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Show ALL Forums  > Ontario  > Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?      Home login  
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 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 2
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have a very difficult time finding the balance between the two. I am a giver...completely. So much so, that it wears me down to the point that I almost collapse emotionally. I never ask for someone to help me with anything, but if, on the rare occassion, someone offers their help, I will gladly accept it. Sometimes even accepting someones help is hard for me because I had years of 'conditioning' that accepting help is going to cost me something.
I grew up in a giving environment. To give of oneself to help another was common practise and an unconcious gesture. Then when I got married, I married a taker. If I tried to give of myself to someone or accept someone's assistance, my ex would berate me because he felt that now we would OWE 'them' something.
He constantly told me over and over, if someone offers us something, take it and say thankyou very much, but do not volounteer unless there was something in it for me. So, needless to say, most of my life was spent battling within myself. Now that I am single, my true self has come to surface again, and I give with no expectations.
 stoneside
Joined: 9/3/2004
Msg: 4
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/11/2006 5:35:11 PM
Why am I thinking everybody is going to say that they are a "giver".
 Creter
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 5
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 12:44:16 AM
If I don't give it to you, Take it. I remember the greatest lesson Mom ever taught me. To share.

When I was about four and dad was still alive. My cousin, sister, and I where fighting over two bubble pipes. Mom came into the room and caught us arguing over them. She grabbed them from us and dropped them on the floor and stepped on them.

She said If we couldn't learn to share none of us would have them. I never forgot that lession. To this day I'll give you the shirt off my back. And have many times. However don't try to take it. I had a Uncle that taught me to fight.
 Creter
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 6
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/12/2006 7:10:45 AM
Just takes a couple rounds with you WTMN, something to look forward to.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 7
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/21/2008 8:36:52 PM
I was given some very wise advise from a counselor when taking care of my aging parents. He asked who took care of the caretaker and that being me, I said no one.
He then said, if you don't take care of the caretaker, you are not going to be able to take care of anyone else. He also said " it's ok to be selfish". It took me awhile, but I got it finally.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 9
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:57:06 AM
I'm a giver. One of the biggest - and best - lessons of my life is learning how to receive. My fellow, another giver, has this in much better balance than I do and has helped me tremendously with this.

Too much of a good thing becomes bad. Much, much nicer to have a healthy perspective.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 10
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:23:51 PM
As a giver who has struggled to learn how to receive, I found this thought particularly helpful:

if giving makes me feel good, why would I be denying someone I care about the opportunity to also feel good?
It's a pretty selfish, non-giving act when you think about it that way.

Accepting help, support, a cup of coffee... and being gracious in my thanks for their kindness and thoughtfulness is a way of giving to them.

Yanno, sometimes we givers train people not to give to us by our difficulty in accepting their support. Then we complain about how they are takers... lmao
 tcwillia
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 11
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/28/2008 2:49:35 PM
you obviously haven't met my ex's!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 13
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:04:46 PM

Until they have proven themselves, I'm a little embarrassed/ashamed to admit that I've become a taker. Overcompensating? Maybe. Hard to find the balance

yanno... if you were at doormat extreme it may only feel like you're a taker. Might be that you've just brought it around to a healthy balance. The shame is usually the give-away... don't think takers feel that sort of embarrassment. Know what I mean?
 dwinottawa
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 17
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:23:59 PM
All I can say to Duke12 is that you are full of crap. You've put so many comments on here that it's hard to single out any one invidual comment that is not crap.

Girls are brought up to take care of everybody else but themselves. Some men give back, that is true, but in most cases in life, the women give and give. I got so fed up with my ex, that I never even asked him for help anymore, I just did what had to be done. Then when I met someone who wanted to help, I couldn't let him. It took a long time to be able to let someone else do some of the work. Then, of course, things changed and I ended up doing everything myself again, never asking for help. And I guess I'm still that way. I never ask for help, it was ingrained in me that it was a sign of weakness.

Luckily, many of us who have been like that have now taught our daughters that it works both ways, and they don't have to always give and never receive. So here's to our daughters who are hopefully learning wiser lessons. And I hope my daughter never meets someone like Duke12. And if she does, he better watch out!
 fire lake
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 18
Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/6/2009 8:59:01 AM
Hmm..
I believe I'm a giver. Aren't most of us lonely hearts?
 Danteslnferno
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 19
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/6/2009 4:23:01 PM
I'm both. I give a lot of my heart and self when in a relationship. I do so willingly, but I have learned to not do it blindly. Basically, I expect to get some of what I give back from the woman I am with. I'm not talking financial stuff or gifts or anything like that. I'm talking about giving of their time, heart, feelings, and friendship. Yup, I expect the person who I am in a relationship with to actually be friends with me lol. I also expect it to be done naturally. I shouldn't have to ask for a woman to be there for me if I need her or be there with me when she wants to be or be there with me when I want her to be there.

It goes both ways really. Otherwise resentment builds and then my temper rises and I end up pulling away from the person.
 DJ_Lil_Jay
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 21
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Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:59:01 AM
yeah very true in some instances you are giving and taking at the same time! Advice is something I like to give and when I have a problem that I need help in solving I will take advice from friends and family!

I have a lot of love to give to others and to share my life's experiences which I hope others in my life will take to make them a better person.

I am very open to listening about what others can give me which will help in the future! Everyone has a different perspective so maybe your wise words will be something that empowers me :)

From there if I see someone who needs my help I will remember what others have told me in the past and pass it on...pay it forward :)
Show ALL Forums  > Ontario  > Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?