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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Registered Sex Offender?!?      Home login  
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 newintown503
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 1
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Registered Sex Offender?!?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Ok, so many of you may have read my last post on how my guy doesn't have a great job or make much money and I have to pay for everything. Well, here's the reason: he's a registered sex offender.

He just told me last night. He volunteered the info and said that he would have told me sooner but I had a few other very big things I was dealing with and then the holidays so he had waited. I checked up on his story today (via internet resources and the clerk of court) and confirmed that he had been truthful in his explanation of what had happened. So here's the story:

When he was 23 years old, he was out at a bar throwing a few back. He ran into a chick that he used to sleep with who was 18 or 19 years old and a friend of hers. They all sat around in the bar having a good time and at the end of the night he got the friend's number. He called her a few days later and she said for him to pick her up at her house, she would be outside waiting for him. So he did and they ended up back at his place and they started to f*ck around. She said some odd things and before they had sex he asked her how old she was. At that point, she admitted to being only 14 years old. He freaked out and took her home but the damage was already done. He was charged with "indecent liberties with a minor" and spent 21 months in prison. He is now on the sex offender database and will be for the next three years but the whole thing will always be on his record.

I'm only 22 years old. I really like him and he has treated me well but I don't think that I want to begin a serious relationship with a man who has the label "sex offender" hanging over his head.

What do ya'll think? Is what happened with him an unforgivable thing? I don't think I want to be wit hhim romantically now but should I shun him completely?
 okieroper
Joined: 8/23/2004
Msg: 2
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:34:48 PM
lock up your little sister...............................
 newintown503
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 3
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:51:08 PM
Well, if he had engaged in sex with her then the charge would be statatory (sp?) rape. But the kissing and fondling equals indecent liberties. Indecent liberties is a crime that is sexual in nature which is why he is on the sex offenders list (and website).

I would never in a million years have guessed this and he almost started crying when he told me because he was pretty sure that his admission would be the end of us. I can't imagine him ever molesting a child but in todays society I just don't want to go any further with this relationship.
 racehrse
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 4
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:57:18 PM
Joe Schmo is on the right track. Gotta be more to the story. You can probably get a transcript of the court records. Proceed with caution.
 cuter_than_anyone
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 5
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:58:17 PM
ew

ew

ew
eeeeeeew!

now i know with vitamins and mtv little girls are growing up faster than ever BUT he HAD to know she wasn't 18.

my niece is 14. 5'7" and a respectable b cup and you would KNOW she's 14. same with her little friends.

i'd be careful of that one
 twilight-twin
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 6
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:00:08 PM
Up to this point, I've been liking the guy. He didn't tell you the whole truth. I promise you. My daughter was 14 when seduced by her 23 yr old boss at a custard stand. I took this as far as I could legally and her sexual predator only got 4 months in the house of correction. Your boyfriend got 20+ months. I would have killed for that. What about the lack of money? Is he paying restitution??? I received checks for years from that guy. You may need more information but with my history, his ass would be on the curb.
 najasrocks04
Joined: 5/6/2005
Msg: 7
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:11:30 PM
WELL HE WAS HONEST AND YOU KNOW NOW A DAYS A GUY CAN BE A SEX OFFENDER IF HE GRABS A WOMANS ASS AND SHE DOESNT LIKE IT AND REPORTS IT TO THE LAW AND HE WILL BE LABLED A SEX OFFENDER AS WELL
USE YOUR BEST JUDGEMENT AS FOR ME I WOULD I.D. ALL WOMAN UNDER 21
LOL
BEST WISHES
 DacaInaru
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 8
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:17:07 PM
sigh.. ok.. here goes my two cents..

as a survivor of sexual abuse that took place from the age of 3 to 12.. by an uncle.. I have to tell you this.. get out of the relationship now.. sure it may have been decent as he claims then he should have taken her home and confronted her parents.. he should have stood up..

the same F*cker that abused me dared to put his hands on my child.. because someone felt that he would never do that..and he was innocent.. and while she was under this person's care they left her alone in his presense.. he came up with the story that she tripped he tried to stop her from falling by grabbing her breast..

unfortunately the police couldn't do crap cause none of the other 14 women he molested wanted to speak up..

sorry but Sex offender is a Sex offender and my thinking is.. serve him his walking papers.
 anApplepear
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 9
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 1:21:09 PM
It is funny all morning I have been thinking what if it was just one once a life time mistake he made and should he end up paying for it for the rest of his life??? And yet I know many of you in here would tell me "once a sex offender always a sex offender".

