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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why do some guys write they want friends first?      Home login  
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 tcky123
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 7
Why do some guys write they want friends first?Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
they maybe want to see how things go first or maybe dating a few at a time and see which one they like first.
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 18
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/17/2005 12:19:17 AM
A lot of ladies, and I mean a lot, are looking for husbands first and tend to overlook the guy ... scary but true!
Sometimes the guy has been burned and wants to take it slow until he knows the girl...
Sometimes it is all he is able to do at the time, for any number of reasons ...
Sometimes they just want female friends and enjoy the no great expectations relationship of a female friend
None of this is to say it can not progress with time ... but it sounds like a pretty intelligent way of approaching the dating game doesn't it?
Its also a pretty good way to get to know someone ... no expectations / no disappointments / just enjoyment of the company/ wow .... that sound very good!
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 22
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/17/2005 4:58:36 AM
That's the worst mistake a man can ever make with a woman, depending on what they mean by it.

If a woman ever slaps a "friend" label on your forehead - the chances of ever sleeping with her will be at the point of it only occuring if every other man on the planet has just died. Those damn things are like those anti-theft things on products, they just can't be removed.

That's why when on a date, especially the early ones, with a woman a man has to make a minimal "move" . Before anyone starts freaking out, let me define the parameters of such a move.

Taking her hand while walking, or touching it while talking. Helping her off with her coat, and pulling out her chair in a restaurant - and gently touching the small of her back to guide her.

All of these things are to be done in a non-sexual manner, and done quickly and gently. By doing such things properly, any woman that is interested in you is going to be filing away the "friend" label she was about to reach for - and searching for the "other" one.

I once did such a thing while on a first date with a woman. We were sitting in a quiet cafe, all alone. We were quite comfortable with one another by that point. It was winter, and a bit chilly. I noticed that her lower back was exposed a bit as she bent forward, and so I placed my hand there and said ' You must be freezing...'

Her eyes instantly changed into that "warm and fuzzy" look, as she felt the warmth of my hand upon her cold skin. At that point, she would not have been able to find the box with those "friend" labels if her life depended on it.

Any woman that is upset by such actions has probably got issues with intimacy, or has already written you off for some reasons. This may be cultural, as I live in Montreal where the French influence is quite normal. Kissing and hugging here are expected.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 24
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/17/2005 9:50:26 AM
The best relationship is one where your lover is also your best friend. Friends will not do to friends, what lovers will often do to lovers.

That said, people ( men and women) have a tendancy to put people in boxes.

I really liked this quote:

"A "friends first" guy, if he really means it, is a gentleman. Not a eunuch. "

That was what I was referring to initially. A person must see the person they are dating as a potential lover, as something possibly beyond a friend. If that isn't there, and if a man acts totally non-sexually ( and those acts are within the confines of being a gentleman always) then he risks becoming that eunuch to the woman he is with.

I know a great many people that have had this experience, and it applies equally to both sexes. Men are a bit more able to change, but I know a couple of really attractive women who were totally frustrated by never advancing to more than a friend with certain men. For whatever reason, those men had labelled them as friends only - and slept with others.
 :
Joined: 4/15/2005
Msg: 39
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/19/2005 5:08:45 PM
I just hate people trying to define anything about me, in real, you meet someone you know in about 30 seconds if it is going to work, online, talking, chatting, bla bla bla, days of that, then you meet, and then in 30 seconds you know right? Some people on here I want to be friends with, others probably more, but I am trying to keep up appearances of not trying too hard right?

That and all the girls who I am interested in seem to say they want to be friends first, so I guess I am niche marketing like Zentral says.

I flip between friend and other, and it is not a ploy, it is an anti-ploy. I am trying to avoid the ploy of others for heavens sake. People think this crap to death. honestly...

WHO CARES!!!
 Yardape_99
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 44
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/23/2005 7:15:27 PM
When I read "friends first" I think the girl is either not over her past relationship (in which case she shouldn't be dating), or she has suffered some sort of head trauma.
 :
Joined: 4/15/2005
Msg: 46
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/23/2005 10:27:48 PM
Maybe it is because not all men are so driven mad with horniness that their libido reaches up and strangles their brain every time they see a little T&A?
 :
Joined: 4/15/2005
Msg: 55
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/24/2005 11:04:36 PM
Everyone’s different right; I don’t think a man should have to feel embarrassed just because he is not a stereotypical sex fiend who will do anything to have sex with anyone.

Women notice that kind of guy a lot, but they are far from the norm. Just like with women the bad apples give the bunch a bad name.
 a_vamp
Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 58
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/25/2005 4:58:19 AM
We call that "Testing the water" in my country...

I don't see what's wrong. They wanna see if you have "potential" as much as you will like to "mark ya points" on them. S'only fair... and what better ways to do it then to start with a simple "Hang Out"
 a_vamp
Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 60
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/25/2005 5:13:06 AM
Bummer... That simply means you don't fit her bill... just like some chicks who doesn't fit yours and whom you'll never email to...

