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 sammysalt1
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 2
My Weight and My BoyfriendPage 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Girl, dump him, just because he don't care about who you are on the inside. Your out side means more. Life with him wont work out, because he is a jerk.
 sammysalt1
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 3
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:32:07 PM
If you want to lose wight for your self, and you have a problem doing it. Hang full size mirros in the bathroom near the bath are shower, that way you see your self, and you can stick to a diet. But don't do it if you have someone in the house nagging at you. You do it for you and not for him. If you get depressed easy then don't put up big mirros in there. Be healthy, and happy, and for some that don't mean skinny.
 mogrl
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 4
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:39:47 PM
why would you put up with abuse like this????????
get rid of him ,he doesn`t deserve you !
 PrincessNaughty
Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 5
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:43:13 PM
Tell him that yeah you do need to lose some excess bagage...HIM!!!
Kick him to the curb!! Thats not love!! Forget about him!! You can do way better!!
 sass393
Joined: 2/20/2005
Msg: 6
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 6:46:22 PM
I agree with other posters....don't do it for him. do it for yourself.
I had a bf once that told me that he would dump me if I ever gained any weight. Course he also told me that he would dump me if I got my belly button pierced. He's trying to control you. If you let him...it will only get worse as the years go on.
Get out now! before he does a lot more harm.
Trust me.. there are plenty of guys out there that will love you for who you are now.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 8
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:21:42 PM
Pandora, I lost almost 100 pounds in 2004. I could not have done it without the loving support of friends and family. If this young man makes you uncomfortable in any way that in and of itself tells you what you need to do. If you are loosing their should be positive reinforcement. There has been an overwhelming consensus here. Do what it takes to get back on the course of weight loss and good health.
 tickle_me123
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 9
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:33:41 PM
Dump him, NOW!

Looking at your pictures, you are not overweight. Not by a long shot. Get out of that relationship. Change your phone numbers, move, do whatever it takes, but you will not have a pleasant life until that loser is completely out of your life.

I wish you well.
 Viv33
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 10
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:20:07 PM
I agree with all the women before me, dump his ass. In five years you won't even remember his last name, let alone what you "loved" about him. Life's too short to waste your time on someone so shallow.. Use your energy on more positive pursuits..
 Knute
Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 11
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:53:21 PM
I guess that I'm of two minds on this issue.

Granted, his comments ARE over the top, and as they have hurt you, getting rid of him is probably a good option.

However, there has to be a point when your SO can tell you that you are getting unhealthily heavy, or even light.

I've had weight issues all my life. While married for 10 years, my ex didn't encourage the times when I wanted to get into better shape. And when I reached a point of giving up on more than just my weight (there were some medical conditions involved as well), she up and left, for another guy.

Controlling or not, at least he's communicating with you. Are you communicating back?
Does he know how his comments to you are affecting you?
I guess that's the big question. If he knows what his comments are doing to you and STILL makes them, then it's malicious and I would agree with everyone here.

My 2 cents,

Knute
 ~iiCe~
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 14
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:12:52 PM
A few years back I was living with this guy... was with him for about 5 years... anyway we were watching Maury Povich and the show was "If she doesn't lose weight I am leaving".... I looked at him and told him... if he ever felt that way to just pack his bags... because he would be leaving... he laughed and said he loved me for me.... and was fine... but that is my feeling on it...

I can't change for someone else... can only change for me.. and any one that expects that I would change for him is not the one for me...
 Knute
Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 15
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:41:17 PM

My problem is that he does know,



I appreciate his honesty but he needs tact..


Then it sounds like you have one of several ways to proceed.

1) Say/do nothing
2) Kick him to the curb
3) Tell him, with the least tact possible, to shut the hell up about your weight until he can learn some tact so that he can actually help rather than hurt. Barring that, he can find a "smaller" apartment for just him.
4) Talk to his parents about it. You said that you had dinner with them. So ask them what they think, because then he may hear about it from his mom.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure that the course of action that you do choose is one in which you can live with the consequences.
From what you are writing, you don't seem to want to lose him. That's normal, I'd say. I mean, you have history with him. It's sometimes hard to leave that history behind and move on.
I guess that, for me, I'd have to ask myself what would my life be like in the next 5 or 10 years with this person, and whether or not that's where I'd want to be in my life.

