Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > So you want a second chance?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 4
So you want a second chance?Page 1 of 57    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Excellent thread/ post. Couldnt have said it better myself. Agree 500% jarbarian
 LizBets
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 5
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:25:44 PM
Jarbarian - for such a young guy you certainly have your head on straight. Most 30-something guys haven't anything close to that kind of maturity.

EXCELLENT advice!! Good work!!
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 8
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:33:21 AM
What about a 3rd chance? I was together with my bf for 2 years, we broke up for 3 weeks, 9 months in. He broke up wit me, then asked to get back together. He recently broke it off again, should I even try?

It would definately be worth it if it works in my opinion, hes an incredible person.

Whatcha think?
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 10
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:12:15 PM
Alright sorry I'm bein a bit lame I know.

When we met it honestly wasn't dating or ne thing, we were hot for each other and over time we began to fall for each other. He became my bf, and we spent a lot of time together, we have a lot in common. We never lived together, always had our own independant lives, but usually saw each other 3 or 4 times a week.

'Bout 9 months in, he told me he wanted to break up. We did for three weeks, and then he asked me if he could come back. Our relationship was different the second time around, actually I would say better. We got to know each other so much better, and realised how much we have in common.

We were together for about 12 months, until just a few weeks ago. He said he could imagine himself being wit me forever, but he doesn't know if this is love, and hes really confused. He cried, I cried, and broke up wit me (ended up staying the nite ne way, lol, he said he thought i wud appreciate spending a last nite together, nways what ya think?!?) Honestly, he's like no person I've ever met, and not wanting to blow my own horn, but I know there are things that he feels he could never get from anyone else. He says he wants to stay friends, and we have been emailing back and forth a bit.

Nways, I really miss him (maybe another important piece of info is that we were both each others first serious relationship), I dunno if he wants to play the field and see whats out there.
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 12
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:41:08 PM
Seems to be some prob. wif POF, not sure why it wont post my comments

ne ways, im 19, my ex is 22
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 13
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 5:26:32 PM
I guess the reason I am so confused is because there were no deal-breakers that I could see. There may be some things that I've missed, but I think overall we had a great relationship. Maybe it was physical, hes certainly better looking than I am, and he could really be with anyone he wants.

What does it mean when a guy says, "I care about you so much, I could even see us being together forever, I just really don't know if this is love"? Is he saying he really doesn't/didn't love me or is he saying he really doesn't know (I guess its probbly hard to know if you've never been in love before)?
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 16
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 6:21:41 PM
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Lol. I can see why ur on here
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 17
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 6:21:51 PM
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Lol. I can see why ur on here
 Billbug
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 18
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 6:27:53 PM
Personally I NEVER give second chances. My theory is, once it's over, it's over...tough, regardless who was at fault. I have broken that rule once seriously, and it ended in more heartache. I will stick to my policy from here on......
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 20
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 6:53:39 PM
Thats probly a very smart policy, ur right that second chances cam mean heartache. I guess its not a great idea to prolong that.
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 22
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/30/2006 9:54:21 PM
It wud be good to hear what ya think Jarbarian.

For the guy above ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ I know one couple that broke up about a year into their relationship, they ended up giving it another go, and 7 years and two kids later they are one of the happiest couples I know.

I guess it really depends on the situation.
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 24
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 3/31/2006 8:34:24 PM
Hey y'all.

Thanks a lot for the advice jarbarian, I really appreciate. You're definately right about breaking off contact, though I need a little advice on that. We don't see each other in person, but still email as friends. I did send an email to him the other day saying I thought it was best if we cut off contact. My rationale was that if we did get back in touch, then it wud be because we both want to, and not because of any percieved obligations.

He responded by saying that he would miss me if this were the case, but if its what I really want, then he'll support me. It made me feel like a bit of an ***hole, I don't want him to feel I'm pushing him away, in the same token, I think its kind of unfair for him to say that he'll miss me when I'm trying to cut off from him, knowing that it will be more difficult to stick to my guns.

How do I do this without sounding like an ***hole, or a drama queen? Should I let him know that I want to do this because I think its the best thing for our friendship? Or should I just cut off from him and let him realise its his loss?
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 26
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/2/2006 12:14:36 AM
I've put his email address on ignore; you're right about just cutting off, much less complicated.

Thanks for the advice Jarbarian.
 Mo-Mo
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 42
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/14/2006 9:24:55 PM
WOW
You should write a book.
Well said. kudos to you.
Words to live by
 mechanic_aviation
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 44
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/15/2006 8:38:38 AM
Well Done!!!!!!


John
 forever_laughter
Joined: 9/19/2004
Msg: 45
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/15/2006 10:51:50 AM
Awesome thread, Jarbarian.
When my ex left, (3 yrs ago on Easter) I decided to live by those 'rules'. I never wanted him back, but I wanted MYSELF back and it became the best and fastest way for me to recover. I did try to be friends with him, since we have children.. but his girlfriend said that's not normal and wouldn't allow it. (insert rolling eyes here).

