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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Nghtshft
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 2
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I am so ****ed i cant trust anyone... alittle advice anyone?


First let me say that I am truly sorry about the events that have happened....Presuming this is about you....

Being raped brings a plethora of self esteem issues...First you need to be able to realize that this was nothing you did.

It's not your fault.....

It's not your fault.....

Take things slow and get to know the people you become involved with. Not all men are rapists. Try talking to someone at a rape crisis center about it....they do a fantastic job in restoring peole's faith and trust.

Good Luck.....

Happy Valentine's Day.....
 mizladyluck
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 3
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 4/8/2006 7:18:56 PM
I hear you there. I'm in a situation where I pressed charges and they got moved to the Organized crime unit. The guy who did it is still on the street and he put word out to rape me again because he never got charged. The past three years of my life have been a public rape trial in a town where I know no one. they talk about my body parts, my supposed sex life. It's awful. For some reason the "no means no" has gone to the wayside, cops and government chalk it up to rap music and blame the girls for going out looking pretty. They don't want to know what the problem is. I believe that everything that happens in the world has a ripple effect around the globe. Our men have become Zulu, the mentality is akin to Escape from New York or Escape to LA. What I suggest you do is gather the women around you, talk openly about who is likely to do that to you, and as a female group cut them off, perhaps even pull together enough testimony to charge. In the meantime pray. This gets awfully graphic but I was a very unexperienced person who was raped by a giant penis. The guy lived some f'ing porn fantasy while my 26 years of saving myself got carried off by my screams. It is possible to heal yourself. I thought I would never be the same. I still have problems going to the bathroom. If you ever want to talk about this stuff, feel free to write me.
 mizladyluck
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 4
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 4/8/2006 8:16:06 PM
Thanks. It's happening everywhere, I think that's the worst part of it. It's happening to women. And they have the nerve to judge the Muslim's? Men don't trust themselves and blame our beauty and magnetism on us. I know first hand the mental anguish of being raped, watching the women around you taking it in different ways. You have the women who sell themselves because they think it's empowerment, which makes it worse for the girls who are selling themselves because they are forced into it. You have the home wreckers, who don't want anyone to be happily married, throwing vulnerable women back on the market, kids in tow. We need to come together soul-sisters. We are all living in Romania, in Turkey, in the Congo, in Sierra Leone, Vietnam, Iraq.....It's our work to finish. It was called into the open when we were babies, flags and bras burned. They have raised us like bonzai trees, tearing off the blossoms before they come to fruition.
 mysterious5
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 6
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 4/10/2006 6:28:32 PM
To the OP, your first response to your thread gave you the best answer...it's not your fault and I agree...but I can 100% understand that you may be scared to trust another man, you may or may not want to tell any men that you date that you have been raped and I can understand any decision that you make. regardless of what decision that you make any man that you get involved with should first want to be with you as a person and not what you can do for him sexually. I know i haven't gone into as great of detail as the previous posters but when it comes down to it any man that you get involved with has to like you as a person first, only then will you feel comfortable enough to give yourself sexually to him and then you can develop trust and a true feeling of comfort between the 2 of you. Just remember that your horrible experiences are not your fault at all and you may have to remind any man that you get involved with as at some times you may be afraid to be intimate because of past experiences. Any future boyfriend I would also recommend not being intimate with right away until you know that they are "in to you" I am sad to say that there are jerks out there that just want to get laid but you have been through enough already and deserve better just as any woman does that is looking for a serious relationship.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 7
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/13/2006 4:29:19 PM
You don't trust him. Simple as that.

In fact, untill you can clear your head you don't date him.

You don't date anybody untill you can tell me why the all of the following oneliners are true.

- sexy clothing does not encourage rape

- very few men would actually capable of rape even if it were legal

- porn does not cause rape

- men can be raped


Get yourself to a good counseller with these one liners. You may be in for a surprise.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 8
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/13/2006 4:42:21 PM
For some reason the "no means no" has gone to the wayside, cops and government chalk it up to rap music and blame the girls for going out looking pretty.
==========================
Who told you that lot lady luck? Some man hating girlfreinds.?

It's time to move away from the female culture and have yourself a really good heart to heart with a few REAL MEN.

Women SAY that rape is a violent act. (So does my parrott if you teach it)
Real men UNDESTAND that rape is a violent act.

