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 lostprophet
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 1
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!Page 1 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
The other night my girlfriend ask me for my password to plenty of fish. I ask her why? She told me she was just curious to see the type of people that e-mailed me. I told her that if she trusted me in our relationship that she wouldn't need my password. I told her that I have nothing to hide and I don't. I mean come on, it says I have a girlfriend in my profile! She got extremely pissed off when I would give her the password. What do you guys think about this?
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 2
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:19:41 PM
Tell her to set up her own account and cruise the forums so she can see for herself
 lostprophet
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 3
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:21:19 PM
She does have an account she is on the site!! She already knows how I feel about this issue, which is why I don't hesitate to post on it. But what do you think about the question: Should I give her the password?
 MISS13
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 4
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:30:58 PM
She obviously has a trust issue with you and if you want to prove her wrong then give it to her and if you don't care how she feels then don't.
 lowbud
Joined: 11/18/2005
Msg: 5
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:31:22 PM
if you have nothing to hide.. sure why the hell not. but get her's while your at it.. two can play that game.
 lostprophet
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 6
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:36:16 PM
Here is another question I have for you guys. Do you buy the fact that she wants it to see who is e-mailing me or do you think that she just wants to babysit me?
 stew721
Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 7
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:38:15 PM
If she trusted you, there'd be no need to want it. However, the same can be said if you have nothing to hide then go ahead. It's really up to you whether you feel comfortable giving it to her or not. If you do though, it would only be fair that she also provide you with hers as well.
 BarnBabe
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 8
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:39:12 PM
She's being insecure. If it were me, I wouldn't give out the password. You never know when a person will turn out to be a psycho.
 angelic_1
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 9
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:48:08 PM

Do you buy the fact that she wants it to see who is e-mailing me or do you think that she just wants to babysit me?
i think they are one and the same. don't give her the password, she has absolutely no valid reasons to have it
 lostprophet
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 10
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:50:23 PM
It seems like the general consensus here is that if she trusted me, than she would not be asking for the password.
 cougar99
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 11
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:51:05 PM
I met a lady on line one time...and we used to belong to a chat community.
Well she wanted my hotmail password said if I were honest ,I would give it to her..I said honesty has nothing to do with it...its being nosy.
She would call me late at night to see if I was with anyone.
And she also wrote all the women in the community, and asked them if I ever talked to them....see where I am going with this?...
If there is trust then there is no need to know a password...
Sadly,some confuse insecurity and honesty.
 birdy267
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 12
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:54:54 PM
Nah, I don't think she's being insecure. See, some might argue, why are the two of you on a dating site at all if you are in a committed relationship? Instead of making this a power issue or feeling like someone's acting like your mom, if I was in your shoes, I'd smile and give it to her, and say, hey, no problem. I'd say, I want you to always feel like you can trust me, and that you can share stuff with me, too. And I'd ask her to share her password too, with me. I'd put it all out in the open, and then watch. I bet that for a while - a short while, she will look through everything on there that she can. And then, just watch - she will stop. She'll feel relieved. Because yeah, there is a trust issue going on here. Then, I'd sit down with her and say, "now, what's the real issue, and do you want to talk about it?"
 lowbud
Joined: 11/18/2005
Msg: 13
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:55:56 PM

It seems like the general consensus here is that if she trusted me, than she would not be asking for the password.


if she did trust you there's no way she would want your password. so obviously there's issues somewhere.
 HaveYouMetHayden
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 14
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History
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:56:17 PM
A tricky conundrum... If you don't give it to her, she gets unhappy, if you give it to her and you are friendly (no hidden meaning) with some attractive women, chances are she will be unhappy... What about an inbetween? Let her look around your profile when you are in it already. You can always change the password too.
 MediCat
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 15
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:56:41 PM
I say give it to her...right after you get hers. Who is she kidding with the "wanting to see what types are emailing you" bit? She just wants to snoop. Not to mention that if she still has access to the site she might just as well be up to no good.

I think that she is having some trust issues here and maybe you two need to talk about it. If you two are serious about each other and are sure that you both have a common goal for the relationship, neither of you needs to maintain profiles here -- they should be deleted. If you think that it is a good way to meet new friends, then yeah, keep them up but be sure to be honest with each other and everyone else on here, i.e. state in your header that you are taken and, in terms of your activities on the site, live up to that for as long as the relationship lasts.

Otherwise hon...she has her own password, what does she need yours for?

Good luck.
 lostprophet
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 16
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 10:57:07 PM
Cougar99:

Well said. I know exactly what you mean. I have never given her a reason not to trust me. In fact let's just say I was tested and passed.lol. You just have to wonder at what point will the trust issues be satisfied? You can't be with someone 24 hours a day, you must have some trust.
 lostprophet
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 17
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 11:04:30 PM
I keep my profile on this site to surf the forums. I see nothing wrong with that and either does my girlfriend. I have clearly stated in my profile that I have a girlfriend so I don't see a conflict.
 bewitchingsecret
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 18
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 11:06:50 PM
You may be the exception to the rule, but most times ppl are up to no good when they're on here (and have a significant other). I'd be questioning her motives for wanting to get into your acct. It's been my experience that the ones that are so curious about your activity are the ones that are being the most "active"
 cara2005
Joined: 9/3/2005
Msg: 19
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/4/2005 11:29:39 PM
I would have to agree with birdy on this one, except for one thing. I think she is insecure. I would have to ask why is she insecure. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Without trust there is nothing. Something is making her mistrust you. In my opinion, that should be the starting point and work from there. She is the only one who can answer that. Privacy is also an issue. We all need it, including her. She needs to understand that respecting someones privacy is as important as having her privacy respected. Maybe you should try reversing roles and she may feel differently if the shoe was on the other foot. If it was me, I'd say sure, here it is. Or better yet log on in her presence and go through the emails. But where does it stop. You could have profiles on 100 different sites that she doesnt know about. Is she going to spend countless hours wondering and obsessing about it. Instead of trying to find ways to destroy the relationship (by constantly checking up on you ) she should put more energy into trying to make it solid. If she doesnt get a handle on her suspicious nature she may very well become her own worst enemy and drive you away as well. The end result will be that she lost the very thing she was trying to protect.
 scribecalledsteff
Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 20
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 12:00:19 AM
Euro Dude, I like the fact that you think like you do -- it's refreshing.

