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 loneashaman
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 1
Out of my leaguePage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I don't know if it is just me, but does it seem like most people that you are interested in seems to be out of your league. The girls that I see and that I would like to ask out I know are out of my league, yet my friends say I should ask anyways. I think I am being realistic. Anyone think I'm being just stupid?
 Mr. Right For You
Joined: 11/18/2005
Msg: 2
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 1:45:16 AM
No. Never.

You probably decided what league you were in during high school. If you got a hot girl (by sheer chance, mostly), then you decided you were in the "hot chick" league, and that is what you went for, what you expected, and what you got from then on.

If you didn't get a hot girl in high school (and most of us didn't), then you decided that you were a minor-league player when it came to women. From then on you went for less-attractive women, you expected less-attractive women, and you got less-attractive women.

If you are going to get major-league girls, you need to understand this: the decision you made in high school about what league of woman you were in is totally out of date now. Take a look at your life. Are you the same guy you were when you were a pimply-faced teenager? Of course not. So why should you be stuck with the same league of women that you were then? It's time to move up.

Here's what to do:

1. Upgrade your looks.

Most guys who date women who they aren't attracted to decided on their "look" at about the same time they decided they could never have a major-league babe. They set their style in stone, and haven't upgraded their "look" since then.

Consequently, their haircuts and clothes are hopelessly out-of-date. And that matters to women. Hot women simply will not bed down with a guy whose looks are way out of date. You've gotta upgrade.

This doesn't have to be hard, or even that expensive. Get a new hairstyle, and get your hair cut by a real pro. Go into clothing stores and tell the clerks that you are looking for a new look. Take their advice, and get some new outfits. Buy a good cologne (i.e., an expensive one, like "Cool Water" or "Armani"), and wear it.

Above all else, don't be afraid to try something new in how you look. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but it'll get you on the hot women's radar screen for the first time. More importantly, you'll feel different. You'll feel more confident, and that will help get you get the girls you desire.

2. Upgrade your behavior.

Of course, new clothes and a new haircut aren't enough to get a hot babe in the sack. You must change your behavior, too.

A hot woman is attracted to a guy who is able to have fun, and who seems to enjoy his life. She is turned off by a guy who seems like he is looking for a woman to make his life worth living.

Consequently, you've got to have a life that turns you on if you are going to get the girl that turns you on. Do things that are fun, and that involve other people. If you go to bars, learn pool, darts, and other bar games so you can play those games with girls. Play volleyball. Get involved in your life in activities that are fun and that put you around other people.

When a major league babe sees you enjoying your life and having fun, she'll become interested. You'll be the kind of guy she is interested in. Then you can make your move.

3. Upgrade your standards.

An important part of going for the women you want is refusing to go for the women you don't want. This means that, from now on, you only bang girls you are attracted to. End of story. If you want to move to the major leagues, you've got to stop playing in the minors.

This doesn't mean you only date supermodels, but it does mean you only date women who turn you on. If you've felt stuck with dating women who were overweight, or unattractive, stop doing it.

Remember what Louise said in the movie "Thelma and Louise:" "You get what you settle for." (This is probably the world's only seduction newsletter that quotes that lame-ass film.)

If you take care of your look, have fun in your life, and only go for women you desire, you will end up dating women out of your league.

Best of luck!
 rory27
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 3
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Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 1:46:09 AM
You have to be more specific about the gals you're persuing. But you seem like a smart guy, going by your profile, so I think you'll be able to figure it out.

Are these women wasp-waisted Barbie dolls, platinum blonde, with ready collagen-injected-lip smiles? If so, you're probably in a different league (btw, they're not in a superior league, just a .... er.... different one.)

Or are the sophisticated, older ones turning you down because they think you're relatively callow?

We need more information.
 Dark Scorpion
Joined: 7/28/2005
Msg: 4
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Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 1:48:35 AM
What many people [men and women] are guilty of is desiring those who are out of their league. They chase after the ones that they cannot have and ignore the ones that want them just because they aren't as good looking.

This dating site is horrifically bad for this sort of thing. The easiest way to solve this problem is to look at the men/women who aren't as popular and try talking to them. There is no guarrante that this will work, but at least you might find someone with character.
 loneashaman
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 5
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 1:53:35 AM
I don't really have a specific type, though it is usually not the artificial girls. I like substance. But when you see an attractive girl who is smart, you have to think, they most likely have a boyfriend, or, if not, as you find them attractive, then they know they are, and they are not going to settle with just anyone, so if they are single, they must be waiting for a person that they find attractive, so if they haven't really tried talking to you, to show interest, then they won't be interested at all.
 rory27
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 6
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Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 2:12:18 AM
Well, I'll be honest. That last sentence was a run-on nightmare. But I think I can wade through it and get the gist.

OK, just reread it, and got it.

Don't wait for them to talk to you. YOU'RE the prize, not them, is the attitude you've got to approach with. She's lucky you've shown up in her life. You're the one doing the approaching, not based on "will she like me?", but on, "I think she's hot/cool/classy/intelligent "(insert your desirous adjective here), and then just go for her.