I can't remember, but somewhere it was mentioned that this was your first love? Anyway, my ex was my first love -- well, actually second, but I didn't really act on the first. -- anyway, I used to think that the determining factor was whether or not I could wake up next to them every morning. I never considered that she'd leave me for someone else. It was rough, and there were times when I could have sworn that she was there when she wasn't, but I've gotten over it and have grown in the process. I learned alot about myself when it was just me; even while missing my children daily.

HTH
Knute
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 18
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:00:12 AM
Geeze Pandora you have to know staying is not an option. So your already having problems eating in front of him, next the problem will be eating at any time. These problems tend to snowball, stop it now. I've seen your photos and you must know your extremely attractive. One of the best ways to control someone is to get them to think they can get nobody else. Don't let yourself be emotionally destroyed by someone so cruel. Losing weight is a great thing if done in a healthy manner, this is not about your weight, you need to understand that. This is about beating you down until you think he's a great guy for staying with you. I hope you can see what's happening here, get away before it does permanent damage. As always the best to you Pandora.
 dan_man
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 19
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:02:56 AM
thats funny? well u have two options 1) you could dump him on his rear 2) you could do the country a favour and lose the weight. being over weight is proven to not be healthy and comes with hudge amount of problems........heart problems, diabeties, kidney failure.............plus it looks unhealthy and ther is no way you could feel happy about it?
 dan_man
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 20
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:30:25 AM
well it just happens i was using a little reverse phycology on the kid, hey it helped my ass. i was yelled at and sh!t, i was unhealthy i changed it around! for the better!
 dan_man
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 21
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:40:54 AM
keep the cartoon its cool................thank god you did not put a pic of santa there......
 AKNIGHT2REMEMBER
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 22
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 2:26:21 AM
I SEE YOU AS A BEAUTIFUL SENSITIVE WOMAN.IF YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE THEN THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.NOT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU.I THINK YOUR BOYFRIEND NEEDS A SHRINK IF ALL HE SEE'S IS YOUR WEIGHT.DID HE GO OUT WITH YOU SOULY ON THE BASIS OF LOOKS AND NOT WHAT'S INSIDE.PRETTY SHALLOW,I THINK YOU NEED SOME ONE WHO'LL SEE THE WONDERFUL PERSON YOU ARE AND NOT PUT LABLES ON YOU AND EXPECT YOU TO CONFORM TO HIS WAY OF THINKING JUST BECAUSE HE'S SELFISH!
 namelessgrace
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 24
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 5:36:57 AM
You ARE tryin to rationalize it. He has no right to demand to know how much you weigh. WTF does it matter if he loves you? Is he the poundage police? Leave his sorry butt. He has shown ZERO respect for you, and that should not be acceptable. It's not about how much you weigh...it's about your feelings and his complete lack of caring. Your SO should make you feel GOOD about yourself, not horrible. His excuses are lame and cowardly (his Dad, your health...bullshi$). He feels badly about himself for whatever reason, and takes it out on you...THAT is NOT love my sistah! He has some control issues, no matter what he says to try and hide that fact....get out now before it gets worse. If you choose to lose the weight, GREAT...do it for your own health. But never, never, never let someone tell you you are not 'good enough' for them. You deserve much better then a jerk who would make you cry just because he can and then call it 'help'. It's sick. Go find someone who makes you feel like the sexiest thing walking. Personal growth can be scary, it's hard to leave our comfort zones, even when they are seriously damaging us.....but you will be better person for it. Just remind yourself that to accomplish what you want in this life you MUST move forward (whether its weight, school, job, relationship, etc.). In this case, it means leaving him behind for your own self worth. Good luck to you hon!
 Brecon2012
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 25
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:07:32 AM
You are so worth more than that.. it doesnt what you look like.. if you're thin he will be probably ask you to have a boob job.. you sound like nice person and i think you know it yourself that he is not worth it. the only thing that is stopping you that is he is your first love.I understand that weight can be an issue in relationship but he should support you 100% instead of putting you down and reprimindaing you, who does he think he is, your teacher??? My ex boyfriend was the same.. he hated me wearing make up.. i stopped for him then he was on and on about my figure that i was never good enough for him, that no one would look at me and that i was lucky to have him and all that psycho bollocks.. and it wore me down that i told him to sod off.. on new year eve 2000.. best thing i ever done!!

