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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating someone with bi-polar!      Home login  
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 27
Dating someone with bi-polar!Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Dear Ladyblue, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a heart attack and marriage and divorce and death of my father all within a nine month period.
I have never totally believed the diagnosis, but this is my experience. After a heart attack, I was absolutely knocked off my feet, and I became unsure of myself for the first time in my life. The experiences I was having made me better realize what a woman goes thru in cases of PMS. I, as a man, could never understand how someone could shift from hot to cold in the snap of a finger. I'd seen some form of it in every relationship I've had. For years both men and women just wrote it off as the "difference between the sexes." I think it greatly emphasizes the sameness of the human species. Its just what is conditioned within us from an early age. Bipolar should be better understood as mood disorder, and we all have a tendency to fault another for our own shortcomings. we should alll try to be patient.
In peace to all!
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 40
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 4/23/2006 5:21:12 AM
Run, your heart will heal but your emotions will suffer, and your pocket book too. A family member just recently moved in with us/my mom and me. She has bi-polar and will not take her meds. Her episodes are terrible. I can't tell you the anguish she has caused me and my family, extend members as well. You have a chance and some advice from people who don't know you or your situation. But RUN>
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 46
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 4/23/2006 5:46:23 PM
well I can assure you that it may be hard to date someone with a disorder no matter the disorder. I am a nurse and know first hand that it has it's challenges However..... Yes there is hope. These people are lovable. They need to slowly at thier own pace be able to nuild trust in someone. They need to learn how to relax and cope with everyday problems.
Bipolar is having frequent mood swings. It is not a horrible illness nad can be dealt with. Most people may have this and not even know because they have not been to a doctor. Think of a woman going through menopause that is the best way I think I can describe what a person with bipolar lives life everyday.
If you really love him then do a lot of reading about the disorder. Learn about it and communicate with him. People who have bipolar need to talk. They need to stay busy. The less thinking the better. Learn about the meds he is on if any and research them. By doing this you will be able to understand his world and it will make the realtionship easier for both of you.
Best of luck!
 libre rich
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 50
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 4/23/2006 7:34:52 PM
Hold on, folks! Not all bipolar patients are alike. Some of the world's greatest people had bipolar illness. And also some of the worst. It seems that Ladyblue's problem is that she dated a man who wasn't honest and sincere. Anyone can lie or cheat, or be insensitive. Many of us get caught up in this negative workaholic syndrome. You have every right to be upset with a man who didn't follow through with his obligations to you. But to use the bipolar label to demean him doesn't uplift your situation. You still might be better to move on to another relationship. But whether it be biploar, or just very anxious, about 1 in 5 people are not totally "balanced." Would it be better that he seemed to be a great guy but then drank himself into a stupor? One must weigh the pros and the cons in any relationship regardless of one's mental/emotional state. In therapy with a good doctor, the patient will learn to get in touch with his feelings but not step on everyone else! I don't know what quality of doctor he has or you have, but they are not quite right to allow improper behavior by using the "medical illness" excuse! We still have to be responsible for our conduct with others. Good Luck in the future,

Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 69
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Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 4/24/2006 12:11:23 PM
I never miss taking my meds. It took about two years of adjusting doses and adding/changing medicines to get the combination that works for me.

Everyone does stuff differently when they are going through their highs and lows. It's not fair to say "ALL bipolar people...." which is what has been said several times in this thread.

When I'm in a manic phase (which thankfully hasn't happened since my last med change) I tend to go overboard on things. I'll clean the house top to bottom using a toothbrush to get the little spots. Reoganize stuff that doesn't need it. I go on sewing sprees too. I made about 45 pairs of lounge pants in one month (most were done in three sessions). That was in addition to the cleaning and spending time with the kids. My lows are not suicidal, they are just very unproductive and withdrawn periods.

If he isn't willing to get help then there is nothing you can do. You just met him, walking away if he's not going to help himself is fine. But there is no need to run *just* because of an illness.

According to this thread I will remain alone because everyone must RUN from someone with bipolar. Nice to know.
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 73
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 6/30/2006 11:48:38 AM
it is true that people with bi-polar need thier meds but also just as important they need to keep them regulated. In other words they need to go to the doctor frequently and make sure the meds they ar eon are working ad that the dose is still the proper dose. Sometimes that can cause problems-it is not always because they are not taking thier meds! I am speaking from a medical standpoint. A lot of people that have the disorder do know they need the meds and are willing to take them. But these people can not always control the mood swings. If you really really want all the facts you should go on line to the bipolar web site and do some reading.
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 78
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/27/2006 12:48:23 PM
If you are currently dating this man...
I think it to very publicize his condition on here!!

