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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What is going slow in regards to a relationship?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sammysalt1
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 3
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I don't know. I never had a slow relationship. If someone told me that, and I was single. I would think I need to keep looking, because thats what they want to. Thats just the way I think.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 5
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:00:17 PM
I just started out in a relationship where we both agreed to go slow...
and take "baby steps" so to say.
But when the chemistry is overwhelming WHAM...you cannot get enough of each other...
so slow becomes a moot point.


shlow...smlow.........just follow your heart.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 6
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:36:13 PM

Going slow is getting to know each other completely before jummping into the sack


Then you will never jump in the sack , because you can know a person 100 years and never know EVERYTHING about him , But it only takes moments to know if there is an attraction , if there is no attraction then move on and dont break the poor guys heart .


Going slow is making sure there is a two-way connection


Again it does not take long to know if you click .


Goin slow is clarifying chemistry


chemistry can not be clarified it simple is . It is not something to be measured by a ruler or studied in a test tube , it is the feeling in your gut , either it is there or it isnt .


Going slow is feeling each other out as far as emotional stability


You mean like the guy who was married for 15 years had 2.3 kids and at the age of forty deisides he wants a sex change ? Or the guy who quietly goes to work everyday , does his job , puts up with his bosses sh!t for 10 years because the job has good pay and benifits , then one day having had enough shows up to work with a sawed off rifel and shoot his boss and all his coworkers , and then pulls the gun on himself ?
You see there is NEVER enough time to learn someones emotional stability because everyone cracks at different levels of heat .


Going slow is defining what each other wants in a relationship


heres a thought , why not ASK , you'd be suprised what you might hear .



All in all when a woman makes a point of "going slow" she is really saying "your cute and nice but there might be something better so I will string you along" .

Going slow is torture .
Going slow is wishy washy .
Going slow is not trusting your own instincts
Going slow is wasting some poor guy/girls time because of you indicisivness (boy my spelling sux).
Going slow is holding out for something better .
Going slow is a new phrase for that childish game of hard to get .


Life is too short to waste time on someone who is not into me . I know I'm not everyones taste but I do treat women with respect if I am shown respect .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 7
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:37:14 PM

Going slow is getting to know each other completely before jummping into the sack


Then you will never jump in the sack , because you can know a person 100 years and never know EVERYTHING about him , But it only takes moments to know if there is an attraction , if there is no attraction then move on and dont break the poor guys heart .


Going slow is making sure there is a two-way connection


Again it does not take long to know if you click .


Goin slow is clarifying chemistry


chemistry can not be clarified it simple is . It is not something to be measured by a ruler or studied in a test tube , it is the feeling in your gut , either it is there or it isnt .


Going slow is feeling each other out as far as emotional stability


You mean like the guy who was married for 15 years had 2.3 kids and at the age of forty deisides he wants a sex change ? Or the guy who quietly goes to work everyday , does his job , puts up with his bosses sh!t for 10 years because the job has good pay and benifits , then one day having had enough shows up to work with a sawed off rifel and shoot his boss and all his coworkers , and then pulls the gun on himself ?
You see there is NEVER enough time to learn someones emotional stability because everyone cracks at different levels of heat .


Going slow is defining what each other wants in a relationship


heres a thought , why not ASK , you'd be suprised what you might hear .



All in all when a woman makes a point of "going slow" she is really saying "your cute and nice but there might be something better so I will string you along" .

Going slow is torture .
Going slow is wishy washy .
Going slow is not trusting your own instincts
Going slow is wasting some poor guy/girls time because of you indicisivness (boy my spelling sux).
Going slow is holding out for something better .
Going slow is a new phrase for that childish game of hard to get .


Life is too short to waste time on someone who is not into me . I know I'm not everyones taste but I do treat women with respect if I am shown respect .
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 8
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/19/2005 9:46:10 PM
Mortalez quoted :
chemistry can not be clarified it simple is . It is not something to be measured by a ruler or studied in a test tube , it is the feeling in your gut , either it is there or it isnt .



