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 mari_sam
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 2
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Adults living at home with Mom and DadPage 1 of 48    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
That’s just shallow, most grown men and woman have specific reasons for living back home with their parents. I’ve never had to move back home, but if I ever had too, I wouldn’t want to be judged on it.
 enchantedeuphoriaz
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 3
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/12/2005 11:55:23 AM
I moved out when i was 16... Sometimes wish I could go back but the stubborn pride of mine forbids it:P... Anyways... I would be turned off if the man was living with his parents for no other reason than to sponge off them. If he was living there to help them out, or to save up some money for his own place/vehicle etc... I wouldnt mind. But if a person is just too lazy to get a job and depend on themselves than yess i would defintely not find them too appealing.
 mari_sam
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 6
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/12/2005 12:14:30 PM
@Summer teeth,

Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know people that have givien up everything they owned, Cars, houses and all, Just to fight the courts to keep the rights to their kids durring their divorces. They had to move home to survive. So some reasons ya'll have speaks volumes of yourselves!!!!!!
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 8
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/12/2005 3:10:07 PM
I view this topic two ways:

For someone in their early to mid 20's: I think it's OK while they're in college (if locally) and until about 6 months (maybe 1 year in the high cost areas) after they have gotten a full-time job. Once working, get out for good.

For someone 40 and over: If it's a matter of the parent living with them, not them living with the parent, big difference. I have one acquaintance who moved in with his parents (he's in his 50's), but he's there because if his parents don't take their meds, they'll end up doing crazy things like walk down the middle of the street at 3 a.m. naked. He cannot afford to (nor wants to) put them in an assisted-living situation. One parent since passed away.

In contrast, I have a client who, after his divorce, moved back to his mother's house. He hasn't been able to pay his fair 50% share of expenses, and is therefore being subsidized. He can't afford to move out, and is in his 50's. I don't like that situation one bit, but also can't make any suggestions to him to remedy the situation - except to get a higher paying job. He's also currently in major debt and has filed bankruptcy once in his life already.

I was out for 2 years during college, came back for the last 2, but wasn't fully self-sufficient until age 24 (one year into full-time employment). However, as a condition of being back, I had to at least have a part-time job while finishing school (last 2 years which I also paid for). I haven't been back or dependent on them in any way since. In contrast, my boss at my first FT job was 35 and lived with his parents so he could blow his money on European vacations. I never liked him.
 ~christina~
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 13
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:44:30 PM
i am 23 and i live with my mom. i go to school full time and i have 2 kids. i used to live on my own but working full time going to school and taking care of my kids got to be too stressfull and complicated. i had no time to study for school and no time to spend with my kids. so i moved back home. i like it here b/c my mom and i split the cost here. i buy the groceries and she pays the utilities. i also run errands for her like take my younger sister to her appointments. the only thing wrong with it is, she will never babysit for me!!! lol.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 18
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:04:54 AM

And there are a few - admittedly rare - cases where the adult lives with his/her parents because everyone likes it that way.


Which is my situation. I'm 47, and I live with my parents. I could afford my own place, I give my parents about $1000 a month to cover my room and board, but this way works for us. I do things to help them out, I get advantages like better meals than I could make on my own, etc. And there's no big source of conflict; I don't drink or smoke or like parties, and my dating is minor and non-sexual, so there's nothing really that I'd want to do on my own that I couldn't do at home.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 22
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:00:03 AM
Maybe he’s still living at home so he can save enough money to buy his future wife an engagement ring and still have a few dollars left over to maybe place a downpayment on their future home ... or he’s a lazy mooch. Either is plausible.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 24
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 9:07:18 AM
My mom and i would kill each other within a couple of weeks!

But it does vary from person to person as to why they're living at home and should be evaluated on an idividual basis...

For those helping mom/dad I say kudos...
They took care of you for a very long time didn't they?
 Aco3187
Joined: 11/27/2005
Msg: 28
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/13/2005 8:13:16 PM
I think it depends on the situation. Mine for example involves my daughter. Her mom dropped her off one day and said that I could have her. I think it was easier for her than going through a custody battle. I moved back home as my mom suggested to avoid unecessary child care costs. It also gives my daughter that much needed "mother/daughter" relationship that she would have been lacking. My daughter only sees her mom when mom feels like being one. Which is only a few hours every blue moon. I help with bills, work and attend school So I don't consider myself to be a "moocher" as some so delicately put it. The problem is so many people men and women are to quick to judge or they think their $#!+ doesn't stink.
 Lethguy26
Joined: 10/7/2005
Msg: 39
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/14/2005 4:20:00 PM
i think the situation should be considered... i recently moved back to my parents... i'm 26 with a semi-serious knee problem... i moved back to save money so i can go back to school... i am paying to live here and buying my own food... this was an absolute last resort and to be honest i hate living here... but i know with the way my knees are getting if i dont go back to school and get an education in a field where i can work in an office setting i will require another knee surgery... i'm already in rehab to try and prevent that... so maybe you should talk to these peopel about their situations before you judge them... if they are anything like me its a huge blow to the ego living at home and we really don't need to be looked down upon by others for trying to do what is best for us
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 40
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 12/14/2005 6:40:38 PM

