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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abus      Home login  
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 Diggy03
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 3
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
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 capital1205
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 4
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 11:54:50 AM
My heart goes out to you..... my husband whom I loved deeply and still do love (the man I married and what he represented himself to be) as he was in the first few years of our marriage, before the alcohol became his crutch, and his violent temper revealed itself. It took several years for me to decide since I really did love him greatly, but I have to love myself more than to support and enable him to drink....... he really brought no income into the house, and there were no changes or consequenses. I paid the mortgages and bills, we just stopped going out to dinner and movies and such but the basics were there, finally I thought to myself if I am going down I may as well do it alone, he was sucking the joy out of my life, I never knew who was coming home the nice or the nasty one, we have been apart for years and just writing this makes my teeth clench. I felt peaceful the next morning after I "invited" him to leave... the first time I ever called the police to my home, and knew I had done the right thing. God will not abandon you, he never does, you are supposed to have a joyful and abundant life, as long as you speak life to your life and are not snared by the words of your mouth, watch carefully what you say. Long ago I promised myself I would always do my best for me, I have to spend my entire life with myself, what do I want to look back on, even if I were to fail at least I know I did my level best, was kind to others, and I try always to smile and bring some joy to others, I send you a big hug, be strong in God and in yourself, the situation developed over a long time so it does not resolve itself immediatly either, but persistance wins in the end. God love and help you.
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 6
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 1:22:19 PM
i know alot of people in recovery and if you get close enough to them you will realize that not all alcoholics are abusive verbally or physically most drink for medicinail purposes just to feel some what normal.so you can take that question and shove it hun.
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 7
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 1:25:14 PM
liney you sound like a weirdo just trying to hit on these women and telling them what they want to hear...loser
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 8
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 1:27:59 PM
i have an interesting question.how long should a man live with this?
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 10
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 1:36:33 PM
i lived with a women for 14 yrs and she was great when she wasnt sipping wine. although we are civil to one another for are ten yr old daughters sake she put me through hell, ya i drank alot in my twenties but you grow up you know.
 ~$Brittney$~
Joined: 9/15/2005
Msg: 11
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 2:11:11 PM
Why why why why????

I'm so g*d d*mn tired of people bi*ch*** and complaining about an abusive significant other
I have one sentence that could change your life
"LOVE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT" weither its mentally, physically or sexually it's not supposed to hurt. if anyone in your life is doing these things...move on sista come on now your smart if your afraid talk to someone, find someone you can trust to give you help becuase you'll need it. If you have children with this person BELIEVE me they are better off in a home that is stable and heathy..then an unstable and unheathy lifestyle they have now...
MOVE ON !!!!
I'm blunt sorry lol

~Britt~
 happycamper16
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 12
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 2:25:24 PM
dont get me wrong i get laid every day but im ussaully drunk why change this,its great.
 Ticketoride
Joined: 6/3/2004
Msg: 13
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 6:26:08 PM
Is God using me as an example of one who withstands longsuffering to change my husband into a loving man no matter how long I have to suffer, or is God allowing this to happen so that I in some way change from a weak person to a strong one and the results of that will come after I divorce him and start a new life?

If there is an all-knowing God, then he would also have to be able to look and see the obvious.

Do you think he likes to see you suffer?

Does he like your Husband to crush down your Faith?

The answers are rather easy to assimilate.
 huhoney
Joined: 10/24/2005
Msg: 15
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 12:54:07 AM
leave! after alanon meetings for families of alcoholics, praying, running, hiding, anything possible to endure, i finally left and he drank himself to death.
 twinkz
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 16
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 1:59:28 PM
Wow I could of wrote this aout my life. The only difference is that my hubby is a gambler not a drinker.
He also is manic depressive which does make it any easier!
I have tryed so many time to leave/kick him out but just can't do it.
I'd have to say my main reason for staying with him is that we have 2,500 in bills that may not seem like alot but with me not working and hubby bearly working it's hard.
I have this past year realized how much his behavior has affected our 31/2yr girl. she keeps me going some how!
For me I plan on leaving as soon as the bills get payed. That is going to take awhile but if i leave now the bills will all be in my hands and with no job i'd have no way to pay them.
I am looking for a p/t job thats about all i can do for now till i get my life staightened out.
Keep you chin up keep praying because prayer helps us thourgh the dark tunnels in our lives. I truly beleive when we are going through hard times like us it doesn't matter what people say to us we leave when we are phisicaly and mentaly ready and not a minute sooner.
Good luck i will keep you in my prayers
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 17
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 9:15:16 PM
DUMP HIM NOW!

