Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > I wish men would understand this...      Home login  
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 5
I wish men would understand this...Page 1 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I understand the perspective , I suck and I am not intimidating enough , like a bunny rabbit
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 7
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/15/2006 2:15:49 PM
Mayeybird you are perfectly correct in what you are saying in your first post. The Ontario Provincial Police regularly give seminar for women regarding exactly what you are saying. You and I are not anti men, just pro our safety. It is too bad too many men and women prefer to turn a blind eye to what in our society has become every day life.
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/15/2006 4:40:20 PM
This is sab bit true: The true sickoos like Ted Bundy are so good at it that they do not set off any "alarms" of suspicion! A lot of guys who sound scary are actually just awkward.
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 14
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/15/2006 10:54:25 PM
I can see the reason why you might have some fear.

But if I try to talk to a girl who has her self-defense up. I leave her alone. As everyone should get a clean slate.
Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 17
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:54:06 AM

As for thinking men are the only lunatics well that is not true. Things happen on both sides of the frence and it is not easy for a man to talk about weird ones as we get laughed at because people believe that men are to be stronger and whatever. There have been stories where a man picks up a nice lady as she ligitamatly looks like a person just needing a helping hand and the next thing you know he's got a knife to his throat as he's driving and she is robbing him. There have been men that have gone to meet a date and pick her up at her apartment and they give the false excuse to just come inside for a minute as she is just finishing getting ready and when he goes in he is mugged by a bunch of guys as it was a set up. There is also now a days the ones that cross dress and decieve guys as some are so hard to tell unless they were nude. Scary to find out in an uneasy situtation. How about the women that can't take no for an answer and end up stalkling the guy. Anyways just basically saying you have to be cautious of anyone new you meet and thats why its best to just go to a public place and have a coffee and then go from there if you feel comfortable.


Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 18
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/16/2006 1:10:24 AM

If a guy is willing buying you roses within the first week he met you off a dating site and buying you things and taking you and your kids out after you have just met him then something is wrong with that guy.

I'm sorry but that is just REDICULOUS!

I've taken flowers to a girl I've met off the net before. We were just meeting as friends and she was a little under the weather so I figured it would have been a nice gesture. (something to cheer her up)
I had no hidden agenda there. We had some wine I had brought over. Shared some conversation and some laughs.
No harm there.

My ex (we dated for 2 years) has a 6 year old son. When I met her he was 3.
Shortly after I met her she moved into her own townhouse and I spent ALOT of time there with the both of them. She and I would go out on our own (rarely) or we'd take him out and do things. There wasn't (nor isn't) anything wrong with me.

Not all guys have hidden agendas.

Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 19
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/16/2006 1:18:22 AM

Who in their right mind would ever want a woman who has this much fearful baggage in her head?

You hit the nail right on the head!
It's true.

You could meet a guy in a bar (no internet involved), or through a friend, or though work, at the shopping mall or how ever else, and go out with that person and bad things could happen.
It doesn't really matter what means you meet someone through as it does WHO you meet.

That's the determining factor as to the outcome of your relations with people.

Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 20
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/16/2006 1:51:32 AM
I agree with Mabeybird in that you have to keep your guard up and lots of guys just don't understand that. I have a rule that I don't meet anyone at night, only during the day in a public place. I have been meeting people online since 1998, and now it could be over a 100 people, I don't But the thing is I have had no icky problems, because of that rule. Lots of guys don't like it, but I don't have a car right now, and I am never taking a ride from a guy till I get to know him. If a guys says, "cmon, I am a gentleman" and all that crap, he has no chance of meeting me. It's not being mean, but it's a way of me knowing this person understands my situation and respects it. Especially since when I first meet someone (no matter how long I have talked to them) I am meeting them as a friend (I pay for my own meal, etc) and there is no expectations. Too many people make these online meetups into dates, and that just raises too many hopes, only to feel bad later when it doesn't go as planned. For me, the Internet is the only real way to meet people cause I don't drink or go to church, lol. So, I guess while Mabeybird sounded a bit extreme, what she is referring to is a sad truth. You are a girl and you are on these sites to meet great new folks, and men apparently forget that women do need to look out for their safety. Nine times out of ten you men are just wonderful, but a jerk who doesn't understand you can't come over to his house right off the bat isn't worth your time anyway.

The great thing is, both genders have the power to choose. And that's what makes this so darn great! =)

Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 27
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:36:39 PM

Maybebird your OP suggests an air of caution that everyone, male and female should keep in mind when they are dealing with strangers... However if we are overly-cautious to the point of paranoia then we become prisoners of fear and that can be as hellish a state as actually being a victim; the tortures we concoct in our minds can often outweigh the ones that would actually befall us...