Just move on and go out with someone else - thinking too much before making a move can sometime make a guy unattractive.
 a_vamp
Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 62
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:13:20 AM
^^^ Mate you should REALLY do some serious travelling at your age...... *shaking head*
 a_vamp
Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 64
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:25:07 AM
^^^ Then don't assume anything about my country.
 uneekguy
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 67
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/25/2005 7:26:21 AM
MEN??? GEEZ...just browse all the women's profiles and most of them use that "friends first" phrase. It's just a cliche saying that I really want to get to know you VERY well before getting involved with you because I think all you guys want is to get into my pants. That's getting REAL old!! Find a new on leadies! All the guys in the barrel aren't rotten!
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 71
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/25/2005 10:52:03 PM
I just want friends...no dates...nothing long term....it means not interested or available in starting a new romantic relationship....it means my kids don't have to worry that someone else will be walking into their life.

I do see a number of female profiles stating friends first to when they are dating or looking for long term. I think its just a safe way of managing expectations...no russhing the cart before the horse.

Bana-dito
 BIGFRANK01
Joined: 12/23/2005
Msg: 74
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/26/2005 2:20:34 AM
I suppose some are men are trying to take things easy,knowing that rushing into things leads you no where...
Personally in my search for love and romance.....i seek friendship..
Friendship has got heights that love knows not......

So being friends first is a better foundation for a lasting relationship..
 :
Joined: 4/15/2005
Msg: 75
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/26/2005 3:17:43 AM
I’m gona take a wild stab in the dark; perhaps because they want to be friends first?
 ccJohncc
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 81
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/27/2005 10:41:51 PM
I am glad you don't get it So I don't have to worry about rejecting you. Good God How blind some are!

Well for the hopeful few Its letting a potential date know that we realize for a healthy long lasting relationship to form with a better chance of lasting it will be based on friendship first ( like getting to know each other out of the bedroom for a while. I started writing it because I cant count how many women have written in their profiles that friendship first is so important. Maybe you should read some of your gender peers profiles for some help?
 ccJohncc
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 82
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 12/27/2005 10:47:49 PM
Woops I should have looked closer I thout a Female posted this! Dude!!! You got to be kidding!!!!!
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 89
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 4/22/2006 3:08:46 AM
Because friends will never do to friends, what lovers often do to lovers ?
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 92
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Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 4/22/2006 7:51:13 AM
( puts down pillow...)
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 100
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 4/24/2006 10:00:40 AM
Nobody likes to be slotted into the "friend zone" when they feel some higher level attraction. For the most part, once your into that zone, your likely not to get out of it without some devine intervention.

However, the same people like to use the "friend zone" for their own purpose when they want to manage peoples expectations in the samefashion as there's were meing managed by others.

Kind of a double standard don't you think?

Bandito
 Raven1
Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 109
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 5/7/2006 1:24:21 PM
Ever hear the saying "we can't be lovers if we can't be friends"?

Let's face it. What are MOST people's expectations when it comes to romantic relationships?
To eventually find the "right one", their "soulmate", their "signiicant other", "life partner", etc.
The person they will eventually marry and spend the rest of their lives with, right?

I've heard and read from so many women before that their partner should be their lover, their companion, their confidant, their best friend.

I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THAT. THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD BE!
For both men and women alike.

With that being said, then isn't a friendship the base for starting ANY relationship (unless it's one of a business nature of course), whether it's going to just be friends of evolve/escalate into something further?

When you build something you need to start with a STRONG foundation.
If it were not for a strong foundation your homes, workplaces, vehicles, relationships with others (including romantic, platonic or otherwise) etc. would fall apart.
Everything needs a base, a strong foundation from which to build on. That friendship is usually the base. A basic and mutual relationship of trust & respect between one another. If you don't have that base then you can expect things to fall from beneath you at any given time.

If you have a bad egg/seed to start with, what do you think that egg/seed will grow into?
Something healthy?
Of course not. It was never something 100% to begin with, therefore there will always be problems with it.
(That may not be the greatest analogy, I don't know, but for now it was the first one that came to mind )

You need a base/foundation to build on. Friendship is that.
It makes perfect sense because you're working in what should be the "natural order" of things.
Do you meet someone, instantly marry them and then date them after you're married? lol
Of course not.
Everying has an (natural) order of which SHOULD BE (isn't always adhered to but it should be) maintained.

The cycle of life/death has and order to it.
The cycle of (nature) seasons have an order.
Time has an orderly cycle.
etc.

You're not born into an adult and then develop into a child.
You're born into a child and eventually blossom.

That's the way relationships should go as well. You start off with being friends and if there is mutual chemistry/attraction/compatibility (romanticall) nature will take it's course. TRUST ME!
Relationships starting off like this usually have much better chances of lasting much longer as well (if you ask me).

This should be common sense to anyone.


 Raven1
Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 118
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 5/7/2006 3:18:08 PM

Why waste time being friends if there is no chemistry. To me thats a waste of time kinda.


How is that a waste of time? If there's no chemistry then at least you've made a new friend. Sometimes you end up meeting someone you're interested in dating through friends. Life's encounters are many times interconnected if you understand what I mean by that.

Things happen for a reason and many times people come into out lifes for a reason. The reasoning might not be immediate but it will eventualy come through.

Plus at least you've made a new friend to hang out and do things with.

Beats being online all the time and waiting for things to happen!
 kcoffeecan
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 129
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 6/7/2006 12:13:14 AM
Actually, the women started this one..........A lot of women state that they want to be "friends first and see where it goes". The men are just picking up the vibe.
 kcoffeecan
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 130
Why do some guys write they want friends first?
Posted: 6/7/2006 12:20:47 AM
Coaster, R U referrring to the men, the women.... or both
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