Many live with their parents, in order to prevent their parents from having to live in a seniors home, for the rest of their lives. But, when someone finds out where they live, they are judged, almost immediantly..no questions asked.


As I said earlier, is it that they live with their parents, or that their parents live with them? To me, that's a big difference.
 Charlie8575
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 51
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/4/2006 7:13:55 PM
Well, as someone who's been in those shoes....

I finished college, and watch the over-heated job market of the late 1990s begin to falter, and a lot of the entry-level jobs become so low-brow that with college education, I was grossly over-qualified, and from the appearance of most of them, would have had little or no chance for advancement. Not a good situation.

I took what I could, and ended up working about 50 hours a week for $10,000 a year clerking in two stores. After a stint in another field that turned into a nightmare, and the resultant financial turmoil, I was unable financially to move out until August, 2005.

Some people scrimp or suffer. With $1000/month rent in my area for a 1-bedroom, and a studio not too far behind, there was absolutely no way I could move out.

This past year (2005) I took a job that forced me to move, and move to a much less-expensive area. That's been good, and I'd like to stay in that area if I can, which is western Massachusetts, moving from the Worcester area to Greenfield.

Some girls didn't like that I lived at home. Their problem. And a few of the ones I went out with did live at home, so as the adage goes, people who live in glass houses....

To judge someone on such a status though is really unfortunate, and to be blunt, unfair. Who knows....you may be passing up someone really good.

Oh....and as an Armenian American.....it's our cultural pattern to stay at home until around 30 (or beyond!) anyway. So there.:P
 ndt
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 53
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/4/2006 7:47:36 PM
me thinks

I know EXACTLY what you mean as I know your area RE market quite well. I reside right across the Hudson River in NJ and the Rent and Real Estate prices are insanely HIGH.
 AnthonyJ
Joined: 11/17/2004
Msg: 56
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/4/2006 11:25:21 PM
I wonder what sex was like in the Walton's home? Or in any other large home where you have kids, grandparents, parents, e.t.c all living under one big roof? I guess most of the sexual stuff would have to be pretty low-key and non-vocal? hehe
 catman40
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 59
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/5/2006 8:13:32 AM
OK . HOLD IT you woman don't have to worry IF mom or dad die BUT us males do . Some of us men live at home for a reason to take of mom annd dad til they pass away . Guess who has to pay to put mom or dad in a nursing home ? NOT the woman . it is the sons . they have to pay for the funneral because the girls name change . the sons don't .
 flyingv
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 67
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/5/2006 1:37:56 PM
This is going to sound ambiguious but depending on the circumstances,like for instance Desert wolf situation or helping your folks out no big deal

But for the deadbeat,clingy,lazy ass humps who wants to feed off their folks, shame on them
I thought the umbilicord(is that the word?) was supposed to be cut off at birth
 Riggity
Joined: 3/17/2004
Msg: 68
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/5/2006 1:45:13 PM
Jasminekai,

I'm still living at home..It's simply to expensive to be on your own. Allthough I can easily afford the rent for a nice 2 bedroom apartment/condo but why would I bother making someone else even richer, when I can help my parents who need it so much more?!?! They've been there for me through thick and thin and the least I could do I for them is contribute financially. The benefits are obvious and we're respectful towards each other private space, so it works out very well.
 Riggity
Joined: 3/17/2004
Msg: 69
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/5/2006 1:49:50 PM
iwarrior,

There's nothing wrong with it. We all need a hand in life from time-to-time and it also speaks volumes about the quality of family life some people have. Apparently, many individuals have never experienced what a real family life is all about and that's pretty sad.
 Riggity
Joined: 3/17/2004
Msg: 70
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/5/2006 4:25:05 PM
c3sparling,