I remember you said he is a nice guy and he has been around for you on your hard times. I just wonder if he didn't tell you what he had done wrong when he was young, would he be the same nice fellow to you except for his financial problem? Do telling you the truth make him a different person that you would denied all the good stuff he has???

It is a tough question to answer that if you should romantically involved with him. My best answer is you should check with the police record and find out more of his past history. If it was just a stupid mistake he made, and no other times, then maybe according to your own feeling giving him a chance.

Your feeling on him will determine, it should not up to us to judge or decide, it would be unfair.
 Katherynne
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 10
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 2:15:16 PM

I really like him and he has treated me well but I don't think that I want to begin a serious relationship with a man who has the label "sex offender" hanging over his head.


Question answered. Yes, yes, people can change. Some actually do. Most don't. This is not to *assume* that he will re-offend, simply because from what he told you, it wasn't on purpose. From what he told you. However, if it was intentional (even if he thought she was older, but still underage), chances of re-offending are high. If you aren't comfortable taking that risk, don't take it.
Best of luck

~Katherynne
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 11
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 4:37:44 PM
I smell a rat. In my line of work as a computer technician, I've found that very few people with those sorts of charges hanging over those head are "honest" about it, even when they claim to be telling the truth. For one thing, why were charges pressed against him? Did she press them? Did her parents?

I've had to deal with things like this because the nature of my work sometimes requires me to work on other people's computers, and you would be amazed at the sort of stuff you find on computers, even business computers that never leave the office.

Well, you might not be surprised, but I was.

A tech recruiter once called me to ask my opinion about a guy who was a convicted felon they were considering for a job.

His explanation was, "I had a couple of pictures on my computer that I shouldn't have downloaded. But the FBI busted down my door, and I spent a year in a federal penitentiary."

First of all, the FBI does NOT bust down anyone's door for downloading a couple of illegal pictures. If that were true, then half of the males in the United States would be in prison.

Secondly, you do NOT spend a year in a federal pen for having a few naughty pictures on your computer. The guy was probably running a web ring, or a server, or a file-sharing system.

For all I know, your man may have been completely honest with you. But I'd be EXTREMELY careful, and I'd ask a lot more questions. I might even go so far as to obtain the court transcripts if you are considering a long term relationship with him. Because if, for example, you got married to him, then it will affect you for the rest of your life.
 leo_goddess
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 12
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 7:38:47 PM
Well, I'm not sure if its time to kick him to the curb. Mistakes happen and people grow sometimes.

When I was 14 I was a little terror and many things I did would have gotten men some time(at least in some places, 14 is nearly fair game up here except for some situations) One might debate wheither or not I was being "used" by men much older than me -- some are total pedophiles (looking back with a little more maturity and 20/20 hind sight) and some I probably manipulated far more seriously than they I. I would have lied and said ANYTHING to try and fill the void of self-unlove I experienced back in those days. Some were mortified after they realized 1) the truth and 2) they throught with the wrong head and made a huge mistake.

Ahem, i'm matured considerably since then and wouldn't dream of being like that now. I share my past with partners because it's part of me and I am always affraid of what the reactions might be. The stereotype the other ways for me usually comes back "ohhh, kinky". However, now I feel for some of the men that I placed in simular situations with their new partners... (the ones i'm convinced, looking back, that made a mistake and aren't sex offenders types)... they too feel bad, have matured but still did what they did (without having been living in a place where they could be charged as a sex offender)

So... was it innocent? probably not completely. He was an adult and he made that decision. Was is an isolated, stupid, stupid, mistake? perhaps... should you leave him for it... maybe?

