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 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 3
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Girls Night OutPage 1 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

Is this me being controling? Please elaborate after your yes or no.

It sure is. You have no right to tell someone what they can or can't do. Your her BF, not her master. I would suggest you find someone that fits your ideal instead of just finding someone and trying to fit into your ideal.

I know this, if I were dating a woman who told me I couldn't so something, I'd dump her on the spot. Have a little trust and faith in her that she is doing the right thing for her. What are you worried about anyway? Think she's going to cheat on you? If she does, big deal ... you move on. At least you would learn your lesson now rather than later. More importantly, why are you with her if you have this lack of trust for her? Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if she told you that you couldn't do something you really enjoy?
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 7
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 4:12:30 PM

I think temptation is always there, just depends on weather or not you put yourself in situations that make it irrisistable.

Dude, no offense, but the last part of that is utter bullsh!t. You're either a cheater or you're not. You're either happy with the person you are with or you're not. I fuking hate when people use alcohol as a reason for cheating. That's BS. They did it because they really just don't give a sh!t abvout the relationship. The alcohol just gives them an excuse. People do some stupid sh!t when they're drunk, but going home with someone and having sex is a long and drawn out enough process that at some point reason comes into play, unless it's date rape.
 tcky123
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 8
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 4:15:50 PM
well do you have to a girls night out to cheat, you can do it in every way.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 10
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 4:22:25 PM

she might slip up and forget she has a bf. I've known men who drink too much and forget they have someone at home.

No one “slips up” or “forgets” ... alcohol just gives them the balls to do what they wanted to do when they were sober. People do not cheat because they are drunk. They cheat because they’re selfish, lack self esteem or are just plain a$$holes.
 IS1
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 12
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 4:38:46 PM
If you went out with your friends to your old singles hang out and got smashed would you cheat on your girlfriend? You believed enough in her to have an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with her, then you should trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt. Also, as stated in other posts, you're both adults. Therefore, you can't tell her what to do. You are both in the relationship by choice. If you're that unhappy with her actions your alternative is to end the relationship, not attempt to control her. And if she does cheat then she is not the person you thought she was. In that case end it. Why would you want to commit to someone who doesn't want to do the same for you. Also, if she does cheat, the dishonor is hers, not yours, so don't get down on yourself if it happens. Hopefully, it won't come to that. Good luck and hope my 2 cents helped.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 13
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 4:43:32 PM
To me girls night out and boys night out are bad ideas , part of being faithful is not putting yourself in situations that lead to temptation .
Plus if you are in a relationship there are things you have to give up , you can't continue to live life as a single person , its not about your partner being controling , you should not HAVE to control your partner if so you are with the wrong person , it should be about respect for your partner , if you still feel the need to go out and get hammered then maybe you should not be in a relationship , your just not ready , there is a reason they call it settling down , if you want to go out with your single friends and get plastered then STAY single or go out and get sloshed with your BF/GF .

And to you that said either you trust someone or you dont , thats not true , trust is built or torn down by your actions , if you do things that can be viewed as suspicious behavier then it will be hard to trust .

Example:
Girl A : A homebody , she will go out once in a blue moon , most of her friends are married , a nite out drinking consists of 3 glasses of wine over dinner with her friends .

Girl B : Every one in town knows her , you can hardly catch her at home , has a bunch of slutty friends , and she can drink her weight in vodka.

Now wich girl would inspire more trust ?
Sometimes girl A turns into girl B WHEN IN RELATIONSHIP , but you should not force it , she should just respect you enough to know the difference between being single and being in a relationship .

And yes booze can make you do things you would not normaly do , because you dont think about the fallout that your actions will cause (until you sober up ) .
So while it is true that you dont do things you dont want to do under the haze of booze you will do things you would think the better of if sober.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 15
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 5:26:18 PM
Mortalez,
I obviously disagree. “I was drunk” is only an excuse.

Secondly, If you want Girl A, then look for Girl A. Don’t start a relationship with Girl B and hope she will turn into Girl A. Chances are, she won’t. You have to accept someone for who they are and give them the freedom to be that person. I swear, if a woman I was dating told me “No, you’re not going to Vegas for the weekend with your friends,” I’d be on the plane and probably somewhere over Nebraska before she realized I broke up with her - it would happen that fast.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 18
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 5:34:26 PM

When she gets drunk and stays with a freind,does she let you know where she is?

Are we talking about grown adults here or teenagers?
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 21
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 5:39:28 PM

Have you ever made rash or unreasonable decisions while you were shit faced?

