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 MisterEd67
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 3
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Why men wont date independant womenPage 1 of 77    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Mister Ed's idea of an independent filly is:

- one who doesn't need to be joined at the hip 24x7
- who is able to occasionally go off and pursue her own interests and hobbies by herself (and let her stallion do the same)
- and who will not feel neglected or think this means Mister Ed doesn't love her
 jerryspringer
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 5
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/4/2006 10:50:16 PM
Sometimes I think it means "stuck in my own ways and not willing to compromise on anything". If that's the case, then next please!
 MisterEd67
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 7
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Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/4/2006 10:58:37 PM
Whoa there, Dustin! How does this make Mister Ed co-dependent? Mister Ed does not want a filly who is so clingy and needy that she cannot be alone for any length of time. That sounds like the opposite of co-dependent.
 foolish25
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 11
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/4/2006 11:23:37 PM
an independant woman is by far the best kind thay dont need money a car a house all thay need is you and to me thats vary attractive
 foolish25
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 12
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/4/2006 11:28:49 PM
the bottem line is if she makes you happy regardless of her income
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 14
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/4/2006 11:48:38 PM
I agree with MrEd... that is the type man I want too...

I was just talking to a friend of mine and he was saying how he couldn't see me with any "weak" man because I'm so independent. Yes I am very independent and work hard and I play hard. I'm single but I have a couple of men that I date and do stuff with but then they have their own lives so when I go off on my trips.. fishing... horse back riding... camping... then they can amuse themselves because they have their own lives.

I would be more than happy to give up some of my independence If I could ever find a man strong enough that I could respect and trust enough to let him help me. I do not like men who want to "do stuff for me" and in the back of their minds "expect" a part of me in return. No I'd rather do it myself if that is the case.

Another reason I have had a hard time finding Mr. Right is because alot of men I've met have NOTHING to contribute to my life. I have worked very hard to have what I have and keep it. Why would I want a man that would not have a problem grabbing ahold of my shirttail and leaving whatever he has or doesn't have. If a man does not have at least what I have then I do not see where we have much in common. If he is too lazy to work for what he wants then I surely do not want him. And a man that whines because he has nothing because of the ex.. because of this and that.. excuses for everything.. nope don't want that either. Also, what kind of man would give up his friends (if he has any) his home and just move in with me?? What does that say about him? Or what if he has nothing to give up. once again what do we have in common. As far as women who have the need to say they are independent to make a point. I have never had to explain myself to anyone, my friends, family and anyone else who meets me knows pretty quickly that I'm independent.

And for the record, I would like to have someone I could depend on to share the load at times. I'm not always happy to be so independent, I would like it very much to find a man to compliment MY LIFE and me do the same with him. If a man can't even light a pilot light... I don't want him!!! If he wants to sit on the couch and watch football while I'm mowing the yard.. nope... Being independent has it's draw backs, not that I'll ever change however.
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 15
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 12:01:39 AM
good point....

"men are good for two things and I can open my own jar lids"

If I have a good vibrator with plenty of batteries.. then I'll mow my own lawn.
 mongoman
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 17
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 7:30:53 AM
You guys spend too much time worrying about this....there'sso much beer too drink, so many waves to catch and tons of women to fondle...quit worrying
 goodguy4uladies
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 19
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:27:41 AM
Dustin, women (and you should know this) don't get into relationships soley for sex or money or home repairs to be done. Nowadays, a woman can read on how to do a tune up on a car and be out there fixing it the next day, make a very adequate income, and thanks to the sex toys we have now, they don't even need men for that. lol. Most women are seeking a man for simple companionship. Just someone to share their free time with, to feel connected and to feel loved by someone.
 jacktraven
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 21
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Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:59:22 AM
I would like to have someone I could depend on to share the load at times

This applies to both, because a man could be the only one carrying the load. With this kind of mentality (like mesna's), there's a guarantee of being successful in a relationship. Now there's another aspect: spiritual. What I see is a lot of ladies looking for a balance between spirituality and responsibility.
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 22
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:41:50 PM
Having someone to share the responsibilites is good. So to be more balanced.. I do agree two peole need to be spiritually involved with each other.. they need to feel a part of the other person and yet can still be their own person and not completely dependant on their SO for the happiness in their life.
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 23
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 10:11:21 PM
That is something I've tried to explain to men.

