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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks      Home login  
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 stoneside
Joined: 9/3/2004
Msg: 2
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanksPage 1 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
It won't happen. People seem to not use thier manners on the net. I guess if you can easliy avoid a person with a click of a mouse, why be polite. Good to know from my point of view, I GREATLY value manner's in a person. On here I can tell if the other person has them or not.
 Raven1
Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 6
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 5:23:07 PM
Why make such a big deal of it?


Why?
SIMPLE, because people (the mongrels that condsider theselves people anyway) in today's day and age lack manners!
Whether it be on the net on in "reality".

Want an example?
Hold a door open for someone as you enter/exit a shopping mall (or anywhere else for that matter) and see how many of them actually acknowledge you and say "thank you"!
You'd be suprised but how many don't.....some even just give you a funny look (as if they've just gone senile and lost their mind completely)

Happens all the time. It's as if those types of people think you owe them or something. You do something nice out of politeness and manners not expecting anything in return. HOWEVER, out of the same mannerly conduct they should at least have manners enough to be polite and thank you.

It's the same thing on the net. People lack manners.

Example: you could be chatting away on Msn Messenger with someone and then all of a sudden you get no replies for 20-30 mins and then they come back.
They then tell you "sorry the phone rang" or "I had to go do something".....LOL
Whether you're speaking to someone on the phone or communicating with them through a computer the same rules of edicut still apply. I don't know how people fail to realize this.
If your on the phone with someone and have to do something or answer another line do you not ask that person to hold.
Do you not excuse yourself somehow?
Well it's the same thing on the computer. There's no difference.

With that being said; how hard is it to write a simple reply. Sometimes I see the same faces on here time and time again (everytime I log in).
If you have that much time to always be on here how do you not have the 30 seconds to 1 min it takes to compose a simple message?
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 29
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/1/2008 7:01:39 PM

I always respond to e-mails with a "thank you but I'm not interested" note...am I the odd man out here?

How disingenuous. You never receive emails and certainly you don’t receive 20 to 30 each day from women that don’t appeal to you. Even if you did, you would not reply with, "Thank you but I'm not interested" after you discovered from follow up email how offended they were from such a terse reply.
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 32
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/2/2008 5:27:36 AM
90% take a rejection response as:
1. an insult that requires an explanation
2. an open door because ANY response is an opportunity
3. you have lots of time to "chat"

That makes a mere 10% who will accept your rejection without either retaliating or going for a second shot.

LBP is 100 percent correct. Guys will not take "No" for an answer. Not the first time, nor the second. The following is an example from a guy age 40 messaging me:

Guy-Email #1: "How are you doing this morning?"

Me-Reply to let the 40 year old guy know that I’m not interested:

"I probably should be in bed but am doing fine thank you. My profile states that I wish to meet a single guy from 19 to 25. I have decided to stick to that age range.

"Unless you are a night owl, be sure and get your sleep.
Lyndee"

Guy-Email #2-He responded anyway: "Thanks for responding. I realize I'm older, but I have a good job and could really treat you like you should be treated. The younger guys won't now how."

Me-Polite 2nd rejection: "I bet I can teach them. And they will probably grow up soon enough."

Guy-Email #3 (He responded anyway): "How about you let me buy you dinner and see how it goes?"

Me-After giving him my second rejection, I did not reply.
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 40
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:19:59 PM
From reading the posts from women about the nasty messages they receive, it's no wonder so many of them just Read/Delete without a reply.

Heart Bandit, often I can kind of tell who is not going to retaliate with a nasty email, so I respond to them. However, after the first six days of responding to almost every first time message, I started clicking on the Read/Delete.

On the forums, I can be a stuck-up little snotty brat, especially on pity threads but it seems different with emails. An insult on the forums to what I post seldom bothers me. However, it hurts when I receive an insulting email to my polite reply. For six days, if the guy didn’t appeal to me, I tried to be nice when I responded; I really did. However, after six days I’ve become jaded.

The first six days, when I was not interested in a guy, I took a lot of time to give a polite and respectful reply that he should not take personal. That was easy when they lived very far away or if they were considerably older. However, I had to put a lot of though in finding a polite reason for not being interested whenever the only reason was because the guy was of low intelligence, short, ugly, or just creepy. Nevertheless, I was usually able to create a nice reply with a reason that he should not find offensive. A couple of time I didn't succeed, such as when I stated a guy's style of writing (such as frequent use of i c and u r) appeals to most young girls, but it would just grate on me.

Regardless, more often than not, the guy would respond to my very respectful answer with a rude, spiteful, or sarcastic response. A few times, even the first email I receive is rude. Perhaps that is because the guy knows that he cannot meet the stated qualifications that I am looking for in a guy.