I might slow things down, relook at his character and decide if you think it's just a horrible mistake he made in his past. Can you trust him? It helps the trust that he told you rather than the other way around. It takes a lot of guts to tell someone something like that and I bet there are a lot of people that'll never understand and forgive him for it. (rightfully so? maybe)
 thunderrose
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 13
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:02:41 PM
Use your head, you said this 14 year old girl was hanging out in a bar and drinking and running around with a 18 year old woman..the courts take all of this into consideration when making a decision, this guy got more than a slap on the wrist...You had best look a bit deeper. This guy is not only lazy and cheap, he's also one hell of a lier!! Just imagine what he thinks of you if he uses your money why not use you for your younger friends too...I believe they call it RUN AND RUN FAST!
 ginger_snap
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 14
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:14:42 PM
Let him go !!!!!!!! I was married to a sex offender. Eight years of pure HELL. They are so cunning and make you love them, but they DON'T change. Believe me, he knew. Please, let him go.........
 Kate1976
Joined: 10/28/2004
Msg: 15
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:59:25 PM
First, some 14 year olds can look like 18. My sister was one. But he still should have been more careful. Here in Texas though, he could serve that long for that; it would be "Indecency with a Child" and a 2nd degree Felony which is 2-20 years. A lawyer could have tried to defend him citing "Mistake of Fact" about her age, but his lawyer would then have to convince a jury that misjudging her age was a reasonable mistake for him to have made under the circumstances. I would ask if he had a jury trial, because if a jury didn't think his mistake of her age was reasonable, then chances are you wouldn't have either.
 Runs With Squirrels
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 16
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:43:42 PM
Ok, I was a 14 year old who looked 20. I had too many guys hitting on me for them all to have been pedophiles, and luckily for me, I had the good sense to tell them, "Listen, I'm 14. I'm jailbait." Most of them backed off pretty fast, a few didn't (and I told them where to go), but for the most part, if I hadn't said anything, these guys wouldn't have know how young I was till it was too late.

But.

Thunderrose made a really good point with:
Use your head, you said this 14 year old girl was hanging out in a bar and drinking and running around with a 18 year old woman..the courts take all of this into consideration when making a decision, this guy got more than a slap on the wrist...You had best look a bit deeper.

I was ready to cut him a break, but I have to say this made me think twice, as did the post from ArmbarAngel. Everything might very well be public record, so why not see what you can find out before deciding whether to kick him to the curb or cut him some slack?
 zendy
Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 17
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 1:10:54 AM
Just check with the sex offenders registry in your state and you can get a copy of the registry minus the victims name. You will get information of the actual offense and the sentence that resulted and current status. You can email me if you like and I can give you all the links.
 huggs1011
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 18
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 1:34:47 AM
do not walk away ....run... He had to know she was not 18......come on, and they do not change......
 Broken_Soul
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 19
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 3:57:39 AM
Hey how are you doing? i am doing alright i enjoyed reading you'r post and i am in the same thing expect not the same way you'rs went down, and not the same exact order or information. But if he served his time and did his deed and comming from somebody who's BEEN there once before... i can tell you from my experience it could be worth it and if he's paid his debts with the law and served his time than i think you, should look beyond his PAST i mean after all that was in his past and everybody has a past probly alot worser than his.