Uh oh, trap question ... Of course I have. But I have never slept with someone because I was drunk. Going home with someone and f*cking them is not a rash decision. There are hundreds of points at which you can ask yourself "Do I really want to do this?" Alcohol is an excuse, not a reason.

I have a question for you. Do you think she's going to cheat on you?


As long as she comes home to you, all is well.

^^^That is extremely well said.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 25
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 5:55:18 PM
No, I don't......and even if she did I would be ok with it

Then what's the problem?


On the other hand.....If an "accident" or "slip" or whatever you want to call it did happen my biggest fear would be that I would not know about it. I belive she would be truthfull to me in almost any situation but if she was unfaithfull and truely regretted it (which would not make it right) she might keep it a secret and this is where I think all the problems occur.

Here's the weird thing - if she's a decent person at all she's going to suffer more from it than you ever would by knowing the truth. If she isn't a decent person, you're going to break up eventually anyway. Personally, I'm the type of person who doesn't care if someone cheats - I mean, it will end a relationship, but I won't feel betrayed or hurt. She made her decision, I made mine. Oh well. Thems types of womens are a dime a dozen anyways!!!

The bottom line is, my friend, we can't control what another person does, so why try? The funny thing is, by being controlling and telling her what she can and can't do, eventually that's going to catch up with you and will be the reason your relationship doesn't last. I know more people who have failed relationships because someone was controlling than someone cheating.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 28
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 6:12:48 PM
Cougar,
There larger issues looming than alcohol. People aren't born as alcoholics (yes, I know, you can have a genetic predisposal), but there is something that drives them - some kind of disconnection in the mind - to becoming alcoholics. That's where the real problems start.

Alcohol, I will continue to say, is an excuse, not a reason.

edit: Truth, good luck. At the end of the day, make the best decision for yourself.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 29
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 6:14:02 PM

I obviously disagree. “I was drunk” is only an excuse.


I'm saying its not an excuse , like i said , when drunk you do what you WANT to do.
I'm a bouncer , I throw out drunks for a living , some guys cause trouble but back down when i aproach them , but 12 beer 6 shots later they actually try to fight with me , There is alot of curage at the bottom of a bottle , get enough in your system you start to think your 12ft5 bulletproof and invisable .


Secondly, If you want Girl A, then look for Girl A. Don’t start a relationship with Girl B and hope she will turn into Girl A. Chances are,


Actually you have the wrong idea of me , I will leave a girl who is girl B if she does not switch (but that why you ask questions before you hook up)
I believe you should act differently when you are in a relationship than when you are single (you dont go to church drinking cussing and smoking or go to the DMV with your fishing rod or hunting riffle do you? )
There is a time and a place for everything .


You have to accept someone for who they are and give them the freedom to be that person.


Ok I will agree with you there , to a point . If you are talking about her interest in movies , books , music etc etc then we agree , I mean why not say "hey sleep with who ever you want I dont care " why have a commetment at all if your gonna act like you dont have a partner ?
comming to the agreement that you will be mutual comes with certain expectations , it not about changing the person its about behaving in a way that shows your partner respect .


I swear, if a woman I was dating told me “No, you’re not going to Vegas for the weekend with your friends,” I’d be on the plane and probably somewhere over Nebraska before she realized I broke up with her - it would happen that fast.


Well if you would rather be with a bunch of guys than laid up in the sack with your woman then maybe you should leave women alone (since you obviusly preferr the company of men).
Or here is a thought why not take your girl to vegas (unless you dont like being seen in public with her).
Trust is earned my friend and certained behavier has no place in a relationship (unless your swingers).


PS: send your hate mail to: "I hate that negro" PO. Box OU812.
FT.Worth TX. zip:5150
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 30
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 6:27:28 PM
Mortalez,
I agree and disagree with some of your points. Like I've said, people do a lot of dumb things when they drink. Fuking someone just isn't one of them. Alcohol is not the reason you make that decision, it's just an excuse.


Actually you have the wrong idea of me , I will leave a girl who is girl B if she does not switch (but that why you ask questions before you hook up)
I believe you should act differently when you are in a relationship than when you are single (you dont go to church drinking cussing and smoking or go to the DMV with your fishing rod or hunting riffle do you? )
There is a time and a place for everything .

True. But your relationship shouldn't defiine who you are. Certainly, things change. If you're in a commited relationship, there are certain guidelines that apply. Being able to go out for a night of fun with your friends shouldn't be one of them - extend some trust, my friend.