You would hurt him less...if you just walked away...
then to add to his misery..

Alot of mental disorders..are diagnosed on educated guesses'

based on symptons of a patient..
eg: a woman in menapause...can exhibit the same variation of symptons
of bi-polar....

And so many labels out there ...and a new one every day, just
add to the chaos..of the world today..

I do beleive he needs a new therapist though!!
As he needs to take care of himself..he also needs
to be aware of others feelings as well..

and the medications that are thrown out left and right..
can do alot of damage also..

Past hurts, issues...can cause many emotional problems..
His may be not so easy to get over..

With the lack of efficient, professionals...
It a sad state of affairs...

Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 88
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/27/2006 2:46:05 PM
Hi Lb
I just replied recently to the same type of email
I would give him time and yes another chance
My sis is bipolar and can be very difficult because of the illness
At least he is getting help and should be medicated at all times
but....... guessing here cause of my own sis he is probably in a manic state they often take off do off the wall things in this state and they can not help it It is part of bipolar
If you really love him educate yourself on his illness Internet is a great source but like I said to the other person a book" Brilliant Madness" is one of the best books out there on bipolar disorder and I have read it front to back and now have an easier relationship with my sister
Not great cause the illness still is there when medicated they have to see the doc when they are having problems and my sis is at a stage where she does just that but denial re this illness from the patient can go on for yrs but no longer with her and she has 4 girls she is bringing up alone so medicated properly all the time!
If you love him it won't always be easy but if you learn about his illness and what he has to go through and discuss with him you may be able to work this out
My sis is in the middle of a divorce cause her now hubby was too ignorant to want to know anything about her illness even though as a family we tried to help him he was not interested so she is better off without him!!!!!!!
Bipolar again is very common and be thankful he is diagnoised and try to talk to him from there
Good luck to both of you I hope you can make it work
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 105
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Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:09:38 AM
I was married to an unmedicated bi-polar for 23 years! His highs were so high, I couldn't reach them and his lows were on weekends when he sat and did absolutley nothing. He tried medication for a few weeks, but then stubbled and fell and blamed it on the medication, so that ended that. He had one brain storm after another of 'how to get rich quick' and after 48 jobs, I finally realized what was happening. Why did I stay so long? Well, we had children after 9 years and I didn't think I was capable of looking after them on my own. The girls loved a dad that was so full of energy and fun when he was 'high'. I knew we had problems but when I tried to talk about anything that was 'unpleasant', he said he didn't want to discuss that right now. When I finally asked him 'when was a good time?' he answered truthfully 'never'. I was in the marriage for better or for worse, but the worse turned into "fraud, lies, illegal activities etc." Yes, his world revolved around him and unfortunately so did mine.
One of our last arguments was in his words "I married you when you were a whimp", to which I replied ' well, now I've grown" and he said "I haven't changed", and I said "I KNOW". He wasn't diagnosed until just before we seperated but he did admit that he has 'some' symptoms, but that 'he could control them'.
He had the power to manipulate me into thinking that 'I' was the problem, that 'I' was over reacting.
Since the divorce, he has not given any support to our children and swore he would rather put his money in a numbered account rather than see any of us get anything from him. I've had to have my phone number blocked in order not to get calls from the ppl he has wronged.
I can't speak for those who are medicated and are living normal lives, I haven't met anyone like that yet. I just know that arguments became a total 'game of wits'. He would say, give me one instance when I did that before, and I would...then he would say...what did you bring that up for?
This is just my experience and does not reflect how I feel about all ppl that have this disease. Relationships are difficult at best when two ppl are on the same ground but this disease, like most others, if not properly treated can cause a lot of heart ache.JMHO
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 107
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 10/18/2006 9:33:05 AM
From what I know, there certainly are differing levels of Bipolar disease.
Oftentimes, a person gets misdiagnosed, or may have more than
one mental illness. There are meds, sure, but they don't always
work the same for everyone, and the side effects can be too heavy.
It may take a long time, years even to acquire a proper diagnosis,and
it is sad to say that many mentally ill people won't ask for help, all the
while ruining other people's lives. I am not saying all mentally ill people
cause problems for others, because they do not!
However, this is a very tough subject, since so many people think they
know it all!
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 112
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:27:17 PM
FYI: To the know it all people on mental illness
Barbara Bush-George's Mommy-Uni-Polar
Bi-Polar People Who You Have Heard Of:
Jim Carey
Robin Williams
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Heinz C. Prechter
Ted Turner, media giant
Ludwig Von Beethoven
Vincent Van Gogh, painter
Francis Ford Coppola, director
Peter Gabriel
Jimi Hendrix
Sting, Gordon Sumner, musician, composer
Axl Rose
Winston Churchill
Theodore Roosevelt, President of the United States
President Lincoln
Darryl Strawberry, baseball
Dick Cavett
Jane Pauley
Edgar Allen Poe
Mark Twain
Joseph Vasquez, writer, movie director
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 113
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:35:44 PM
hello. yes i was dating a woman with it. .in 2007... then shge dumped me..after 11 months for no reason.. nor would she talk about it. .she was nice one day or moment. then..very mean and ugley in her attitude ..
if anything i saw a side of her. . before.. we went another year together. .it hurts to say good by to her but then i need to fave myself and inner ego.. also..some people can not be helped all they will do is pull you down from your true inner self.. my experience. walk away..
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 116
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:10:56 PM
My husband is a bipolar who is not bipolar
He does not need meds and declared himself normal
has gone to doctors in a 3rd country, yes a 3rd country and faked it.(so he says)
UK, America and Canada
but was diagnosed bipolar paranoid in the USA by 11 doctors tried to commit suicide and was in the mental ward.........would not take his meds..............and was mentally... verbally....psyically abusive.............I got rid of him.
I am bipolar, I take my do other people.... judge me.