Do what ever it takes to get outta there like a bat out of he**!!!!

NOBODY deserves to be treated like that, and I mean NOBODY!!!!!!
 Angel lady
Joined: 9/6/2005
Msg: 18
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:53:13 PM
As long as it takes to get an attorney and a new place to live..not necessarily in that order! No one male or female has the right to control, belittle, abuse(emotionally, physically, mentally) another person ESPECIALLY one they are supposed to love. Run don't walk!! And never ever say you are sorry for it!!!
 BrownEyedLeo
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 19
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/16/2006 5:16:03 PM
I dont think this should even be questioned.
 Ldygmr
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 20
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/16/2006 9:12:06 PM
Fear is not a wall. It's a motivation.

The definition of courage is one who does what is required regardless of fear.

It takes time to get over the codependence of an alcoholic's spouse. Find something productive that you love to fill your days and heal.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 22
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 6:32:59 PM
I agree^^^^^^^^^^I have no symoathy for a women like that.....Maybe the first week...After that she brings it on herself....And all women like her.....Back in my 20s i use to try to be a savior and a supporter(A very bad mistake on my part)...Women like this make me sick.....They love men like these..They would not have it any other way....Most of the time(90%)When they do break apart for what ever reason...She is off to the races finding one just like him...When she see a respectful guy she runs from him...She could careless......She want mr.Rough and TOUGH...Or DRAMA..Like most women...But you know what the sick part about it is when kids are involved...In that case the kids should be taking away..And for the posters that say no...Then that tell me alot about your creditbility......You are going to sit there and tell me that kids will not pay emotionally the rest of their lives.....You must be kidding yourself....Because you sure in the hell not kidding me....Then you all pamper missy...WELL HOW ABOUT THE KIDS...They do not have a choice...The so called grown adult does......So give me a friggin break!!!!!Just because she lives in LA!LA! land does that mean the kids have to suffer...HELL NO...As far as i am concern if a woman has a history of living with drunks/drug addicts,bums...Then the kids should be taking away immediatly....If there is a gun poited at her 24/7...Then and only then i will have sympathy for her...But when there is kids involved...Then it tells me alot about her....I saw shit like this all in my 20s..It makes me sick to my stomach.....She has a choice...But like i siad before most likely she will find another one just like him...Sorry been there done that...Seen it soooooooo many times....You sleep with dogs and get up with flees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 23
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:07:23 PM
Sorry your wrong...I have^^^^^^^^^^I never look back.....Sorry to tell you life is choices...Put your kids through what..With a maniac..But there is a big difference...I am smarter than her..The first time i was out of there....You choose to live like that....If hed had a gun to your head..Then i would give you campassion...But when there is kids involved then they do not have a choice...Look if you do not care about your self then no problem..But if think for a minute that living with a maniac is not going to effect those kids..Then you are crazy...LOOK YOU HAVE A DUTY..You are suppose to be a protector.....And let me tell you something..I had a ucle that was a maniac and his wife did nothing..But i sure did..I got the law involved...I do not play games when it comes to kids...If you think life is a joke ..then that is you.....If i ever have a neighbor that is a maniac around his kids i would call the law in a new york minute....Talk about compassion..Why do you not show it for your kids...They should be number 1..Not MR.LOSER boy.......But you know what your the type that would go to another one just like him....So do not hand me your crap..I have seen this so many times i could write a book about it...I know all about toxic relationships..And it is a choice..But the kids do not have a choice.......It is sick to my stomach!!!!!!!Talk about cruel...Putting kids through a toxic relationship...NOW THAT IS CRUEL!!!!!!!And not normal.....I am sure glad your not my neighbor....You have to excuse me i care to much for innocent bystanders.....And for the rest of the posters on here that would not get involved...Then that tells me alot about your creditbilty
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 24
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:19:30 PM
I agree^^^^But do you know that women like this love men like this...They could careless....That is why people like this should never ever have kids...They are very selfish cruel people..And anybody that puts the blame all on the man...Then i suggest they go get help......That mother has a duty to do..If she refuse to do it because of issues of what ever reason..Then i suggest the public do something about it..I have in the past and i will do it in the future,,,And for the people that boo hoo to her about her issues...Well then how about the kids!!!!!You people are a joke to society...
 DnickieD
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 25
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 10:06:18 PM
@ the OP......Leave NOW!!! It doesn't get better it gets worse!! I know this first hand and when I discovered his abuse of my son, I packed us up and left the jerk. The only reason I didn't know was he's beat my son while I was at work, and threatened my little guy with death if he told. I then got a restraining order, as he also threatened my family's life and pulled a loaded gun on me. Save your children and yourself and get outta there!
My son has his issues now because of it, but I am finally getting through to him, and he's slowly getting back to being normal.....not so prone to being so angry at the world and having these fits of anger and violence. He's now 24 and doing well for himself. Thank God!!
He is always comming over and hugging me and telling me that he loves me, which is the best feeling in the world.