Tell us what you have decided to do now or not.. just follow your instincts..

take care

T
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 26
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:10:44 AM
Honey it's a control issue for him and it's also abusive...

Like the rest I say dump this scag!

You make changes for you and only you!
 Becca69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 27
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My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:31:14 AM
If my bf would put me down about my weight like he does you i would have alright knocked him about, im slightly overweight(about 28 lbs over right now) , but we were seperated for 2 months and i lost 10lbs it felt great, well we got back together and we talked, he said i like the way u are now but would like it better if you lost a little weight, but when i first met him i weighed 130 now i weigh 168, I need to weigh 140 though, im doing it a little at a time, he knows i want to loose weight though! But yeah my bf never calls me names or anything like that, thats just wrong! I use to get seconds at dinner time, now i get one plate and thats it, diet dr pepper helps too, or water! Once you start drinking Diet Dr Pepper you'll get use to the taste, its really not that bad! Maybe you should go somewhere for a couple weeks, or tell him you guys need a brake away from each other for awhile, it worked for me, he was basically begging me to come back, i do everything around his house though, laundry, clothes, some cooking, u name it! They come to realization about what you did for them once your gone, My aunt told me this and it actually worked, got love your aunt :)
 byronus
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 28
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:46:54 AM
Something I've learned a long long time ago.... never say anythiing about a womans weight...It'll backfire

when my parents were in their middleages they knew this couple. the guy was always harping on his weightweight--and she had a trim figure.... the guy left her for a lot heavier barmaid.... my mom's fried was heartbroken. She literally starve her self to death... weight 40 lbs when she died in her fifties...


byron
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 29
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:55:41 AM
Damn Pandora , you are so cute that if I met you , I would freeze up and shy away , I am too much of a loser for a cute girl like you anyhow , dump anyguy that cannot value you , I see nothing wrong with you , do not even know you , you may be evil or an angel , but as far as I can detect you are a great girl . Too bad I suck .
 choklitkiss
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 31
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:12:29 PM
Pandora, the folks here have given you some great advice. Take it.

I too had a man in my life when I was about your age who wanted me to lose weight, "about 20 pounds or so" he said. The comments were the same as you are getting, yet he continued to profess his love for me. I knew I was overweight and I did want to do something about it (I couldn't fit into a lot of my clothes anymore), but his snide remarks weren't very supportive, and yes, he made them in front of his friends and family. Why I stayed in the relationship was same as you.... young and in love!! Eventually I did lose the weight (about 25 pounds) while he and I were together, but because I wanted to feel physically better, not for him. Not long after that, he started accusing me of cheating on him, showing off my body to other men, having no respect for him, and things like that. He actually destroyed some of my clothes because he thought they showed too much skin (clothes that HE BOUGHT FOR ME). We were not living together but he had asked me to move in with him; I refused. He of course got upset and then really went nuts; started with the stalking, constant phone calls and notes on my car at home and at work. I confronted him one morning while he was putting a rose on my car and told him to leave me alone. After about another week of his phone calls, he finally got the message.

So turns out HE was the one with the problem, not me. I am still curvy and know plenty of men like it like that....
 CuppyCakeBBW
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 32
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:22:36 PM
this is a no-brainer. You should never change yourself to keep a man. NEVER. Anyone who loves you won't ask you to change. Hell, even if a guy wanted me to change my hairstyle, I'd say no. Screw that!

The dude is a loser.

You are a beautiful girl. If you want to lose the weight, do it for YOU. Trust me sweetie....there are plenty of men who like the extra curves you have. Dump the loser....easiest way to lose some ugly pounds is to lose the boyfriend.
 CuppyCakeBBW
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 33
My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/19/2005 12:32:05 PM

i'm sorry, but if a gf came home with a nasty haircut i'd tell her to change up that shit.
that's stuff you can control.


exactly...CONTROL
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