Women SAY that cops and governments blame the girls for looking prettty.
Real men UNDERSTAND that the only thing a girl with her hem line and panty line at the same level is after is to be perved at. And they perve at them all right. Rape them? Nah! Thats no fun at all.

Real men also understand that genuinely pretty girls could go out wearing a flour bag and they would still look pretty. They can't help it.

Real men understand that rape is a violent act. Cops, because they deal in violence, understand it better still.
 mizladyluck
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 9
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:22:57 AM
I've pressed a sexual assault charge in a small town. I've been living a public rape trial for 3 years now, found out a year ago that the Detective i've been dealing with is a Mental Health Officer. Whaddya know, within the last 2 years i've been diagnosed with a "thought disorder", magically one year after I pressed charges i've developed a mental illness. I think not. Even the Doctor's here are in on it. I violent rape and sodomy, urinary tract infections and blood in my stool, my Doctor wouldn't send me for tests but would put me in for 72 hour assesment. I have had a horrible time finding a job, every guy I meet wants to rape me to get back at me for pressing charges. I can't even join a POF event without people ganging up on me. Yes the cops do blame the victims. They must be scared of the Bikers, or the paperwork. Easier to make fat jokes like my rapist.
 mizladyluck
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 12
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/15/2006 5:00:27 PM
Thanks, I have written the local MPP, but he's the Speaker of the House, even if I started a petition to Bill, I couldn't have it represented in Parliment. i have filed a Civil Complaint, Human Rights comes next. The problem is my mother requested an inquest into her OPP investigation a year before I was raped, I think it's related. I feel like I have been used as bait by everyone. On top of that, it's ruined my career. I've written to several periodicals and to several members of Parliment. I feel unprotected by this Government and the Police. I feel like Women's Rights aren't worth the paper they are written on. I have been recruited by rape by two local gangs, then pegged a cop caller and marked, only to have the Police say i'm mentally ill, just so they could recruit me again. I feel that I have no choice but to affliate with Organized Crime and that it's the Police's fault. Then what they will do is arrest me. I've already seen it happen to the black guys locally, so I refuse to commit a crime, yet still, the community keeps me hungry. When this started, I found a $20 bill in the Book of Job, I've had that much to rub together since, so I haven't hooked yet. The problem is, my life was marked and the cops did nothing about it, that resulted in numerous rapes afterward of other local girls along with the murder of a rapist (not mine tho, he still stalks me, US stalking laws are better than ours). I don't play golf, but the Uncle of the man who raped me does, he's also fraternity. Every lawyer i've called within a 200km radius has claimed conflict of interest or asked for a retainer of $2500. Every time I get a job, someone vandalizes my car, by the time it's paid for, something happens to make me lose my job. This situation sucks, i've never hurt anyone. They are punishing me for my mom, and they already shot her!!!!
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 14
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How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/17/2006 9:48:37 AM
first off. Is that bleeped out word in the OP One liner what I think it is??? Does it start with an 'F"? If it does, I am flaggerghasted! What an inappropriate choice of words. I'm really not sure just what to think of that?

Of course, I would empathize with anyone who has been raped. However, the way this is worded and the almost casual way in which it is put out there, with virtually no information, makes me suspect. thats all.

No...rape is never your fault... if you are saying NO! However... there are some stupid things you can avoid doing to help minimize your odds. For one... lay off the heavy drinking!!! Of course its not right for anyone to take advantage of you when you are wasted... but, why get that way in the first place...especially in potentially dangerous envirnments... it just common sense!

(disclaimer) I am not speaking to the OP. I am just talking in general about avoiding rape.
 Chrysostom
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 15
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/17/2006 1:40:03 PM
Third time's the charm?
 Chrysostom
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 21
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/18/2006 1:34:15 PM

Hello Chrysostom, That was harsh man, wasn't funny either, its like me calling you a f**king a**hole racist for just what you said.