Now instead of responding, unless I have good vibes about the guy, if I am not interested, I Read/Delete.
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 42
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/2/2008 11:51:19 PM
Deuce, you are making a good point, that I didn't consider and I especially like your suggestion for how to word my message in those cases. However, it doesn't account for the sarcastic replies I received when I was telling the truth; for example, responding to guys in their their thirties with the following message:

So far I am averaging about 30 messages a day. It is not my fault that I receive so many messages. Nevertheless, as a result, I must be very selective in whom I encourage to respond further because I just don’t have the time or inclination to message, chat, perhaps talk on the telephone, and then meet and date more than two or three guys.

My profile states that I wish to meet a single guy from 19 to 25. I have decided to stick to that age range. It is not that I wish to be that rigid. However, I need to limit my choices and that is as good of a way as any.
---------------------------------------
You can nitpick because I have considered considered someone as old as 27; however, never anyone older and I was responding to guys in their thirties that I would never consider due to their age.
 Loyalyolz
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 43
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/3/2008 12:24:55 AM
some people dont know how to respond to someone who likes them..especailly if they are not interested..so dont take it to heart.
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 46
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/3/2008 2:51:50 PM
I still don't get it. If you get an email from somebody in whom you are not interested and do not want to hear from again, why not simply delete and block. End of story without any nasty replies to deal with.

Goodness gracious, how can you suggest such a thing? ...I won't say it; I will bite my tongue and be nice.

That is huge insult. When the guy tries to respond and the message states you have blocked him, he is going to be many times more upset than if you had just clicked Read/Delete. That says, "I think you are creepy and dangerous. You are calling him a pervert. He may create another account to really let you have it and he may stalk you on the forums. Much more so than if you block a guy after you have already received a rude or numerous messages.
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 48
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:27:18 PM

For those who have been blocked--get the message: they just do not want to hear from you. Nothing more than that.

Read/Delete sends the same message and it is easier. If someone wishes to do it your way, that fine and dandy. However, who are you to think you get to make the rules?
 RealHeartJohn
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 49
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:31:04 PM
Good thread, 99.9% of the time I just move on with the no thanks response or read deleted. Ahh but wait a minute, after reading some other threads I may try a second time after a read/deleted because the reciepient may have been tired that day! But on occasion fustration sets in, expecially when interests and other profile factors indicate we may have something in common. And the individual doesn't even respond!!! Then what the hell are you looking for!! Is your profile really honest!! So for those people they get the 1000th rejection ball bust response before moving on.. sorry to those who recieved them.. it was just your turn...
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 51
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:58:53 PM

I will wait a few days before deleting in the hopes that i dont hurt anyones feelings or crush anyones self esteem ....(not concieted but know how it feels to see a read/delete)

I like that. It implies you were considering the guy. I can see that is better than a quick "no way."
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 53
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/3/2008 11:26:08 PM
Lyndee,
Let me make a suggestion here, and this ties in to all the other women who read/delete or unread/block users. In that email where you tell them "thanks but no thanks and that you really don't have time to be adding more friends that you don't intend to date" that you have been continuously harrassed by some after you've said no. Tell them you are not interested in bartering your position on the matter and wish to just let the conversation end there but if you get attacked or bombarded by email or IM on the subject you will block the user. Good luck to you and yours.

This states your intention without being rude. So if they get blocked by you after sending you more emails they know why they were blocked. I would change your approach Lyndee because I can see why guys would want to respond back to that. I'm 28 and let's say I saw your profile and thought we were a good fit personality and lifestyle-wise but your age range was set at 19-27 I'd still message you and ask you to keep an open mind here and consider messaging me. If you sent me an email saying thanks but I don't date those over 27 I'd be inclined to write you back and say "you are really going to let the man of your dreams slip between your fingers over a lousy 365 days?! ;-)" Also, by saying you need to be very selective you are saying you are overly picky and they aren't good enough. People don't like to hear they aren't good enough. I know it's not our job to pad their ego's or make them feel better about themselves but if it's in the pursuit of sanity and non-harrassing emails then it is generally better to lie by omission. Leave out that part that tells them you think you are better than them or that you don't think they are good enough and just leave it ambiguous. If they can't take a hint at that they never will, even if you say they are too fat. They'll still come back and either argue it or call you all sorts of names to make themselves feel better.

Take it for what it's worth. I'm merely trying to offer a helpful suggestion from the other side, and from someone who's had good luck so far with responses and a lack of harrassing emails, which I think is mostly based on how I present myself in the emails. I get a lot of emails back saying "thanks for the response and letting me know your position and if you ever want to chat let me know". We POF'ers who are here for real need to band together and help each other out.