It doesn't matter what she thinks, it's all about your own desire.
 ThinkerOutsideTheBox
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 7
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 2:29:29 AM
If you think she's out of your league, then she is!

I'll probably sound like a broken record here, but why on earth would anyone wish to measure their on worth - based on someone else
 awesome_male
Joined: 8/27/2005
Msg: 8
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Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 3:03:30 AM

What many people [men and women] are guilty of is desiring those who are out of their league. They chase after the ones that they cannot have and ignore the ones that want them just because they aren't as good looking.

This dating site is horrifically bad for this sort of thing. The easiest way to solve this problem is to look at the men/women who aren't as popular and try talking to them. There is no guarrante that this will work, but at least you might find someone with character.


If you aren't attracted to someone in some physical manner the sex will be a bore, or wont ever happen to begin with. You can argue all day that its shallow to go after someoen based solely on looks, but I will counter thats equally infantile to stress character and ignore the other crucial component thats attraction.
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 9
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 4:15:57 AM
I think there are some VERY attractive people here---I only look at the females but have to assume there are more than a few breath taking men as well! Some one who is not only beautiful to view but give off an incredible sexual/sensual vibe we can barely contain ourselves. It's more likely than not they have constantly encountered equally attractive people and have a built in expecation they will only date someone they see as "in their league". It's more than hilarious these same people are always running from one shallow relationship to another but that seems to be of no concern---they know in a very short time another "hottie" will come along and all will be well for the time being.

I know this sounds as though all attractive people are shallow and with no substance but when you encounter it over and over again the thought occurs there might be something to it. Thinking someone of a particular "beauty level" is out of your "league" is wrong. Once you scratch the surface of a person and discover who they really are the notion of beauty or attractive should change. If they're so caught up in just their physical appeal you or anyone will never completely satisfy the urge to be seen with someone "hot"----what about such a person would make you want to be involved with them?

If they see you as below their "league" so what? Keep in mind if they're here or ANY where else you are (internet-wise) isn't that the biggest equalizer of all?? If they're all that hot and irresistible why do they have to "resort" to mingling with those "lesser" people? Wouldn't it follow they'd have a river of equally attractive or "same league" people to choose from? Why would they have to be online? Something to think about!

You will read forum posts from some sounding indignant about what "this person" would dare contact them--can't they SEE they're out of their leagues? LOL Again---keep in mind WHERE they are--same place as yourself. They might be cute----but they're still currently ALONE too!!


J W
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 10
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History
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 4:52:01 AM
Leagues? We have leagues? I'm in a league???
 chellelea
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 11
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 5:43:21 AM
I would say...don't assume that because she's attractive and/or smart that she has a boyfriend or that if she doesn't have a boyfriend she would consider you out of her league.

Could be that you are attractive to her as well and how would you know if you never approached her? If everyone looked at her and assumed the same thing as you...as pretty as she might be, that would mean nobody is approaching her because they all think she's out of their league?!

Who's to say what's in your league or out of it for that matter? Just because you think someone is beyond your reach doesn't mean they feel the same way.
 CountrySugar
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 12
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:37:46 AM
I don't think love has "leagues"

Asking isn't going to hurt, what's the worst thing that can happen? She'll say no, big deal nothing really lost there..Or she'll say yes ..

Do you wanna look back on your life and say well I should of, or do you wanna look back and say I did..
 Panicad
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 13
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:12:38 AM
Mr.Right for you, you are my mentor! that was a great post.
 stand by
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 14
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:28:19 AM
All the woman I see who appeal to me are out of my league. I never approach them. They could do better, and we both know it, so there is no point.
 StandUp Guy
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 15
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History
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:25:05 AM
Guys, guys, guys...
There aren't any Leagues.
(Actually there are 20,000 but they are all under the sea.) [/dumb joke]

You are already "in their league" but you just don't allow yourself the luxury.
Quit thinking like that.
Pay attention to Mr Right above, he is correct
(BTW...which newsletter did you cut and paste that from? Good advice)
When you clean up your act, you can attract all kinds of great women.

Yes, you are being stupid...just go ask them!
 stand by
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 16
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 10:41:12 AM
It's a nice illusion to pretend we are all of us equally attractive, but it just ain't so.
 wikkidd
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 17
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 11:46:30 AM

I don't know if it is just me, but does it seem like most people that you are interested in seems to be out of your league.


You sound like you've already decided on whose "not in your league" and who is...so what purpose will it serve to have others tell you? Sounds like you are looking for validation of your worth...If YOU don't feel worthy of the attention of "those girls" then you can hardly expect them to view you that way....
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 18
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:07:22 PM
guess what dude? you peg a lady to be out of your league, well then she is. if you don't label a woman (i don't think women like being labelled in general), guess what, MAYBE SHE ISN'T. don't limit yourself.
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 19
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:26:57 PM
Saying "out of my league" is a self-defeatist attitude. Absolutely no one is out of your league unless you THINK they are.

If you believe you are worthy of their attention, show it by your actions. Be confident in yourself. If they still don't go for you, don't take it personal. I've dated 10's and I've dated 4's (by some people standards). I don't date people entirely for looks. There has to be something underneath - a great personality.

