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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating psychopaths [Locked - Redundant]      Home login  
Joined: 5/11/2004
Msg: 1
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Dating psychopaths [Locked - Redundant]Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I know a lot of guys wince when they hear a woman saying she wants a guy who cries at movies. But the more I've been reading about psychopaths, the high-functioning ones who can integrate into normal society - the more this requirement makes sense. Psychopaths are people incapable of true empathy and the romantic equivalent of a shot in the stomach.

A psychopath is defined as having no concern for the feelings of others and a complete disregard for any sense of social obligation. They seem egocentric and lacking insight and any sense of responsibility or consequence. Their emotions are thought to be superficial and shallow, if they exist at all. They are considered callous, manipulative and incapable of forming lasting relationships, let alone of any kind of love. It is thought that any emotions which the true psychopath exhibits are the fruits of watching and mimicking other people's emotions. They show poor impulse control and a low tolerance for frustration and aggression. They show no empathy, remorse, anxiety or guilt in relation to their behavior. In short, they truly seem devoid of conscience.

Psychopaths have been shown to be unable to learn from punishment and behavior modification. They have been regularly observed to respond to both by becoming more cunning and hiding their behavior better. It has been suggested that traditional therapeutic approaches actually make them, if not worse, then far more adept at manipulating others and concealing their behavior. They are generally considered to be not only incurable but also untreatable.

Most studies of the psychopath have taken place among prison populations, though it has often been suggested that the psychopath is just as likely to sit on a Board of Directors as behind bars, concealing his true nature behind a well crafted "Mask of Sanity" (also the title of the one of the first definitive studies of psychopathy, written by Hervey M. Cleckley in 1941.)

Cleckley defined psychopathy thus:

1. Superficial charm or intelligence.
2. Absence of delusions and other signs of irrational thinking.
3. Absence of nervousness or neurotic manifestations.
4. Unreliability.
5. Untruthfulness and insincerity.
6. Lack of remorse or shame.
7. Antisocial behavior without apparent compunction.
8. Poor judgement and failure to learn from experience.
9. Pathological egocentricity and incapacity to love.
10. General poverty in major affective relations.
11. Specific loss of insight.
12. Unresponsiveness in general interpersonal relations.
13. Fantastic and uninviting behavior with drink, and sometimes without.
14. Suicide threats rarely carried out.
15. Sex life impersonal, trivial, and poorly integrated.
16. Failure to follow any life plan.

I'm willing to bet that a lot of women, particularly those doing internet dating, have had some kind of encounter with a psychopath.

There's been some speculation that the incidence of psychopathy in our society is increasing, and that our modern social structure actually favors it, with psychopaths having more children than more empathetic individuals.

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Joined: 5/11/2004
Msg: 2
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Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/15/2006 6:02:59 AM

Another good resource on psychopathic disorders.
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 3
Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:36:59 AM
The internet is candyland for Psychopath and Sociopaths. They freely hunt for a variety of purposes commiting fraud, theft, adultary, rape, sex.

There are many things people can do to prevent themselves from becoming victims. Just simply walk away if there is an hint of a red flag. Crimes involving the heart are the toughest to walk away from, these Psychopath's know that, hit at very emmotional levels to take what they want.

The only way to protect yourself is ask the right questions, keep re-asking them to check for consistancy. Home address, home Tel number and even driver's license gets you traceability back to them in case you need to retaliate, involve the police. In my opinion, go and ask for references before letting your heart go to wild.

Most Psychopath's will be scared off if you ask the right questions up front.

Keep safe out there,

Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 4
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Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:53:14 AM
I would say a little bit of perception and reading body language goes a long way here. I find that most people who are given to date psychopaths are more interested in having a relationship than anything else. We tend to overlook some things when we are wanting something so bad. You paint a picture of what you want and then try to fit the other person into that picture. The desire for the relationship starts to cloud the common sense perceptions you receive and you start making excuses etc. I don't particularly care for extreme skepticism, but there has to be a balance between that and trying to fall in love blindly.
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 5
Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:54:14 AM
They are out there, here, there and amoung us in the world.
This is why its so important not to get too tight with someone
until after you know them awhile..... as said they CAN be very
charming at first.