Well if you would rather be with a bunch of guys than laid up in the sack with your woman then maybe you should leave women alone (since you obviusly preferr the company of men).

Haha, I get it, I'm gay ... and yanno, you're pretty cute ... Here's the thing Mr. Mortalez, I choose to live my life as I see fit. I refuse to allow a woman to tether me. And who said my friends were all guys?



PS: send your hate mail to: "I hate that negro" PO. Box OU812.
FT.Worth TX. zip:5150

^^^That deserves some extra credit. That's just mother effin' funny right there
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 34
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 6:49:19 PM

Were I in a relationship, I would not go to the bars without her. If she went for a wilding “girls night out”, I would not make a big deal about it. But, I would be gone. Because, if she doesn’t know better than that . . . well, I just do not see a good relationship there.

I don't think I can flame you for that. She makes her decision, you make yours. That sounds about right. You're not stopping her from doing anything she wants to do. I mean, I have dated women who said if I didn't do something they would be gone ... I saved them the trouble and dumped them. It falls in line with living life the way you see fit.

Edit: Gotta love that AI ... so pretty and so smart ;-)
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 35
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 6:51:54 PM

I agree and disagree with some of your points. Like I've said, people do a lot of dumb things when they drink. Fuking someone just isn't one of them. Alcohol is not the reason you make that decision, it's just an excuse.


causality my friend remove that booze and you have no excuse , and also when i was young and stupid I woke up a few times in some strange apartment in bed next to a woman and had know idea how I got there. Ever seen the T-shirt that says "I never went to bed with an ugly woman but I've sure woken up with quite a few".


True. But your relationship shouldn't defiine who you are. Certainly, things change. If you're in a commited relationship, there are certain guidelines that apply. Being able to go out for a night of fun with your friends shouldn't be one of them - extend some trust, my friend.

To a degree they do define you , hence when you marry the woman gets your last name.
and I never said you cant hang out with your friends , but your friends should not come before your mate .
And my mother has said a few things to me in regard to a relationship , "never let the sun come up on ya"
and "while your steppin out someone eles may be steppin in"

and my fathers advice was " A hard D!ck has no consence" and " the devil is out to get you so why go to his house"

And being that my parents have been married for almost 50 years I think they might be on to something .
ok let me hit send lol

Haha, I get it, I'm gay ... and yanno, you're pretty cute ... Here's the thing Mr. Mortalez, I choose to live my life as I see fit. I refuse to allow a woman to tether me. And who said my friends were all guys?


If you are actually into her then you wont feel tethered .
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 36
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 7:09:36 PM
Mortalez,
I have seen those t-shirts. I also knew guys who would go out - as they so crudely put it - "hogging." In other words, they went out with the intentions of getting drunk and getting laid. Hence, still, alcohol is not the cause, just an excuse.

Additionally, marriage is a bit different than the types of relationships we're talking about here. There's money involved. Changes everything.


and my fathers advice was " A hard D!ck has no consence" and " the devil is out to get you so why go to his house"

It's hard to argue with age old wisdom such as this. But again - extend a little trust.


If you are actually into her then you wont feel tethered .

That's a blanket statement that doesn't apply to me. I'm a little more of a free spirit than most. A woman overstaying her welcome (generally an hour or two) at my house is enough to make me feel tethered. There's so much more to life than finding a mate. So much more to experience, to see and do - it's only my opinion and what I feel is right for my life - but I'm just not going to let a woman weigh me down and keep me from experiencing the wonderful things life has to offer. I mean, you're talking to someone who views romantic relationships as an impediment rather than some sort of life goal.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 38
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 7:26:27 PM
Bambi, that deserves an "atta girl"

Oh, and because I read your profile and "rules" ... here
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 39
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 7:30:16 PM

That's a blanket statement that doesn't apply to me. I'm a little more of a free spirit than most. A woman overstaying her welcome (generally an hour or two) at my house is enough to make me feel tethered. There's so much more to life than finding a mate. So much more to experience, to see and do - it's only my opinion and what I feel is right for my life - but I'm just not going to let a woman weigh me down and keep me from experiencing the wonderful things life has to offer. I mean, you're talking to someone who views romantic relationships as an impediment rather than some sort of life goal.


