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 justrolling123
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 1
I she Cheating????Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've been married to her 13 yrs. we have 4 kids. A few months ago she starts hanging out with a new girlfriend who is recently divorced. She decides that they should be going out bar hoping weekly. Her new friend introduces her to online dating which I find out about. She left herself signed in and I was able to view all her correspondance. She was openly advertising herself for a discreet relationship (and sex). I was livid when I saw that she was posting her picture, giving out her cell, and diverting her contacts to her private email. Then I find out she's telling our friends that she has a local boy toy. What do you do with a partner like that????
 ~iiCe~
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 2
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 7:36:18 AM
well isn't this the pot calling the kettle a name.... your profile doesn't state you are married and does state "Looking for a female to reignite the spark in my life"..... clean up your mess at home before you start bringing someone else into it....
 justrolling123
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 3
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 7:48:55 AM
My Initial reaction was to dump her. I've got the evidence to show intent. However I have many things to consider. We have kids and they have a good life. If I am the one to initiate a divorce then I will be the one feeling guilty that I didn't take steps to preserve a relationship that could possibly have been worked out eventhough I cought her cheating on me once several years ago (but, I did something wrong too so tit for tat) I am trying to believe that she was just titlating herself and that she didn't follow through. Evidence so far supports this theory. Am I a sucker or what???
 justrolling123
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 4
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 7:50:13 AM
Profile was created to chat with her. haha
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 5
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I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 8:11:56 AM
If I am the one to initiate a divorce then I will be the one feeling guilty that I didn't take steps to preserve a relationship that could possibly have been worked out eventhough I cought her cheating on me once several years ago (but, I did something wrong too so tit for tat) I am trying to believe that she was just titlating herself and that she didn't follow through. Evidence so far supports this theory. Am I a sucker or what???


Short answer ? Yes.

Long answer ? Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees !

You would feel guilty because you found out a person that has already cheated on you once is now going out with a divorced friend bar hopping, and corresponding with men on the internet on a single's site ?

Just titillating herself ?

You can believe anything you want to believe, and that is a decision you will have to make. I'm sure the kids will enjoy living in a household where at least one of their two parents is out talking to guys at bars, and carrying on a secret life at home.

Does she have a cell phone ? If she does, the monthly bills will probably not be lying around.

Is she suddenly getting into shape,watching her diet, changing her clothing styles or hair ?

All signs to watch out for...

If one day she runs into the right guy, and you find yourself suddenly alone, I trust you will remember this discussion. If one day you find yourself with an STD, perhaps that will cause you to reflect on decisions made or not made now. Maybe one of her boyfriends will turn out to be a psycho, and you might get a chance at a face to face meeting.

You stay with someone because you love them, and someone that is doing that doesn't love you, because love requires respect.

The second I found out my wife was doing pretty much the same thing, I set her up beautifully. I asked her if she wanted me to leave, and she said yes.

About five or six weeks later ( took time to find a nice apartment at a good price) , I moved out.

THEN, and only then, I sent her a half page letter detailing some of what I knew.

It was simply the best decision I ever made in my life, and I only wish I had done it years earlier.
 justrolling123
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 6
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 8:20:38 AM
Thank you all for your posts. It does help to see the verying degrees of opinion. but, I am still not sure where to go with this. By the way my mistake was not cheating!!

I did talk to her about it and she sees nothing wrong with being caught with your knickers half down. Shes going out again Saturday night supposedly with the girls at work??????

Her excuse was that she's bored. We'll H*ll maybe I should follow her lead and start acting single again.
 Remodel_Guy
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 7
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I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 8:33:16 AM
What to do?

How about starting to look for a new place to live? Your marriage is broken justtrolling123...Dont wait until she throws you out, or worse yet, she slaps a protection order against you...Start taking ALL your $$ out of the bank, and cancel the credit cards.....While you are at it, find a buyer for Her car, and replace it with one that barely runs, (Only because you have kids), Start taking things to a safe deposit box, that she doesnt know exists, Start to get more involved with your kids too, because divorce is the hardest on them....

Find your friends and family that you can trust, because you are going to need their support in the coming months...

And last but not least, start wearing condems with her, there isnt any reason for you too get Aids or Herpes over the cheatin B!#@$
 justrolling123
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 8
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 10:25:32 AM
Thank you once again to all of you that replied to my posting. I tend to agree with each and everyone of you in your comments to some degree. I of course must put things into perspective for me and have decided that I must deal with things in order of importance. Firstly Kids, secondly self preservation, and lastly the so called marriage (see if a counsellor is worth their salt) and we'll see if its worth it. I'm not holding my breath.
 63lesabre
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 9
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 10:36:05 AM
well isn't this the pot calling the kettle a name.... your profile doesn't state you are married and does state "Looking for a female to reignite the spark in my life"..... clean up your mess at home before you start bringing someone else into it.... /////////// leave it to a female to not understand what he is trying to do...think before you open up your piehole
 ~LoriMac~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 10
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 10:43:43 AM
Wow you guys seem harsh to me...


do you think there is a way for you guys to handle this?
My bestfriend is/was in a smiliar situation...I am the divorced friend...and really all she wants is a little fun, to feel sexy, some attention, maybe something just for her. She handled it really wrong at first (disreet online profile on a site for cheating married people) and now with good communication they turned the relationship around. She goes out with me still once in a while but she also goes out with her hubby on dates...really she just wanted to be more than the mom and the wife ...she wanted to be the other roles can hold...i think sometimes women (especially) become someone they dont want to be or feel limited by their role in the family...so when they rebel they rebel BIG....when really just feeling sexy, and fun and having an identity away from the kids and home is all they need...and they certainly can get that within the marriage.