If I am with you it is because I WANT to be with you not because I NEED you.. some men don't understand that and will take it all wrong.
 charlie_girl
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 24
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 4:19:43 AM

Dustin, women (and you should know this) don't get into relationships soley for sex or money or home repairs to be done. Nowadays, a woman can read on how to do a tune up on a car and be out there fixing it the next day, make a very adequate income, and thanks to the sex toys we have now, they don't even need men for that. lol.


True. Well, I still don't know much about tuning a car and as far as the sex toys--they cannot take the place of the real thing-- but sometimes a lot less trouble.

In my case, I had to become independent or completely lose myself forever.
I chose to make it on my own before I was married and was successful. After the marriage ended, rather than taking the easier/faster route in having a man to help me out of the mess I was left in, I chose to pull myself up. In hind sight, perhaps, that would have been the easier route -- saddling some poor guy with all my baggage. However, that is not my way and even though it took considerably longer to accomplish, I made it. I am proud of what I've been able to do: Stand on my own two feet.


Most women are seeking a man for simple companionship. Just someone to share their free time with, to feel connected and to feel loved by someone.


And that describes me completely. And in that type of relationship, the loving, giving kind-- I still don't expect a 24/7 togetherness. In my opinion, each needs to be learning, doing, and acomplishing, on their own; which in turn, will bring more to the table to be enjoyed and shared by the two as a couple. It is that separate independence by both men and women, that brings freshness and interesting aspects of their individuality into the friendship/relationship.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 25
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Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 4:52:11 AM
Well, according to the definition of "independence" I would have to say I am not independent. I need a woman for the simple fact human beings are not hermaphroditic beings.

As for dating an independent woman I consider the word is used to say they are financially independent. They don't need a man to look after them.

On the other hand I would be wary of dating a woman who doesn't need a man in her life for any reason. The chances of a long term relationship improves if there is some need present.

Co-dependence is another word that's got a bad rap lately. I see no problem in depending upon each other in a relationship. That is what a couple is, IMO.

I suppose in today's world of temporary relationships one is better off not needing someone. The question I have is, "Are relationships temporary because one remains independent or does one become independent because of having had temporary relationships?"
 jacktraven
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 28
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Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 6:53:36 AM

some independent women do get asked out on a date a lot

And that doesn't mean she'll be paying the drinks!!
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 29
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 6:56:02 AM
I've never found that any man has had a problem with my independence. Probably because I Don't go around singing destiny child's independent woman and doing karate kicks in the air like charlies angels! (though that would be a neat trick ....hmmm)
I think women for some reason have to say they are independent all the time , oh no can't say we actually need someone for something! well I need people for things damnit! I needed someone to fix my computer (give me a sucking chest wound and I'm good , talk about modems and connections and uhhh duh!) and okay yes I may not "need" a man but I sure want one around!

I think men dig a woman who thinks on her own and who is capable , at the same time don't we all want to be needed from time to time?
 jacktraven
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 33
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Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 10:13:28 AM
a woman doesn't want to be viewed as a maid, chef, and sex toy

What should they be viewed like then?? The reason I ask is because we could have the wrong image. Some of us think we have it right, or have an idea, so let the women type. Afterall, don't we read/hear the "you never listen" phrase many times??
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 37
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Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 6:16:57 AM

(Msg 60) . in my opinion, it is because holding onto an independent woman is not necessarily easy.....


Ahhhhh. I think you just hit the nail on the head. It's the "holding on" part. People don't like to feel they are "holding on". It denotes a struggle, an effort, an unsure situation.

I think it's reasonable to say a person who goes into business is independent, however, some people only go into business with a partner. They need someone to discuss ideas with. They need someone to give them a pep-talk every now and then, a little reassurance things are going OK. They need a partner.