Deuce98, I solved my problem with mail filters. I'm going to respond to everyone that sends me a message. And, I am not going to receive anymore unwanted first time messages. At least until I decide to change or remove one or more filters.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 56
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/4/2008 6:33:11 AM

Like I said, I think a lot of guys get sick and tired of getting the no-reply and get frustrated and then when someone finally DOES reply they probably get their hopes up only to get a reply but not a positive one and then feel the need to lash out.


So...... we are damned if we do - reply with a polite no thank you and damned if we don't - read/delete. Pray tell, what would you suggest? I am not responsible for someone getting their hopes up and I should not be the target of a person who feels the "need to lash out". I am also under no obligation to put in a disclaimer that says I will not read/reply to/will be blocking a user who argues/is not nice. This should be obvious. Why is the burden on the person who took the time to answer the email politely? Why do I have to be the polite police? If you (and I mean in general not the poster) are the type person who as you stated feels the need to lash out perhaps this whole interacting with others thing is not for you.

My thoughts for whatever they are worth....
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 60
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/4/2008 1:23:42 PM
but my 'thanks but no thanks' replies were responded to so many times with rude and extremely abusive emails that I stopped doing it. Sad but true...


All a woman needs to do is block a man after she rejects him to prevent any possible rude emails.
 OliveU
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 63
view profile
History
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/4/2008 6:09:36 PM
I respond to all emails but I often send out ones that get no response. I don't bother to check and see if they are read or not read just figure the person doesn't have manners enough to respond. I am looking for friends, I'm not interested in what a person looks like or statistics about them, just that they are nice people who can hold an intelligent conversation. If they can't respond, I figure they are unable to hold an intelligent conversation or they never learned good manners. JJ aka OliveU
 Lyndee1
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 65
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/4/2008 11:29:57 PM

Deuce, I answered your question as to how I respond to well thought-out emails. I guess you didn't read my whole post.
How unreasonable of you to expect that a guy should read you complete post before responding to part of it.

Occasionally, I'll be nice; right now, I'm in the mood to be a snooty b!tch. Guys don't want to hear, let alone understand, the problems we have in replying to their emails. They are not going to listen because they don't give a hoot.

Guys just want what they want and, regardless of our problems, their wishes should prevail. Guys are disingenuous when they claim they would be satisfied with, “Thanks for your nice message but I’m not feeling a connection here. I wish you well in your search.” Guys want to know “why you are not feeling a connection” because they expect you too feel it. They want to argue, “Give me a chance to know you first.” Regardless of how nice your rejection, their feeling are hurt.

Deuce suggested he would write “you are really going to let the man of your dreams slip between your fingers over a lousy 365 days?! ;-)”. I had to laugh at that. The man of my dreams is 20 to 22, not some older guy at the top of my stated age range and let alone someone even older.

He was also naïve enough to suggest writing a generic email and copy and paste. I had to roll my eyes at that. How do you write a generic email for the many different type of messages. Excluding the lengthy or rude, the following are a few of the first time messages I received:

hi ... you are a very pretty lady

how u doin

I wish you liked older men, if u meet for dinner and if you might want to date me, let me know.

I like that you are a women that knows what she wants and is looking for some thing more.

your beautiful, im david i really like your profile check mine if interested write me

I just wanted to write and say hello and to tell you how beautiful I think you are but I guess you already know that lol . Hope I didnt bother you to much, I just think a pretty girl should be told so every now and then.

i hope i'm not being too forward but i would love to get to know you better

Hey so what kind of movies do you like

I just had to say You seem WAY TOO SWEET to be on a site like this ! This site has some crazies on it ! so you be careful ok?! Always think about your baby first ! and you won't go wrong ! God will send you the perfect young man for you and your baby !

hello there beautiful . i read your profile and you seem like a sweet person . i would love to hear more about you .well hope to hear from you soon

hey gorgeous how are u? well you looked cute and seemd like u were fun so i thought i would say hey, message me back sometime have a good weekend bye babe

good looking mom

Hi, how are you besides freaking gorgeous and intriguing? e-mail me back sometime if I stand a chance;-)

i like you

Hi! :) My names C---- and I really appreciated your profile. Im amazed your only 20. you talk of a woman much older. how I already know your looking for a younger guy, they still say it never hurts to ask :) I definitely fit all of your qualifications except the age range. If your not interested, i completely understand. But still think it never hurts to try :) Have a great day!

Hi my name is S---***Well I guess obviously I am interested ***best of luck in your search if I'm not the one.

Hi! My name is J----. 6' tall with 1390 SAT. I make around 42k a year and have my own place.

