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 4thStreetKid
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 2
Dating a paraplegicPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
What are your capabilities in the sex department? As far as, what is your range of motion, level of active participation, ability to feel and have orgasms, etc?

I don't mean to be rude, but hey. That's sort of a main crux of the issue, I think.

What are the extents of your condition at this point? Is there paralysis? I admit to being completely ignorant as far as physical injuries and paraplegics, and such. So I'm sorry if I ask stupid questions. But if you're in a wheelchair, I'm presuming that there is some level of paralysis, from the waist down or whatnot. So how can you drive, or ski?

You mentioned that you drive your car, and ski. And that's fantastic. It truly is. My hat is off to you, with all respect. You should seriously be proud of yourself, for your strength and your bravery. To overcome an injury like that is a wonderful thing. And very inspirational.

But as far as dating, one reason guys might tend to get freaked out, and "run for the hills", could be because they have cncerns that they are about to get involved in a no-sex-possible relationship. Or at best, sex with someone who can't move at all, and can't feel anything. Is that f*cked up? And shallow? Perhaps. But a healthy sex life is an important part of a relationship, and for some people more than others, it can be even more important to them.

Another possibility that just came to me... perhaps it scares guys away for the same reason that women with kids have a hard time attracting men and getting dates. The guys just want a 50/50 even relationship. But when they see that you are in a wheelchair, they think it means they are signing up as a nursemaid, and a chairpusher, and a caretaker/babysitter type of thing. Visions of wheeling you everywhere, helping you up and down, and into vehicles, tending to your needs, etc. Now hey, I KNOW that you are a strong and independent woman. That is very clear by your profile. But maybe some of these guys don't. And I don't mean to sound harsh, either. I'm just a very honest person, who doesn't BS people or sugarcoat stuff. I'm just speculating, and I hope you know that I know better. Just saying that maybe some guys don't. Hell, if I were faced with a similar situation, I might think things like that myself, not knowing anything about the woman. It's like the guy who finds out that "She's got a kid!" (Oh no!) and thinks, "Hell, I'm looking to become a boyfriend. Not become a father overnight". Having the responsibility for someone else's life, (someone you didn't even know yesterday), dropped into your lap overnight... scary.

Anyway, like I said, I am just tossing out ideas here, as they pop into my head. Take 'em for what they're worth (if anything) and please don't be offended. Like I said, I read your profile and looked at your pictures, and wow... you are a VERY beautiful and sexy woman, and you're clearly intelligent and well spoken. The ONLY reason that I wouldn't want to date you is because you live all the way in Canada. Slight age difference too, but hell... you look 15 years younger than your profile says you are, so not even that. If you lived in NYC, I'd be buying you drinks.

Anyway, just some thoughts and speculations.

-- Will
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 3
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History
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 5/3/2006 1:31:23 AM
Hi Little Lady 57. I read your profile and the part that jumped out was,
Great relationships happen, they are not work.


I couldn't agree more. If I was dating I'd be sending you an email!

Many people do not understand disability. All you can do is stress what you are able to do and hope you will cross paths with an intelligent individual.

I understand when you write,
I am having a very hard time of going from one end of the desirable scale to the other virtually overnight.
By looking at your pictures I'm sure you never had a problem attracting members of the opposite sex.

No doubt you've spoken with psychologists/therapists. It never hurts to schedule an occasional visit. Maintaining a good attitude, which it appears you have, is half the battle.

Best wishes
 wolfskshuntress
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 9
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 5/3/2006 7:17:00 AM
Msg 1, is a woman defined by her wheelchair? .. is a woman defined by her good looks? .. perhaps your main picture is not doing a good job in screening those with whom you wish to speak? ..
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 11
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 5/3/2006 7:25:03 AM
I am so sorry and touched by your post and threads about dating disabled people in general. I think it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out here as well as taolk about your feelings and difficulties in finding someone suitably accepting of your handicap.

You are totally right, you are the same beautiful person you were before your tragic accident. It is societies intolerance of the imperfect that is wrong. You can't blame everything on society, we are genetically programmed to seek out the strongest, the fitest for procreation.

I am not here though to make excuses. I am here to try and keep your hopes up, to
tell you not to sacrifice or settle down on your expectations, that there are accepting
people out there that would desperately choose love over some lessor issues with mobility. I can honestly say I wouldn't run away...there would have to be a lot for me to learn and consider...but I wouldn't run.

I think on-line dating is a bad place for the short-of-perfect people to find love, romance and acceptance. This is a catalog date shopping service as you know and asre experienced with. People shop for top end, picture perfect, total deal packages. Honestly, I think you would do better in a activity based group of mixed singles. There are such groups around for people that enjoy the sports and activities that you do. Try mixing things up...put yourself out there where real people exist, just not arm chair date shoppers.