I have met people from online dating sites
( dont do that anymore)
that were very FAST and wanting to get very close very FAST....
sometimes by trying to entice using what they thought a person wanted....
For instance: I met some guys who were talking marriage within a week....
or moving in together.....
those kinda FAST people scare me.

I try to stay away from anyone who is FAST, even in real life.
I think that is a good way to avoid these psycho people.
Joined: 11/29/2005
Msg: 6
Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/15/2006 10:59:36 AM
I love the fact that you turned to wikipedia for this information
Joined: 5/11/2004
Msg: 7
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Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/15/2006 12:23:52 PM

I love the fact that you turned to wikipedia for this information

Well, if you see anything in the post that's factually incorrect, let me know. The passage seemed to match the other literature I've seen, and it was handy.
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 8
Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/15/2006 12:34:21 PM
I don't know if I would go that far...that sounds like a lot of work for a quick hey ya maybe we should go out one time...

The problem serenity with this is they are very good at what they do and will easily charm their way past your 20 minute coffee screen.

They take advantage of their good looks and charm and lull you into a false sense of security....then you are easy meat as you don't feel the need to check them out.

I am not proposing a police backround check...just ask the right questions up front and you will save yourself miles of grief later.

Joined: 5/11/2004
Msg: 9
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Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:27:52 PM

Wiserd you've certainly posted an interesting thread though it seems misplaced in the forum hierarchy, I have yet to hear you mention you've dated a psycopath personally...

Misplaced in the forum hierarchy how?

I haven't, I'm pretty sure, dated a psychopath. One sadist, a brilliant agoraphobic and an adorable kleptomaniac (who I'm still good friends with, actually) but no psychopaths. Generally speaking, I've come out pretty unscathed so far. There are estimated to be five times as many male psychopaths as female. So unless you're the type that tends to look out for your female friends, you probably don't have to worry for yourself.

Unfortunately, I've hand a number of female friends who have run into this type of guy and been very very hurt one way or another. Some of the more innocent girls seem to have a gift for being found by this type of person and end up blaming all men or else shying away from dating entirely. Phobias are irrational. I've had one too many friends get hurt to be dismissive. All in all, I'd say this is a much more serious threat to our society than, say, terrorism. I've never met a terrorist. The closest I ever came, and will probably ever come, is having a bomb go off a block from where I was living in the Philippines about a year ago. I've probably met a psychopath or two.

I do think it's true, and worth saying, that we've constructed a society where people don't have to face the consequences of their reputation like they used to. They really do need an 'online dating hall of shame' or somthing similar, if that would even help.

Honestly, I'm not trying to induce general panic. But it's worth saying that not all guys are like some girls' bad experiences. It's worth at least describing this kind of person so that folks know that they exist. And some psychiatrists have suggested that some psychopaths use language sligthly differently (semantic aphasia). I was curious if anyone knew something the doctors didn't and could offer tips on how to gauge body language or verbal language to ferret someone out.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 10
Dating psychopaths ?
Posted: 3/15/2006 8:30:40 PM
best advice

dont do it!
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 11
Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/16/2006 7:05:51 AM
You sure can serenity_now_4u....I have a bazillion of dating terms and I have only been here 4 months

You are right...too suspicious...kills things, makes it very difficult to trust. If you have good radar then go with it. I just see so many women, so many sorry stories I just think..."What were you thinking" and "Had you asked the right questions"....

Safe and happy journeys to you serenity_now_4u and all the people here at POF

Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 12
Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/16/2006 8:12:04 AM
^^^At least the broom was used on himself

Many psycopaths are abusive, violent and capable of killing. Consider yourself very lucky
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 13
Dating psychopaths
Posted: 3/16/2006 9:28:31 AM
^^^That is what I was suggesting before....ask all the right questions and they will leave you alone. Let them control what you know and you become the vulnerable victim

I would stay positive....the psychopaths are only a small, but significant, percent of the population.
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