i am just a moody b itch OJ
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 120
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:42:48 AM
If you have feeling for him,no matter what he has then you need to be there for him.Not running off is going to hurt his feelings and its going to make him think about getting involved with any more women.They have feeling as well
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 121
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Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:11:27 AM
Run. As fast as you can. Don't look back. I never could understand, why she woud always quit taking her medication, when she was so normal, functioning and doing so well. Then I saw that Richard Gere movie. Mr Jones? For them. Normal really sucks!
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 122
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Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:16:11 AM
The highs and lows. I was always exhausted, either trying to keep up or carrying her.
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 123
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Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:18:40 AM
However. If you have someone willing to deal with it, I.e. medication. I don't know about alternatives. No problem.
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 124
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:22:05 AM
This one is really easy.

Don't date people who are nuts.

Glad I could help! Where do I sent the bill?

Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 127
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Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:25:33 AM
Then again. I'm completely sane and it is driving me crazy! Lol
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 129
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Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:33:48 AM
For them. Normal really sucks! That's the bottom line.
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 132
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:19:40 AM
Which pole? North or South?

The Eagle
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 137
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 8/29/2008 11:03:31 PM
My eldest's mother is Bi-Polar and refuses to take her meds. It takes a very strong person to be involved with someone with this condition. I personally could not handle it, the up swings were great, it was the down swings that are unbelievable. She was psychotic, literally.

I have full custody of my daughter, her mother was hospitablised, and was put in a a group home for a time. She scares my daughter, and my daughter wants absolutly nothing to do with her. It could have something to do with raving voice mails about a 6th grader being a devil worshiper and a drug addict because she happpened to like rock/metal (mainstream stuff like Metallica). It has been 4 years since she has even attempted to contact her daughter. I flat out told her to contact the courts, because she is afraid of you. Her visitation schedule at the time was 2 saturdays a month, supervised for 2 hours. I consider her an egg donor.
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 139
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 9/20/2008 1:00:44 PM
Your issue is not bi-polar, it is him not taking his meds. To control his erratic behaviour, have him approve that all doctors can and will release medical records to you!!! I did this with my crazy a s s ex husband. The psych will make him get his blood tested every week to adjust his LITHIUM levels amongst other meds that he should be taking on a regular basis.
Then he will balance perfectly!!!!!! My ex did. But he couldn't stand being "normal".
He needed and wanted the highs and lows soooooooooo badly that he stopped the meds that helped him. Abilfy is another, Risperdol.........High doses will balance the nasties and psychosis. up and downs-lithium and depakote.
Good Luck to those who love a crazy person

I am done with mine.
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 141
Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:56:39 AM
Dating someone with bi-polar is not a healthy choice, it's not something that you can fix. My late wife was diagnosed in Jan and 77 days later died in a car accident while in her 4th episode. To give an idea, I slept 68 hours over a 21 day span, if she was awake so was I because of the dangers. Listen to Unwell by Matchbox 20 on youtube, that is what she would have written if she could have. Good luck and my advise is to move on.
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 142
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Dating someone with bi-polar!
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:05:15 PM
I disagree with the ones that say move on. I also disagree with his "feelings" come first.
Perhaps he didn't state it correctly but his condition has to come first, not his feelings.
There are wondeful medications on the market that can stabilize Bi-polar.
Sometimes, the switch flips on and the fight or flight phenomena kicks in. He chose flight. It could be that the trip itself could have been more than he could handle. Try to work through this and give up way down the road.
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