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 elanvitaldepeace
Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 1
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
This question is actually for a friend..I already have my own oppinion on the subject...but she is wondering socially what the general oppinion is on this subject. Anyone want to lend any advice on the pros and cons and acceptance of dating more than one person at a time? Thanks.
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:28:53 AM
thats a really hard question to get into...

alot of people get intimedated when they realize you aren't 100% zoned in on them.
it makes them feel like they aren't good enough, or like they in a weird way, need to compete with you, cause if your dating say 2 people, then they feel like they have to date 2 people as well... so they dont look like they are waiting around for you... even if they are.
its a twisted game, when you get the insecure ones...

I deal with that sometimes, cause I always been real open with who and how I date.
sometimes, I've dated a few girls at a time, and I was always super honest about pretty much anything, from whatever happend the night before, to having to leave them at some point in the day, cause I had a date with another girl that night.

what I found, is when your way honest about stuff, most girls seem to take it lightly, like your not really dating... just kinda interested.
but if I am seeing some other girl, and they are seeing some other guy, then the whole thing just seems like its no big deal at all.
I am the kinda guy, where if I wasn't exclusivly with a girl, and say she wanted to go out on a date with some other guy, it really wouldn't bother me.
even if it came down to her sleeping with him.
I've just never been the insecure type.
to me, if I am not exclusive to someone... as long as they are honest with me, they can pretty much do anything they want. only thing I personally ask, is if say she slept with a guy a few days before... then wanted to sleep with me a few days later.
tell me you did.

why?

cause I want to make DAMN sure you took the time to ask this guy about STD's and such.
if I even got the slightest hint you didn't turn into sherlock holmes on him, then I am not going near you...
no if ands or buts about that.
luckily, this situation has only happend twice.
so far, I haven't had a thing to worry about, cause I date smart girls, and I am a total ass when it comes to protecting myself from any potential STD's and such...
but if your gonna date multiple people, and he is too, then you gotta be kinda ruthless about somethings, cause the crap they do, can seriously ruin your life.

about 15 years ago or so, my best friend, was dating this real lame guy...
he got drunk one night, had sex with some drunk girl in her butt.... went back to her, and 3 months later, shes got diseases I don't even want to hear about.
she said "8 different types of HPV", now I don't want to know what that is... I never asked, I never want to hear what it is... this is my best friend, and I don't want a graphic idea of what her cooch looks like so I don't want to find out what exactly that phrase means.
but I know this...
to this day, she can't cure any of it, and treatment sucks.

after that, you bet I am a ass about dating.
so if you choose to date other people, realize theres risks to it, and you gotta be 100% cold about dealing with those risks. otherwise, your life can be drastically different some day when you wake up after sex with your non-exclusive boyfriend, whole slept with dirty ass sally down the street last week, now your peeing lava...

Condoms, Common Sense, Know who the people your dating, are dating...
and be ruthless when you ask about what they been up to.

90% of the time, I am with 1 girl only.
theres always a short period of time, when I date 2 or so girls... but I myself save sex, for the more serious relationships.
I am paranoid about STD's, and I get alot of crap from my friends, cause sometimes I do date girls, that want to sleep with me, and I won't do it, cause I like another girl at the same time... so no sex for me.
yeah my guy friends sometimes give me crap about it.
but I say let them.
they don't gotta live my life.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:52:36 AM
As long as you are honest with people you are dating, and you haven't had an exclusivity conversation with any one person, you can date as many as you can handle. Just like the store, you don't buy the first product you see, you shop around, and it's better to stay busy....when you date one and they stop calling, it sucks. When you date four and one stops calling, you might barely notice.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 4
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:55:03 AM
P.S. I didn't mean sleeping with 5 people....if that's what you want to do and you're being honest about it with everyone and safe, fine. I just meant dating, spending time with different people.
 jessikaowl
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 6
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 1:25:40 PM
IMO:
If they know you are dating more than one person.... it's okay
If you are not sleeping with any of the guys you are dating..... it's okay

As soon as you decide to sleep with one of them, you've made a more serious commitment to one of them and should stop dating the others.
 jessikaowl
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 7
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 1:56:05 PM
you seem to have the same reply as me often catwm...... I try and read the replies... but, meh.
 ffryan
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 8
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/9/2006 2:06:53 PM
It's very simple. How would you feel if you were asked to take a number, get in line, and a guy will get to you when he's finished with the woman before you? Not many people are going to be cool with being one of a handful of people you're dating. So chances are you're going to have to lie to pull it off. When you're finished with the guys, just don't ask why chivalry is dead or there aren't any good guys left in the world.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 9
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/26/2006 5:07:22 PM
I call that frenzy-dating or multi-dating. I frenzy-dated years ago, it was great at the time. I don't have the energy to do that now. My ex was frenzy-dating recently, literally 8-10 dates in some weeks. I have NO clue he how did it, but he did. And, when he met Ms. Right for Him, he called them all and stopped everything. It worked for him, he beat the odds and met an amazing woman. I think it's completely acceptable if no one is being lied to. I didn't disclose much about my dating life to anyone ~ they all knew I was not exclusive with anyone, but they did not, nor did they need to know specifics of my private life (and I was NOT sleeping with any of them.) The minute sex becomes part of the situation is when I no longer dated others. At this stage in my life ~ if I were dating, I would most likely want him to be dating others. I am quite set in my ways and don't see myself being more than a once in a while date. And there will be no intimacy ~ that is my preference, I certainly don't expect anyone else to do it my way.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 10
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/26/2006 5:45:20 PM