This reminds me of story when a friend of mine let his parents borrow 5 grand. Also, I don't see the diffrience between having family helping out and living with family - Is this not one in the same?!? Personally, I think a lot of this greatly depends on the family involved.
 Riggity
Joined: 3/17/2004
Msg: 71
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/5/2006 5:05:58 PM
^^^ What do I look like, a "what age do you move out of mom's" advisor?
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 72
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/5/2006 5:18:22 PM
I am living at home to save up money for school and to pay bills off so that I can go to school full time half of the year. Once I start school, the school is too far away from my mother for me to live there. So I am making plans to go on my own. People live at home with their folks for a number of reasons. I'd have to learn why he was doing this to have an opinion of the situation either way. If he was going to school full time to further his career, I would find that very understandable. Now, an unemployed guy with no goals.....FUGGEDDABOUTIT!
 Charlie8575
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 75
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/6/2006 5:45:25 PM
[I'm 26 and moved back in with my mom and her bf when I got out of college. NOT because I want to mooch but because I racked up some bad credit in school and didn't find a good job right away. Now I am doing well and can finally put my extra money towards fixing my credit and getting my own car. That's right, MY car that I still owe my aunt $1500 for got stolen when I had just invested $600 into it for a tune up and brake work so I could get it on the road again. My dad helped me with a car and said I could buy it from him or give it back when I get my own. Yes I could go out and pay high rent but after getting my real estate license, paying rent seems SO wasteful when you culd be paying a mortgage and own your own home at the same montly rate. Thus I choose to stay with my mom and help her out when I can, fix my credit, get my own car and eventually buy my own home. It may not impress many of you women, but keep dating that guy who will always pay rent and never own his own home, good luck to you. He's more likely to mooch off of you when he's down on his luck than us guys who have a plan and are motivated enough to suck it up and be patient.]


Couldn't have said it better if I said it myself!

Oh, and to whoever said something about European-Americans staying at home mooching....

I was born here; I'm third-generation, my great-grandparents having come from across in the 1890s. What I was stating that it is a very common practice in my cultural background to just stay at home. Many of my friends have, and they don't mooch. Some work far harder for even less than I have, and not just my Armenian friends, but friends of all backgrounds.

Now that I'm western Mass, the little bedroom I'm renting, at $230 a month, isn't as painful, and once my situation re-settles again, I'll be able to purchase a small home in this area with some luck, or at least get a small apartment, as the rents here aren't murderously high, only a little steep.

It's not where someone lives, it's HOW they live. Do they make an effort to contribute to society? Do they care about others? Do they make an effort to make friends, connections, get out there and be of service to others some how? Ask those things before turning your nose up at someone.
 DickBoston
Joined: 9/2/2005
Msg: 78
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 2/27/2006 2:47:31 PM
I prefer the cultural perspective - as babies we all want to be held and cared for and we also push away to gain our independence - as we grow up we should strive to support and work towards this same balance - having a wonderful family that you love and want to spend time with or even live with isn't (to me) a matter of good/bad right/wrong - it's only the degree to which a person can differentiate within that environment. Can they develop healthy attachment/Independence - yeah I want to meet a women who makes tons of money and owns her own houses and vacation homes - but I don't see the value of this thread being about money and our preferences for 'accomplished' partners - but rather in the hindrance or benefit to the individuals developing sense of 'self' by living alone or with the family - and including the newly created family in this topic as a continuing excuse to not grow up or to support childlike enmeshment or patterns of family dysfunction might also have value.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 81
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 8/1/2006 4:14:15 AM
Somewhat turned off? I would say fully turned off.
Over a certain age I expect someone to live on their own. There are circumstances that would explain why someone is living at home. But in the general sense
=========================
think again m dear.

"Shaming tactics." This phrase is familiar to many Men's Rights Activists. It conjures up the histrionic behavior of female detractors who don't have the brains to argue their points with logic.

Anyway, it might be helpful to categorize the major shaming tactics that are used against men whenever a discussion arises about feminism, men's issues, romance, etc.
=========================

Charge of Puerility (Code Green) - The Peter Pan Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male. Examples:

* "Grow up!"
* "You are so immature!"
* "Do you live with your mother?"
* "I'm not interested in boys. I'm interested in real men."
* "Men are shirking their God-given responsibility to marry and bear children."

Response: It should be remembered that one's sexual history, marital status, parental status, etc. are not reliable indicators of maturity and accountability. If they were, then we would not hear of white collar crime, divorce, teen sex, unplanned pregnancies, extramarital affairs, etc.
 montgumory
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 82
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Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 8/1/2006 10:27:36 AM
Okay, so I work in the real estate industry and have story upon story of 40+ guys and girls living off of their parents.. my all time favorite story is when I was chatting with a client (69yr Lady) who told me that her son (43 yrs) was TOO OLD TO GET A JOB!! Apparently the last job that he had was about 10 yrs before and he had to quit it because he and his mom bought a dog - Does that make any sense to anyone?!?!?!!?
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