EXACTLY, I couldn't have said it better myself.
YES, nobody's saying not to exercise caution when meeting new people. That's a given and it would be foolish not to.
Obsessing over it to the point that it leads to paranoia can and is a problem though. I think that's the point many people here are addressing.
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 30
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 3/7/2006 5:15:55 PM

I think your point is well stated, and very true!!! Fore sure it is different for we men than you women, so please be safe and continue to watch for the bad vibes and warning signs!!!

I want for my daughters to do the same, and I want for you to also.....
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 32
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 3/7/2006 6:12:06 PM
{WTF are you talking about edgerunner? Are you retarded? So car accidents make it OK to rape murder and abduct women? It should be one of society's number one concerns, not dealt in an offhand manner as you and that other dork suggest}

Well how about abuse against ANYBODY male or female. Husbands that get abused and so forth should also be brought to light in a similar way!! Lest make it fair OK!!!
Joined: 9/2/2005
Msg: 33
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 3/7/2006 6:56:38 PM
I wish men would understand this ....but as always...I also wish women would understand this as well. I am amazed how many women still put themselves in situations that are not safe or require awkward confrontation to get out creates mass hysteria that permeates our daily interactions....and our lame ass inability to communicate with each other leads us to trying to interpret secret messages - give off positive energies and buy drinks or avoid eye contact and don't smile or he'll think he's getting the 'green light' - so we gentle people go quietly away while insensitive aggressive guys charge right in and create situations that require awkward confrontation to get out of --- so 'scared' girls put up with it being polite while making a mental note to be even colder and more untouchable in the future....

I am less interested in getting to know all of you :)
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 34
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:10:49 PM
That's why flirting is critical, and I mean proper flirting.

I have met far too many women that have have either been raped, or almost raped, because of some psycho.

I always insist that a woman follow some basic safety rules. Sometimes they choose not too, and that is their choice. I want a woman to tell people she is going out with me, and I give my full name. I try and insist they use caller id blocking when initially calling me.

I also insist they call me when they arrive home after a date with me. I've done that since the first date I ever went on.

I had this nineteen year old woman working with me, and we talked about this subject. She was really trusting ( in a bad sense) , and I wanted to shake her up a bit. She knew I was on a single's site, so I showed her this picture of a guy ( she thought he was from here).

She went " WOW ! He's really cute ! I'd date him. "

I then told her a little about the guy.

Remember Ted Bundy ?

I think I got her attention, or I hope so anyway.
 Never to old
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 47
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/11/2006 10:01:01 AM
Yes women should have the right to feel scared but if they are not trusting of any man then they shouldn't be on a dating site.

If you are being cautious and feel uncomfortable then meet in a public place, not just the first time but until you feel comfortable, even if it is with the same person. Be upfront with the person you are with. Take a friend with you, double date.

Its not just dating sites that women/men have to be careful its in the real world as well. If you meet someone at a bar is anyone less cautious because they met in person?.

All men aren't the enemy, arn't the bad guys and yes things can happen to men as well by meeting strangers on here. They could meet someone, enjoy a few dates, end up being intimate, but decide after a while that they just arn't compatible, or meet someone, have a few drinks, and as consenting adults have sex. The woman is upset that there is no interest there (either example) and call rape. Who is going to be believed?. Yes I'm a woman but I look at both sides.

Its not fair to paint all men/women with the same brush.
Joined: 11/25/2004
Msg: 49
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/11/2006 1:02:08 PM
then maybe you should take a little time and give us a chance and maybe even the benefit of the doubt if we earn it, in stead of being rude or giving out a fake number. do we not at least derserve to not be lumped in with the real d.ick heads out there?
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 51
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/11/2006 7:35:50 PM
I carry a weapon.....

Agree that women have to be careful. Lots of tips around on how to keep safe with online dating, meeting someone somewhere else, heck even meeting a friend of a friend could end up bad. Trust your instincts.
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 52
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/11/2006 8:18:01 PM
Lol okay alright, I didn't bother wasting my time reading all the posts, it looked like it was turning into a huge argument and Life is just too short to waste arguing, but as far as the "nice guys finish last" Syndrome, my comment and opinion would have to be as follows. Most nice guys, compliment, buy buy buy, and put there girl on a pedistal. But what you dont realize is that your boosting a girls ego so much that subconsciously there thinking..."I can do better". Also, the nice guy syndrome is usually predictable...Its just ass kissing over and over again. And most guys (most) have been raised to be that nice guy, so in a sense, women kinda expect, its nothing interesting, its just the same thing they've seen before from tons of men before. And most nice guys portray themselves as needy, and generally have a lower-self esteem. Of course this is just an opinion...or theory on the matter
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 58
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/12/2006 3:56:07 PM

The decision to carry arms should not be taken lightly. Its always best to get some training.