Then for you a reltationship is not in the cards , dont get me wrong I have done alot of things been alot of places , and what I learned from it is that nothing gives me the same rush as the company of a woman .
It is hard to describe , nothing to me feels as good and being locked in a spawning embrace with a female (and being commited to that female makes it even better)
problem is I HATE dating , dating is simply not fun to me (I hate not knowing where I stand)
If you give me anything this world has to offer , the sweetest wine or the thril of sky diving (which I really like) its just not as fun to me as the warmth of a woman I care about under , over , or beside me .
And I dont anyone can say otherwise (being that the pleasure centers in your brain are keyed so strongly to that action).
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 42
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 7:37:27 PM
Mortalez, my good man, we’re all wired differently. For instance, I love dating. I love the social aspect of it. The excitement of enjoying moments with someone new and getting to learn about them and hear their stories. After that, though, it gets boring for me. Commitment is boring to me. I’d rarther make a new friend every day than have the same friend for 20 years.

But I respect you for the way you feel, good sir. May you find that happiness.

Oh, and on this point:

Then for you a reltationship is not in the cards

We have found a point upon which we agree.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 44
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 7:59:12 PM

Mortalez, my good man, we’re all wired differently. For instance, I love dating. I love the social aspect of it. The excitement of enjoying moments with someone new and getting to learn about them and hear their stories. After that, though, it gets boring for me. Commitment is boring to me. I’d rarther make a new friend every day than have the same friend for 20 years.


I agree we ARE wired differently , many people like dating , hell I used to like dated when i was a kid ,
difference being as a kid I was fishing out of and aquariium now I'm fishing in an ocean and only one out of 100 fish are edible.
I actually like stability and concistancy , the knowlege that she is there when i get home , if that is not there I see no reason to be with her, it would be a waste of time .
Do I NEED a woman to be happy ? no . but being in a relationship ad's alot more happieness to the mix .
its like comparing a twinkie to you'r mom's sweet potato pie . yah I like twinkies but givin the choice .........

right now I'm sitting in the office of the bar I work in and I see a bunch of guys acting like idiots and many have wedding rings on , guys nite out huh .........
.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 46
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/17/2005 8:30:24 PM

I could care less how much he and i had in common........if it came down to him not wanting me to have my own time, he should consider himself single.


And you are right , he should consider himself single , because you already consider yourself single.


There is no way in hell i would let someone dictate my time or tell me what i should or shouldn't do. It's just not happening!


Again I agree with you , no body should HAVE to tell you what to do , you should have enough respect for him to not do things to make him doubt and he should show you the same respect .
If you want to live life like your single then dont get involved with said person and when you are ready to settle down I'm sure a guy will be there waiting being as how you are an attractive lady and all.
 tictactoe
Joined: 9/21/2005
Msg: 51
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/18/2005 4:15:31 AM
The_Truth


I don't go out for a "Guys Night Out."
Maybe you should! It's normal and can be fun. As I don't drink, I'm always the DD, but that's okay. I'd rather we all get home in one piece.

I also believe the lady in my life needs to be out with her friends too. It's all about trust and how secure you are with yourself. If you're insecure, you'll be pacing the hallways till she opens the door to the house. Or , you'll be thinking the worst , when in fact there is no need for concern.


If I did go for a "Guys Night Out" I sure as shit wouldnt sleep at anyones house but mine or her's
noble when your faculties are one hundred percent responsive. But stupid to consider if drunk. I take keys away from my friends and tell them to crash at my place. It's rare that it occurs, but the best part of it is they're around the next day to **** about it.
 sleepless_in_Newmarket
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 54
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:07:04 AM
I got one word for you people, www.loverboysusa.com

It's all about "girls nite out"

 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 58
Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/18/2005 1:17:59 PM
I guess everyone is different , I simpley dont have as much fun hanging with a bunch of dudes as I do with a girl , not the same rush.
there is nothing I can do with my friends that is as enjoyable as hanging with my girl .
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 64
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Girls Night Out
Posted: 12/19/2005 6:51:04 AM
Truth,
Let me give you an example from my own life. When I go out with my friends, no one wants to be the designated driver. So I will drive to a friend’s place, park my car and split a cab with him. At the end of the night, we split another cab back to his place and I’ll crash there to sleep it off. In the morning I can simply walk out to my car and leave. That eliminates either driving drunk or spending a lot more money on cabs to get to and from my place (my friend lives a lot closer to the best hangouts). That seems pretty freakin innocent, does it not?

BTW, dude, you said you have only been seing this woman for a short time ... just some advice, tread lightly.
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