But, truth is, I don't think she has reason to be getting your password, really.

You want to know where you really stand with it, then you could do this, and then you'll know:

Give her your password. Let her know you're disappointed she thinks she needs to see firsthand rather than ask you and hear your take on things, but that you want to oblige if she wants to take a look around "this once." After a few days has passed, go ahead and set a new password.

If she asks you about it, you can truthfully and honestly simply say "Well, I didn't realize you meant to monitor me on there. You might have let me know."

It's a little pointed and not too subtle, but I really just don't think people in relationships are meant to share everything all the time. Message boards and such should be able to stay personal if we choose. She shouldn't feel *entitled* to it, since she's not.

It'd be easier to answer if this WAS just a dating board, but it's obviously entering the realm of social entertainment, so that complicates it. Still... it's not like you're offering to woo whores with opium or anything, I mean, geez.

Good luck with that.
 Handsomesque
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 21
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 12:42:20 AM
If she gets your password, and turns out to be a little off-kilter... it could end badly for your profile and reputation, since with your password, she can get access to everything. I would offer to let her see your inbox and outgoing message box on demand and demand the same from her, but the password is pushing it.
 Raven1
Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 22
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 1:09:09 AM
Nah, I don't think she's being insecure. See, some might argue, why are the two of you on a dating site at all if you are in a committed relationship? Instead of making this a power issue or feeling like someone's acting like your mom, if I was in your shoes, I'd smile and give it to her, and say, hey, no problem. I'd say, I want you to always feel like you can trust me, and that you can share stuff with me, too. And I'd ask her to share her password too, with me.



First off, YES, she is being insecure. That's blatently obvious and if anyone can't see that then their blind. She has a profile on here too. Yet, you don't see her b/f asking for her p/w. There is definately a trust issue in the relationship.

If she wanted to see pictures of the people you're communicating with you could easily log-on with her there and she could see the pics (no need to give out passwords). ALTHOUGH I personally don't think you should have to go that far. What's to stop her from communicating with them down the road if she recognizes them on here.
It could be fine and harmless, OR she could start messaging people asking about you, and well, I don't know about you but I think it'd be pretty embarassing for my g/f to start messaging people I communicate asking things like "what do you two discuss?", etc.
Even if it's harmless small talk between you and others on this site and NOTHING more.

Secondly, how could you say he should give her his p/w?
Have you ever heard of "CONFIDENTIALY" and "DESCRESSION"?

Birdy, let's say you and I started communicating on here and we developed a friendship. A mutual trust and respect between each other, and you told me things about your life, familly, friends, or others that was in total CONFIDENCE and expected me to keep to myself. How would you feel if you found out other people were reading our correspondence?
Some people may not mind since they may not know the individual reading it. However, some people would.

They BOTH have the right to a certain amount of privacy between them as long as it's harmless communication.

The only way to bring resolution to this confict is for you two to sit down and discuss it rationally and get to the root of the problem (it may even have stemmed from something greater).

Handing out your password is NOT the answer however. What's next? Your personal e-mail account? Your bank account? Where does it end?

 nunthewiser
Joined: 4/12/2005
Msg: 23
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Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 1:40:12 AM
I agree completely with Raven...

i tell my partner what goes on in the forums... hes not on here... he has no need for it.. his choice... but... if there is a topic that really buggss me... i tell him about it and he gives me like a males side of things... he knows this is a dating site... he also knows that i have not met anyone off here ever ... but i have made great friends here...

OP:- i recall you saying she also has a acct here... questions are... why does she still have a acct ... is she on the forums as well.. if she is not on for the forums... what is she still doing on this site?

each person is allowed to have some privacy for themselves... you dont have to share anything... but hey if the trust aint there... it will never be there... and i agree with everyone that has said... openly come into the forums when she is there with you... if you have nothing to hide... then she wouldnt have a problem with you doing it openly... also... she should be able to do openly with you around as well...

its only ... if its good for the goose its good for the gander... (hmmm.. or the other way around in this case)
 hairybum
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 24
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 1:49:31 AM
She shouldn't be asking for your password. But if you want to reassure her, maybe you shouldn't put your picture on your profile. Maybe you should change it from "looking for a woman who is looking for friends" to "looking for a man who's looking for friends". Maybe you should have said you're bald and not commented on your body type. Basically make it so that you wouldn't turn up on anyone's searches. Like what I did. ;)
 Opium
Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 25
Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!
Posted: 12/5/2005 2:57:13 AM
it's a slippery slope that you'll be embarking on if you give her the password. Why not just get a couples profile? That way both of you can use it and have a common password. Just like a joint bank/checking account, no?
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password!