lol, who says it is or isn't a firearm?
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 62
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/12/2006 9:09:27 PM
sounds like you have a really extreme case of paranoia. whatever happend to a little old fashioned common sense and safety tips learned in school. the tips , for those of you who may have been out of school were as follows:

1. meet in a public place

2. tell someone where your going

3. leave an contact number and the address of where your going

4. trust your gut insticts, if something feels wrong, get away.

thats it! its that simple. no tricks no gimmicks.

as for the broad stroke against all men. yeesh, just be careful and youll be just fine, or just dont ever date anyone. ever.
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 63
So Mabey help me understand here
Posted: 4/12/2006 10:05:50 PM
Most interesting...I am reminded of a book I read years ago, I'm 60, where the author is trying to talk to men about women and how they feel...the short of it, he asked the male readers if they could remember their "bully's name?" Most of us, had bullies and sadly most of us not only remember his name but can still describe him in detail...I know I can...then you turn the page and the author said,"that's how women feel everyday." It really got to me.

However, I also find it interesting that women go to bars, have a few drinks, dance and spill their hearts out and phone numbers to total strangers that have pretty faces, smiles etc...what's up with that?
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 64
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/13/2006 4:18:36 AM

I didn't. Did you assume that I assumed that you meant that? Ahhh...

Seriously, any type of arms (lethal or non lethal) can be as much of a danger to the person carrying it as it can be to the perpetrator. Training is important. Knives, stun-guns, mace, tazers, all depend on knowing how to use them. Otherwise, you are providing an instrument for your own incapacitation to your attacker.

BTW, I'm not talking out of my ass. I have a class D security guard license, had a black belt by the time I was 14, and most of my family is involved in the military and law enforcement.

Oh darn! I forgot what that assuming does lol. And agree with you on the above too.
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 71
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/13/2006 8:44:36 PM

Yeah. But its good to be remembered though isn't it?

I couldn't help but laugh out loud to my dog...then I read your profile and realized we are kindred spirits.

As for suckafish (?) Yes, you are right this has been a great thread and I have learned and been reminded of a lot. I don't really have any answers but think open dialogue is a start.

If I could, I would give everyone that has responded a gold star for their participation.
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 73
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/14/2006 6:08:22 AM
Good grief! SOme of you people are AMAZINGLY PARANOID!! Its a wonder you leave your homes at all!

Yes, meet in a public place (like a coffee shop) and have your own transportation to and from. But telling someone where you are going and who you are meeting or bringing weapons for chrissake? What do you think it going to happen?? Your "date" is going to attack you in the middle of Starbucks? If you think like that, I would suggest what you should be doing is getting THERAPY, not going on "dates"!
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 75
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/14/2006 3:50:37 PM
OP, sad but, true...many of us who have experienced similar things as you mentioned do look for these warning signs...sadly we are preconditioned to look for these warning signs but, thankfully intelligent enough to do so now...I know I for one have made a many poor choices in my past and also some choices were made for me...I think u know what I mean...and I agree this is a legitimate post and should be looked at respectively...but, I can also agree with some of the posters...not that anyone should be name calling, but that there are also the same things that happen to some men...yes, maybe not as many and fewer between but, I understood what you meant hun...don't sweat ppl who misinterpretted it its ok...we who have been there know from our own experiences that which can only be known thru these experiences and those who haven't can not possibly know what its like...good subject and post

btw I carry mace every where I go...Tis better to be safe than sorry!
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 76
view profile
I wish men would understand this...
Posted: 4/14/2006 7:30:26 PM
I do understand the risks women have on here and in the real world. I always try to see things from the other point of view whether it is relationships between people or countries or politics.

I dont ask for numbers or personal information. certain things I keep as general. I wont ask where you live but maybe what part of town. Not where do you work but what type of work. If it gets to the point where there seems to be a connection and she wants to talk on the phone i will give her my number if she asks. I believe that you have to earn someones trust and go at their speed.

Although there are also some women out there that also can be a bit to obsessive. I havent really experienced it first hand but I am reminded of a woman I chatted with a number of years ago. She was telling me that she was upset because her bf was mad at her. Now they met online and had met ONCE for coffee. Well she knew where he lived and worked from conversations or tracing his phone number. Anyway what had upset him and now her from his reaction is she dropped by his office with fresh baked cookies. well he wasnt expecting her and really couldnt have people dropping by the office on work time. She then decided to make up for the interruption by making him more cookies and waiting to surprise him when he left the office for lunch. He was again freaked out. She then told me she had even dropped by his house a few times and a couple of times thought he was hiding inside and waited outside his house. Well needless to say I was thinking this was a bit obsessive and so I knew from the start she wasnt going to be gf material.

Just take it slow and get to know the person a little. Then meet in a public place. Yes there are risks but you have to not go overboard with concerns. just becareful and let people know where you are going and what you are doing.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > I wish men would understand this...