No way. You can not tell me that there is never any sexual tension if you are dating and interested. Been there done that myself wont ever do it again.And lets see if your dating 3 guys and they are dating 3 women and so foruth your dating a whole lot of women or guys. And the funny thing is I bet no one actually tells the other person that they are dating more than one. I know im gonna get slammed for this but its the way it is. Its a matter of class to be respectfull to yourself and the other person , bottom line. If you feel you have to power date then go for it but dont be dissapointed when the other person ends up not settling.


The bottom line, it's not for you. It's not for a lot of people. But it once was right for me and it may be right for me again someday. It wasn't sleezy, it wasn't dishonest, it wasn't low-class. It is/was the option that is afforded to people who are single and choose to remain that way. Just because it doesn't jive with your notion of dating doesn't mean it's not classy ~ it's merely NOT your choice. Likewise, having sex while dating isn't my choice. No love, no commitment, no booty. But I certainly don't judge those who do have sex without those components. Again, personal preference.
 Si_or_No
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 11
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/26/2006 8:35:21 PM
Hmmmm ...

Dating is dating .. it's NOT an exclusive commitment ... Why would anyone LIMIT themselves to just three? I wouldn't ... I think it also lets your "dates" know that you're an attractive single male that has more than one option .. a little competitive fire can't hurt .. lol! Opps sorry .. Gotta run .. have a date!
 sketch1
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 12
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/27/2006 3:24:30 PM
what's wrong with filtering out the undesirable ... dating more than one person at a time just mean you're doing a few filtering at one time ... saves time

and why is it the other person's business if I'm dating more than one person? unless you're in a serious relationship and trying to make it work ... then yeah ... focus on the one ;)

I think this is a personal reference ... if you feel bad about doing it, then dont ...
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 13
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 6/7/2006 6:33:18 PM
Dating is one thing and a relationship is another.
Dating means haging out - going to the movies - out to dinner etc. Unless you have discussed being exclusive, then dating more than one person is more than acceptable. However once you have agreed to being exclusive and/or you have started a sexual relationship then all other dating is off. Monogamy is a must at that point.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 6/21/2006 7:12:24 AM
Until you are exclusive with someone and have talked about it, it absolutely goes without saying that you can date (and are dating) as many as you like, and you should assume those you're dating are doing the same....like shopping, you shouldn't invest in something without looking around a bit first, and it's just better not to put all your time into one person until you are sure it's what you AND they want to do in some form of communication. Until then, let it rip!
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 15
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 6/21/2006 7:26:00 AM
Hehe I thought this was good.......
Listen up guys......


well I've been told that if you're just dating (dinner, movies, dancing, social events,etc) with no sexual contact then you should have 3 potential boyfriends.


Fella's who stop looking..and put all expectations on one girl......even after a few dates.....best re-think his stratigy.


Seems best to have a Pair.....and a spare.
 Rentier
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 16
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 6/21/2006 10:44:26 AM
Depends on what is meant by "dating". I certainly wouldn't sleep with more than one woman.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 17
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:29:14 PM
looks like i agree with most of the threads posted here, ok to date more than one, as long as you are honest about it, and currently not serious or sleeping with anyone else. once you get serious with someone, -you should break it off with the others.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 18
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 9/23/2006 4:48:07 PM

looks like i agree with most of the threads posted here, ok to date more than one, as long as you are honest about it, and currently not serious or sleeping with anyone else. once you get serious with someone, -you should break it off with the others.


That's right on the money.
 1fixitman
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 19
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 9/23/2006 5:00:46 PM
Date as many as you can. It shows that you have options. You don't need to flaunt the fact that you are doing it or hide it. When you become exclusive with someone or you just feel like it is time to move on with only one then tell all the others that you have someone that you want to be exclusive with.
D Rock
 gentalltheway
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 20
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 9/23/2006 5:58:01 PM

looks like i agree with most of the threads posted here, ok to date more than one, as long as you are honest about it, and currently not serious or sleeping with anyone else. once you get serious with someone, -you should break it off with the others.