I sincerely wish you the best

Bandito
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 19
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History
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 5/3/2006 1:52:26 PM
I got dumped one time by a guy in a chair; he pulled more chicks than some of the hot walkin guys I know; it was his attitude, I think..I'd go out wiht him again, he was such a nice guy...
 knight rider
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 23
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 5/3/2006 7:52:44 PM
I'm not in no wheel chair, but I sure do know how it feels to be a minority when
it comes to relationships.I get judged by my looks and this makes me sick.


I look for the heart and soul of a woman, if she's in a wheel chair, it is no big deal
to me.If I would have been in love with someone, then one day an accident happened,
I would not leave her.

If I were e-mailing to a woman every day, and she finally had the nerve to tell me she's
in a wheel chair for life, I would keep on writting to her and showing her the same interest
I had in her before she told me.

I once wrote to a woman for 3 months, when we finally exchanged pictures, I never heard from her again!!!!!

That pissed me off so much, after her saying she didn't judge and crap like that. I was major hurt,so now I don't bother anymore,what's the point.

I may not know how it feels to be in a wheel chair, but I sure do know how it feels to be
rejected...

Knight Rider!
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 25
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 5/4/2006 10:51:42 AM
^^^I don't think your e-mail restrictions are too restrictive. I do a lot of profile reviews here, I think I would recommend possibly increasing your age margin between 42 - 54/55, give you a little bit more flexibility to entertain e-mail from perhaps some youthfull men in their early to mid 50's. Based on you restrictions, you will only get e-mail from guys that are looking to date or looking for Long-Term. So helpful suggestions or supportive e-mails from fans like me will be blocked.

 jacktraven
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 28
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Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 5/4/2006 5:06:22 PM

Have you ever attended a POF party?

Where????
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 32
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Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 5/6/2006 2:28:27 AM

(Msg 33) I just returned from a cruise where I met a man who lives in Florida. I would love to see some way to make that work out but it is just pretty unrealistic.


I think most people would realize the importance of family and friends especially to one who is handicapped. Moving away and "starting over" would be daunting.

On the other hand having spend time in Florida over the last several winters I'd definately scrutinize my family and friends before making a decision not to move.
 Italiancandy1
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 33
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:17:34 PM
I have many sayings ...

But basically, we should all be allowed to be human. I would say that getting injured is a part of being human. So is loving, and being sensual.

The problem is that we live in a society that places so many restrictions on people, and how they choose to love, or to arrange their lives.

What you wrote on on 5/3/2006 814 AM describes a social flaw.

The ideals, standards, and morals of our society were never created for the weak, they were created for the strong, the rich, the popular. If they were written for the weak, the poor, or the disabled, then our social structures would look a lot different than they do right now.

I could go on and on on this subject. I know it very well. But guess what? I have to watch what I say so that attractive women will give me the time of day.

We live in a society that routinely "shoots the messangers."
 Denver1975
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 34
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:08:56 PM
I am sorry to hear about your accident and your difficulties. You asked why you're considered a compromise now, and I guess you'd also like to hear some advice or learn some solutions. Well, here goes.

For many people, dating someone with a disability is not an option. They find a disabled person to be less attractive, or higher-maintenance, or difficult to understand. That's okay; sometimes they're right.

For others, disability is not really a factor. They look past it, or don't think much about it, or don't really factor it into how they think about you. That kind of a person could be a good partner for you.

And still others even consider disability a kind of asset. Maybe they think it makes you special or unique. Maybe they think you look cute in your wheelchair. Maybe they would look forward to you helping you out if you need it. As long as they're not focused only on your disability, or not seeing you for who you are, that kind of person could be a good partner for you, too.

Perhaps the second and third type of people are harder to find, but believe me, they are out there. I know, because I'm one of them. To me, disability is not necessarily a liability or a problem, and it can even make you more endearing or special. People who are okay or even admire you for your disability are out there, and they would like to meet you. You might meet them online or in person, but if you are open to a relationship, you will meet the person who is right for you and accepts you for all you are and all you're not.
 PAClassyLady
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 36
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:31:59 PM
Downsides to dating a paraplegic: Perhaps it is the parking in the most convenient spots, getting the best seats in the house for regular price and not premium, not stumbling on your 3rd drink or because your heels are 4" high, not getting tired from going all the way around the park, oh wait... nevermind.
I have to agree that I hope this woman doesn't think that she gets rejected simply because of her wheelchair. Some people find their most obvious differences and blame everything on them, be it age, weight, race, religion, etc. If you are rejected, get down from your cross, use the wood to build a bridge and GET OVER IT!
Just so you don't think I am judging her too harshly I will say I know these things firsthand. I am not a paraplegic but "vertically challenged" and require a power wheelchair for most social activities. This does NOT imply a horizontal challenge and if a man is so concerned about this I wonder if they ask an "able-bodied" person if they are frigid!
So OP, keep your chin up. Wait ,my mistake again... If we don't keep our chins up we may never see eye-to-eye with anyone! Happy fishing!