Well put Mortalez
 cuter_than_anyone
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 11
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 11:07:22 AM
deliberatly limiting time spent together is stupid. being busy or having separate interests is not

i say don't stress over it and let things happen naturally
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 12
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 7:25:10 PM

Going slow means actually participating in the ritual of dating, rather than hanging out at eachothers houses, jumping into the relationship comfort zone before the relationships even begun.


ooooohhhhh I hate the dating thing(stage one) , it has me on edge all the time , I luv stage to , the comfortable period , problem is most women want to prolong stage one , and rush through stage 2 , and head right for stage 3 .
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 13
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 9:11:17 PM
Slow means different things to different persons.....there is no way you can eliminate all the possibilities or know for sure the relationship will last, people have split even after lengthy courtships, and those who had very short courtships but a relationship lasting a lifetime,
but dont go to others for advise on whether you should commit...well meaning but clueless friends always spout the same overused cliche..............

Yep you guessed it " go slow" " be carefull" "dont give in too easily" " take your time and be very suere" and similar advise- YOU and your PARTNER decide and nobody else.

and when this is spouted by friends who are in their mid-twenties....I just tell them,
gee , thanks for your advise & concern but I started dating when you were still in diapers..

I prefer to just go with the flow
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 14
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 1:25:02 PM
But dont some of you think that in going slow you miss out on the animalistic , hormonal rush , it is like a drug .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 17
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 6:36:08 PM
going too slow is a good way to get stuck in the friend zone , and that is a huge waste of time and energy .
 dceeeee
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 20
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:46:27 PM
I agree with LilKitten...it takes time to get to know someone and build a relationship.

To me, though, it doesn't mean seeing less of someone...it is simply holding off sexually until you know each other better. If I'm into him, I still want to see him as often as he wants to see me. If not , we wouldn't be getting to know each other any better, would we? Kinda defeats the purpose. Plus, 'waiting' weeds out the 'players' because they wouldn't be so patient.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 21
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 11:23:56 PM

Well, mortalez, everybody is different. I don't work that way. I find that a lot of women grow on me and I become attracted to them over time, whereas on first meeting I just think "eh." As far as I can remember, I've always felt that way. I've missed out a few times when a woman I liked lost interest because I didn't come on strong enough right out of the gate, and I suppose I regret that a little, but I can't change the way I am.


I understand , it is called fear , in the words of morpheus "you must shed your fear of it " .
10 minute of conversation you know whether you click or not , and if it does not work out you will know very quickly , therefore no time is wasted (tommorrow is promised to no one) , and it sure beat wasting 4-5 months on something that goes nowhere , its better to know in a few days if it wont work out .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 22
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 11:29:53 PM

If they start talking marriage after a few months, beware. Sure, it's flattering to hear that someone loves you and wants to marry you after only knowing you for a brief period of time but ask yourself this... why? Better yet, ask them that question.


not always true though , some people know what they want when they see it , my parents were married 1-1/2 after meeting each other and they are going on 49 years together , and they are still affectionate (used to gross me out as a teen) .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 23
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 12:06:19 AM

mortalez, congrats to your parents. But in this day and age, I highly doubt that anyone getting married after only a few months of dating will be celebrating 50 yrs of marriage in the year 2055.


And what do you think is different between our parents generation and now ?
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 24
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 1:36:37 AM

I must change because "Morpheus said so?" An imaginary character in a second-rate sci-fi flick? Nah.


Ok now I know where you stand , second rate indeed ........
Besides it being the the best sci-fi franchise ever and a very well done example of the cyber punk genre , it is an supurb example of teaching lessions in causality , left vs right politics (note all the bad guys were plain and boring wearing suits and having names like smith , brown , johnson etc etc ....while the good guys were flashy and sleek ) showing the contrast between being in the box(locked in a pod) as opposed to being free . And the romance between neo and trinity was the imbodyment of perfect love , they wear stuck on a ship eating food that tasted like snot , wearing ragged clothes and it was cold all the time , but still they loved each other and never once did she ask him about his 401K .


