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 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 3
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Is separated single?Page 1 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
NO being separated is still being married in the eyes of the law. Nope.

I won't date a separated guy either, among many other things. I know. Picky picky picky. But guess who will be happier in the long run. You guessed. ME!
 budgirl1
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 7
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:20:47 PM
I guess it would depend on how long they have been seperated for.....there is the rebound thing....and I'm not getting involved with that....and then again...if they have been seperated for a long time....I would question as to why they are not divorced.....
 wolfskshuntress
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 10
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:24:35 PM
if separated less than a year, then they are probably not emotionally ready, so no ..
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 11
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:27:53 PM
Yikes I find myself in this situation right now.
First off...it's damn near free to get a divorce if you educate yourself of your state laws...trust me...I took my ex to court 3 times on my own no lawyer involved on my side..and I even got to cross examine him on my own. It was AWESOME!

Try your free legal resorces. (if you need help...email me I'm really good at that stuff)

As far as separated...well I look at dating a separated man as a problem with the divorce..it can be used against them in court. I need a more final boyfriend. Separated means they are still willing to work on things in my book..even though the guy I'm chatting with now seems final..it's still in the air in my opinion.

Damn the vodka for ruining all chances of spelling properly!
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 16
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:35:17 PM
I dated when i was seperated. To me , the marriage was over and we were just waiting for a judge to tell us it was over.

Life goes on and if you meet someone while you are seperated then why not go for it?
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 17
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:43:32 PM
Oh sunshine I wasn't talking about your spelling..I'm bashing mine..I'm sure it's quite messed up...but damn the vodka gods for giving me the ability to finally have a c o c k tail :)

Well BR..if you need any advice...email me hon..I'd be glad to help as much as I can. The last time we went to court the judge asked if I'd like to go to school to be a lawyer hehehe :) Pissed the ex off royally
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 18
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:46:03 PM
be a doctor instead...no one likes lawyers
 JustBrian7
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 19
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:47:30 PM
Just to give a little different perspective on this... I have been separated for 6 months, but the divorce is still probably a year out because I am continuing to support my wife until she finishes school. By waiting she will be able to finish her degree at the end of this year so she can get a decent full-time job with her own insurance coverage. If we divorced now and sold the house she would be forced to drop out of school (or at least drag it out for several more years) and go to work full time. We may not want to be marriage partners anymore, but we are still friends and she is still the mother of our children. Once she finishes school she will be able to earn enough to cover the cost of separate housing, which we simply can't afford right now. It's clearly in the best interest of the kids to make this transition as smooth as possible, and in any case, I'm not a vindictive sort of person who deliberately make her life dificult.

She also has a boyfriend who she lives with part time, but she is still at my house frequently to spend time with the kids, and most of her stuff is at my house because her boyfriend is not currently in a position to move into a bigger place. He's been doing freelance work, but is looking to get back into a regular full-time job because of the new relationship situation. He and I actually get along quite well, and he has made a real effort to get to know the kids as their mom's boyfriend, while being careful not to interfere with me being their dad.

So in the mean time, I would like to get on with my life. I'm not looking for a replacement spouse at this point (or probably anytime too soon), so I don't think that the legal staus is terribly important right now. But I would like to have the companionship of a special person in my life. I am very careful to explain the whole situation to anyone I'm getting to know because I agree that it would be totally creepy to be dishonest about my situation.

Being legally single would make a lot of things simpler, but my first concern is for the well being of everyone involved, and I think I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances.
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 23
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Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:54:18 PM
Hi Auntie

Nope, the ex and I weren't living together during our seperation. I told my dates that i was seperated and getting divorced and that there was no chance of the marriage being saved.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 24
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:56:44 PM
Oh god not this thread again...how many times will people create threads without searching for existing ones first

The issue is people just having exiting Long Term relationship regardless of marital status. I am physically & legally seperated waiting for my one year to complete before I file for divorce. I am re-singled without any possibility of going back to my ex who is living with another guy.

Discriminating based on marital status is short sighted in my opinion.

Bandito
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 27
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:05:16 PM
Shit...so if I'm getting this straight...it's a no go on separated right????
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 29
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:08:18 PM
And if they are NOT sharing homes...that's what? I'm confused on this one...since I left...and divorced 3 months after that...Wow I feel like a doof on this one?
 trayc91007
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 30
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:10:16 PM
I'm going back to what you said first, Smile, "if separated still willing to work things out" I think you were right on there.