Rock on.

~m
 The_Bomber
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 37
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 9/1/2008 5:29:18 PM
hey i'm a paraplegic and I have no trouble with the women at times
I have a ice breaker when i want to chat with the women I had business cards made up
saying
Independant Male Escort
"Meals On Wheels"
a meal you can call your own
with my email adress and phone number.... lol

I get a few laughs .......a sense of humoe is always good
 hotwheelz
Joined: 8/21/2006
Msg: 38
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 10/15/2008 8:58:10 AM
I am a 45 year old paraplegic and I have been in a wheelchair for 26 years now. I have NEVER had a problem meeting girls and darn cute girls too. My current girlfriend is 25 and she is gorgeous and I don't think she really even sees my chair because I am much more that just a dude on wheels. My advice is keep on smiling,don't burden everyone with our troubles,make your significant other laugh and feel sexy and they will love you forever.
 livingonwheels
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 40
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 6/15/2010 9:20:32 PM
I also have a SC injury and I'm facing the same questions, my accident was 8 years ago and I'm still having difficulties in this area it seems to be really the only area I can't firgure out I've had many dates but all end in "I can't handle the chair" or " this is just to different for me" I have tried not telling them but that only seems to end worse then when they find out at the first. several of my friends have told me to date someone else in a wheelchair it will work better I didn't relize I was limited to the people I choose to date. but anyway in me writeing this have u had any sucess in the world we call dating

thanx for the post good to know i"m not alone out here.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 42
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History
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 6/16/2010 7:24:48 AM
love in my book, comes with no restrictions, age race,disability,weight, love is all about personality, what happened to you could and does happen to many people
sex is all about the mind, and imagination
you will find someone who loves you, and you will love him
as far as the restrictions go, i think there silly, get ride of them!
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 43
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 6/16/2010 7:43:36 AM
Op....just as any other person(gender not withstanding) who has strong limitations, in a wheelchair, etc...I'm not going to sugar coat my responce with all the nice things will make it all look so good and etc...and end this with...."have a nice day"!!!!

Here are the hard cold facts ,It is going to be harder meeting someone, especially on dating sites....in a sense you are not the same as before...when people(both genders) read of a strong disability, para, quad, wheelchair, etc...they invision the complications of all the things they enjoy doing...whether at all, or with difficulties...swimming, hiking, the beach, playing tennis, sex, etc, etc, etc. Some might also think...what If I break up for normal reasons? Will the other blame it on their diability? what will that be like going thru that?

Sure, everyone will say..".hang in there,"" the right one will come along"," I would date a person in a wheelchair", etc....but thruth be known...everyday people are turned down on dating sites, or disappear because someone said one word wrong and it sent up a red flag, or they are too tall, or not tall enough, too heavy, talk too much, not enough.....hears a biggie....looks, if your not attractive..they won't bother with you.(we were talking of shallow too right?)

On dating sites its easier to bail out, because your not face to face, and you don't know the person. So, in truth how many would bail out knowing of this disability and the potential limitations it will or might cause? Especially when you read about the things people are turned down for... I've seen this frustration with both genders when they are in wheelchairs and on dating sites.

I feel for you, and going thru a man leaving right after this happened? thats tough and brought a tear to my eyes, and I commend you for being that tough and for carrying on with the things you enjoy doing. I generally advise people with strong limitations or disabilities to emphysis on the real world where people can get to know you, see you for what you are inside....here, some never get to that point, even people without limitations....not to rule out dating sites, but emphysis more on the outside world...where people can get to know you, see who you are as a person.

As for adjusting to all of this sudden changes? Thats going to have to come from inside and from you. I know its easier said than done...but the reality is things are different now. Yes, it will be harder finding someone, but when you do...they will be real, and you will one up on some of the rest of us. Yes, some will pass up some with difficulties, some are shallow, some are human and apprehensive, unknowing...but there are those to where it won't matter...espcially if they see you and get to know you. Use that to your advantage..be where you can be seen and known.