I believe that most would agree with you but the thing here is that the serial daters will not be honest about it as they will not be able to mass date in the first place if they were. If a woman tells me that she dates many at the same time, I will wish her good luck and move on. The reason? Simply because mass dating people just can't stop. I have known many in the past (10 to 15 years ago) that needed to mass date and they still do today. Their only problem is that they got older in the case of the women not that pretty anymore therefore mass dating is getting more complicated. Most of them are still alone today.
 PetiteBrunette32
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 21
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 1:32:14 AM
I agree you should be able to date more than one person at at time. The emphasis on dating.
What if the guy you have been seeing wants to still be friends with a girl he met at the same party as you and had sex with the week before your first real date? He says it was just a friends with benefits arrangement but he changed his mind about wanting a girlfriend and now wants a real relationship with you? Should they be "allowed" to keep these people as friends or was it cheating?

This is the situation I am in at the moment and I tend to think that he wanted his cake and ate it too and will never be able to have a serious relationship if he can't choose one person to date.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 22
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 4:25:08 AM
I agree you should be able to date more than one person at at time.

That's why you're in the situation you're in. Dating means having sex for all practical purposes. The days of courting a woman for months before kissing her have long since passed.

What if the guy you have been seeing wants to still be friends with a girl he met at the same party as you and had sex with the week before your first real date? He says it was just a friends with benefits arrangement but he changed his mind about wanting a girlfriend and now wants a real relationship with you?

Too bad. A woman in such a position would have to make a choice - keep the guy she had sex with as a friend or have a relationship with me that is more than another fwb with no other option for the future. It's her choice and I'm not going to try to talk her into anything nor be open to discussing it. The only option I gave a woman who wanted to date multiple guys at once or remain friends with guys she slept with was to be just one more guy she slept with and have sex with her until I met someone who shared my views on relationship. At that point, my sex buddy would be history and out of the picture.


This is the situation I am in at the moment and I tend to think that he wanted his cake and ate it too and will never be able to have a serious relationship if he can't choose one person to date.

I would have never gotten involved with someone to the extent that your situation would have ever come up. If you don't like your situation, leave and find someone else.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 23
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is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 6:16:37 AM
This has come up several times in my dating world. In one particular case, I had just signed up for POF and had several emails flowing. I went out with one guy and had a good first date and he left it that he would like to see me again. The next day I checked my emails in the morning (hoping one was from him) and then left for the day. He called me right as I was pulling into a little town to do some Christmas shopping so I told him I would call him back later that evening. He sounded kind of put off by that and said I would be too busy to talk to him. I said that calling him back later when I got back home wasn't a problem. So I get home, checked emails and then gave him a call. No answer so I left a voice message. After a couple of days I emailed him a "What's Up". He came back with all of this stuff about seeing me on POF both times the day after our date and therefore I must not be serious about finding someone and was just another player. I responded that while I thought we had a great first date that me checking other emails did not make me insincere and that I thought he was jumping to a lot of conclusions since I could have said the same thing about him since he would have been on line at the same time. (Plus the cyber stalking thing creeped me out. Was he watching all day to see when I was on line?). He came back with all this stuff about only dating one person at a time and he didn’t want to be another person in a queue while I would be checking things out for someone better. I responded that it was obvious that we felt different about dating and that was okay. What was not okay was that he blindsides me and didn’t bother to discuss this difference up front like two adults. In the end I thanked him for giving me yet another example of why it is a good idea to date causally until you get to know someone because it was clear we looked at things differently.

Me, I think it is a good idea to “date” as in get to know one another and if there happens to be more than one person then great as long as you are honest. I also agree with keeping it light and not sleeping with someone until it becomes more serious. This allows you more time to get to know someone who you may not have really sparked with on the first date because things can grow. On the other hand, I have had great first dates only to find out 3, 4 or 5 dates in that this is not going to work. I think it is wise to keep your options open until you decide that it is something that has the potential to be real and you want to focus on one.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 24
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 12:23:54 PM

The only problem is, when you start dating more than one guy at a time, it becomes a competition between the men,

Only if you let it. Just don't play the game. The easiest way to deal with that is to decide you aren't competing to be picked that you'll decline if picked and that you'll hang around as long as you enjoy having sex with her.

So at the end of the day, she will end up with someone she doesn't know, who has bad spending habits,

Even if that were true (which I find unlikely as a general rule), do what I suggested above and that won't be of any concern to you.
 letsgocanes11
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 25
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 12:39:03 PM
You can date whoever you want, as many people as you want, whenever you want. Until you have a talk with someone who you are dating and agree to be monogamous with eachother. If that doesn't happen then there is nothing wrong with dating multiple people end of discussion! Sometimes peoples feelings may be hurt but it's unfair to go by expectations and not actually communicate and agree so date eachother only. You are doing nothing wrong OP.
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 26
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 1:31:27 PM
I look at it like this.. The FDIC will only guarantee X amt of our savings.. the rest you are on your own with to invest. Do you trust the first financial investment investor to take care of the remaining bits of nest egg you have? Or do you interview and go with the one that is high risk, slow but steady or let one hold your money with no potential for growth. Until I know them and examine their potential.. I don't put my eggs in their basket. The same is with my love life which I consider an important investment.

Mary
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