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 Tweety125
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 1
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narcissistsPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Warning to anyone out there male or female. Have you ever fallen for someone who is in love with themselves. They are the ones that seem charming and exciting at first. Then later become losers. There is nothing wrong with confidence and good self esteem. But when it is excessive and exagerated it is simply wrong. But perhaps it is these people who in reality hate themselves the most! Don't know, go figure. I have dated one of these jerks just to find out that they are not so charming. In fact they are the opposite. They are disrespectful, dishonest, phony, nasty, selfish and arrogant. So do yourselves a favour and watch out for this kind!
 wolfskshuntress
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 2
narcissists
Posted: 3/22/2006 4:03:42 PM
how many dates does it take to tell if someone is a narcissist jerk? ..
 carrie bradshaw
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 3
narcissists
Posted: 3/22/2006 4:23:15 PM
Does this count? I once dated a guy who was beautiful, I mean beautiful. I ended up breaking up with him because I could not take it any more. Every mirror he came into contact with, he had to look in. Anything that he could see his reflection in he stopped and admired himself. It took hours to get ready.
He used my beauty products. I'm sorry but I could no loner share my apricot face mask with him. He even went for manicures with me. When he started using my clear nail polish, I knew the end was in store.
I am not shallow and it was not petty that I broke up with him. I just could not take it anymore. I mean what guy needs 40 minutes to style his hair.
Carrie
 carrie bradshaw
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 4
narcissists
Posted: 3/22/2006 4:55:05 PM
I would have contined but I did not want my post to be that long. Yes, he would try to get you to tell him how beautiful and wonderful he was. He would start with hints but if you did not give him the compliments he was after then he would just come right out and ask. If he did not get his compliments he would become quite angry. He would get really angry if someone else received a compliment instead of him.
Carrie
 carrie bradshaw
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 6
narcissists
Posted: 3/22/2006 5:25:18 PM
Jumpy;
You know model boy Gaston my old boyfriend? What a small world. He was a total hottie but too much into his looks. What does one expect from a model.
Carrie
Anderson Cooper used to be a model and he's a hottie. But he is a nerd, not a narcissist.
 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 7
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narcissists
Posted: 3/22/2006 11:20:04 PM

Have you ever fallen for someone who is in love with themselves.


So, what I'm hearing is, have I ever fallen in love with an Aries?

The answer would be yes. And, never again.
 carrie bradshaw
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 8
narcissists
Posted: 3/22/2006 11:31:59 PM
mystlw;
That is too funny. The model boy Gaston I was referring to was an Aries. No Joke!
Carrie
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 9
narcissists
Posted: 3/22/2006 11:52:11 PM
Hilarious. I was married to a great guy (just ask him!!!) Before the end of the end, we went to a counselor. He had amazing words of wisdom "I think the two of you have a strong foundation for a marriage, you both love him!!!" Couldn't have been more poetic!!!!!!

And yes, pathological lying went hand in hand with the personality, or was it lack thereof??? HMMMM?????
 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 10
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Posted: 3/23/2006 12:03:42 AM

That is too funny. The model boy Gaston I was referring to was an Aries. No Joke!


Aries are born into the House Of Self. Wtf is that about??

On topic: the Aries that I spent 5 years with was in no way a liar, selfish, or a jerk by any means. And for years, he put me first, in every way.

But ultimately, it's all about him, and the satisfaction the he gets from knowing that he's such a great guy that he considers other people.
Aries are incredibly interesting, but still, just narcissists.
 jennafeeh
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 11
narcissists
Posted: 3/23/2006 12:50:33 AM
I've been there, too...

And one thing I've learned about them: they don't "turn into losers"; they were to begin with. They just hide it better in the beginning.
 carrie bradshaw
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 12
narcissists
Posted: 3/23/2006 5:12:21 AM
Re#25
Maybe she just means Aries men. That is funny too as my dog is an Aries and he is always looking at himself in the mirror. I have pictures to prove it.
Carrie
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 13
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narcissists
Posted: 3/23/2006 8:48:50 AM
The great thing about being a narcissist is knowing it bothers people and knowing they view it to be a weakness while we see it as one of our great strengths.

Ya have to love yourself, first
 eb65
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 14
narcissists
Posted: 3/23/2006 6:38:50 PM
I can't believe that some of you are thinking that just because one is an "aries" we are inlove with ourselves???? I have dated many guys who are NOT aries and have been inlove with themselves. So please do not put us in with them.
 statueman
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 15
narcissists
Posted: 3/25/2006 7:08:36 AM
i just read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder at

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html

i must say it was incredibly illuminating and i've written the author in hopes of finding out methods of diagnosis and treatment.

on the op though. i find it hard to read about people calling others 'losers'. I always felt that said more about the person making the call than the person they are talking about.
 statueman
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 16
narcissists ---- wake up..... all of you ....
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:02:38 AM
in thorbs defense i think what he meant was you've never met a true narcissist because they don't exsist.