I would have to talk to you for you, to fully understand MY story because alot of people on here like. To JUDGE somebody/everybody before they TRULY take the TIME to get to know them, and i do NOT think anybody has the right to judge anybody on here or anybody's personal background/past because i'm sure everybody on here has made a few mistake's in there life and what's done is done. I'm sure if he/you could go back in time and change the way it all would have went down, yall would do so but learn from eachother's mistakes and forgive N forget. If you love him and yall are serious about eachother. It shouldn't matter what a person has done in there past this is a "NEW YEAR" time to put the past behind us all, and move on to what's infront of us and the future.
 sweetpea673
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 20
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 4:37:04 AM
I wonder if he ever questioned the girls parents as to why their 14-year old daughter was in a bar and hanging out in the company of an 18 -19 year old. Was this the age group of all of their daughters friends. Sounds like somethings not right with all of this. Somethings missing here. JMHO
 R-U-Here
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 21
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 5:55:46 AM
Think about what you are doing, No let me take that back, Run as fast as you can then think about what you did.
The title of registered sex offender will be with him forever he may only have to register with the local authorities for three years but the label is there forever. Is this a guy that you want to spend the rest of your life, have kids, and think you could live happily ever after. What happens when your kids grow up and have friends spend the night then someone finds out about his past, are you ready to deal with this problem that will keep surfacing.
If this girl was only fourteen I am sure she did not look eighteen or twenty, Why would his ex allow this to happen, she had to know that her friend was only fourteen, I'm not trying to place blame on anyone else but there are too many holes in the story. I am sure if you got the actual court documents and the actual facts you will find there is allot more to the story.
What is more disturbing is this women will fall in love and defend a registered sex offender and I can't get a woman to respond to an E-Mail. WOW That will crush an ego.
 cath300
Joined: 12/30/2005
Msg: 22
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 8:39:22 AM
I just happen to work as a sexuality counselor for a residential facility. From what I have learned over the years is this.
They are extremely slow in taking FULL responsibility for their behaviors, often placing blame upon the victim.
They minimize the impact it had on their victim.
Over 60% have additional victims that at the time were unknown.
Even when completed with this treatment process, the percent to reoffend is right at 50%.

Doesnt sound like very good odds to risk your life happiness with.
 newintown503
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 23
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 8:40:54 AM
Well, last night was hard. I was supposed to meet up with him at my house but I went to a local bar after work and that bar stool must have had glue on it because I just couldn't seem to bring myself to get off it and go home. I wasn't drunk, I just couldn't seem to muster the courage to go do what I had to do. Alas, he knows me too well and found my little hiding spot. We went outside and talked for a long time. He tried several times to break up with me, saying that it wasn't fair to ask me to carry the burden of his past but then I'd go all to pieces and beg him to just give me a little time to think about things. So in the end we left it hanging.

This morning he called me and said that he had come up with a solution. His idea was for him to move about an hour away in order for him to take a friend up on a boxing offer. He was a professional boxer in the past and has an opportunity to continue that now. He said that he wanted to do this so that I could have something to be proud of him for.

I honestly don't feel capable of making this decision. If I tell him that it's over, I'm giving up a man who would do almost anything for me. If I continue, then I am binding myself to a man with a BIG secret and a ton of baggage(sp?).

Help - I'm miserable???
 R-U-Here
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 24
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 9:28:14 AM
Don't be stupid, Is he the last or only guy out there. You are a very attractive women. Grow up already and realize that you should not have to carry burdens for anyone. You want to settle for someone you can live with, instead of finding someone you can't live with out. If you stay with him, I hope I am wrong but his past will most likely come back to haunt you.

A friend of mine was married to a guy that had a past incident, similar situation, she was very cautiouse about their relationship. Eventually they got married, after six years of marriage he was arrested meeting what he knew to be a fifteen year old girl he met on the Internet, it was an undercover police officer. He is now in jail and her divorce was final about a month ago. If you don't think his true colors will show, try talking to my friend, her life changed drastically because of a sexual preditor.

Good luck, be smart
 feistycat
Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 25
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Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 1/10/2006 9:34:26 AM
you will indeed get over it...don't make his your "project". women have a tendency to do that, we want to take home the runt of the litter & help him become big & strong. why don't you check the court records of the trial...trials are public record, check with his p.o., you need more information than just his side. 21 months!, this was serious! you aren't getting the whole story--you're a grown up, be vigilant & find out the information you need to know. easier to get over him, than get over an incident if he reoffends with a family member of yours after you have brought him into the family. also, your family has the RIGHT to know his history--that's why there are sex offender registry's. your goal is not to protect him.
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