254 744 7---
 Captain Incognito
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 70
view profile
History
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:20:02 PM
I was like you once and I asked someone and actualy got an answer. There are some here that just copy and past to every attractive woman in their area with the same generic message. Some get tons of mail and they just go through it to see the profile of the guys, and some are just not thier type, even if they did take the time to write a personal message. So it all just gets bundled up and tossed. Don't take it personaly. They just weren't interested in you for some reason or another. Go on and try it with others that might interest you. You'll get a bite eventualy.
 hands
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 72
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:32:03 AM
It hasn't seemed to matter if I respond "thanks but I'm not interested" or if I don't respond. Some men will not write again...others will write me back a nasty e-mail saying that I must think I am toooo good for them and others will just keep bugging me until I block them.....lol.

So I now respond if I feel like it and don't if I don't.

You can't please all the people...all the time:)

I try and be respectful to all......I just wish the "all" were as nice to me.

But such is life!!
 Angelnurse10
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 82
view profile
History
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:31:22 PM
I use to respond to every email, but then some men where very persistant. or downright rude. I just had someone email me the other day. saying "great legs", and when i didn't respond back within 2 days, he sent me another email saying, well "ugly legs then", I did respond back then and told him men like him are why woman read and don't answer. then I blocked him
 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 86
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 5:56:50 PM
I repsond to all e-mails to whether I am interested or not. And I am opena nd honest with people. I rejected a girl becuase I met someone then we broke up a month later so I started talking to her. I have rejected quite a few women for living too far away. I am not driving crazzy distances gas is expensive. I also won't date someone with kids. I have gotten such and the only thing that bothers me is getting rejected for shallow reasons that have little to do with my attractiveness. such as height. Ok I am short why do I ahve to be 5'10" to be considered. Now if I were really fat or had a nasty face or blemishes then I could understand. But height, eye, and hair color really don;t matter.

what;s important is hygiene and persoanality. And to meet in person ebcuase this profile thing shows very little of what a person looks like in person. i have met many women that hide a bulging Belly or that look 10 tiem better inpersont han their stupid photo that could be either from an awful angle or a great angle. Sp respond, be polite, and put them down gently or go for it and give thema chance meet them and see if they jsut have a good/bad picture. What do you hawve to lose?
 casandra67
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 87
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:08:06 PM
I dont even know why there is even an argument about this subject. The site itself says dont be disapointed if you get a read/deleted because of blah blah blah.
Everyone is right and correct to themselves.
I like to reply but if I was to start getting emails that are abusive because of my response then I would no doubt stop replying. Its simple, if you get burnt doing something eventually you will stop doing it.
However, for those that think its rude thats fine to, simply acknowledge you find that rude and that person is someone you wouldnt want to talk to.
Im on here for chat only because of my own reasons and it gets annoying when Im continuously asked out for a date and I continuously be polite and say no and they dont take NO for an answer, this is a good example of using the BLOCK button.
 Angelnurse10
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 90
view profile
History
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/17/2008 9:28:31 AM
when I posted last time on this subject, I said I had stopped responding to emails that I was not interested in because of some of the nasty responses I hae gotten back.

A gentlemen changed my mind the other day. He had sent me a couple of emails, and when I had the chance I did respond back that I was not interested, but thank you. He responded back politely well thank you for answering me.

The reason I chose him to respond back to after not responding for so long, was simply because we did have a lot in common, but that I was just going through some family things right now and a date was not on my top priority.

I wish I could tell you his name cause I think alot of women are missing out with him.
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 97
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:01:17 AM
Go out with someone once or twice, a stranger sends Email, or something else along those limited parameters: nothing is owed (although it's nice ---- but not necessary)


I don't completely agree with this. If you had some email/phone conversations or go out with a person at least once, then there must have been at least some initial interest. Therefore I think it would be rude to stop talking to a person without any notice. A simple text/email message stating that "We aren't a match or compatible" is a polite, but firm way to state your non-interest. Even just a "Sorry, not interested" message is better than ignoring someone. It takes 2 seconds to say that.
 runzwithscissors!
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 102
view profile
History
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:54:50 AM
How about when someone says, "so tell me a bit more about yourself " and then reads and deletes your reply?.... Rudeness is one of my pet peeves, and goddamm*t I get plenty of ammunition here! I also respond when I receive an e-mail, whether it's thanks or no thanks....If someone were to speak to me in person, would I just walk away and not acknowledge the fact that someone spoke to me?? This is what the world has come to basically ... Someday, we'll all wake up and be old and alone, cause some of us thought that that someone prettier/thinner would come along and sweep us off our feet!

Their loss....
 jewel734
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 103
what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 4/9/2008 11:08:02 AM
Just continue what you have done. A reply is very courteous. I do the same. You will find many on this site who are not, unfortunately!
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