I think the basic difference of opinion is that I don't see spending time with someone whose company I enjoy as "wasting time" just because it doesn't end in bed.


Who said anything about ending up in bed ? I was actually talking about a relationship being the goal .
To me moving with my heart mind and gut at a fast pace lets you find out about all the incompatabilities in a reasonable amount of time , and if you dont work out you know it quickly so you can move on.
I would hate to think i was wasting time with a dead end when my dreamgirl is walking right by me .
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 32
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 3:34:43 PM

Sure, after you've gotten the "getting to know you" part down, evolution should be fast - like a light going on.


Then you miss out on the animalistic passion and once momentum is lost it can never come back atleast not to the same level .
So you have mised out on a great part of the relationship by skipping its natural stages .
 uneekguy
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 33
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 5:27:27 PM
Going slow = analyze the other person to death until each one has complete surety that the other person will never leave for any reason....which....will never happen of course. It's simply a very insecure reason for saying I'm afraid you're going to hurt me so we'll follow the "slow" rules. Hey...just do what comes naturally and maybe you'll have a good relationship!
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 34
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 5:59:24 PM
I think we should be going at it like chimpanzees in the zoo.

I guess, I am old fashioned in the sense that I want to meet someone without all the effort and have that instant connection.

Apparently that doesn’t happen anymore.
 dceeeee
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 35
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:12:56 PM
@ Arri....It still happens...you read about it all the time in the forums. It goes like this....."we were going at it like chimpanzees in the zoo. It lasted for a week...now he never comes around anymore...wants to take it slow/wants to call it off...(whatever)".....
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 36
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:18:34 PM
Those who go slow are playing it safe. Every significant relationship in my life happened as a nice accident. I rather trust my instincts and enjoy it instead of conducting a recruitment process.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 39
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 7:18:53 PM
I think the parties involved start analyzing instead of continuing with the monkey sex
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 42
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 8:56:53 PM
hell .. attraction is the easy part ...

I walk down the street and see 20 boink worthy women in 20 minutes
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 43
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 1/3/2006 12:48:43 PM
It's funny that many here compare going at a natural(fast) pace to the behavier of chinps , well chinps are the 2nd smartest animals on the planet , they share 98% of our DNA(just 4 protein differences in their genetic code) , infact they are so smart they can be taught sign language and hold complex conversations with us. But thats where the comparison ends , they dont have complex mating rituals , they just seek out a girl chimp display their strengh and in most cases they mate for life . There is no divorse and alamony or child support, a girl chimp does not leave because she is bored, the male chimp does not beat his mate.
A male chimp acheives status not based on his familly tree but on his ability as a protector,
hmmmmm maybe chimps arent the second smartest creatures on the planet , maybe we are.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 52
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 1/27/2006 10:35:37 AM
Love your answer ~Red Fire~ Everyone should take note
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 53
What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 2/4/2006 6:33:34 PM
Every life form on this planet , developes inate instincts for survival, without these instincts a species dies out(evidenced by the fact that only 1% of the species in our fossil record exist today), man being at the top of the food chain could not have gotten this far if not for said instinct(we were at the top of the food chain long before sociaty as we know it today formed), and it is interesting that women ask us to give up the very instincts that gave us a 3.5 million year run as head mammel in charge.
Nature gave us instincts for a reason, to go against those instincts is genetic suicide, our instincts tell us who to be attracted to(male=broad shoulders musculer frame shows strengh and ability to protect/female= curvy healthy body show most likely to produce and care for healthy children), they tell us how long to procide with said relationship and at what pace.
infact many of the things that kill relationships are traced to people going against their instincts.
example:
1.most divorce is over money issues(women spending more than their husband makes even though he makes enough to keep food on the table and a roof over head) note money does not appear in nature, natural instincts are based on survival, wanting more than that is simple greed (natural instinct makes us distrustful of greedy behavier)

and from a practical stand point I'd rather know someone is wrong for me in a week than in 4 months of wasting time barking up the wrong tree, I trust my instincts.
I'd rather find out sooner than later .
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