I have a creative streak myself, but I fail to see where race could play into the picture.
 bigman23
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 22
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/18/2006 1:44:11 PM
well that is a difficult question to answer My suggestion is not all guys are that way some of us do respect all women take it slow and get to know the person before you go anywhere with them alone or otherwise but dont be to hard on ythat person as itmay just be the one you are looking for yours truely BIGMAN 23
 Mike J. W.
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 23
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How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/18/2006 1:48:45 PM
The issue of rape is a very SERIOUS one and it definitely needs to be handled by professionals whose job it is to deal with very serious matters just like this. Not just one professional, a whole bunch of them. Whoever was raped needs to be immediately counselled by a professional therapist in order to overcome her issue of not trusting men as well as to start the process of slowly recovering from the physical pain and emotional trauma of the rape. Also, whoever did the rape needs to be immediately arrested by a professional cop and judged by a "professional" jury (Jurors are paid to be on a jury, but not alot) and sentenced by a professional judge. I hope and pray that all professionals get involved immediately with those persons involved with this case, both the helpless victim and the scummy coward "man"! Either that or a professional assassin need to get involved with the scummy coward man, if you know what I mean!
 bornchevy
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 25
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/18/2006 2:57:48 PM
it takes time i have 2 female freinds that were raped and they are taking it one day at a time.
 bornchevy
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 26
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/18/2006 3:00:33 PM
also the sonofagun should be strung up and shot
 lightimpulse
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 28
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/18/2006 10:20:45 PM
I feel it is being natural ! You just blame the man.
 healthy_choice
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 29
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/18/2006 10:24:50 PM
assuming u were the victim in the question, u should learn how to trivialise the truamatic effects of those past rape events. those events realistically have and will have nothing to do with ur present and ur future respectively.

although i have never been raped before but certain disturbing events, circumstances and realisations in my life constantly traumatised me and prevented me from stepping up in this world the way and at the pace i would like to. the only way i trivialised them who's negative strength was as big as the magnitude of its trauma and the resulting distracting pain was to recall the events agian and again in my mind till i actually saw i had to control over the situations. once i proved my innocence to myself i was finally free.

once u r free u will feel new and fresh. u will feel young again and u will regain trust in this beautiful world which have a lot more to offer than rapists. u will love urself and ur body. u will take care of urself and ur body; u will love, respect and trust urself.

once u have done so there is no one who will cheat on u. if he does then he did it because he is a cheater and not because of anything else. and in this case u just deserve someone better.

now do it!
 Ls1guy79
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 31
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/28/2006 2:48:10 PM
I dont think men like that have any business in society!!! we could feed them to some canibals, ??? or we could take some advice from the quotes of the movie PULP FICTION. :after Butch saves Marsellus from rapists!
Butch: You okay?
Marsellus: Naw man. I'm pretty ****in' far from okay.
Butch: What now?
Marsellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' s, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.

But society would not stand for that sort of vigalanti behavior of taking the law in ones own hands.
Really these men ? "CHILDREN!" Have sever mental, emotional, and social acceptance issues that usually stem from childhood and they need serious therapy and guidance. It is not right for them to abuse and voilate the good women of our society. I dont think prison would help all the much either. These men find them selfs at the bottom of the food chain as a rapist in prison and usually suffer repeted sodomization through out the term of their sentence. Leaving them knowing only one thing after they get out. the life style of rapeing people as an outlet of aggression.

I have known several close friends that have suffered date rape. and I know for a fact the the person who committed the offense paid DEARLY!... my sympathy, understanding, and shoulder to lean on, as someone who understands the mental and emotinal aftermath of such an act violence. Remember there are good guys out there. Double dating has its advantages in avoiding this sort of thing in the beginning of dateing someone who is unfamiliar. That way also your frinends know the person and can offer a different non-bias judgement of their character. and your less likley to be the victim of rape in a date involving a group of your close friends, while getting to know the new person you are dating. as for the Fu*kers that commit these acts We are always looking for you, and someday you'll get yer up and commings!!! Say hi to bubba when you meet him.
 mizladyluck
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 32
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 7/28/2006 3:33:08 PM
OMG The OPP arrested the younger brother of my rapist today, it was national news. He's tied to an international porn ring, he exthorted and sexually manipulated minors. Is this family screwed up? ugh ya! Does this look good for my trial, jesus yes. My best advice to anyone else going through this, be the best person you can be, pray alot and find out who your friends are.

GOD Bless everyone!!!! i'm so happy I could cry.
 Reenie999
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 34
How do you trust anyone who wants to date you after you've been raped twice?
Posted: 1/7/2007 10:17:46 PM
Your Profile states that you have a live-in boyfriend. It also stated that you do drugs often....and the pics are kind of confusing too. It looks as if you aren't having much trouble with "trusting".

Frankly I'm puzzled by your question.
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