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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?      Home login  
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 uh-non-amos
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 1
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
When there is some reason, physical or otherwise, why you don't want to date someone, do you tell them? For instance, you're sitting across from someone at dinner, and their nasal hair is out of control, visibly protruding. This is something I just can't take. Maybe I'm too picky, but after spending significant time getting myself ready for a date, shaving/moisturizing/perfuming etc., is it really too much to expect someone not have weeds growing from their orifices? Do you tell them why you don't want to date them again? What if this is keeping them from finding someone and it's so easily corrected? Am I the only one who this happens to, and am I a complete hag for thinking this way? I just can't stand to see a guy with stray nasal hair, it's just one of those "things"... but some other woman might think it's no big deal at all. She might love this guy for his weedy orifices. Do you tell? Do you shut up and just tell him you're incompatible? Would you want to know if this was you?
 eddie0221
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 2
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 4/2/2006 10:36:23 PM
would you see him again if his nose hairs didn't petrude from his nose? If the answer is yes, buy him a trimmer and tell him to shave them!
 tcky123
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 3
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 4/3/2006 5:45:34 AM
geez op how bad is his nose hairs does it look like oscar worn out broom, lol. but on a serious note if something turn me off and the attraction is not there I whould stay out the dinner or coffee and just wish him luck, hint hint. as if this was nice but let leave it as good internet pals.
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 4
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 4/3/2006 1:59:01 PM
^^^ummm....mathematically, not if n = squat. Sorry...I had to point that out EB1
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 5
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 6/24/2006 9:31:26 PM
Nothing wrong with it. Again just make sure it is for a good reason and not some stupid thing.

But yeah it is good to be up front with them.
 InNEOwithGEO
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 6
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 7/25/2006 10:52:16 AM
I agree with dessert. I just say "I don't think there's a whole lot here to work with" and thank them for a nice evening.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 7
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Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 11/11/2007 10:17:56 PM
You can usually tell within five minutes of meeting if there is an attraction or not, and that first time meeting will let you know if chemistry will potentially develop or not.

If I am not feeling the person, then I tell them politely that it was nice to get to know them, but there is not the connection I need for dating and a relationship. I do not tell them specifics, and if they feel that way about me, I do not want to know either. All I care to know and want to express is yes let's go for it, or no let's be friends or just move on.

Just my opinion........
 orchidtigress
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 8
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 11/12/2007 11:23:34 AM
I do tell but in a diplomatic manner... in this case I would say " I really prefer good hygene...it says a lot to me when a man takes time and pride in his appearance. Since this is important to me I find I only date men who are like this otherwise I am not attracted. I am sure you are a nice person and wish you the best in your search."

if I do not feel as generous I simply say' It was nice meeting you but unfortunately I feel no chemistry and am not attracted. You seem like a nice person so I am sure one day you will find the right one for you."
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 9
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 11/12/2007 3:00:42 PM
I chatted with someone and they told that they were looking for something closer to home. Now this woman lived in the San Francisco and I live in the East Bay, so that answer was absolutely implausible. Sure enought, she admitted to "other factors." All this is fine, but it would be nice if people use plausible excuses. "No chemistry" works because it makes it clear that you are not worth the time of one another.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
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History
Do you tell someone why you don't want to date them?
Posted: 11/23/2007 12:54:15 PM
My opinion is you should always do your best to let a person walk away with their dignity intact. If its an online communication, or just an initial meeting or two that wasn't what either one of us had hoped, then its best to just say something simple alone the lines of, "Thanks, but I just don't see us as a good match." or some such. Most people respect and appreciate honesty, and the majority of adults can handle a simple rejection. Why go out of your way to be rude or hurt someone's feelings? Now if they are rude, or just won't take no for an answer, then by all means, they are fair game.

If its something thats been ongoing for a while, then yes, a little bit more of an explanation is appropriate, and deserved. But again, no reason to not be polite at the very least. I find its best to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and imagine being on the other end of the conversation, and act accordingly.
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