That article on NPD i think was misleading as well unless you read carefully you might have missed the fact that it is a theoretical mental illness at best. I prefer the "what you hate and judge most in others is what you deny about yourself" routine. IOW if i find myself being down on others when i come to myself i ask myself what is wrong with me?

of course if someone, man or woman has most of the tendecies listed in that article about NPD they should indeed seek help. But I really saw nothing in that article that was any different then good old fashioned selfish behavior given a new name to sell books to get people to pay for therapy which could be just as easily learned by doing volunteer work or making amends to people we know we've hurt in the past or joining a good church that runs a soup kitchen every friday night.

That kind of help is priceless possibly building a faith in the healing power of our Creator and a free bowl of soup.
 statueman
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 17
narcissists ---- wake up..... all of you ....
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:14:34 PM
today a man will slap his wife and mother will beat her child... today a drunk will spend the families food money and a housewife will sell her wedding ring for a German Chocolate Cake. today a person will seriously gossip and backbite a person whom they know is seriously mentally ill and then they will wipe their mouth and say, "I have done nothing wrong."

Don't you love those folks who marry obese people? Don't you admire those who stick with the mentally ill? I do... yeah sometimes they have to get firm and issue real ultimatums but we are in the age of the feet of iron and clay and the hearts of the fathers and mothers are denying or sometimes even stolen away from their children. Why don't we look at all this psyco-babylon and realize that just like some bad religious doctrine all it's there for is to sell books and justify people renigging(sp) on sacred vows or family commitments. It's there to tear away at the very fabric of things like devotion, forgiveness, loyalty and fidelity.

no... we want to buy into ever changing labels and treat them like gospel truths and accuse anyone who doesn't agree with our so-called educated appraisals of being megalomaniacs or extremist.

I long for the days when pork was cheap, but then they called it "the other white meat" and raised the price.
 statueman
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 18
narcissists ---- wake up..... all of you ....
Posted: 3/25/2006 3:19:30 PM

Differing points of view - all welcome but I feel more connected to the ones that have walked a mile in my shoes...


i afraid i have... but mental or character diagnosis read like astrology and suprisingly enough astrological personality profiling can be incredibly more accurate than psychology. Not only is the practice valid but 1000s of years older...

We need to simplify and call a spade a spade. A lazy person is a lazy person. A fearful person is a fearful person. A greedy selfish person is a greedy selfish person who is an idol worshipper with self as an idol.

A lunatic is a lunatic with any advanced combination of the above.

These are spiritual breakdowns and they come from the influences of the tides within governed by the influence of the sun, the moon and the stars. That's why the ancients called mental illness lunacy. Whole nations have fallen to these ailments... that's why nations come and nations go.

Trust me when i say that humanism and psycho-science and passing out incurable diseases labels will never heal a nation, tribe, family or individual. A spiritual malfuntion requires much more...
 statueman
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 19
narcissists ---- wake up..... all of you ....
Posted: 3/26/2006 7:54:42 AM

I do think this thread has let people vent quite nicely though
and I sure met a lot of women that were that way... well young women ... maybe really girls because I think that attitude is not mature.
Maturity takes you out of yourself and gives you empathy.
but that's a tangent.


Well said, perhaps you should start a thread called empathy and see how many of those who closed their mouths and left the stage show up.

For me I would rather meet an honest narcissist than a secret subtletist who has learned to mature by hiding their own narcissism behind someone with a worse case of it than their own. Perhaps that is one reason behind being an enabler.

There are two sides to every story and in threads like these where folks confess to the faults in others and at length descibe their victimization I can only empathize with the untold portion of their stories.

Better an honest sinner than a pious saint.
 statueman
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 20
narcissists ---- wake up..... all of you ....
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:38:46 AM
private

Has it occured to you that i was trying to expose the onesidedness of the conversation only for those who were being onesided?

It is all to obvious what type of person i am. All too obvious to me, however... and that's what counts.
 statueman
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 21
narcissists ---- wake up..... all of you ....
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:17:23 PM
tigress 209

i am indeed sorry for your experience with a man that you consider a narcissists. and yes the article about NPD gave me alot to consider about myself...

that is how i read things however, for self improvement. when i read your post i had to agree that i was trying switch the focus and being an un-empathetic know it all. At the time i thought i was doing it on purpose but now, with your help, i see the error of my ways. In the future i will try not to switch peoples focus from others to self. thankyou for your correction and keen observations.

peter aka statueman
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 22
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narcissists
Posted: 3/21/2011 3:16:53 PM

There is a difference between being stuck on yourself (narcissistic) and having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NPD is very real, and has certain characteristics. Google it. If your man has most of these characteristics, then you cannot change him.