No for me separated or not. Reasons stated above.
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 31
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:11:15 PM
Thanks Trayc.....I knew I was right on this one...just needed clarification. DAMNIT! :)
 kermancutie
Joined: 10/9/2005
Msg: 32
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:12:24 PM
HELL NO not if they live in the same house that is the most bizzare thing I ever heard that almost sounds like will i sleep in the middle of the bed or at the edge on your side or his
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 37
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:28:29 PM
Auntie....it happened quickly for me cuz that's the way I wanted it. I was the primary bread winner in the household..so when the money stopped so did his desire to fight. I know though that I had a really great determination on getting things done...that's why I offer to help others in the same situation. :) Thanks for the comments though. :)
 Kelleyisnice
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 50
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 12:15:10 AM
Would you wish to involve yourself with someone not legally divorced?

No!!! That was an easy question to answer.

If a guy has been married, I will not involve myself with him. If he has children, I will not involve myself with. I don't need to because a single young man, without children, that has never been married is a far better choice for me. However, I cannot speak for other women because what is best for me may not be best for them.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 51
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 12:15:25 AM
My point Sienna_leigh is that all those issues you raise are no different for someone that has just left a LTR. You don't have had to been married to leave a relationship only to return to it.

As you might have been people that are seperated are in a legal transition state. But the legal state isn't any measure of their capacity to enter a new relationship....I think thats where I have issues with your claim...just because you have had personal negative experiences.

The fact is I am biased. The other fact is that I don't date or seek out relationships....not because I plan on returning back to my ex, but because I have custody of 3 beautiful children that don't need their lives any more complicated right now. That won't change in 3 months when I am allowed to file for divorce.

I do fight for the rights of clean, honest, seperated people wanting to move forwards with their lives. I just don't think its fair to shut the door in their faces without knowing their story first.

Just my humble heart felt opinion,

Bandito
 bugsybears
Joined: 10/6/2004
Msg: 52
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 12:25:47 AM
legally your not single until the paperwork is finished. if you have nothing to lose, go for it. you may not feel married, but you are. it would be best to get your divorce before you get into another serious relationship. most would just say it's over, but there are a few out there that will take you for everything they can. technically it's still adultry.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 54
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 12:47:05 AM
There are a few of everything that are out there that will take you for what they can. The fact that they masquarade as being "seperated" shouldn't reflect poorly on those people that truely are legally and physically seperated.

In Canada at least there can be no adultary if you are legally seperated. However, regardless if is offensive to consider or judge seperated people as adulters until you
know if they are having active sexual relations.

See...thats my point...everyone likes to jump to quick conclusions and get out the linch mob for everyone that is single crying out hethens, adulterors....makes people here seem rather judgemental don't you think?
 musicmanpvb
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 71
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:03:07 AM
The only thing that I would like to add to this thread is the following. The people that are saying they don't want to get involved with a separated person are NOT judging the PERSON - they are judging the SITUATION that person is in. If you are separated, you may be a wonderful person - but you are in a situation that people do not necessarily want to deal with, probably based on experience. Stop thinking that it's a personal attack, because it's not.

Some people don't want to date people with kids...
Some people don't want to date people that live more than 50 miles away...
etc...
 LunaLover
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 72
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:03:09 AM
In my opinion I don't think you are single until the papers are signed. Until you get those papers I don't think it really hits you. I myself won't date someone that is separated for the single fact that there is always the chance the couple will get back together. If children are involved I wouldn't want to be the cause of a divorce if the couple could anyway work it out!
Luna


If you're not bunking together or banking together, you're separated in the eyes of the law.

That's bullshit. You're legally married until you have the divorce decree in hand!
 KeepingStep
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 73
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:07:21 AM
I don't see any problem with dating a separated person. BUT, if it goes any further you run risks.

They are married. Let's say you get a condo together...he becomes seriously ill and cannot manage his business himself... guess what? you lose. wife can step in and make all the decisions for him....

Date him..sure.... get deeper involved..no way. If all you want to do is just hang out and/or date.... no problem. I didn't date just to have something to do. I was looking for my mate for life...no way that can happen with a married person..and separated is married.
 mogrl
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 74
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:10:20 AM
I wouldn`t get involved with anyone that`s separated.All the excuses about the kids,whatever !! I get the feeling that the other half of that separated couple usually doesn`t know about the separation.I couldn`t stand being separated,i wanted it over with.
 LunaLover
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 75
Is separated single?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:24:19 AM
onehelluvawoman, I don't think it's as much of a judgement as it is a preference!
Luna
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