A couple points I'd like to add from a woman's point of view..
Put your make up on and be dressed as pretty as can be, when he's coming to pick up the kids. Buy yourself some fresh flowers and leave them on the table where he can see them from the doorway ; P

If you happen to cross paths at the grocery store, bank, etc. ALWAYS smile.

As it's been said before ... RESIST the urge to talk to him! Let the child answer the phone, if you see your ex on the caller ID. If your child is unavailable, answer with a very happy tone. Be courteous and respectful. Don't offer ANY information about yourself or what you've been doing or what your plans are. Be mysterious ... no matter what.

I hope we can be on friendly terms, someday. It would be great for the kids, if we could. But until he and his new love are comfy with that, I'm not gonna press it.
 skyblu1984
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 57
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/30/2006 11:40:54 PM
My fiance and me have been together for two years. During our first year we were so devoted to each other. I had met her when i got out of basic training in the army. I was hoome on leave and i we were both still virgins. When I first saw her all i wanted was sex i didnt know what she wanted though. a week before i left for korea i hadnt made any progress so i stopped talking to her. i went out with family and a couple of friends to the movies and we hooked up with some girls there. that night i finally lost my virginity. since then i was in korea for a year came back to the U.S. and got shipped to iraq a month later. when we were on our way back from iraq in kuwait she emailed me and so we started talking again. i got back on valentine day and when i went home that day i met her again. that is when we started going out. i told her i would wait to have any sexual contact with her unilshe was ready. i proposed to her on her b-day. we had planned to get married this year. we were both so siked about it. she was looking for rings and applied to a bunch wedding stuff. we moved in to the place that i am living in last october. then two tuesdays ago we got into a big arguement i dont remember why it all started. i went to work and when i got home she had most of her stuff packed and she was gone. i didnt even have a chance to tell her how sorry i was and to give her a hug. she called me the next day and said she was on a plane to VA. i tried to talk to her about it and she wont even talk to me about it. for the past two weeks all i could think about was her and her being with another guy i try not to think about it but it just pops up in my head and i just start crying. i have never lived alone my whole life and i cant stand it. i feel like i need her so much. i have been trying to find a way to make this feeling go away. i have even thought about hurting my self over this. i have tried to forget about it but i cant find any thing to do i am new to this town. can you offer me any thing to help me get my mind off of her. i really need help.
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 77
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/2/2006 10:58:28 AM
Hey Jarbarian,

Just thought I'd give you an update, It has been two months now, and I've followed your advice to the letter. I think its working; my ex wants to meet me for lunch, and he said in his email that he was a little jealous of how much fun I'm having, and that he hasn't met anyone like me since we broke up. Looks like a good sign

How do you think I should proceed from here?
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 79
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:25:23 AM
Bleh, I don't think that even qualifies as being worthy of a response.
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 80
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:25:57 AM
lol re above, that was to Morris56, not you Jarbarian

Hehe, sorry lameness ;-)
 confused19
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 81
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:38:14 AM
When we have talked, I've been very careful not to bring up the past and all the stuff about the break up, I figure it will only complicate things.

"I would continue to work on your confidence and self-esteem. Don't ever let him be the center of your life. Don't give him your personal power (by being clingy, etc). Show him you are independent, have a life and don't "need" him. It's ok to want someone - but never OK to need them."

You are absolutely right, and it was this that part of your advice that I followed most conscientously. I think this is kind of what has drawn him back to me. I think you are right about not "needing" someone, though I definately want him ;-) In all seriousness though, you are right and I'm not going to allow him to make decisions for both of us or feed the monster by being all clingy.

Thanks for all the advice you have given Jarbarian,
NotSoConfusedNeMore19 :-D
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 84
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/3/2006 7:17:07 AM

What about a 3rd chance? I was together with my bf for 2 years, we broke up for 3 weeks, 9 months in. He broke up wit me, then asked to get back together. He recently broke it off again, should I even try?

It would definately be worth it if it works in my opinion, hes an incredible person.

Whatcha think?

I think if you are OK with a lifetime of breaking up at his whim, go for it.
If it's really really important to you, it might be worth thinking back over the situations and look for a pattern or a consistent trigger.
I'm sure you are right he's a terrific guy,and an INCREDIBLE IDIOT, but then I'm not in love with him.
Love and good luck to you,sweetie, whatever you decide to do!
Cindy O
 ck1time
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 109
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/7/2006 4:08:35 AM
NICE. Jarbarian has my vote for public service effort. Most ppl think too much when they let their heart rule their brain. That's why they get confused, 'cause the heart doesn't think! On the other hand, the brain DOES feel.
Cool evening & morning skies this month, eh, Jarbarian? (Jupiter/Saturn/Moon/Mars/Castor-Pollux)
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 110
view profile
History
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/7/2006 5:39:29 AM
This was a great topic
some really great postings as well
Thank You to all and of course you Jar for taking the time to type
God bless
Gidget
 lil_chicky_brat1
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 118
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/9/2006 8:15:43 AM
the first thing, don't make him seem that u can't live without him..u can do better, its his loss if he hasn't called or anything, just let it take time because my ex never called me for over 4 months and he called me out of the blue..so don't feel bad ok bye
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > So you want a second chance?