Focusing on looks only will stop you from achieving total happiness in a relationship because you're ignoring traits in a person that could make you happy in lieu of some "hottie."

Trust me, hot women have insecurities too. And most men are afraid to approach them for fear of being rejected. It's kind of like sales. Not everyone you talk to is going to buy. As long as you recognize that and not let it bother you, you will soon find yourself enjoying success.

Cognative Behavioral Therapy.

You think how you feel.
You feel how you think.
You act on how you feel.

It's all in how you think and how you see yourself. Being confident and funny is much more important than looks.

If you don't let a situation get to you, if you do not allow yourself to be beaten before you have tried, you will find success where before you never imagined it possible.

Just don't do be a typical guy and think with your 'little brain' instead of your big brain. Women don't think like men do and the sooner you understand that and use that information, the better off you will be.
 stand by
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 20
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:32:01 PM
If I think I can fly, and I jump off the roof, will I go up, or down?

Get real.
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 21
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:38:04 PM
Let me ask you, Stand By, what dating has to do with flying?

Dating a beautiful woman is not doing the impossible.
Flying is.

We weren't built to fly, but we were built to date.

Given that information, it's truly YOU that needs to get real...and grow up.
 stand by
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 22
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:45:03 PM
The point was just because you think something is true doesn't make it so. Attitude alone won't do the job. Unfounded confidence is delusion. I can believe whatever I want, and when she looks at me she will respond however she does, according to her, not according to what I believe is possible or how much confidence I have. It is nice to give someone a pep talk and all, but then there is reality to deal with all the same. If a woman likes black men and I am white, then she wants what I am not. The same goes for looks. If she wants someone better looking, end of story. Why is this hard to understand or accept? How can my thoughts about myself change how a woman judges my appearance?
 Al_Bear
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 23
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 12:52:52 PM
Get yourself some backbone. No one is out of anyone's league. We can just told that we are so we believe it.
 Jarbarian
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 24
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 1:01:40 PM

The point was just because you think something is true doesn't make it so.


You have to believe you can do something before it's possible. Would you disagree with that assesment? If the Wright Brothers never believed they could build an airplane, it would have never happened.

Bottom line is you have to THINK you can, believe you can, before you actually CAN.


Attitude alone won't do the job.


Of course not, but without the proper attitude nothing can be accomplished. It's essential.


Unfounded confidence is delusion.


I would have to say that not believing you can do something is inherently more damaging than confidence. There is no such thing as 'unfounded confidence.' If you believe you can do something, you're halfway there. If you don't believe you can, you never will. There's no greater secret to success than confidence.


I can believe whatever I want, and when she looks at me she will respond however she does, according to her, not according to what I believe is possible or how much confidence I have.


You obviously don't understand how women work. If you talk to a woman confidently, you can maintain her interest in talking to you. If you're a confident, healthy, mature man who's funny and interesting, she'll REALLY be interested in you.

You're thinking like men do. Men are visual creatures. We see what we like, we want to boink. For women, it's just not like that. They factor in the whole package. Sure, being good looking helps but it won't help you KEEP a woman. You might get her attention intially but if you lack confidence in yourself, she'll see right through you. What creates attraction for women is NOT the same as what creates attraction with men.

Are you telling me you've never seen a less than attractive guy with a hot woman? Do you think it's all about money or fame? It isn't. I've seen plenty of less than good looking men without a penny to their name able to land some very hot women.

What they had that other men lacked was complete confidence in themselves.


It is nice to give someone a pep talk and all, but then there is reality to deal with all the same. If a woman likes black men and I am white, then she wants what I am not. The same goes for looks. If she wants someone better looking, end of story. Why is this hard to understand or accept? How can my thoughts about myself change how a woman judges my appearance?


You must have missed the part where I correlated dating and sales. Did you read entirely what I wrote or did you, as I suspect, just grab a few bits and pieces and fly off the handle half-cocked?

Not everyone you meet is going to like you. However, a confident man with good self-esteem, who knows how to make a woman laugh will be 10 times more likely be to able to land someone who others may deem is out of his league than a hot guy who lacks confidence and self-esteem.

This isn't rocket science my narrow-minded friend. This is FACT.
 stand by
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 25
Out of my league
Posted: 3/22/2006 1:18:18 PM
I have to dismiss what you say because you are insulting me, and because your assumptions about me are false, reflecting on your judgment. But I can still answer it.

In addition to the other ways women, and men, decide whom they like, when someone decides they don't like how you look, you're not going to get anywhere with them. So you can try the next one, and the next.

The difference in sales is that the customer has to want the product. If they buy only because of the sales pitch they will not be happy later. Sales is not what is happening here. It is mating, which is highly personal. It would be wrong for the woman to be with someone she didn't want. If the way I look prevents her from wanting me, it would be perverse for her to be with me.

I agree that insecurity and fear can ruin your chances, as they do exist. But being realistic is what keeps people from jumping off the roof thinking they can fly, and falling to their death.

In dating, a person who pursues those who have no interest in them is not some salesman of the year showing an admirable trait, he is a clueless pest. He is the man lying on the ground motionless with wings strapped to his arms.
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