NPD has the worst cure rate of any personality disorder, mostly because they don't believe they need help.

One very clear clue that it is NPD instead of just normal Narcissism is that they seem to enjoy hurting you.



I was married to some one who seemed to enjoy putting me down. He thought he was right no matter what. Everything was my fault and when we divorced he told all his family and even the judge I was crazy. Also when I was in the process of moving out but had to wait so my older son didn't have to be pulled out of school, my ex used to enjoy grabbing me in a private area just to make me angry. I would be getting dinner and he would come home from work and grab me then laugh. One time before I moved to a separate bedroom he grabbed me there trying to get me to have sex. When I tried to get away by slapping him he squeezed harder. The next day I had a big purple mark but he denied it was from him. While he was doing it though he had a big devilish grin on his face.

I don't have medical proof that he is NPD but he shows many signs. I agree with a lot of the checked list in message 104. It was much worse after he finished his college degree and got a full time job then we married and I was a stay at home mom. I have a degree also but he thought he was better than me since he worked and I didn't.



By the way, the stats indicate that this disorder is rare (1% of the population) but then these personality types do not often seek help because they don't see they have a problem...it is always someone else with the problem. They are in their mind Perfect, so I tend to believe this affects more than 1% of the population.



He told me "ALL men are jerks EXCEPT me". "You will find this out and be miserable when ALL the others guys only want sex". "NO one will treat you as NICE as I did". All things he told me when I moved out.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 23
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Posted: 3/21/2011 3:56:56 PM

Does this count? I once dated a guy who was beautiful, I mean beautiful. I ended up breaking up with him because I could not take it any more. Every mirror he came into contact with, he had to look in. Anything that he could see his reflection in he stopped and admired himself. It took hours to get ready.


This is the classic Greek tale...Narcissus; A hunter renowned for his great beauty. He was exceptionally proud. He disdained those who loved him. Nemesis saw this and attracted Narcisus to a pool where he saw his own reflection in the waters and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus died.
 idahosun
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 24
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Posted: 3/21/2011 5:45:13 PM
Curious,JD, where in the world did you get the idea that males are NPD and females are BPD. Having studied psychology, I have never, ever had any psychologist, psychiatrist or MSW state that either personality disorder was more prone in either sex! I know NPDs who are female and BPDs who are males; it has nothing to do with your sex, it has to do with your mental disorder. And the psychiatrists I studied with stated borderline's are the black hole of psychiatry, there simply is no help for them; no conscience and therefore they cannot recognize there is anything wrong with themselves. Both of these personality disorders share similar traits but the borderline is the most difficult to deal with unless you add in socio/psychopaths. (of course they- socio/psychos- become the Charles Mansons and Ted Bundys of the world) And just like NPDs and BPDs, they can be the most charming people you will ever meet until they use you and toss you aside or murder you, whichever appeals to them.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 25
narcissists
Posted: 3/21/2011 10:37:39 PM
I've had many relationships that haven't worked out, and many that did for a while, and then didn't. I've lost love against my will -- death -- and of my own choosing. I've also had three sociopaths in my life. Two women, and one guy. And the amount and type of damage they do is unlike anything else. If you haven't, fine, and consider yourself very lucky. Because they're out there, and they're life destroyers.

 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 26
narcissists
Posted: 3/22/2011 10:54:02 AM
Unless someone has been diagnoised as having a mental disorder, it is wrong ethically to do it yourself. The people they are describing aren't even in the same league as a real sociopath.

Truth is they come in grades, just like everything/one else. One does not have to be a Ted Bundy to be a sociopath. But frankly, waiting for a shrink to diagnose them before you can decide that's what/who they are is a losing battle -- they're the *least* likely to evah see the inside of a shrink's office unless and until they are in the hands of the law, and are forced to do so.

And discovering who they are and naming is simply seems self protective to me, certainly not "unethical" -- which would seem to me to be like seeing a tiger on the street stalking towards you and thinking "Well it sure looks like a tiger, but I'd better wait till a vet shows up and TELLS me it's a tiger before I run and look for cover. . . . "

In general, I'm very slow to identify and/or label. Both of the women were not identified until years after the encounters. But if I had, I would have been much better prepared for the male when he showed. This is a pretty good primer: http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/076791581X

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