If you need a friend...I'm here.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 44
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 6/16/2010 8:03:57 AM

hey i'm a paraplegic and I have no trouble with the women at times
I have a ice breaker when i want to chat with the women I had business cards made up
saying
Independant Male Escort
"Meals On Wheels"
a meal you can call your own
with my email adress and phone number.... lol

I get a few laughs .......a sense of humoe is always good


LOL, that was great...humor and great attitude, both attractive features.

Coming to term with things and making the most of it, and letting your good things shine thru...excellent!!! But it has to be hard, especially in the beginning....my heart bleeds for those in struggle and in awe at the adjustments made.

Maybe I stand somewhat corrected as far as dating sites...kudo's for those who don't let this stand in their way of meeting the right person.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 45
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 6/16/2010 8:29:46 AM

If you need a friend...I'm here.

Well.. lol.. the OP is no longer here.
Thread was started back in '06.

But I think it's an important thread, nonetheless.

Those who say the wheelchair shouldn't mean anything,
and say it should not be an 'excuse' as to why people aren't contacting..

are full of ..... roses. (as in "looking through rose colored glasses").

A woman in a wheelchair?
The first thing a guy thinks (consciously or subconsciously) is "probable difficulties with sex" ..
and his eyes go on to the next profile or next woman in the room, easily dismissing the woman in a chair.
Okay, okay, I'll change that to MOST guys.. there are a FEW who aren't somewhat ruled by sexual thoughts.
So immediately the woman in the wheelchair is down to a low percentage of men who will even give a chance for her personality to show through,
or give a chance to find out the sex might be a big WhoooWheeeWow,
or give a chance for anything!


Those FEW men ... they're out there... just very difficult to find any who are single, I'm sure.
I doubt if many are on this dating site.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 46
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 6/16/2010 9:56:18 AM
People are too close minded. People look too much on whats on the outside instead of what is on the inside. People don't want to take the time to get to know one another anymore. As for POF, hate to say it but I think there are VERY FEW here that are seriously wanting a long term serious relationship. I think alot are here for these forums and to just look at the pictures.
 egalitarian
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 47
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 3/2/2012 3:29:07 PM
I just read , again , what is allowed and what isn't ; I hope I haven't made anyone pissed, if I have done anything wrong I'll be sure and stick with the rules , I don't want to loose You before I have even had a good rap session with You .
Who ever is editing my note to "Little Ladfy 57 (d1522901) , I hope if I have done something that isn't "right" , well , You have my word as a sincere Man that I will bide by all rules , this I give my word as a Mature Man ;
Little Lady 57 , If I have put in the note something I should not have , I hope they edit "it" out and let the rest fly , that will mean they trust my word and that feels good . LOL , Egalitarian .
 LostBritNY85
Joined: 3/3/2013
Msg: 48
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Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 4/21/2013 6:28:30 PM
Had some lols reading this. I'm 'paraplegic' and don't really find it to be a problem to be honest. Of most of my friends I probably have the most success with girls. Women don't really care once they meet you. But for them not to care YOU have to not care. You need to be happy confident, healthy, ambitious... All the normal things that attract people.

A lot of disable people are not undesirable because they are disabled (this is the ultimate myth), it is because they are depressed, or complain about things or have a negative outlook... And this is not attractive. And the the person blames their disability and its a vicious circle. They are negative, get rejected, blame it on disability, then become more negative. No woman is going to like a bitter angry person with no confidence.

And frankly.... If a woman won't date you because you're in a wheelchair, than their a shallow ignorant woman and you you don't want to date someone like that anyway. How I feel about it anyway... Literally is a massive turn off for me. I see my disability as a filter. It filters out women I wouldn't like anyway, walking or not. Guess that's the 'liberal' in me. Same applies when people have strict racial preferences. I think it's a bad thing.

But funny thing is before I came to America from the UK I spoke to a girl online who was 'not sure'. We met up as friends and quickly ended up seeing each other. She's actually kind of harassing me now and I gotta pretending can't get Internet to make Skype calls lol. Her view of disability came from her mother who was quite immobilised. So it shows attitudes can change. Pics of you 'getting on with it' I think are best.

Oh and start practising your thrusts... Another myth is we can't go on top.

Sorry to be blunt but thought I had to chip in.
 Radduke65
Joined: 3/9/2018
Msg: 50
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 7/1/2018 12:58:46 PM
I am attracted to disabled women . You just have not met the man for you. Lots of men like disabled women . lets chat
 Radduke65
Joined: 3/9/2018
Msg: 51
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 7/1/2018 1:01:26 PM
I am glad you know its all good loves unconditional
 OperationRescue
Joined: 6/27/2018
Msg: 52
Dating a paraplegic
Posted: 7/2/2018 12:53:29 PM
people always define others by their looks, if you dont fit into their perfect mould then really you dont stand a chance.
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