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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?      Home login  
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 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 4
Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I posted something similar that I called the shopping mentality. Same thing, hook up with someone or several someone yet still looking. If I started to actually date someone, it has to be verbally stated and agreed on as to what point it becomes "exculsive". Otherwise, one person may be thinking exclusive and the other one still looking around. Something that can't be assumed. It IS possible to appear to be "on" the site just because you didn't "log off". Doesn't mean you're "there", there's no way for you to know if he is or isn't looking other than asking him. If you're looking to see if he's on or not, that would indicate that you either question him or haven't established enough trust to not need the reassurance. If it's a dating site that just offers email and chat, then if you've become involved with someone it'd be best to take your profiles off. If it's a site like this, then your profile should clearly state you're here for the forums. I'm involved and still here as is my SO. Our profiles are clear on the fact that we're here for the forums and our friends that we've made here. Until and unless you get to that point with someone, if you want to see if they're logged on or not, maybe you should just mention it to them and ask them why. Of course they could ask you the same. For you to have known they were logged on you had to be on the site yourself. Not taking sides just asking honest questions. And I'm totally with you as to the internet dating thing fostering a candy store mindset. Just the nature of the beast if you will. I just think when you get to a certain point in a relationship that's even halfway serious or exclusive that you both come to an understanding about either leaving your profiles up or taking them down.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 7
Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?
Posted: 2/12/2006 9:39:01 AM
alberta Okay, thanks for clarifying. I totally see where you're coming from, it's quite obvious now. This is one of the reasons I like to meet fairly soon. All the internet stuff is really just a means of initial contact, or at least to ME it is. Really that IS the purpose of the whole thing, another way for people to meet someone to date. Of course some use it to continually be contacting others, shopping, fishing, looking whatever you want to call it. Sorry this happened to you, I've experienced the same...haha. It's a shame but there's no screening process that's guaranteed to be 100% accurate. We have to rely on our instincts, good common sense and yes a background check perhaps. If someone is sincere and honest, they shouldn't have a problem providing you with information so that you can assure yourself of their truthfulness. I have a fairly good working BS meter that I trust. Hasn't always worked 100% but is right MOST of the time. We just do the best we can. Hope your next experience is MUCH better!
 Proteus
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 9
Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?
Posted: 2/12/2006 10:36:29 AM
K, I agree, he should have been open and honest with you about seeing multiple people.

That being said, going monogomous after a few emails and some phone calls is just plain idiocy.

I tried that route when i first started this dating game, found out real quick that I was pretty much the only one doing it.

Me, personally, I play the field until sex is involved, at which point it becomes monogomous. Yet still, this does not meen I stop talking to the others. I just tell them that the truth, a relationship might be forming and out of respect for her I can no longer go out on dates with them, but we are free to continue talking.

Sometimes, the others walk away, other times, they stick around and we continue talking.

I am however always up front about the fact that I "shop around" as you say.
 wiserd
Joined: 5/11/2004
Msg: 16
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Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?
Posted: 2/12/2006 1:17:32 PM
Unfortunately, the 'kid in a candy store' mentality seems very prevalent on the internet.

I've contacted a number of girls at once as well and wouldn't go 'exclusive' at least till the relationship looked to go exclusive, but I'm not looking to sleep around or misrepresent myself like this guy was. Unfortunately, there are a fair number of **stards like this guy who ruin things for everyone.

Too bad you haven't posted this guy's name and photo. It would be nice to create an internet dating 'hall of shame' with pictures of folks who do this on the net, organized by state and region. Your suitor is in desperate need of a bad reputation.
 wiserd
Joined: 5/11/2004
Msg: 17
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Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?
Posted: 2/12/2006 1:19:04 PM

wouldn't go 'exclusive' at least till the relationship looked to go exclusive,

Grr. Should be 'serious.'
 Mojo_LA
Joined: 12/15/2004
Msg: 21
Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?
Posted: 2/12/2006 11:55:40 PM
Sadly, one of the biggest problems with internet dating is the whole "there must be someone better out there" mentality.

Before the internet, meeting potential dates took a lot of time and effort, so if you met someone that had at least some potential, you'd stick with it for a while and see where it went.

Now, with sites like this, it's just too easy to "keep shopping" even while you're dating someone. People don't want to "settle," so if the person they met isn't 100% perfect, they keep looking. It means people often have only one foot in the pool, expecting that, any day now, that perfect person is going to email them (or respond) and they'll live happily ever after.

The problem is, while this sounds great on paper, it doesn't work. There are a LOT of attractive, great people on sites like this, and they are still single years later. Do you think it's because they're not meeting people? No way, they have ten times the number of dates they did before online happened! They just keep holding out for the next one... the one who might weigh 10 pounds less, or be 10 years younger, have bigger breasts or make more money.

I think it's probably more difficult for the women, since they generally get all the email. It has to take a lot of willpower to come home from a date, find 20 more letters from guys who want to meet you, and NOT tell tonight's guy, who has a funny nose, to take a hike.

Then again, I think a lot of people DON'T have that willpower!

I think the key is to just remember those other people will still be there. Take your time, and give the people with potential a fair shot. If you're not sure about someone, take three dates instead of one. Just imagine you DON'T have a hundred other people to choose from and see how that changes your attitude.

I'm not saying settle for someone you don't like, but give yourself a chance to like them!
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 24
Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?
Posted: 3/7/2006 4:54:33 PM
if it were a candy store I would say some of the candy has long expired
 SHE-DEVIL-36
Joined: 7/28/2004
Msg: 30
Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?
Posted: 3/11/2006 10:00:47 PM
OH my goodness.......ladies........you guys so crack me up!!!


just because a guy talks to you...or emails you...or heck goes out with you...doesnt make you exclusive...

guys are easy to understand.......they have NO loyalty to you until you both agree NOT to talk on the internet...NOT to date other people..NOT to talk on the phone to other people...and so forth...you gotta be very specific with a man..LOL.....

I am a woman......and unless a guy asks me NOT to talk to other men.....then I continue my flirtatious behavior......just as the men do ..I am sure...

I have dated 3 men seriously since I have been on pof....2 were from here.....and neither time did I take my profile down....although I DID tell men that I couldnt meet them....as I was dating someone and I dont cheat....period.....but I would also add....but we can still chat every now and then....and continued to do so....

I will continue to have my profile on here....till the day I say I DO......then I willl GLADLY....delete myself from here...and just maybe come back and post in the forums....

moral of the story......you cant expect a man to NOT flirt...with other women..unless he is dead...lolol...but you can expect him to NOT meet anyone else.....if you guys are dating .....and if you get engaged....well.....he should WANT to delete his profile...after all

he would be found his fishy right?....Tallyho.....LMAO
 dontmakecookies
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 32
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Your take on the kid in the candy store mentality - Internet Dating?
Posted: 11/17/2007 11:38:47 PM
very smart SHE-DEVIL

I've been saying this in the forums for ages.. you're the first female I noticed who posted similar. (too bad my old profile wasn't up LOL).

Too many go into a dating relationship attempting to get a marriage level of commitment. If you do that you've left nothing else for the relationship to become and you've just shat on the sacredness of the commitment that you sought.
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