Take care of your little children first than work on healing you. Being codependant and enabling that creeping monster, will only destroy them.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 26
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/18/2006 12:33:34 PM
Just ignore mr.muffy man..Some people cannot face reality.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 27
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/3/2006 8:32:28 PM
And that is why she has a duty to do as a mother^^^^^^^^^^^^^^And i agree with you.....But what is it with unstable women that satay with these men....The point is the children pay the price....Look if a woman is unstable sticking with MR.Rough and Tough....Then she has no business with kids...If you people see it different...Then you have no compassion for kids....And i say again she has a duty to do!!!!!!!PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 28
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 3:36:55 AM
You people make me sick!!!!!!!!!!How about the kids?You do not think putting kids in the middle of a toxic relationship will effect them emotionally and mentally in the future...If you can say yes...Then why in the frig would anybody tell her to stick around more than a minute....You must have issues yourselves....If you say no or the latter...Then i must say you have a lot of growing up to do yourselves....You have to excuse me!!!!I have been around this type of enviroment...I had a uncle beat up his wife...A bum...Yell in front of his kids...I called the LAW!!!!!Thank god!!!!!She would not do her job...Have you people ever heard of motherhood...I doubt it...Going by what i hear....Sometimes i wonder about this world...I can see why sometimes the kids these days turn out the way they do...KIds having kids!!!!It is sad..
 1HiddenGem
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 30
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 Diggy03
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 31
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How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:10:26 AM
Bah.. it doesn't matter what anyone here thinks. If you read her next post in the middle of page one her religious beliefs prevent her from doing what we all deem the right thing.

I think we are all wasting our time. She will do what she wants regardless of the abuse she claims to be tired of and desperately wanting to get away from.

Perhaps we should suggest to her to reach out to her church community or her priest for guidance. I don't think her God or any God would ever punish her for leaving so that her children and her can lead happy lives and thus ending the abuse (her kids may end up abusive towards their partners too).

She knows there is a problem now for her to take the necesary steps to do what is best for her and her children. Whether any of us agree or not.. keep in mind this was just a question. You can't make/force anyone to do something they don't want to do.
 twinkz
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 32
How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 4:15:31 PM
Sansscele, I can relate you you totally...When things seem to
get bad in my life which seems to be alot in the past few yr's.

When It seems I'm at the end of my rope and I can't take any-
more.

I just say "ok God I'm at the end of my rope and I can't take any-
more".

Something happens and it's something good!!! It could be a
big thing or something ever so small.

Twinkz
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