The other side of the coin is the person who wants to be in business alone. They do not want interference. They insist on making all the decisions. Their way or the highway type of attitude.

When it comes to romantic relationships we also see the two different types. Someone who is independent but needs or requires the companionship of another individual to round out ther lives and others who are loners. Both are self-sufficient, independent. Both can function but one is missing something in their lives.

Regardless of what we have in our life we are going to appreciate and look after something we "need" more than something we merely want. The less important being in a relationship is to someone the less importance they will put on the relationship. If one has a take-it-or-leave-it attitude chances are, if problems arise, they will leave it. Therefore, people who value relationships will avoid those who do not.
 sayonara7
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 41
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 9:19:49 AM
Because they are insecure and only want submissive women.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 42
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 9:23:11 AM
But men DO date independent women....just not ALL men. Really, so many thread topics are poorly worded, so do us all a favor and choose your words carefully when starting a new thread.
 Yo Nora
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 46
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:36:50 AM
Men love independent women, the ones that do not brag about it, that is. In fact, we don't like saying we are independent, just like guys don't go around saying they are independent. I know that guys do not date those who project they are independent or feminist, because it's obvious they are liars. A girl who brags and projects this attitude is another self-centered girl, totally lacking in originality, who gets her lines from the " personal" ads in the local singles rag and/or her pack of immature brat friends. This is a girl who demands her support payments on time and will expect you to be cheerful about it. Also, when they brag about being independent they are simply saying, I want to try bagging a real fat bank account before I settle for yours.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 49
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:05:24 PM
I can only speak for me, but when I refer to myself as independent, I simply mean that I can pay my own bills, buy my own jewelry and vacation alone, etc., IF that is what I choose to do. I quit putting that particular word in my profile, because I'm at an age where I feel it should be "understood" that I am independent. Obviously, if someone lives alone for a time, they must be somewhat independent. After 6 years, it really is just common sense to assume I am able to take care of my own self. On another note, back in my freshly single days, I did live by the theory: You can need me, but don't expect me to need you. It worked at the time, but is not now how I am. So, it is a good idea to clarify the exact depth of one's independance. I dated one man who loved that I was that way, and several that hated my "theory." The degree of my independence has changed, but I will never be a needy person ~ it just isn't in me.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 50
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Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:22:30 PM

(Msg 77) Looking for clairity as to what it generally means when it is specificaly stated ... and getting alot of insight...


Me, too! When I read posts like Blastkist's
(msg 73) And heck, when it comes to being a woman...NO ONE satisfies me physically like a man can. That I'm NOT independant from
I get an all-over warm feeling. Nice to know we're still "needed".
 lamartine
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 52
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:17:24 PM
i am independent, although i think that is the first time i have asserted that fact. i never feel the need to tell people.

why am i independent? well...i made it through college and law school, have a great job, teach inner city school pro bono, have a fabulous group of friends, and my life is complete regardless of whether there is a man in it (not that i don't wish i had a man in it. of course, that would be wonderful. but i don't really need one for anything).

funny thing is, i think this may be a turn off. i am an attractive girl, and i'm fun: i go out often and have a diverse group of friends. still, my relationships tend to fizzle. anyway, it happens. i'm sure one day i'll find the right person. i'm only 24...
 Malstyne
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 53
Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:20:32 PM
I'd rather know why women think independance is a good thing?

It turns me off, big time. I don't want a robot, but it is psychologically proven that men enjoy being needed. It goes a long way to actually show your man it is good to have him around.

I've also found that many woman who claim to be independant (actually I have never heard a woman claim to be DEpendant), are only independant in the ways that benefit them.

i.e: I don't have to cook dinner, do it yourself
What do you mean split the bill? You are the man! that is your role!

lol. Independance...

Independance, usually translate to ,"I hate men, will do anything to show you I don't need you, and will take advanatage whenever I can in this relationship." I'd rather hear a woman describe herself as ambitous, motivated and successful if that is really what they want to say.

Sorry ladies, don't mean to bash on ya, but that's been my experience.

Raise your hand if you are a dependant woman! ***hears crickets***
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