means benefits for men all around.
That is not what I fought for. I fought for women to be women at their best!
If a woman wanted to stay home with her babies and raise them, then that is her choice!! If she wanted to go to work and become a lawyer or an entrepreneur, then that is her choice!
Never did I ever want women to lose essence of who they are and the beauty of being a female and treated like a woman who is valued and treasured whether she is a federal court judge or a woman who volunteers for her kids soccer.
I have read so many forums and am disgusted at how women are treated on here sometimes and...worse..how some women allow themselves to be treated.
Get a grip and realize that 25 years of liberalism is not going to change what is biologically programmed in our genes that thousands of years has evolved in us.
Uh uh, ....middle eastern fanaticism and religious ideas about women are man-made social injustices...not evolution. Before there were organized religious orders, there was something way better. It was Mother Nature. Her laws are beautiful. They have always given the woman choice. Look at the animal kingdom. The male can dance and prance all he wants. He can get frustrated...but..if she says no...it's no...until she is ready.
Get it? Invite a woman to dinner, the male pays.
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 63
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:52:34 PM
Re: message 63
Idealistically, yes. Realistically, not yet there.
Of course a man's feelings, emotions and life is very important. So, is a woman's.
But, her emotional make-up is different than a man's. She is wired differently.
Please, don't make her into a man...or I will ask you to do something very feminine..like paint your toenails pink, go all gooey over a puppy, go to a clothing store and try on all sorts of outfits, cry over the silliest things, and I can give you a ton things that I expect out of you if you expect all women to be like men in every way.
Allow women to be women and we will allow you to be men.
You can't have it both ways.
 mookiera
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 67
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if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:27:11 PM
It says a lot about some of the posters when they suggest that a man paying the tab is showing a higher level of interest. What behavior in a woman suggests she is showing a 'higher level of interest'? Sounds like a hooker or princess scenario to me.
I have money to pay everytime, but it's just dating.
I have known women who couldn't afford much, but most were aware of the expenses and often expressed verbal appreciation.
I have also dated women who had much more money than me. It was typically a
situation where paying was never a big deal, and we took turns paying.
I also dated a woman who openly stated, "I never pay". She was fun to be with,
but her first question every time I asked her out was, 'Are we going out for lunch, or dinner?' I got the feeling that was the highest level of interest in our relationship.
I have known many more women, rich and financially challenged, with a lot to offer
a man(besides sex), that would be offended if someone thought they were golddiggers.
Unfortunately, there are many golddiggers on the streets now, male and female.
I think when some guys are just looking for sex, they are willing to pay for everything.
Those women that expect their dates to always pay, will tend to attract dates that will
always be expecting payback.
 Randominternetguy
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 71
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if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:54:06 PM
How about you discuss it BEFORE you meet, and settle any differences then.

That way, everyone knows the role they are expected to play before the bill comes.

Bob
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 72
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:10:52 PM
yes, boomstrike, there is a match for every type. You certainly are not my type. You take equality to black and white levels and life just isn't that way, sorry.
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 77
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/19/2008 3:37:29 PM
to life of leisure...
Do you discuss this before the bill is brought?
what if she says "I don't think so..."?
 swfl_dan
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 78
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if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/19/2008 3:43:58 PM

to life of leisure...
Do you discuss this before the bill is brought?
what if she says "I don't think so..."?


Then she should pick up the tab!
 SwampHunter
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 79
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/19/2008 3:49:30 PM
And if the guy "puts out" the woman should too!


OMG - you have GOT to be kidding me! This from a guy who brags on his profile about being independently wealthy and retired?

No lady should EVER be made to feel that way! How disgusting!

Yes - the guy should pay. I pay on the first date, and every other date too - unless a particular woman just absolutely insists on going dutch... and I expect NOTHING in return. That's just how I was raised.

Be a GENTLEMAN for cryin' out loud...

Mark
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 82
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/19/2008 5:57:36 PM
to swfl dan..
I thought.."nah, this guy doesn't deserve any attention to his assinine remark."
Now, I will reply. I would just call over the server and quietly explain that I was asked out on a date by this man and because I refuse to put out, he is not paying at all. Could you take this to the Manager? Oh, bye the way, his vehicle outside is a ____ and you will find his license # there.
Also, I would be very distressed and maybe do something feminine like cry.
The Managers at most of these establishments are very adept at handling vile men who do things like this.
 DarkDevil
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 86
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if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:07:05 AM
Paying for the date makes me feel like a man.

Feeling like a real man feels pretty damn good.
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 90
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:58:25 PM
lol...Mr. Lewis
at least you admit to what you are....
believe me, there are women out there that love to do the courting...I just hope that you also put value in them, too...even if they are easy (meaning that you don't have to work hard at it). Uh oh...I can feel the heat already...
 a12004h
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 96
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 3/18/2008 6:08:45 AM
What NoNoBadDog said.

If I ask a woman out I pay.

Just the way I have always done things.

But some women still think I drag my knuckles anyway.

If a woman wants to jump up and down and insist she pick up the check or her part of it,
it's OK with me.

It just a dinner check not a milestone in sexual politics.

Picking up my dinner check does not mean I will sleep with you.

That seems to be a preoccupation here.

On a slightly more serious note some woman don't have the ability to pay their share especially if they are being asked out several times a week.

If they are concerned they should have the discussion before they meet so there is no surprises.

Money discussions are awkward before a first date but is sure beats surprises.
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 100
if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 8/27/2008 3:34:28 PM
ribbon, girl expect the man to pay if he asks you out. If it proceeds further then invite him to your home and prepare a lovely dinner. If you can't cook, have take out ready when he gets there. Don't fall for the cheap guy, when you can fall for a rich one who will be happy to enjoy your company.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 112
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if the guy asks you out on a date,, who should pay? Would you date him again if he asked you to pay?
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:01:04 PM
It has nothing to do with men earned higher wage than women that they have to pay for a date, it has something to do with men are stronger sex and men does chivalries,wooing and man showing that he cared for the woman. This is something to do with feminism that women wants to be equal with men in strenght,financial status, sport sex, etc..If a man took me for a date and asked me to pay his meal and mine I will think that he is a psycho or he thinks I am a feminist or I did not push the right button of his manly man as a feminine woman.....
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