In my opinion i think if you can flip this around before it goes too far you could really have your marriage back....just talk to her...ask her what she would want to keep her from running her life into a ditch. Your in this marriage together...sometimes she will need you to help her make better choices so for god's sakes dont just sit back and let her throw it all away

my $0.02
L~
 ~LoriMac~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 11
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 10:44:22 AM
~sorry a double post...editted~
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 12
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 10:48:56 AM
{what would i do...hm.....byebye...besides whats up with your profile?

Looking for a female to reignite the spark in my life

^^^...two wrongs dont make it right...an ur doin what? }

It's interesting that when a guy states soemthing like this and is looking for advice , he doesn't get any, bad vibes. If it were a woman then people would be supporting her big time (which they should offcourse), but they need to support him too.

Why are people against him. He is more then likely getting cheated on and some people just don't care.

I would ask her to smarten up and just remind her about her responsiblities and that she has kids and you both need to make this work out.
 ~LoriMac~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 13
Is she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 10:55:49 AM
mardio...out of 25 posts 2 brought to his attention that his profile says he's single etc...comeone now...hardly people against him...seems to me she is getting shredded her pretty good and he is being told to cut his losses...maybe read all of the responses...not just the short ones
 ~LoriMac~
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 14
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/7/2006 11:44:05 AM
bike.. i seriously disagree.. i think with women they get seduced first by conversation and someone making them feel whatever they are missing. Women are very different that way... we can see sexy men 24/7 and if everything is right in our relationship we would be happy to be with a fat, bald, less attractive guy. (of course I am speaking genreally and not about every single woman in existance) I will bet she isnt just after perfect abs, and someone new in the sack...she wants to feel what she did with her hubby earlier in the relationship. I would agree that there might be some immaturity and she is very wrong for how she is dealing with it....that's why i would say he should be open to showing her another way of getting what she wants to a degree...while maintaining the relationship
 forforums
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 15
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/10/2006 6:38:52 AM
Ok for all of you who had a problem with me having a profile on the site that was in your mind questionable it's been replaced with a new one. It's funny but, I turns out that this forum has been a good sounding board for me. So, let me update you on the goings on and see what you think. I know a number of you will think I made the wrong decision. the weekend was touch and go but, I decided to give her an opportunity to redeem herself. time will tell. In my mind there is a lot of as* kissing to be done and a lot of soul searching. Counselling is a given. By the way all your post did help as I let her read them so she could see what others (who we don't know) thought of the situation. She didn't have much to say after reading the posts but, Maybe they woke her up and her actions spoke louder than words and they seemed to be headed in the right direction. Any comments you mightfor her or I are greatly appreciated.
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 17
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/10/2006 2:07:12 PM
May have been suggested.....but.....
If you knoiw her profile.....make yours anew....and contact her....
make a date.....then won't she be suprized when you took the day off work.to meet her....
Then ......well.....go with you feelings.
Sorry bud...shitty deal.
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 18
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/10/2006 2:14:32 PM
^^ I agree that she shouldn't be cheatiing and it isn't called for at all.
 justaj2116
Joined: 4/9/2006
Msg: 19
I she Cheating????
Posted: 4/10/2006 2:42:53 PM
Dude you need to get a clue.cheat on me once shame on you cheat on me twice shame on you.The moment you caught wind of her legs opening or fingers typing that should've been a big clue.sorry to say this but if your dumb enough to sit back and let her do this then you deserve to get screwed over by her.Im sorry im not nice about this but im being as blunt and nice as i can
 Splinter
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 20
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I she Cheating????
Posted: 6/2/2006 5:38:08 PM
Leave her or get into marriage couciling. But doesn't it mean that you now have a profile on here if you are on this forum? What's up with that? I think that instead of asking everyone else you should be talking to your wife.
 Remodel_Guy
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 21
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I she Cheating????
Posted: 12/4/2006 4:41:39 AM
Why not just ask her? :)
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 22
I she Cheating????
Posted: 2/23/2007 9:56:36 PM
justrolling: if she's not cheating, she sure plans/hopes to be doing so. don't kid yourself. it's SO obvious from an outsider's perspective. ...BUT, i know, when one is on the inside, one always thinks they're the exception or there's somehow some grey area that rules. Baby, just think of how YOU would respond if YOU were an outsider. That'll give you the REAL answer.
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 23
I she Cheating????
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:04:28 PM
p.s.

the only thing you can realistically do is set limits in the "relationship." people are so often afraid to set limits because one might lose. My ex sister-in-law is a psychiatrist. "Limits" are her mantra. If you lose someone because you set limits, then that person didn't care about/value you in the way they should have...and nothing you could have done would have redeemed the "relationship." So easy...
 polargrape
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 24
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I she Cheating????
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:18:43 PM
Yeah... hey Picky, you've been responding to threads that have been dead for months.
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 25
I she Cheating????
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:41:32 AM
^^^and what do you care?? that's my business
 polargrape
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 26
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I she Cheating????
Posted: 2/27/2007 9:44:48 PM

and what do you care?? that's my business


Awww... how cute. I'll take that as, "I didn't know, but don't want to look foolish in admitting so..."
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