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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are people afraid to meet in person?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Lynsteph74
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 28
Why are people afraid to meet in person?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
1-A wise person once said that if someone tells you you are too good for them, they are usually right
2-maybe he is new to the whole online thing and scared that you may not be all you seem, or worried YOU amy be a stalker, or worried , period, take it slow, but dont pin your heart on this guy, either,until you DO meet, is my advice....
 get_over_it
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 31
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/8/2006 5:06:39 AM
It isn't real safe, either. You never know what you're getting yourself into.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 37
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/8/2006 10:55:00 AM
Because people are stupid and paranoid ... and have serious trust issues
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 45
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/8/2006 3:59:51 PM
Some people are different in face to face convos than over the phone. Could be nerves, anything. Apparently his in person presence is different than his online/phone presence and he knows that. If he's discouraged you, I'm just curious as to why you still want to meet him.
 djc02359
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 46
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Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/8/2006 4:07:44 PM
Kat~ This has happened to me at least twice. The first time it was a man who lives very far away. I was sure that he wasn't married at the time and thought that he just has a horrible self image and was fearful about meeting me. I tried to make things easier by flying out to his city. (He's in Reno, I'm in Boston) I told him the hotel where I was staying and said it was up to him to come and meet me. I had his office address, phone number as well as his home address and phone but didn't want him to think that I could be a stalker. I spent the weekend exploring Reno by myself. When I got back he had a lame excuse about having to be out of town. He said he'd pay for me to fly out again. Then he said he would fly out here. Eventually I realized that neither was ever going to happen so I ended it finally. I had really enjoyed talking, chatting, writing and exchanging music cds. He would have continued this until pigs could fly.

I really would have enjoyed meeting him. He just couldn't do it.I still trust people~ and I did learn something that weekend so I don't regret taking the risk. The poor man must be in sooooo much fear of women. ( or people in general) I ran into this again with another man and decided I wouldn't waste my time again. It's not my job to try to cure these men. I know that a relationship would probably never work with either of them so I just move on.They have serious trust issues.

People may say that the person has something to hide-they are married- or dishonest about their looks etc..in this case I know the real story. I know that it's fear that has totally paralyzed those men. They want to meet women but they can't so they settle for virtual relationships. It's very sad. I'm just grateful I have enough courage to take the risk to meet someone. There but for the Grace of God go I...

Just know that it's not you. Keep trusting people and believing in your instincts.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 52
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 11:57:46 AM
^^^^ I don't think .. it's that black and white.

Traditionally, meeting should happen before words have exchanged, but with relationships developing this way, meeting has become the acid test .. win or lose ... let down or joy.

Maybe that's why people are afraid of meeting
 SexyandBrainy
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 55
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 2:55:00 PM
Well Kat you've heard all the reasons why he might be refusing to meet you but really only HE knows what the truth is.


Bottom line: if you ever do meet him and the chemistry is not there for you in person how will you let him down? It's a lot harder to do when there is so much emotional connection established. Especially after investing all this time in getting to know him and becoming friends online. Big online no-no. I say abort mission ASAP. If he agrees to meet great, if not then cut all ties.

who needs imaginary friends...? Besides if you just imagine a friend I bet he'll be ten times better since it's YOUR fantasy!
 Elaine 88
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 57
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 4:08:54 PM
Boy, do I know where you are coming from. I too meet someone who I think is a nice guy. We have talked and chatted for a while now. He has made comments about getting together but, I was the one who acted like I didn't understand. I was afraid if we met in real life I would be in for a let down. Well, after a few more weeks, I was comfortable enough that I asked him out. We set up the time and place and all that stuff, and he never showed up! LOL Didn't even call. I haven't talked to him since then. This is a man I spoke to 3 or 4 times a day! I have thought about calling and making sure he is alright but, I won't. (A lot of reasons for that) So, I was in a similar situation.
Its kind of funny, I meet people who want to meet immediately or not at all. No, chatting or getting to know eachother....... I realize you should meet in person eventually but whats wrong with starting a friendship first? LOL
 get_over_it
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 58
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 4:11:33 PM
Well said, Lux :) And your 100% right.

I really am just here to forum talk though. This is my only real social outlet as I don't have any friends and I only have a little boy and my wife to talk to. WHich is great most of the time, but its nice to get to talk to other adults sometimes too and get other perspectives and talk about other subjects that they aren't interested in.

I do agree with you though. No little cuteys for me, though, other than the one I married and the one I'm raising
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 60
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 6:37:10 PM
^^^ I meant ... you see who you are saying hello to

now ... online .. people often get involved ... before seeing each other ... and that puts a lot of pressure on the first meeting
 SexyandBrainy
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 62
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 6:41:56 PM
`^^^ Traditionally with everyone. Or have you been online for that long that you forget how people meet "traditionally"? The only time words are exchanged BEFORE meeting is online, otherwise EVERYONE meet's first then exchanges words.

why is this concept so foreign to so many people? have we really fogotten the basis for attraction, which is through the eyes first and THEN everything else follows? OR do people like to use the internet as an excuse to change the laws of attraction? Let me remind you that will NEVER happen, we still need to feel physical attraction first.


I dunno about the rest of you but before the internet I always met men where the physical played the instigator, and the words followed. It's not a "new" concept, but apparently it's a forgotten one.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 63
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 6:42:20 PM
People don't seem to have the balls to walk up, call or approach anyone anymore

in the real world
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 65
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 6:49:40 PM
Re Chemistry online

- You can find out if you can communicate
- If there is some attraction
- If there are things in common

Basically if you can hit it off and it's great for screening ... but .. like I said ... meeting in person is the acid test.
 get_over_it
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 66
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 7:53:44 PM
yeah with this law suit crazy society, you don't dare approach anyone anymore or you may get maced then sued. j/k

chemistry online is possible I guess, but until you really know who your talknig to and at the very least speak in person, its a gamble.
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 67
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 8:06:01 PM
why on earth would albody conclude that he's a liar? thats so negative. you can't judge a guy on a few lines

hopefully its because he's scared, he hasn't met anyone before, or he's seeing somebody. doesn't make him a liar. and at the early stage of getting to know each other, hes not doing anything wrong really, unless he is lying

ask him why and be upfront. he can either be straight with you or lie, hopefully he'll be straight. maybe its just one of those things that takes time, its always nice to talk on the phone, if he's not willing to and if its not easy to talk with him then maybe just call it a day, say goodbye.

see how it goes & best of luck
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 69
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/15/2006 8:24:30 PM
Mark is right on ..

Those of you who are calling him a liar ... he hasn't done anything.

Some of you are so concerned with not getting hurt .. that you see red flags everywhere
 djc02359
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 70
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History
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/16/2006 5:19:30 AM
Mark & Arri, Some married men pretend they are shy, don't post pictures and don't reveal that they have wives and families...It's happened to us and that's why we have a problem with trust. It probably doesn't happen too often in your age group, but it happens plenty in mine. I'm not sure what these men are thinking because we almost always find out right away.When you do find out they tell you that they are confused and very unhappy but can't leave for some stupid reason. (the kids, wife's unstable, or she maybe makes a mean lasagna) But the bottom line is that they are just bored and looking for sex on the side. The married men who are looking for sex take a beating here, but at LEAST they are up front about it. It's the slimeballs who try to pretend they are shy who should be shot ( or maybe castrated...
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 72
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/16/2006 6:07:47 AM
@ djc

I thought with age comes wisdom ... apparently not

Enjoy looking for red flags and paranoia .. instead of what life has to offer and personal happiness.
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 73
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/16/2006 6:47:44 AM
I know what you're saying djc, but, you still shouldn't really judge knowingly, if you get me, there are lots of sleezeballs about but not every guys a sleeze.
 djc02359
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 74
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History
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/16/2006 11:42:52 AM
I'm not saying I judge every guy like that, I'm just saying that it's one of reasons why some women do. (Once burnt twice shy) Personally, I think the guy that the Op is talking about probably is fearful. But she has to decide if she wants to have a relationship with someone who IS so fearful and distrusting.

If I believed that men couldn't be trusted then I certainly wouldn't bother continuing to look online. I think people are people. We all want someone to love, someone to love us. I am a hopeless romantic. I honestly feel that if there is a man out there somewhere for me..then I should be open to meeting him, no matter how.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 76
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/16/2006 12:17:30 PM
I think many guys find meeting women offline to be a bit intimidating. I have encountered too many rejections and it has made me want to meet less and just chat more. Because all the ones i met all said the same things and that was just after one meeting. So in sense chatting is easier, meeting is when the guy may not be up to her standards in looks wise in person. Is what i had found out.


Actually, it's the reverse for me. I have never had any problem meeting women in the real world .. but I came here to improve my selection and maybe give faith a nudge and found it to be brutal.

First of all, there isn't much of a selection in my area and secondly, I found out that my ego cannot handle a read/delete ... which incidentally, I find it to be very ignorant.

I am just here for the forums with no intention of writing anyone local for dating, unless she writes first.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 78
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 1/16/2006 12:28:14 PM
I don't know who these men that bombard women with emails are ... because, I doubt any man with self esteem and some self respect would put up with the bullshit for long.

That's a really stupid excuse for acting ignorant anyway.
 Bestknight
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 91
Why are people afraid to meet in person?
Posted: 8/29/2006 5:18:12 PM
Don't waste Your time ....If you have asked repeatedly to MEET and he refuses chances are he's a social misfit and If You ever do meet YOU will be the only one talking.....

We all get a bit nervous b4 a meeting.or (first date)

Just be honest UP front and have a VERY RECENT picture of Yourself on Your profile.
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